Nightmare hair - help!

[r3dh3d]

First post - sorry to start with a request for help, but not sure where else to turn...

DD has possibly the worst hair for a ballet bun, ever.  

You know when a bit of chiffon skirt frays and those long thin strands come away that then stick to *everything*?  That is her hair, entirely made out of that stuff.  I've never seen anything like it.  It also grows quite short round the edges of her face, so though it's really long (way past her bum) a lot of it doesn't make it into her bun.  It's naturally curly, so even if you do persuade it to briefly lie flat, after an hour or so a halo of blonde fluff pops up round her face and she looks like a dandelion.  

I try to avoid using much product, or at least anything that can't be left in or just brushes out easily: if we wash it too often (and by often, I mean more than once a fortnight) it dries out and starts breaking however much conditioner I use, and then there are more frizzy bits not less.  Oh, plus she gets eczema. 

She's recently switched to a more gung-ho school, and is starting the whole Festival Thing.  We need to come up with some sort of solution, because I'm getting Looks, which will soon be followed by Comments.  

I've tried gel (for exams &c) but because her fine hair is so porous, it sucks the water out of the gel and uses it to power the curl - it makes the frizzy bits worse, not better: they just pop up as it dries.  Oddly, just using water is better than using gel.  What I've been tending to do so far is grease up the frizzy bits with vitapointe, slick back with water and chuck the bun together quick.  That's OK because it doesn't have to be washed out, but it doesn't hold for 2 hours' sweaty rehearsals.  

I'm thinking maybe there are other oil or wax based products that are probably OK for your hair if left in, or just rinsed out with plain water?  A quick shuftie in Boots was very confusing and I can see myself spending ££££ before we find something that works.  Or shaving it all off and buying a wig, which is looking like an increasingly attractive option.  

Any suggestions?

[Jan McNulty]

Hello r3dh3d and welcome to the Forum!  I'm sorry I can't help you with your query but I am sure other members will be able to offer hints and tips.

 

Have you ever thought of making an appointment with a hairdresser specifically to see if they can do it for you and show you how to do it?

 

Do let us know how you get on.

[Confuddled]

I've seen girls with their hair French plaited to get all the wispy bits and then the bun, it's way beyond my skill level but would that be an option? Also, a plant mister is handy to get the hair evenly damp before you start. The other thing that I use (but my daughter's hair is very straight, so maybe not appropriate) is that spray in conditioner. It makes it a bit greaser and heavier, and so it stays better. I have the anti-nit one for school, anyway, so I tried it one day and it does seem to help.

[straceydor]

If you get looks or comments from the teacher ask the teacher to show you how she wants it done. 

[SwissBalletFan]

Reminds me of a card a friend once received for her birthday.

[r3dh3d]

Reminds me of a card a friend once received for her birthday.

Hahahaha! 

 

Yes.  Only all of the hairs.

[r3dh3d]

I've seen girls with their hair French plaited to get all the wispy bits and then the bun, it's way beyond my skill level but would that be an option? Also, a plant mister is handy to get the hair evenly damp before you start. The other thing that I use (but my daughter's hair is very straight, so maybe not appropriate) is that spray in conditioner. It makes it a bit greaser and heavier, and so it stays better. I have the anti-nit one for school, anyway, so I tried it one day and it does seem to help.

I could French plait it (I can plait for Britain) but it would mean sectioning into at least 6 bits and plaiting all of them towards the pony tail at the back to catch it all.  But I don't *think* that sort of fussiness would be allowed.  

 

So far, conditioner does nowt.  But it may be just a question of finding the right one?

[r3dh3d]

I was thinking of something like this: on the basis this is a problem black hair products are designed to fix.  

[Confuddled]

I could French plait it (I can plait for Britain) but it would mean sectioning into at least 6 bits and plaiting all of them towards the pony tail at the back to catch it all.  But I don't *think* that sort of fussiness would be allowed.  

So far, conditioner does nowt.  But it may be just a question of finding the right one?

I've seen girls with plaits going in to buns for class and for youth ballet rehearsals, but I've never been to a competition so I don't know if it would be OK. Also, I'm impressed you can do them! On the conditioning spray, maybe your hairdresser could advise? We just have the Vosene tea tree one from Tescos, bought in a (so far successful) attempt to avoid nits at school.

[Moomin]

You wouldn't be able to remove any type of greasy product with water as it's not water soluble, you'd need shampoo. I presume she's not keen to get her hair cut?! We have the wispy bits around the face too but I just use loads of product and wash it out afterwards so not much help to you. I think I would book in to a good hairdresser for advice as suggested. Both to get advice about products and about the best shampoo/ conditioner etc. maybe if you washed more frequently but used an intensive conditioner each time it would be better?

[MumToTu]

Good luck finding a product, my Dd has simular hair, lots of short baby hair on her hair line, and thick course tectured red hair, only thing which will hold her hair is a lot of gel and washing after But her hair is straught not curly like your dds.

Other products may hold it, but like your dd the wispy bits look messy and the other products we have tried i.e. hair spray and mouse, don't hold her hair as securely, dd used to do gymnastics and had to secure her hair so not in the eyes for acrobatics, also spending a lot of time upside down was a test of a secure bun. We also find 2 hair bands helped. The only way I could thing of getting round using gel would be lots of hair grips. But they can be a nuisance falling out or needing adjusting etc.

 

My dds friend with curly hair straightens her hair to get it in a secure bun, maybe that may help ? And then lots of hair coloured invisible clips? You can buy them in boots to match hair colour, the larger snappy ones, not sure what they are called. They hold well. Good luck!

[sarahw]

I think asking the dance teacher to demo what she would like is a good idea. Also would having her hair cut help the situation? I have no hair knowledge but have curly frizzy hair and for me beyond a certain length condition deteriorates. Also if it is so long maybe the weight of it is causing breakage?

Edited September 12, 2016 by sarahw

[balletbean]

My suggestion is to work from the outside in. There are dietary supplements for hair and nails. Maybe worth a try.  

 

Or even a regular vitamin and mineral supplement. Dancers are known to have a fickle diet. 

 

Also is this a puberty issue or since she was little, I've known girls with dead straight hair until mother nature kicked in, now they have a full head of curly unruly hair where others have greasy hair! There doesn't appear to be a hard and fast rule.

 

The type of hair as described sounds like the type that coloured ladies experience. Maybe sourcing a hairdresser experienced with this community might be able to suggest more suitable products and techniques unlike a regular hair stylist. Even down to the type of brushes and combs to use.

 

Also check the fabric of bedding (pillowcases) and clothing that comes into contact, as friction from these may aggravate the frizzy situation. Even fabric conditioner on towels!! Air conditioning/central heating all are known causes of dry atmosphere. May struggle to treat the symptoms if still exposed to the reason.

 

Wish you good luck

[Guest]

Put the eczema first. You don't say how old your dd is, but if she is still quite young she may grow out of it especially if its well managed. My advice for regular classes, if she has a big sensitivity problem, is to use nothing on the hair. Just put it into the neatest bun you can manage. And do tell the dance school about it as they cannot be sympathetic if they don't know. For performances, exams etc  use whatever works just shampoo her hair really well afterwards which is a good idea anyway as all that sweat is an irritant. My dd had exactly the same problem and due to patches of hair loss doing partings for buns etc was a nightmare. She had prescribed shampoo and shower oils and we had a water softener fitted at home. It has got a lot better over time although she is still super careful about products. Good Luck!

[porthesia]

DD didn't have the problems you have but we used to spray hair spray on either the comb or my hand to try and slick her hair back.  We found Elnet the best but it is very expensive.

[joyofdance]

My daughter has thick curly hair. We used to have the same problems. The solution that worked for us was olive oil. Basically she washes or dampens her hair so that it is fairly wet, brushes it through and when pulling if back in to the ponytail ready for the bun she uses a decent amount olive oil, pretty much the extra virgin stuff that you use for cooking, to keep the whispy bits in place. It works really well and is actually good for her hair and scalp. We have also used Argon oil which you can get at £1 a bottle from cheap chemists and sometimes the pound shop. Most natural oil products work and do not do the damage that some of the products do. Afterward she does tend to spray it with hairspray but if she doesnt have any out I dont see any difference in how tidy it is.

[Dancing unicorn]

This made me chuckle!

My dd has very thick auben hair.

First day at JA's we had the frizzy bits -still makes me smile when I look at the photo! But now, being at voc school, being very partucular and obviously having to do her own hair - she has it thinned once or twice a year to get the bulk down from the crown of the head! She then uses straighteners on it to smooth the hair - somehow she says it makes it feel thinner! She then puts it in a pony and uses a nit comb to get all the bits back and then uses either hair spray or gell to smooth down - bun is then put in.

Hope that helps in some way - has worked for her since age 8 and always looks immaculet!

[shygirlsmum]

Not tried it but I hear coconut oil is good for hair and might smell nicer than olive oil etc

DDs hair can break so I use redkin antisnap after washing, it's quite pricey but really good product.

Good luck

[alison]

Some people can find the smell of coconut oil rather overpowering, though

 

Balletbean mentioned pillows: I always found that polyester pillows would send my hair completely crazy (as well as interfering with my ability to get a good night's sleep)

[r3dh3d]

You wouldn't be able to remove any type of greasy product with water as it's not water soluble, you'd need shampoo. I presume she's not keen to get her hair cut?! We have the wispy bits around the face too but I just use loads of product and wash it out afterwards so not much help to you. I think I would book in to a good hairdresser for advice as suggested. Both to get advice about products and about the best shampoo/ conditioner etc. maybe if you washed more frequently but used an intensive conditioner each time it would be better?

One of the things about having dry/curly hair - it's hard to get your head around how dry it actually is!  We already use a heavy-duty conditioner and then leave-in conditioner on top of that.  And so far, any greasy product just seems to get absorbed and disappear.  I have no clue where it goes.  It's like her hair is a portal to another dimension or something.  

[2dancersmum]

Got 2 DDs with frizzy hair - one curly and one straight.  Hair length definitely can make a difference to the condition of the hair - especially if you are not washing it that often. Ends dry out, split and cause even more frizziness. If you can persuade your DD to have a trim and talk to the hairdresser you might get some help from her.

 

Curly haired DD has an argon oil conditioner for when she washes her hair.  She uses straighteners before attempting to put her hair in a bun as that gives the neatest effect and she will sometimes use argon oil then and always hairspray. Gel does nothing for her. The teacher did come to accept all the wispy curls around her face though as she tried when I failed and decided it suited her.  I should say that DD is now older and working professionally and her hair was probably hardest to manage up to about age 13/14 and then it calmed considerably.

 

Straight haired DD with very long hair, prefers to put her hair in a bun whilst still damp after washing.  She twists, pins and sprays the wispy bits near her face and as she is getting older, the hair stays put better.

[r3dh3d]

I hate to admit this but... we don't have a hairdresser.  DD refuses to get her hair cut, other than trimming the ends.  And I cut my own.  

ETA - though to be fair to her, DD has no split ends.  The wispy bits aren't broken off in any way - she just has that annoying hair type that the bits round the edges stop growing after a few cm.  I'm the same.  So though I'm nagging at her to let me cut it to waist length, it won't solve this particular problem.

Edited September 12, 2016 by r3dh3d

[Ti62]

Toothbrush to brush wispy hair around hair line back with small amount of product!

[Jan McNulty]

 Not that I have ever had or needed a ballet bun but when I was young and had longer than waist length hair my hair was dead straight.  When I had it cut to shoulder length it started getting wavy and stayed that way until a couple of years ago.  My hair wasn't in very good condition and nothing I was doing seemed to be helping.  I was diagnosed with an underactive thyroid and was prescribed thyroid medication.  My hair, within weeks, had regained its body but has never regained its curl.

 

I think hair changes throughout your life but that does not help...

 

Could you ask someone to recommend a hairdresser?  Your daughter doesn't have to have her hair cut, but having it washed and treated by someone else can be a real treat and if you had explained your needs I am sure they would have advice on how to control a ballet bun.

[MuddledMama]

My DD has curly hair that can get frizzy and she always ends up with wispy bits. We are very lucky that her teacher is very laid back and they can go with any hairstyle so we only have this problem for exams etc. For her last lot of exams (Modern & Tap) I did 3 braids into a ponytail which helped but the most useful thing I have found for her hair is coconut oil. Even in the morning before school if her hair is looking a bit frizzy I rub a little bit of coconut oil between my hands run it through her hair and it makes it nice and smooth. For a really neat ballet bun freshly washed hair (or dampen if not enough time for it to be washed), put coconut oil on, do her bun and then cover in hairspray, if any bits look like they might stick up I secure them with a pin.

 

Also the suggestion with the pillowcase, a satin/silk case should help with the breakage (or she could wrap her hair up in a silk scarf), regular deep conditioning will help as well.

[sarahw]

Is it just cooking coconut oil? May try that. I have had some luck with the Morocco argan oil from Boots.

[munchkin16]

I think I have a similar problem where my hair creates an annoying fluff around the top of my head when left untamed. One alternative to braiding it is to twist the edge pieces up into the bun. If you do this when they are damp the curls at the side won't escape so much.

 

I also have used Got To Be Glued hairspray which isn't as strong as some others but brushes out really nicely so you wouldn't need to wash the hair too often. It also leaves my hair really soft. Another tip for not putting too much product into the hair is to spray the hairspray onto your hands first, then stroke the fluff into place. Use some hair grips too to keep the fluff tamed.

 

I know you say the ends aren't split but it's possible the weight of her hair (if it's really long) is causing pressure on the top hair and making it break more. Maybe cutting it might put less stress on the hair at the top?

 

Either way I wouldn't worry too much for class, I think most people end up with a little messy hair if they've been working hard. Maybe see if she can wear a thin hairband similar to her hair colour, pinned in, to keep the halo from appearing?! You can get stretchy ones for sports and the gym or I make one out of old black tights that is thin but works well enough.

[Ellen]

my DD also has curly hair , flyaway hair - for getting it just right for competitons and exams etc I have found this helps - straightening then  using  products called PINK hair gel and hairspray (designed for black hair) u can get these from black beauty shops or bigger boots store. /smoothing it down with nit comb and /or bristle hair brush  

 

I have seen the toothbrush thing being used on another child's hair who has thick hair - the whispy bits were sprayed   and smoothed back last min before going into an exam and that seems to work too

 

my experience has been to do all the above - getting the ponytail right too helps and then after all the gel /spray etc - to just leave it - its very tempting to go back and try mess with it more lol

 

hope this helps - understand your pain !  ​

 

Let us know what works for you ? ...when u get time ! lol

Edited September 13, 2016 by Ellen

[kcoom75]

Whenever I do hair for my DD for dance, I get her to wash it as normal and and then do the plaits or bun while its wet using a tail comb. Once it's done, spray with lots of hairspray. It seems to look neater this way and always got rid of wispy bits....She has been known to take all the pins out and yet still have a perfect bun because it doesn't move! ????

[Guest]

I use tresemme salon finish freeze hold hairspray and it's the best hairspray I've ever used. I'm so fussy with my hair and hate any whispy bits hanging out and this properly glues them in even on freshly washed hair. It also brushes out really well and dries quickly so your hair doesn't feel sticky for ages ????

[Bestfootforward]

My daughter has this sort of hair and with practice and routine we managed to not only weather the storm of festivals, but also vocational school where she has had to do her hair herself every morning from age 11.

 

Several things worked for us, firstly for the dance days where hair needs to be really smooth, invest in a water spray bottle, a small metallic nit comb, some decent gel spray eg the VO5 one in a blue bottle, and some good silicon hair bands (Superdrug).

Use the water spray to basically get things under control, and brush the hair very firmly (brute force required in our case) to get it into a ponytail. You really do need to use some force to keep it in and initially we had tears but she was stoic and eventually we would giggle about it whilst I did this part.

Before you put the bobble in use a normal but fine comb to comb all the hair on the crown toward the ponytail (should then start to look a bit smoother. You should still be holding the ponytail tight with one hand.

When it looks smooth you may need to readjust the pony tail to make it tighter as the hair smooths. Then still holding the ponytail, spray a small amount of gelspray all over the crown and comb it back towards the ponytail again with the nit comb this time. Again readjust the ponytail.

Then keeping the tension on the ponytail, put the bobble on. This takes a bit of practice as it's difficult to keep the tension on with one hand and put the bobble on tight with the other. You just get better at it as time goes on.

Make sure the bobble is as tight as possible,

Then reapply gel spray to the crown and use the nit comb to comb towards the ponytail again, repeat a couple more times.

Then do the bun using good long pins, proper hair pins not Bobby pins, twirl the hair round, pinning very sparingly as you go (just 3 or 4 initially). You shouldn't need too many pins and you will need practice with this again. Then hit the bun gently with the back of a hairbrush to flatten it out and use more pins to secure properly (again not too many).

 

Go back to the crown and respray and comb. Take comb and spray everywhere with you!!

 

The hair will be set like concrete and you will need to wash it more frequently, but we found that using quality products did actually help. Also using the hair oil you can buy everywhere now on the ends after washing really helps.

[Светлана]

I have curly and very frizzy hair (although my hair is not dry like your dd's, it gets oily quite quickly), and the only thing that I have found to work to get my hair super slick is a spray of conditioner, followed by the Vo5 men's hair gel (cheap hair gels or gel spray's make my hair frizzier) and Vo5 or L'oreal hair spray (again, the really cheap hair sprays make my hair frizzier).

 

For everyday class I don't like to use much product, so I have found that a low bun with a side or centre parting and just a bit of hairspray or a few clips looks much neater and doesn't get as frizzy as a regular high bun.

[LinMM]

I find it mind boggling to even imagine about how to get hair that is "bottom length" into any sort of bun let alone if hair is very dry And curly!! Just about my worst nightmare I think!! How do you do it without the bun being enormous!

 

Hope you can sort the problem soon!!