A question for the parents of older dancers

[SarahG1881]

Do you regret spending so much time and money on dance for your children? 
Do you wish you’d had more family time etc? 
My children adore dancing, competitions, associate classes, online classes, gymnastics etc but I feel that our life often revolves around it and I wonder if we’re missing out on other things by following and encouraging it all at such young ages knowing a career in this subject isnt easy and may never happen. 
My children all have a wonderful life and we do many lovely days out but I feel dance is always on the back of everyone’s mind no matter where we are or what we’re doing and it does ‘take over’.
So I suppose my question is do you wish you didn’t support/encourage this route for your children? Or do you wish you’d kept it as a weekend class hobby? 

 

[glissade]

No, I don't regret it at all. But having said that, I have always followed my daughter's choices, which has meant giving up a few high-profile places in programmes when she wasn't enjoying them any more, changing focus when that was what she wanted and allowing her to change her mind ... never expecting her to follow my own ideas. She has learned so much over the years and ballet/dance is an integral part of the person she has become, even although she no longer wishes to pursue dance vocationally. 

[2dancersmum]

No, I don't regret it at all. It was always my DDs choices - they both loved dancing and we supported them fully, as we did my other child who had no interest in dance in their  hobbies and interests. I'm not sure that we ever encouraged it as a career route though or made a distinction between career route and hobby. We supported them in their love of dancing and just followed where it led - one to being a professional dancer and the other to university studying for a career with nothing to do with performing arts, completely different field. Children grow and change their interests and passions. The important thing is that they are happy, following their own interests and dreams regardless of where it leads. If they have been happy, I don't think there is anything to regret - years of dance teaches many skills that are useful to them in life so I don't think there is any waste either. 

Edited April 3, 2021 by 2dancersmum
grammar

[Ballet4Boyz]

What a great question and I suppose the answers you may receive will depend on the individual experiences. Some will say they have lots of regrets and some will have lots of positive things to say.

You didn’t mention what age your children are but it sounds like they are still fairly young ?

Vocational training is tough with bumps in the road even for those that end up having generally positive experiences by the end of it. It’s certainly not for everyone. 
I only speak from our experience and I’m acutely aware that this won’t be every families view. 
Our DS has spent the last 5 years at vocational lower school and is now about to join an upper school . 
I think you need to ask as many questions as possible especially before entering vocational training if that is what you’re considering..... so that you go in with eyes wide open.

It’s expensive with no long term guarantees of a career. 
As parents there have been times when we’ve simply just missed him and his presence in our home and him being part of family life. I still cry every time he leaves to return to school ! 
They grow up very quickly and you do sacrifice ‘time’ with them and family dynamics are altered. 
Our experience has been a really positive one and he’s loved his time at lower school with a few hiccups at times. 
I think if it’s what your child dreams of and ultimately if they continue to be happy in their training ..... this has to be the most single important factor. 
All along we have questioned our DS on his happiness..... given him the option of leaving training & returning home and explaining that this would be absolutely the right thing to do if he wasn’t happy. 
It’s true - they all change as they get older and what an 11 year old aspires to will possibly be very different to what a 16yr old wants from life. 
We don’t regret it - even if it were all to have ended at this stage. He’s learnt so much & benefited in so many ways over and above dancing.
I think if it’s what they truly want and they are happy - then we have left it to fate and have let the journey continue. 
We’ve always considered plan B and C and the direction he could follow when ballet ends, or indeed if a career in it never even materialises in the first place. 
Ballet (in my opinion) is both beautiful & brutal all wrapped up into one ..... if you keep yourself as informed as possible then that helps with decision making I suppose. 
Be ready and accepting of the cost implications not only to finances but more importantly to family life..... dancing can take over whether they train vocationally or not. Be prepared for them falling out of love with dancing and not wishing to continue and be ready to help them see another direction in life.
I’ve spent a professional career in a safe job giving us a comfortable life but felt very stressed & unhappy ..... so with that in mind , I’ve always had the opinion to follow your dreams & happiness - if fate, talent & finances allow. 😊
 

 

[Anna C]

I’ve said this on other threads:  Although I have some regrets about dd’s dance journey (mainly which institution we let her go to at 16), and there have been terrible “lows” along the way with some lasting effects on her - overall, no, I don’t wish she had done less ballet.  

 

The residential courses taught her independence, she made some wonderful friends, got to take class with amazing teachers, learned to accept rejection and not take it (too) personally, associates gave her the chance to compare herself with girls from all over the country, summer schools and performance experiences helped her confidence and acting skills.

 

She didn’t do gymnastics or regular competitions but when she was at primary school she did go to Rainbows, Brownies, swimming lessons and piano lessons as well as dance.  Even as a teen, she stuck with her piano and singing lessons, two school choirs, ballet, tap, modern, Central Associates and Tring CBA.  I do look back and wonder how she did it all but everything was her choice.  

 

After she had to change path following a serious injury at 16+ full time school, she went back to dance purely for enjoyment, had another lovely 2 years at Tring CBA, joined the county youth choir, took her RAD Adv 2, did A Levels and is now at Oxbridge, dancing on her uni’s competition team.  It’s my firm belief that her commitment, her resilience, her dedication, her self-discipline all helped her to get her uni place, and all these things were helped hugely by her ballet journey.  

 

As a parent, I never wanted her to say to me “You didn’t let me try”.  Was it expensive, time consuming and difficult at times?  Oh heck, yes.  But so would horseriding have been, and so many parents enter into that journey without any expectations of a career as a professional showjumper for their child - I feel we should try to enter into ballet with the same ethos.

 

I always said “Let’s take it all one term at a time” and that served us all well over the years.

[taxi4ballet]

Support, yes. Enourage it to the point of her missing things like birthday parties and other events in favour of dance, no. She did miss a lot of those things, but they were always her own choice, and her friends got used to her lack of availability. Some even went so far as to check her schedule before arranging their own parties.

 

Do I regret the time, effort and money involved? On the whole, no. Even though it all went pear-shaped at the final hurdle.

[Mumofballetmaddaughter]

No regrets from me about the amount of time and money involved. My daughters did loads of activities, ballet, tap, modern, jazz, swimming, gymnastics, singing and drama (it was always their choice) so our lives revolved around getting them to and from them after work and at weekends. I look back now and wonder how we fitted it all in, however this was many years ago and we were fairly young parents so our energy levels were much higher than they are now. The youngest went to vocational school for 3 years, graduated and danced professionally for just under 8 years. In 2016, she gained a placed on the RAD PDTD course and graduated with registered teacher status. She started up her own school several years ago which is growing steadily and still freelances at several schools and establishments. I can honestly say I loved the dance journey despite there being many more lows (audition rejections) than highs but my daughters gained a great work ethic, learnt self discipline, team working skills, commitment and built up resilience which has helped them in their chosen careers. Whenever I've asked them if they felt they missed out on parties etc growing up, the answer has been a definite no. 

[glowlight]

I remember asking exactly the same question to a work colleague whose daughter had gone through vocational training when my dd was about to go to her first associates audition.  He looked genuinely surprised at my question, as if it hadn't even occurred to him to regret the choices they had made, even though is daughter never danced professionally due to injury.

 

As to me, no I don't regret the expense or the time commitment at all.  But we always kept the expense within what we could reasonably afford as a family, and drew some lines about time commitments.  eg For many years we managed to keep Sundays free as a family day.  

 

When dd was in her teens I was grateful she had a hobby which she loved, which consumed so much of her time.  It meant she never really wanted to party like some of her friends did...she knew she wouldn't be up for Saturday morning associates class if she had been to an 'all nighter'.   The fact that she was able to make a career of this passion was really an added bonus.

 

 

 

 

[Pups_mum]

Good question.

One I have asked myself many times. 

Would I do things differently if I had my time again? Yes, definitely. I would without doubt encourage DD to make some different choices. But would I have not done it at all? No, I don't regret letting her follow her passion and the positives by far outweigh the negatives.

Much like Anna C has said, I don't want any of my children to look back on life and say "Maybe I could have done X but you stopped me". (Within reason of course - my youngest recently expressed an interest in skeleton luge and I did say no to that!)

I wish I'd been less trusting and asked more questions and looked at some different institutions but I don't regret letting DD do what she loves. She's a teacher now, so still doing what she loves even though she never "made it" as a performer, and I can't honestly imagine her doing anything else.

[MrsMoo2]

I think we have to be proud that we have raised kids who have such determination, confidence and tenacity from being young. I have a DS dancer (13) and my other DD is a tennis freak! We spend most weekends split between the dance studio and the tennis court! Quite often we draw straws for who goes to which. (The tennis club having a nice warm clubhouse with coffee!) 😆 Both children are pursuing their hobbies fervently and as long as they’re keen, so am I. (Maybe not the bank manager though!) 😆😆😆 We are under no illusions that they will be the next Graf or Nureyev but, they’re having fun trying! 💕

[rowan]

To answer your first two questions regarding time and money: due our circumstances/ luck etc, we didn’t as a  family have to spend a huge amount on either while training. Eg, past the age of 11, we didn’t in general need to transport DD to classes, as she could get there herself. The time spent was all hers. We didn’t do competitions etc, and in general could never have done anything that had involved travelling around the country or even out of the city. Regarding how much did it affect family time - I had other children who had their own things going on and who needed attention, so in many ways it was good that ballet took up so little of my time - it certainly took up a lot of emotional and psychological time, though. DD seemed to have well-enough rounded teenage years, even though she gave up some of her other hobbies in order to do more ballet. She still went to parties with her school friends and did brilliantly at school. Do I wish she hadn’t become a dancer? In many ways, yes. 

Edited April 5, 2021 by rowan
Typo

[Dance*is*life]

Not a mother of a dancer, but a grandmother now, who has spent her life from age 3 1/2 until today within the ballet or dancing world.  I will always be grateful to my late parents for supporting me all the way through training, a performing career and teaching.  I wouldn't change anything in my life even though I never became the second Margot Fonteyn that my family predicted for me!!!   Sticking at dance training - especially in today's world gives a child so much -the strength of character and work ethic it builds,  will stay with them for life whatever happens.  People often say that they envy me for working in a field that I love so much and which at the end of the day has filled my life with beauty and given me great satisfaction.  Yes your children are missing out on certain things,  but that's  their decision.   This epidemic has shown us that for those who are not totally dedicated a glimpse into another life without every spare moment being spent dancing may push them to give up - our school has lost quite a few pupils because of this.  Therefore if your child truly wants to continue down this path, your support is a blessing for them, even if in the end they choose a different career or a different career chooses them!

[Lifeafterballet]

All of our lives came to revolve around ballet.

We spent most of our time and an awful lot of money on ballet. 
Do we have regrets ? Yes we do, a lot of them 😞

The main one was allowing our children to be physically, psychologically and emotionally damaged by the vocational system and not to admit it to ourselves that was what was happening. For watching Dd spiral into an obsessive compulsive decline that earned her praise, recognition and success, without intervening.
Knowing deep down that the bullying and unkindness was wrong but never having the guts to address it. Pausing and thinking of the consequences of action allowed opportunities to intervene slip by. Watching her passion, personality and happiness be destroyed class after class. Being made to feel not good enough and worthless. If a young person has to hurt themselves to achieve success then there is something very wrong. We regret ever entering the ballet world, we were naive and unprepared. No one guides you, supports you, is honest with you. We regret not pulling dd out in year 9 when it all started to feel wrong. It took until the final year for her to speak openly and honestly and to admit to us and herself that she was a square peg trying to fit into a round hole and she just couldn’t do it anymore. If she had to go on living like that for much longer then the damage may have been irreversible. It was a genuine relief when she stopped ballet and turned down her contract. We feel so very guilty 😢 for supporting her self harm for as long as we did. For letting the demons in and not protecting her. We all got swept up in the ballet world and lost sight of what was right and what was wrong. There are so so many parents out there now doing exactly what we did and my heart goes out to them. When you are on that rollercoaster it is just so difficult to get off. 
 

I realise that my posts recently have been mainly doom and gloom and I sincerely apologise for that. I am genuinely a happy, positive person ☺️
But I just want to reach out to those who read this forum and are experiencing what we went through and know that they aren’t alone. That lots of others share the dark side of ballet and although you think that everyone who is successful is happy, they more than likely have the same struggles that you do but are just afraid to admit it and talk about it. 
 

 

 

[meadowblythe]

 

I just asked musical DD, who spent her formative years being dragged around after her brother, if she had ever felt hard done by.  She was genuinely surprised I asked - as far as she was concerned, it was fun and as a family we support each other.  She also said it showed her how hard you have to work if you want to succeed - being good at something was only half the story.  

 

Cote Du Rhone's comment about a square peg did, however, strike a chord.  Just had a serious talk with musical DD about her plans - she wants to do a post grad because she feels she has more to learn.  But I have just assured her, hand on heart, that she should only do this if she wants to do it, not because of us.  As far as I am concerned, she's learnt as much about her future from her non musical activities.  She's involved with a charity which takes music and theatre to refugee camps, and a VP of her student union.  These, I hope, will be a route to secure employment if she decides the life of a jobbing musician is not for her.   A little part of me hopes she does decide to use her undoubted organisational skills as the basis of her employment.  

 

Like others, I don't regret letting my children go to vocational school, but I do regret not being more assertive, and remembering that there were choices.    I don't regret the summer schools, I do regret feeling I had failed because I couldn't afford expensive ones.   I do regret thinking that "better" schools would be "better" for my child.  Musical DD certainly learnt from this and refused point blank to consider a place at a school which, at audition, she felt was wrong for her.  

 

No one, parent or child, should be made to feel as if they have "failed," if they have done their best, and made informed choices.   No one should feel belittled for having the courage to recognise we all change our views and aspirations as life progresses.  I will confess that I no longer feel David Cassidy is the finest pop star in the land, and have sadly come to realise the chances of owning the classic sports car I dreamed of are receding - and I probably couldn't get in it or fit in it now anyway.  

 

If it doesn't work for you and your family, don't be afraid to stop.  If you are all enriched by the experience, happy days ...  

[Pups_mum]

I think when we talk about regrets it's worth remembering something which I learned in counselling around an unrelated issue. The only thing you can guarantee would have happened if you'd made different choices is that things would have been different. It sounds obvious really  but I'd never consciously thought about it. I had fallen into the common trap of believing that if I'd made a decision the outcome of which was "bad" then if I'd made the opposite choice the outcome would have been "good". Ergo, all bad outcomes were the result of my bad decision making.

But it ain't necessarily so. The other choice would have led to another outcome but there is no way of knowing what that would have been. It might have been better, but equally it could have been as bad or worse. All any of us can do is make what we believe are the right decisions with the information we have at the time. Sometimes that won't work out the way we hoped. We need to accept, learn, and move on. Easier said than done if course but I am getting better at not dwelling on the past and "if onlys".

[taxi4ballet]

15 minutes ago, meadowblythe said:

 

I do regret thinking that "better" schools would be "better" for my child.  

So do I. We were advised during the audition rounds (by someone whose opinion I respected) that should DD be offered a place at one of the 'Big' schools, then she should take it and turn down any others. DD was in the fortunate position of having several offers, and she did indeed take the top offer.

 

Big mistake. With the benefit of hindsight she was small fry in a big pond, and would have done far better being a bigger fish in a smaller pond. She once said to me that she wasn't sure she wanted to be at a school where they thought she was mediocre and she was never going to be one of the favourites. I also think that if her injury had happened anywhere else, then other schools would have handled things very differently. She was viewed as an also-ran by that school, and was basically discarded like so much flotsam and jetsam. 

[Pas de Quatre]

DD and have always maintained that we made the best possible decision with the information we had at the time, and so do not blame ourselves if things didn't always turn out as we hoped. It is the classic 'if I'd known then what I know now....' So there is no point in beating yourself up about what happened in the past. Had started writing this when you posted Taxi.

[SarahG1881]

2 hours ago, cotes du rhone ! said:

All of our lives came to revolve around ballet.

We spent most of our time and an awful lot of money on ballet. 
Do we have regrets ? Yes we do, a lot of them 😞

The main one was allowing our children to be physically, psychologically and emotionally damaged by the vocational system and not to admit it to ourselves that was what was happening. For watching Dd spiral into an obsessive compulsive decline that earned her praise, recognition and success, without intervening.
Knowing deep down that the bullying and unkindness was wrong but never having the guts to address it. Pausing and thinking of the consequences of action allowed opportunities to intervene slip by. Watching her passion, personality and happiness be destroyed class after class. Being made to feel not good enough and worthless. If a young person has to hurt themselves to achieve success then there is something very wrong. We regret ever entering the ballet world, we were naive and unprepared. No one guides you, supports you, is honest with you. We regret not pulling dd out in year 9 when it all started to feel wrong. It took until the final year for her to speak openly and honestly and to admit to us and herself that she was a square peg trying to fit into a round hole and she just couldn’t do it anymore. If she had to go on living like that for much longer then the damage may have been irreversible. It was a genuine relief when she stopped ballet and turned down her contract. We feel so very guilty 😢 for supporting her self harm for as long as we did. For letting the demons in and not protecting her. We all got swept up in the ballet world and lost sight of what was right and what was wrong. There are so so many parents out there now doing exactly what we did and my heart goes out to them. When you are on that rollercoaster it is just so difficult to get off. 
 

I realise that my posts recently have been mainly doom and gloom and I sincerely apologise for that. I am genuinely a happy, positive person ☺️
But I just want to reach out to those who read this forum and are experiencing what we went through and know that they aren’t alone. That lots of others share the dark side of ballet and although you think that everyone who is successful is happy, they more than likely have the same struggles that you do but are just afraid to admit it and talk about it. 
 

 

 

Wow... 
Thank you so much for your honesty. Thank you everybody that has replied. 
Yes my children are still young, I have 4 and for now it works, they’re happy and we aren’t in too deep. 
I’ll support them for as long as they want/need but will I encourage.. I don’t know. 

[DD Driver]

I do think it is valuable to look back at your decisions & actions. 

Learn from them!  Share information with those that show an interest. (thank you to this Forum!)

 

I am constantly amazed at the lack of research some parents do! 

 

We learn through the feedback loop. Adjust early where possible.

Pay attention to the light taps on your shoulder before it becomes a knock out blow.

[Anna C]

9 hours ago, DD Driver said:

Pay attention to the light taps on your shoulder before it becomes a knock out blow

 

Yes, this is so pertinent.  And always go with your gut feeling.  I ignored mine when it came to the full-time place dd accepted because we were all taken in by shiny premises and extremely effective “sales patter”.  

 

Don’t be afraid to walk away, whether that’s from a recreational school, or even from sending your child away at 16 if they would be better waiting, changing teachers and trying again at 17 or 18 - even if it means moving towards more Contemporary or Musical Theatre.

 

Above all, try to take the ballet journey one term at a time - that really helped dd and I navigate the highs and lows without thinking too far ahead.

 

With my Moderator hat on, I’d like to thank everyone for being so honest while still abiding by forum rules.  Much appreciated.

[Mumofballetmaddaughter]

I've found this topic (and many others about dance journeys) really interesting but I'm struck by how naive I was. Our dance journey started in the early/mid nineties so no online information/social media or advice forums to turn to. Even in the mid noughties when my daughter was auditioning, schools didn't have an online presence or email (or if they did, I wasn't aware!) so information had to be requested by post. The only associate scheme I was aware of was RBS. We lived in the far south west of the UK so opportunities for masterclasses etc were in very short supply and tended to be limited to RAD workshops.  Audition photos had to be sent to Boots/Tru Print etc and I spent a fortune on blurred pics or ones where a leg dropped just as the camera clicked and had to be redone.  We didn't look at our daughter's accommodation beforehand so the first time she saw it was when she got the keys. Couldn't check it out on street map etc.  Thankfully my daughter's experience was a good one so I had no need to contact the school apart from checking it was ok to have the never ending supply of pointe shoes delivered there. I'm quite envious now though of the amount of opportunities there are for dancers but don't regret my children growing up without the pressure of social media. Apologies mods as I've digressed so please feel free to delete this post if you need to. I won't be offended. 

[Loulabelle]

19 hours ago, taxi4ballet said:

So do I. We were advised during the audition rounds (by someone whose opinion I respected) that should DD be offered a place at one of the 'Big' schools, then she should take it and turn down any others. DD was in the fortunate position of having several offers, and she did indeed take the top offer.

 

Taxi has said almost exactly what happened to myself and my DD, this was definitely the wrong choice for us. My DD accepted the top offer she had but really should have taken the offer she was more comfortable with.

She suffered an injury that the school, while not being totally neglectful of, were very slow to treat and made her feel she was an annoying burden on them. The total lack of pastoral care at the school was unbelievable! She was so mentally drained and damaged that one weekend she just packed her bag and came home for good. She was subsequently offered a place at her ‘comfortable’ school when they heard what had happened, but sadly the damage to her confidence and mental health was too much for her to even carry on dancing at all and she’s not taken a single ballet class since stepping away from vocational school. 
 

I don’t regret any of the time and money spent on my dd’s dance journey leading up to going to vocational school, but that experience destroyed her confidence for a long time.
 

It’s taken three years for her to recover which included going back to sixth form and gaining three very creditable A’levels. She now works full time after gaining a place on a very competitive apprenticeship scheme. She was told when offered the job that her ‘ballet journey story’ had impressed them so much and showed true grit and determination to succeed with plan B when plan A hadn’t panned out. 
 

So all’s well that ends well, but I could have done without the stress along the way!
 

[taxi4ballet]

13 minutes ago, Loulabelle said:

She suffered an injury that the school, while not being totally neglectful of, were very slow to treat and made her feel she was an annoying burden on them. The total lack of pastoral care at the school was unbelievable!  

This is pretty much an identical experience to DD's. It took nearly six months of them thinking she was a malingerer before her injury was properly diagnosed. She went through hell and I shan't ever forgive them.

 

[Lifeafterballet]

12 minutes ago, taxi4ballet said:

This is pretty much an identical experience to DD's. It took nearly six months of them thinking she was a malingerer before her injury was properly diagnosed. She went through hell and I shan't ever forgive them.

 

Our Ds and Dd both suffered injuries in grad year which were poorly managed. 
Ds was one of very few boys on dance at the time of the grad shows so his rehearsal schedule was gruelling. He sustained a spinal stress fracture which took him off dance for 3 months. His mental health suffered too 😢 There was no sports psychologist or provision for support with this. The physical rehab was good, when you could get it, as there were so many injured students that they were overwhelmed. 

Dd was accidentally dropped onto a pointed foot and continued to rehearse and perform on a very obvious fracture. The priority was the shows. She was taught how to strap it so she could get a pointe shoe on and she ate a lot of Brufen. There was a culture that injuries were an inconvenience and Dd was made to feel guilty if she didn’t perform. She plucked up courage and asked to be replaced for one performance as she was in so much pain and was reduced to tears by the teacher 😢 She felt weak and worthless. Others just hid their pain 😣
We did a lot of research ourselves and Ds and Dd became very good at self managing. Dd sustained a foot injury whilst performing with a U.K. company and was excellently managed by them. This stimulated her interest in sports injury rehabilitation and is what now she is off to University to study. She learned a lot from her and her brother’s experiences. Both have been far more happier and healthier since leaving and taking charge of themselves ☺️

[Fiz]

I'm reading all this and deeply sympathising with all parents and dcs here. I do wonder if any parents whose starry eyed children go into their first ballet class would allow them to if they knew even half of the experiences our Ballet Co children have suffered. I have noticed over many years that I have been here the injury and burn out rate of dancers. My dds did not go to vocational school as they were on different paths but they knew not to be sick, injured or decide to have any social life rather than miss a dance class. This ethos cannot be right. I wish I knew what the answers were and more, that vocational schools actually cared for their dancers.

[Dancing unicorn]

Our first vocational school certainly didn’t care about their students! In the 3 years my dd was there he mistook her for another student and never got her name right. And on her final day as she walked past him after her last performance said ‘have a lovely summer’ completely ignoring the fact it was her last day there 🥺

I could say more, but that’s better left for another day!!

 

[glowlight]

On 07/04/2021 at 18:21, taxi4ballet said:

We were advised during the audition rounds (by someone whose opinion I respected) that should DD be offered a place at one of the 'Big' schools, then she should take it and turn down any others. DD was in the fortunate position of having several offers, and she did indeed take the top offer.

 

 

How sad...conversely my DD was given the advise from a teacher and former performer that she deeply respected that if it came to a choice it was important to chose the option which was right for her and her family.

 

 

 

 

[Balletsister]

This is such an interesting thread. 
I have seen lots of parents get caught up in the whirl of different hobbies especially when they have been given the nod that their child maybe ‘gifted’ in a certain area. With hindsight there is a degree of flattery that comes when your child has been picked out and it can be so easy to get carried away and let it take over your family life. 
I don’t regret the time and money we have put into our three youngsters different hobbies. The difference with the dancing is that there becomes a pressure to be at every class/festival/opportunity and this can lead to a manic timetable where simple things like sitting down to a family meal together become impossible. 
My DD has done LCB, EYB, Associates, festivals and exams and enjoyed it all. She changed dance school at the age of 14, after being there for 11 years, as she realised the gruelling schedule and pressure from the dance school was not what she wanted. 
The school she is at now is supportive and understands that there may be times when dance can’t come first. This has been a game changer for my DD. She is just as committed and wants to dance as much as possible but she feels less pressure and therefore the enjoyment shines through. 
My shred of of advice would be to support not suffocate and to really enjoy the incidentals like travelling to classes together, days out for auditions etc as these will be the defining memories for most DC who will reflect on them long into their adulthood when they may have put their pointe shoes away for good. 

[Twirlingdad]

cotes du rhone ! - sorry I’m rubbish at tech & no idea how to respond to your post.......

 

Just wanted to say - you are not alone. We too got caught up in the world of the school that aspired to be something it isn’t. Glossy on top but scratch under the surface and there are so many students who are now not dancing due to undiagnosed injuries - the pressure was immense and dancing whilst strapped up and consuming painkillers was sadly the norm. Only now we realise how much damage has been caused mentally and physically. We are crossing our fingers that our DC made it out in time and is in the care of an excellent Consultant who is repairing the physical damage.  We did at the time what we thought best - resilience has been learnt and friendships made but it will take a while for the wounds to heal. 

 

Wishing you the very best of luck on your journey free of the constraints of dance. Would we change it all if we had a crystal ball - probably not........ but maybe we would have challenged some of the poor school decisions!

[Pointeshoesarethedream]

3 minutes ago, Twirlingdad said:

cotes du rhone ! - sorry I’m rubbish at tech & no idea how to respond to your post.......

 

Just wanted to say - you are not alone. We too got caught up in the world of the school that aspired to be something it isn’t. Glossy on top but scratch under the surface and there are so many students who are now not dancing due to undiagnosed injuries - the pressure was immense and dancing whilst strapped up and consuming painkillers was sadly the norm. Only now we realise how much damage has been caused mentally and physically. We are crossing our fingers that our DC made it out in time and is in the care of an excellent Consultant who is repairing the physical damage.  We did at the time what we thought best - resilience has been learnt and friendships made but it will take a while for the wounds to heal. 

 

Wishing you the very best of luck on your journey free of the constraints of dance. Would we change it all if we had a crystal ball - probably not........ but maybe we would have challenged some of the poor school decisions!

What worries me when reading these posts from the point of view of a parent with a child about to embark on this journey, the institutions that you have all very sadly had bad experiences at remain anonymous so how do us new parents know which to enter with caution? 

[Twirlingdad]

Not all students have the same experience - some fly and others, for whatever reason, hit every bump in the road! From experience go with your gut feel and never be afraid to challenge a decision if you feel it is not right or made because it suits the school more than your child. If you politely challenge a decision and are met with hostility then maybe wonder why. Injuries are sadly a bit part of the dance world but dealt with efficiently can save heartache years down the line.

 

[Pointeshoesarethedream]

Thanks @Twirlingdad it’s such a mine field. These threads are brilliant for newcomers to understand the warts and all but it adds to the anxiousness of will we get it right. 
 

Sorry your DC didn’t have a good experience. 

[Fudge]

9 minutes ago, SJBallet said:

What worries me when reading these posts from the point of view of a parent with a child about to embark on this journey, the institutions that you have all very sadly had bad experiences at remain anonymous so how do us new parents know which to enter with caution? 

We were a bit 'rabbit in the headlights' when Dd started vocational school.  Every dc will have a different experience at any vocational school.  Go in with an open mind and don't be afraid to question and intervene if things aren't right, and move schools if necessary. Dd had some great times but also some lows.