RBS/WL , Elmhurst, Tring first hand lower school experiences please

[Lifeafterballet]

@Balletmummy18 mentioned kindness. Last week I attended an NHS training day and we had a lecture on Incivility or rudeness and how this affects individuals and a teams performance. I think it resonates through all professions and teams and ballet schools and companies could learn a lot from it.

 

[meadowblythe]

 

I'd love to think that an institution exists where the playing field is completely level and all are equally valued.  Never personally seen it, including at conservatoire level in music and drama.    This means, unfortunately, whatever experiences anyone else may have, doesn't mean it will be the same for your child, good or bad.

 

There is no excuse for bullying, inequalities must be challenged,  that is the only way there will be change.   And as others will say, if you wouldn't accept the actions from a "normal" school, don't accept it from a vocational school.  

 

There is always a choice, there is always more than one way to reach any goal.

[3isthemagicnumber]

This thread has been so interesting to read! Thanks to all who shared their opinions! My daughter is currently a JA in Y6 and we have decided against applying for WL - mainly because we can't afford it! I've battled with an element of guilt about this though, incase we're holding her back by not potentially giving her that opportunity. The cost is not our only reason, but reading this thread has made me feel that we're doing the right thing (for our family) by going down the education route instead. 

[Jan McNulty]

Hello 3isthemagicnumber and welcome to the Forum!

[glowlight]

9 hours ago, Julsgalaxy said:

 

I would also consider not doing boarding at all and going to “regular” school till 16 and then contemplating upper schools but my DC is a boy and I suspect being a boy teenager at regular school, he may not want to continue dance at all with all the pressures of being a boy dancer socially amongst teenagers.

Im feeling so unsure about this all …the thought of as you say “the school becoming the parents” is a heartbreaking one for me but it’s also hard to just decide not to enter on this journey with a talented dancing loving child.

 

 

Fortunately there are increasingly excellent options for training up to the age of 16 which don't involve going away.  Excellent associates schemes, Northern Ballet CAT if you are in striking distance of Leeds, and I believe that the boarding vocational schools take day pupils - so that may be an option if you live within commuting distance. 

[Flower]

Asking the right questions is one thing, but honestly no school is going to say “The boarding staff won’t answer their phones or let you know if your child’s ill. We leave bullies alone unless it becomes an inconvenience for staff and we prefer the kids who are a laugh and not the homesick ones.”  I mean they aren’t are they? If they can’t give the “right” answers they wouldn’t have their jobs. So I guess what I’m saying is *do* listen to the people who private message you - but that will probably mean you want to rule out all the schools!

[Bettyballetboo]

Feel a bit in over my head reading all of these very honest responses. So many things I hadn’t even considered.  Are the house parents very hands on ? How self sufficient do the children need to be ? Do they have chores etc ? How are they looked after if they become sick in the night ? Sorry so many questions ! 

[Flower]

Go and read all their Inspection report feedback. It should be accessible from their websites. One did have a bad one saying how emotionally harsh and critical it was and as a result they are supposed to have put lots of mindfulness etc in place. It could be that it’s excellent now - I’m not knocking it as a school on that in itself. If they’ve had follow up reports done  -  go back to before and see why. At the very least it will give you an idea of what to look for at all the places. Things you might not have thought of. But again one person will say their child thrived under the competitive atmosphere of a place and another will say their child was crushed by the teacher’s comments and the (seemingly) overly confident other pupils. Yes it’s a minefield!

[Whiteduvet]

I’d also suggest looking at how transparent the school is. If you’re already an associate, how much are you told about progress? How easy it is to talk to teachers and get honest answers? How much do you feel your child is treated as an individual? Will they take personal difficulties into account? Will they work through challenges with your child or move onto the next child eager to take their place? 
 

And, hand on heart, if you knew nothing about the school and its ‘name/fame’ would you still choose it based on the reality? There is a cachet to being offered / accepting a place at one of these schools: if you’re honest, is that a reason in potentially wanting it? 

[Ruby Foo]

From our own personal experience some  questions that might be helpful would be,

 

How will the school know how ill my child is ill?  Minimal, carrying on as usual with some medication, Medial, needing a day off to rest and recuperate, or Max, needing to be in sick bay with care and attention or possibly being collected from school? 
Who will inform me? How? When? Will they keep up communication? No one knows your child better than you, and as you won’t be there, how easy will it be for your child to ask for the help they need? Is that person warm and approachable? Accessible? Even in the middle of the night? Lots of dorms have complex security in place and it’s not always  easy to get help quickly.

How will my child’s injuries be assessed? Will I get to speak to the physio? If my child is off class, what will they be doing instead? How will the psychological fallout of being off classes be handled? Will the school know if my child is becoming depressed because they can’t dance? How will the remedial stage be handled? Can we get a second opinion outside of school? Can my child get sports massage?

We have never been given the report of an MRI scan my child had in June, other than to say, there are some issues but nothing serious.

 

How easily will it be to speak to the school/ teachers IN PERSON? Not only when there is an issue but just to be reassured? A chat? Will they accommodate me at times when I can travel? Combine it with picking up my child?

Will they be open to complaints? Constructive criticism? 

 

What does the school provide to take the students mentally away from dance?  Change of scene? Activities? Weekend?  One of the biggest issues of full time training is that it is all embodying. The students become more and more obsessive and every waking moment is about dance. If they are not doing it, they are talking about it, watching it, doing exercises in the studios till very late at night. It’s unhealthy in every aspect. Judging yourself, judging others and boredom that leads to nastiness. Not to speak of the mental strain and pressure. So important to have a means to escape from this.

How are the dormitories organised? Do they change people every term? How do they choose who to be with? What happens if one child is left out? What happens if my child is unhappy and very sad? Who can they express this to? Schools tend to gloss over homesickness, working on the principle that it will disappear soon enough. I can’t stress enough that these emotions need to be acknowledged and appropriate time spent airing these very distressing feelings.

 

 

 

 

 

[Anon2]

Second everything @valentina said. Very comprehensive list of questions to have in mind when looking at these schools 

[Julsgalaxy]

10 hours ago, valentina said:

From our own personal experience some  questions that might be helpful would be,

 

How will the school know how ill my child is ill?  Minimal, carrying on as usual with some medication, Medial, needing a day off to rest and recuperate, or Max, needing to be in sick bay with care and attention or possibly being collected from school? 
Who will inform me? How? When? Will they keep up communication? No one knows your child better than you, and as you won’t be there, how easy will it be for your child to ask for the help they need? Is that person warm and approachable? Accessible? Even in the middle of the night? Lots of dorms have complex security in place and it’s not always  easy to get help quickly.

How will my child’s injuries be assessed? Will I get to speak to the physio? If my child is off class, what will they be doing instead? How will the psychological fallout of being off classes be handled? Will the school know if my child is becoming depressed because they can’t dance? How will the remedial stage be handled? Can we get a second opinion outside of school? Can my child get sports massage?

We have never been given the report of an MRI scan my child had in June, other than to say, there are some issues but nothing serious.

 

How easily will it be to speak to the school/ teachers IN PERSON? Not only when there is an issue but just to be reassured? A chat? Will they accommodate me at times when I can travel? Combine it with picking up my child?

Will they be open to complaints? Constructive criticism? 

 

What does the school provide to take the students mentally away from dance?  Change of scene? Activities? Weekend?  One of the biggest issues of full time training is that it is all embodying. The students become more and more obsessive and every waking moment is about dance. If they are not doing it, they are talking about it, watching it, doing exercises in the studios till very late at night. It’s unhealthy in every aspect. Judging yourself, judging others and boredom that leads to nastiness. Not to speak of the mental strain and pressure. So important to have a means to escape from this.

How are the dormitories organised? Do they change people every term? How do they choose who to be with? What happens if one child is left out? What happens if my child is unhappy and very sad? Who can they express this to? Schools tend to gloss over homesickness, working on the principle that it will disappear soon enough. I can’t stress enough that these emotions need to be acknowledged and appropriate time spent airing these very distressing feelings.

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks for this , these are excellent questions and some I hadn’t thought of ….how do we find this all out though ? Who do we ask these questions to ? 
I know with JA’s my DC will have a day where they go view WL but I’m not even sure if there’s an open day for parents (I actually haven’t looked on their website) , I know there is one for Tring but it is a long way to go travelling wise for an open day (I was so hoping they would all do them virtually for those that live far away ) ….so I’m just wondering how it’s best to find all this info out ? 
I feel like a lot of us (probably?) would be considering certain schools and even accepting places offered without actually knowing these types of details and just expecting the schools to be good due to their prestigious names .

[Pointeshoesarethedream]

11 minutes ago, Julsgalaxy said:

Thanks for this , these are excellent questions and some I hadn’t thought of ….how do we find this all out though ? Who do we ask these questions to ? 
I know with JA’s my DC will have a day where they go view WL but I’m not even sure if there’s an open day for parents (I actually haven’t looked on their website) , I know there is one for Tring but it is a long way to go travelling wise for an open day (I was so hoping they would all do them virtually for those that live far away ) ….so I’m just wondering how it’s best to find all this info out ? 
I feel like a lot of us (probably?) would be considering certain schools and even accepting places offered without actually knowing these types of details and just expecting the schools to be good due to their prestigious names .

Hi @Julsgalaxyhow did you find out that JAs would go see WL? My DD is a JA and this isn’t something I’ve heard about. If parents don’t go how do they get there? Or are we supposed to just drop them off?

 

I agree about Tring being so far, the open day is only a couple of hours and for us a 4 hour drive each way plus a hotel stay. We’ve booked to go but I’m in two minds as wouldn’t we get to visit anyway if she got an invite to finals? And we we don’t get that far we don’t need to see it anyway????

 

We are however going to the Elmhurst experience day next weekend which although expensive, at least DD gets a class. But in hindsight I’d have applied the same logic as I’m considering for Elmhurst if I hadn’t already booked and paid for it all. 

[Whiteduvet]

The problem is that these schools don’t really need to “sell” themselves. They know that most parents will accept a place with glee so there’s no need to give a proper introduction and answers questions. 

Open days are nice but they’re not going to tell you the truth. These schools are hugely impressive to look around. Doesn’t mean they’re the right school for your child. 
 

parents are also scared to ask hard questions. Are you going to ask WL whether it’ll take proper care of your child without being scared it’ll bias them against her/him??? Parents are in a weak position and from my experience have such stars in their eyes they often just accept prestige at face value.
 

Edited October 1, 2021 by Whiteduvet

[Julsgalaxy]

38 minutes ago, SJBallet said:

Hi @Julsgalaxyhow did you find out that JAs would go see WL? My DD is a JA and this isn’t something I’ve heard about. If parents don’t go how do they get there? Or are we supposed to just drop them off?

 

I agree about Tring being so far, the open day is only a couple of hours and for us a 4 hour drive each way plus a hotel stay. We’ve booked to go but I’m in two minds as wouldn’t we get to visit anyway if she got an invite to finals? And we we don’t get that far we don’t need to see it anyway????

 

We are however going to the Elmhurst experience day next weekend which although expensive, at least DD gets a class. But in hindsight I’d have applied the same logic as I’m considering for Elmhurst if I hadn’t already booked and paid for it all. 

There was a JA yr6 zoom call on Monday about the audition process and they mentioned then that the yr6 JA’s get a visit to WL in November I think it is …I’m not sure how they get there but I’m sure we will hear more. 

[Pointeshoesarethedream]

8 minutes ago, Julsgalaxy said:

There was a JA yr6 zoom call on Monday about the audition process and they mentioned then that the yr6 JA’s get a visit to WL in November I think it is …I’m not sure how they get there but I’m sure we will hear more. 

Oh I missed that bit as we attended the zoom call. I’ve got a parent contact with DDs JA teacher next week so I’ll ask then. 

[Julsgalaxy]

51 minutes ago, Whiteduvet said:

The problem is that these schools don’t really need to “sell” themselves. They know that most parents will accept a place with glee so there’s no need to give a proper introduction and answers questions. 
 

parents are also scared to ask hard questions. Are you going to ask WL whether it’ll take proper care of your child without being scared it’ll bias them against her/him??? Parents are in a weak position and from my experience have such stars in their eyes they just accept prestige at face value.
 

That’s very true xx 

[Dancing unicorn]

When we were a JA parents and child got invite to go to WL open day and we all had a look round! But that was before covid! You made your own way there! 

[Ruby Foo]

The point of asking all these questions is, not only to get the answers but also to get a feel for how the school is set up.  The way they deal with you will be a good indication of how approachable and communicative and ‘open’ they will be with you in the future. Are they patient with you continually phoning or emailing until you are satisfied. Do they get back to you immediately or as soon as possible.Do they put you in touch with the relevant staff who will be dealing with your child?  Or try to answer everything themselves? Do they take your questions seriously? Or give you a dumbed down, pre arranged answer.

If you are considering a school, I would be in touch with them immediately. You can say you have many questions and possibly many more as the weeks go by. Use a range of ways of communicating… speaking on the phone will give you more of an indication of warmth and an open, approachable feeling. I would not leave anything until you visit. Its too late by this time, open days are rushed and stressful  and your head will be full of the visual picture.

[Raquelle]

On 30/09/2021 at 13:55, Bettyballetboo said:

Feel a bit in over my head reading all of these very honest responses. So many things I hadn’t even considered.  Are the house parents very hands on ? How self sufficient do the children need to be ? Do they have chores etc ? How are they looked after if they become sick in the night ? Sorry so many questions ! 

Hello....my DD has only been at elmhurst for a few weeks (and spent 2 weeks at home due to covid!), however the house parents have been amazing so far. There are 2 house parents and they both seem so lovely. They said that they can knock on their door anytime of the day or at night if they are upset, or not feeling well. The children seem to adapt quite well to new routines but they get a lot of support in the early days. They don't expect them to be fully self sufficient...so for example they had a bun lesson on the first day! And they helped them understand the timetable. They have a set time to call home and elmhurst family time each evening.....I know its early days but so far I've felt they've been really nurturing and loving to my DD. My dd got upset one day and had a hug and a chat to the house parent. You are encouraged to call if you're ever worried about anything Xxx 

[sunrise81]

1 minute ago, Raquelle said:

Hello....my DD has only been at elmhurst for a few weeks (and spent 2 weeks at home due to covid!), however the house parents have been amazing so far. There are 2 house parents and they both seem so lovely. They said that they can knock on their door anytime of the day or at night if they are upset, or not feeling well. The children seem to adapt quite well to new routines but they get a lot of support in the early days. They don't expect them to be fully self sufficient...so for example they had a bun lesson on the first day! And they helped them understand the timetable. They have a set time to call home and elmhurst family time each evening.....I know its early days but so far I've felt they've been really nurturing and loving to my DD. My dd got upset one day and had a hug and a chat to the house parent. You are encouraged to call if you're ever worried about anything Xxx 

Mrs T is the best 💗💗💗💗💗

[Raquelle]

57 minutes ago, sunrise81 said:

Mrs T is the best 💗💗💗💗💗

She is so lovely! 😍 

[Ballet Dreams]

53 minutes ago, Raquelle said:

Hello....my DD has only been at elmhurst for a few weeks (and spent 2 weeks at home due to covid!), however the house parents have been amazing so far. There are 2 house parents and they both seem so lovely. They said that they can knock on their door anytime of the day or at night if they are upset, or not feeling well. The children seem to adapt quite well to new routines but they get a lot of support in the early days. They don't expect them to be fully self sufficient...so for example they had a bun lesson on the first day! And they helped them understand the timetable. They have a set time to call home and elmhurst family time each evening.....I know its early days but so far I've felt they've been really nurturing and loving to my DD. My dd got upset one day and had a hug and a chat to the house parent. You are encouraged to call if you're ever worried about anything Xxx 

My DD has also started Elmhurst in September in year 7 and she is loving it too.  The two house parents in the year 7 boarding house are so kind and approachable I was quite worried about my DD as she can be shy around adults but having her home for the last two weeks I have seen a massive improvement in her confidence.  She would hide on zoom and now she’s asking questions and sitting in front of the camera.  She said it’s because she feels like the other girls are like her family, which is so lovely to hear. I agree with what Raquelle has mentioned the children in year 7 seem to have adapted well and I feel they have been supported really well by the school.  They also seem

to have lots of non dancing activities arranged for the boarders at the weekend which are reasonably priced and fun.  The children can also go home at the weekend if they wish which is nice.  So far I have been very impressed and happy with the decision to send her away at 11.  

[tutugirl]

Mrs Hoole , house parent at Tring is amazing . Looked after my DS so well .

 

House parents at his previous school were not as nurturing .

Everyone’s experiences are different of course .

[sunrise81]

Another thing I would find out is what you get on a MDS place at the schools. My dd is at Elmhurst....we get medical cover, RAD lessons, a £625 uniform bursary, and a weekly music lesson included. 

 

It isn't the same at Royal.....I think they now get medical cover.....but none of the other stuff? Someone can correct me if I'm wrong?

 

With this in mind and the fact it is twice as far from our home and would require more (expensive) hotel stays, royal wasn't the top of our list.....we honestly wouldn't have been able to afford it!!!!

[Busymum]

I have had 2 very different DC at Tring and both have been very happy and very supported. My DS is still there and I had the same issues as you @JulsgalaxyWe had no training close to home and as a boy dancer he wasn't happy at primary school. I feel the local high school would have been torturous for him. He is now Year 10 and en route to Milton Keynes to watch the new James Bond film with his friends. 

My DD was not classical orientated but Tring was the best school for her to have that high level of training. Even though she would never be top for ballet she was always treated as well as the purely classical dancers and the school supported her as an individual. I felt there was care and worry for her as an individual and academic successes are as highly regarded as any vocational regardless of what vocational course the children are on. I find it brilliant that they have so many differently talented children all working for their own loves. Having children on the musical theatre course as friends in your dorm helps it not be all encompassing about ballet 24/7.

My DS has been so happy at school and I was so worried about him boarding as he is a home boy and I worried so much that he would be homesick and have lost all his pants by the end of the first week. He has been supported as necessary and has coped really well. His training is brilliant and I feel injuries etc are managed well. They have different coloured cards for when they go back to dance to show each teacher so their teacher is aware what they can and can't do and also reminds them during class to be careful and adapt or sit out of exercises if necessary. When he had physio the physio rang me to discuss and I felt fully informed. 

The first few weeks of term when they all go back in September they are all expected to stay at school for the weekends until exeat, usually 2 weekends. This is to help them settle at school and build friendships. After that they are allowed home at weekends if they want to but most don't as they enjoy their weekend off at school. From year 8 onwards they have exam dance classes on a Saturday and can go home after that but they like going to Tesco with their friends or their organised trip on a Sunday. We are billed for them but they generally are only £7 or £8 pounds or so until the last one of term and that might be £20. They always enjoy Christmas shopping in Milton Keynes. Houseparents go with them and supervise the young ones, they also go to panto at Christmas and older ones to a show in the last week of autumn term. Sports day in the summer (throw the pointe shoe!) and teachers compete too. They have a football goal and swings on back lawn and a football match in summer too. Plenty of fun and a much more (normal) life for not normal school days!

MDS cover £825 of dance clothing/shoes, AXA medical insurance and private music lessons. Also unlimited amount for exams.

If you are on lower incomes then there is also an allowance for academic uniform and travel.

They have counsellors to speak to of any issues that aren't resolved by talking to houseparents, teachers etc and are encouraged to talk through any problems. Can't think of anything else but if you have any questions please pm me. 

[Julsgalaxy]

1 hour ago, Busymum said:

I have had 2 very different DC at Tring and both have been very happy and very supported. My DS is still there and I had the same issues as you @JulsgalaxyWe had no training close to home and as a boy dancer he wasn't happy at primary school. I feel the local high school would have been torturous for him. He is now Year 10 and en route to Milton Keynes to watch the new James Bond film with his friends. 

My DD was not classical orientated but Tring was the best school for her to have that high level of training. Even though she would never be top for ballet she was always treated as well as the purely classical dancers and the school supported her as an individual. I felt there was care and worry for her as an individual and academic successes are as highly regarded as any vocational regardless of what vocational course the children are on. I find it brilliant that they have so many differently talented children all working for their own loves. Having children on the musical theatre course as friends in your dorm helps it not be all encompassing about ballet 24/7.

My DS has been so happy at school and I was so worried about him boarding as he is a home boy and I worried so much that he would be homesick and have lost all his pants by the end of the first week. He has been supported as necessary and has coped really well. His training is brilliant and I feel injuries etc are managed well. They have different coloured cards for when they go back to dance to show each teacher so their teacher is aware what they can and can't do and also reminds them during class to be careful and adapt or sit out of exercises if necessary. When he had physio the physio rang me to discuss and I felt fully informed. 

The first few weeks of term when they all go back in September they are all expected to stay at school for the weekends until exeat, usually 2 weekends. This is to help them settle at school and build friendships. After that they are allowed home at weekends if they want to but most don't as they enjoy their weekend off at school. From year 8 onwards they have exam dance classes on a Saturday and can go home after that but they like going to Tesco with their friends or their organised trip on a Sunday. We are billed for them but they generally are only £7 or £8 pounds or so until the last one of term and that might be £20. They always enjoy Christmas shopping in Milton Keynes. Houseparents go with them and supervise the young ones, they also go to panto at Christmas and older ones to a show in the last week of autumn term. Sports day in the summer (throw the pointe shoe!) and teachers compete too. They have a football goal and swings on back lawn and a football match in summer too. Plenty of fun and a much more (normal) life for not normal school days!

MDS cover £825 of dance clothing/shoes, AXA medical insurance and private music lessons. Also unlimited amount for exams.

If you are on lower incomes then there is also an allowance for academic uniform and travel.

They have counsellors to speak to of any issues that aren't resolved by talking to houseparents, teachers etc and are encouraged to talk through any problems. Can't think of anything else but if you have any questions please pm me. 

Oh it’s sooooo good to hear such a positive experience, you sound like both your DC’s have been so happy at Tring which is wonderful xx

[Lifeafterballet]

I think it’s really hard for parents of a 10/11 year old to make the decision as to whether vocational boarding school is right for them. 
If you had asked me in 2012 when my daughter was in year 7 we would have given similar reviews to the posters above. Year 8 would have been good too. I remember the houseparent on that first drop off saying that it was going to be a sleep over with rules. And it was fun in the beginning. The girls made friends and we believed they were well cared for. There seemed to be no bullying, nastiness or issues with body image or food. 
I notice how there aren’t many posters of experience of the later years of lower school 🤔 The 9/10 and 11. The years when the serious business of ballet steps in and the assessments/assessing out/competitiveness kicks in. When the dynamics in the ballet class change as new children start and others depart. We were silent in these years. Quietly dealing with issues, smiling outwardly but inwardly crying 😢 I know I sound dramatic and full of bitterness but my daughter was successful if social media was to be believed. It’s hard to tell the truth. Fear of reprisals from the school and the ballet teacher if you go outside to seek help and talk about your experience. How can you as a parent persuade your daughter to increase her BMI above 16 when she gets so much praise and rewards for being like that. I say 16 because that is the schools cut off point for being taken off dance and being made to sit and watch the class instead. It’s cruel and damaging and does not help recovery. Specialist help outside the school was needed and she didn’t get it and we weren’t brave enough to take her out. She would have hated us. She loved ballet. It wasn’t just us that struggled. At some point they all did. Sort of like a silent epidemic. As one poster pointed out, there are very few lower school ballet boarding schools around the world. The majority start at 16. 11 is young.  
I don’t envy today’s parents making that decision. It’s tough. I just regret ours and wish I had been given a balanced view of others experiences before we said yes. 

[Julsgalaxy]

13 minutes ago, cotes du rhone ! said:

I think it’s really hard for parents of a 10/11 year old to make the decision as to whether vocational boarding school is right for them. 
If you had asked me in 2012 when my daughter was in year 7 we would have given similar reviews to the posters above. Year 8 would have been good too. I remember the houseparent on that first drop off saying that it was going to be a sleep over with rules. And it was fun in the beginning. The girls made friends and we believed they were well cared for. There seemed to be no bullying, nastiness or issues with body image or food. 
I notice how there aren’t many posters of experience of the later years of lower school 🤔 The 9/10 and 11. The years when the serious business of ballet steps in and the assessments/assessing out/competitiveness kicks in. When the dynamics in the ballet class change as new children start and others depart. We were silent in these years. Quietly dealing with issues, smiling outwardly but inwardly crying 😢 I know I sound dramatic and full of bitterness but my daughter was successful if social media was to be believed. It’s hard to tell the truth. Fear of reprisals from the school and the ballet teacher if you go outside to seek help and talk about your experience. How can you as a parent persuade your daughter to increase her BMI above 16 when she gets so much praise and rewards for being like that. I say 16 because that is the schools cut off point for being taken off dance and being made to sit and watch the class instead. It’s cruel and damaging and does not help recovery. Specialist help outside the school was needed and she didn’t get it and we weren’t brave enough to take her out. She would have hated us. She loved ballet. It wasn’t just us that struggled. At some point they all did. Sort of like a silent epidemic. As one poster pointed out, there are very few lower school ballet boarding schools around the world. The majority start at 16. 11 is young.  
I don’t envy today’s parents making that decision. It’s tough. I just regret ours and wish I had been given a balanced view of others experiences before we said yes. 

You’re right , 11 is sooooo young and there’s a huge difference between 11 and 16.

do you mind me asking which school your DC attended ? I’m so sorry she struggled so , I am an ex dancer myself and absolutely know the perils of body issues that often arises amongst girl dancers xx 

[Anon2]

My Dd was a few years above @cotes du rhone ! and suffered similarly, sadly I think the majority do. I was a parent that was vocal and on more than one occasion had meetings with management to raise my concerns. I was a parent that would have been thrilled if Dd was ‘assessed out’ because once you’re in the system it is very difficult to make the decision to step back, after all from second audition onwards the dancers are told how lucky they are to be there. 
I still have records of the meetings with the Principal and management, house parents about how they would manage the bullying etc. The reality is not a lot changed at house level and dance staff will do what dance staff want to - they are a law unto themselves. House parents even said my Dd was ‘picked on because she came from a stable home’ 
Further to the comment about disordered eating and BMI, in retrospect I would be asking what support is given to a student that is sharing a room with someone with a mental health problem. Beat charity have resources about supporting a friend with an earring disorder- school brushed it under the carpet. 
I know some children do thrive but having gone through the journey but in retrospect I wish we’d never taken her for the first round auditions. 

[Farawaydancer]

1 hour ago, cotes du rhone ! said:

notice how there aren’t many posters of experience of the later years of lower school 🤔 The 9/10 and 11. The years when the serious business of ballet steps in and the assessments/assessing out/competitiveness kicks in.

These were the years when it got better and easier for our ds, after we’d dealt with the things that had caused two really very difficult years. At one point we did bring him home and told the school he wasn’t going back until we had sorted things. That was a real turning point. We have never had an issue speaking to school and staff have always done what they said would be done. Support for mental health (not dance related) has been available within the week when needed. 
 

Only you will know your child and your family, and have an idea of whether they can get through the really difficult times. There will be very few children sail through from 11-16 without any. Ask all the questions people have suggested. But how well things go will be down to personalities (as well as their physical and mental health needs) -  your child’s, their teachers, their classmates. Those things you can’t predict. The teacher that caused my ds so much difficulty in the early years was loved by many others pupils.  

[Dancers Dad]

Our 16 year old daughter has just started at another school, so I can't comment on those you're looking at. However, on the general point of going to lower school and boarding, I guess I'd think long and hard about it and also be curious about the route of staying in conventional training (with Associates, Summer Schools etc thrown in) until 16, then going to upper school. Would this suit your child better? Would they lose any ground?

 

We are also a non-dance family and really it was only through ignorance that we didn't consider lower schools. It was only when our daughter become deadly serious about being a ballerina that we looked into how to give her the best chance of making it happen. And although she is quite a young 16 year old, I feel like we've had a bit more time to give her the self-awareness and self-belief to withstand some of the vicissitudes of dance school.

 

I should say that I probably also bring in a certain bias, having boarded (not dancing!) myself from a young age and not wanting to put my children through the same experience.

[Glissé]

1 hour ago, cotes du rhone ! said:

I notice how there aren’t many posters of experience of the later years of lower school 🤔 The 9/10 and 11. The years when the serious business of ballet steps in and the assessments/assessing out/competitiveness kicks in. When the dynamics in the ballet class change as new children start and others depart. We were silent in these years.

I have to agree years 9/10 and 11 is where it all begins. There is a big leap in standard and expectations in technique. Girls are assessed out international students join and many realise that they don’t want to continue. This is also the age where my dd and others experienced body image issues. My dd suffered quite badly she was never taken off class but all she was told was that she was too thin and had to eat more. There was never any professional help. All I can say is I wish I had taken her out earlier instead of pretending everything was ok.