Bonnie2011 Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 My dd is starting vocational school in September and has been really looking forward to starting there until now. She keeps having mini breakdowns thinking that she is not going to be as good as the other girls who are starting with her. She is usually a confident child so I'm not too sure how to handle the situation. There is every chance that there are going to be dd's who are better than her. Are there any other dd.s out there that are feeling the same? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Waitingmum Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Not exactly breakdowns but my dd is also worrying about the same issue - I guess it's not completely a bad thing to be realistic having always been best in her school to realise that this won't be the case in vocational school. I also think it isn't helped by my dd already being on Instagram with other new starters who are posting incredible photos of themselves - I do point out to her it is not just about how flexible you are - more to dance than tricks!! Where is you dd starting? 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twiggy Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I feel exactly the same! I'm a little bit terrified to be honest! I've decided to instead set myself little goals Iver the summer and for when I get there so that instead of worrying about who's better than me and that I might be the worst I can celebrate at my improvement, Let's hope it works! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bonnie2011 Posted July 22, 2015 Author Share Posted July 22, 2015 Oh my goodness this is exactly what is happening with my dd re Instagram waitingmum. She keeps comparing herself to pictures on there. My dd is starting white lodge. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Squeaky Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 (edited) oh bless her. Its such a huge step isn't it and a lot to take on board. its natural to have doubts and concerns  - especially in the run up.  What your DD needs to remind herself of/appreciate... she already good enough to be selected to attend from many many others after rigorous selection processes. She is going there to learn and develop. Yes realistically there may be other children there who are 'better' than her ...at some things - however likewise - she may be better at some things than others! Swings and roundabouts! Some may have great flexibility but may lack performance or passion and vice versa and so on.  The school have seen something in her they want and feel they can develop - that in its self demonstrates she has talent.   What is important now is that she makes the most of the opportunity and doesn't let that worry override her (easier said than done at a young age.. well any age!).    A lot of the other children will be feeling the same way I am sure.  Perhaps get her to write down or consider what she is good at and why she feels she may have been offered a placement. could you talk to her regular dance teacher - a confidence booster... tell her what you see in her - a passion in her performance? the grit and determination of years of study that demonstrates her dedication which got her here today? an expressive dancer? lovely turnout? strong legs? musicality, beautiful feet, etc....etc?  Yes I know sometimes its 'mum talking' but we all need to hear good things from our mum. Perhaps get out some old photos or videos of her dancing when she was younger so she can see her amazing development.  I know when my DS was starting associates he worried a little about the same thing - thinking he would look silly because others will know more/be better.  wishing your DD and all the new starters the very best and enjoy it  My dd is starting vocational school in September and has been really looking forward to starting there until now. She keeps having mini breakdowns thinking that she is not going to be as good as the other girls who are starting with her. She is usually a confident child so I'm not too sure how to handle the situation. There is every chance that there are going to be dd's who are better than her. Are there any other dd.s out there that are feeling the same? Edited July 22, 2015 by Squeaky 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fiz Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I fully agree with Squeaky. I was going to say the same thing. None of your dcs would be going to vocational school unless the schools were completely satisfied that they were right for their places. All children become nervous at school changes. I was in a real panic when I started grammar school. I thought everybody would be far clever than me. They weren't. I went to university. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tulip Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 The schools will be taking them all back to basics in year seven. They don't want the tricks and super duper things, they want their training, with correct techniques. Everyone will start from the same post. So everyone don't worry, infact you may moan that it's quite basic in the beginning. Work hard, stay healthy and sleep. Enjoy your journeys, everyone's is different. 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dancing pickles Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Oh Two Ballerinas! Your poor dd Please believe me when I say that she certainly is good enough! Myself and my dd have always thought she is so talented, with bucket loads of dance talent, she's also beautiful to watch. She most definitely belongs at WL xxxxxxxx 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hfbrew Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 (edited) My dd is starting vocational school in September and has been really looking forward to starting there until now. She keeps having mini breakdowns thinking that she is not going to be as good as the other girls who are starting with her. She is usually a confident child so I'm not too sure how to handle the situation. There is every chance that there are going to be dd's who are better than her. Are there any other dd.s out there that are feeling the same?Your daughter is going to White Lodge! Wow! She must be very talented.I used to say to my son that it didn't matter if the others in his class were better,what mattered was that he was still talented enough to be there and it was his own personal journey that was important not other peoples. When your daughter gets to White Lodge, the entire class will be beginning again from scratch,they will spend ages just perfecting a demi pile! If she finds that others are currently more flexible,she must not worry as this will be achieved through the training. The Royal Ballet School ( no less!) would not have selected her if they don't think she has what it takes.  The standard now is not as important as the standard to come! Some students who may be currently more advanced may well find it harder if they have to "unlearn" some technique in order to achieve the Royal Ballet School standard.  My son was never deemed to be top of the class but in hindsight it did him in good stead as he quickly grasped the meaning of hard work and perseverance in the face of disappointment. I've observed over the years that those who are high flyers at first often don't stay the course and can't cope with disappointments whereas the ones that had tougher journeys are more realistic and more successful!  I wish someone could have told me 10 years ago it would all be ok and that Id see my son in lead roles before he was 25!  So I'm saying to you now. It will all be ok! Congratulations to your daughter and tell her to embrace her own personal journey and not be bothered by others. Whatever happens ,to be able to say "I went to the Royal Ballet School " is pretty special.  I hope your daughter loves it as much as my son did. Good luck. Edited July 22, 2015 by hfbrew 21 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eowyn Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I am actually very relieved to read this post as my dd is also starting vocational school in September and we have the same issues. She has gone from being very excited to worrying that she won't be good enough and even telling me she's not sure about going now :-( I have been reassuring her that she wouldn't even have a place if this was the case but not sure it helps when like your dd's she sees photos of other girls who seem to much more advanced. I think the boarding is also worrying her as she's finally starting to realise that mummy & daddy won't be there to tuck her into bed each night and help her with her homework and shes not going to see us for weeks on end. It is a huge transition for them and a lot to cope with at such a young age. I'm just hoping once my dd is finally there and doing what she loves most all the worries will be unfounded. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happymum Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 (edited) I'm sorry that some DD are worried about staring vocational school. To brighten up this thread - my DD is so excited and can't wait until September! Not sure if that's because she's not allowed instagram (she keep asking though!) and only met other girls on induction day or because it's her dream come true and nothing can make her feel bad about it. She is realistic and she knows and says that she will be home sick but still she counts the days until the start of next term. She is busy collecting little things to decorate her room, things to remind her of home and friends. Maybe that's something other DDs can do - to focus on positive, get the excitement back. I feelfor you parents as well - I know I'll be in pieces in September so knowing that your child is so worried may make things worst. Hope they will soon realise how good they are and that flexibility isn't the most important! Edited July 22, 2015 by Happymum 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fiz Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 My heart goes out to all you parents who are letting go early of your children so that they can follow their dreams. I cried when my eldest ex dd started university at 18! The only reason I didn't cry the whole way home was because you can't cry and drive. I am sure all the lovely parents here who have done this will help you. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harwel Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 My DS nearly backed out of going in the summer term and he was 14. They suddenly realise what they are doing is a big deal and it's very scary. We just said that we understood his fears and that if, at any time he was definitely unhappy he could come home, but he had to go otherwise he would never forgive himself. It's a tough time for children and parents alike. Â I wish you all good luck. What a fantastic journey for you all. I would think its best to come off the Instagram and FB groups if it's causing distress. I've ways found that the best dancers tend to be the more reserved types. They save their talent for class. 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swanprincess Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I'm quite relieved to see that I'm not the only one who is beginning to feel rather apprehensive about starting vocational school! Like others have mentioned, I struggle with lack of confidence too, Im worried that I'll be the worst dancer in my year group, it all feels very daunting at the moment! Anyway! I think it's so brave that some DC go away to vocational school aged just 11- it is a scary prospect to be moving so far from home at any age, but to go for year 7 is an incredible achievement; I don't think I'd have been brave enough to go at that age! I'm sure that once we've settled in to our new schools, we'll love every minute of being there- it's all just a wonderful adventure, so let's embrace the amazing opportunity we've been given x 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bonnie2011 Posted July 22, 2015 Author Share Posted July 22, 2015 Thank you all for your lovely comments and advice. I have had a little talk with my dd and it seems to have worked for now! I think the reality of it all was just getting to her slightly. Going to White Lodge is her dream and, of course, she just wants everything to go well. She is very much a perfectionist and expects such a lot from herself both in her ballet and academically. I feel a little less worried about her now that I have read that there are other dd's out there feeling the same. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Waitingmum Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Twoballerinas my dd is also going to WL Year 7!! She is very excited - I keep coming home from work and finding her in her uniform!!! My dd sounds exactly the same as yours in personality!! Thank you also for all these comments - very helpful - I will definitely share them with her. Instagram may have some negatives but it has really helped my dd as she already feels that she is friends with most of her year and she has only met them once - definitely reduces the stress of going away (for her at least!!!!) 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stirrups36 Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 They will have a ball. As has been said, a lot of the early years consist of repeating the basics again and again and again and so on... Â Get used to seeing them dance a lot less than you will have been used to! Â But year 7 are taken on potential, and so it doesn't matter what has been done in the past, it's what is going to be done in the future that counts. Â Then at some point, it will be obvious that some are better then others and that is just the way it is, in whatever life they choose - academic, sport, dance. Â But just being there now, what an opportunity. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DancingDays Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 We were in your position this time last year with the same anxieties and worries....BUT.....one year on and I can safely say that my DD has absolutely thrived! Â She's loves school and has made such a great group of friends that we are left with no doubt that we made the right decision in letting her go off to boarding school so young!Try to hold onto the excitement of what's to come and not the worry xx 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mae989 Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 It's such a big step and such a young age. What I have told my DD when she feels apprehensive or worried is to stop, take a breath, close her eyes and think of all the amazing opportunities, friends and experiences she will have. It isn't about being the best in the class, or the best in the school. It's about being the best that YOU can be. All the children should be encouraged to realise that this is about their development and their journey. We believe in them, their dance teachers have believed in them and now the vocational schools believe in them. All that is left now is for them to believe in theirselves. Great inspirational books to pass on are micheala prince and misty Copeland. 12 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HAIRBELLES Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Your little DD is a beautiful dancer, it's only natural she will and most of the children starting Vocational School will be having bouts of apprehension about a number of things. Tell her from me that people usually post their best pictures on social media. Wishing her the very best of luck from both myself and DD x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bonnie2011 Posted July 23, 2015 Author Share Posted July 23, 2015 That is great to know DancingDays. I hope that we are in the same position as you next year. Mae989 you are so right, it is about the journey that our dd's take and the fact that they must strive to be the very best that they personally can be. HAIRBELLES thank you so much for your lovely post. I will let her know what you have said. How is your dd getting on? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snape Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Like Happymums DD my DD cant wait to start in September. I think I am more worried than her. The Instragramme thing is a double edged sword but it is a useful thing for these young ones. Ballet is a small world and all their paths will probably cross several times. I think I worry about flexibility/talent or lack of, much more than my child. I think she is far too laid back sometimes. I have to admit to saying wow look at her/him and worrying that she isn't as flexible or whatever and the dd just says, " ah that's not ballet mum" or "well I can do this/that really well. Stop worrying mum." wish I could! My child is obviously far more sensible and mature than I am. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happymum Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Like Happymums DD my DD cant wait to start in September. I think I am more worried than her. The Instragramme thing is a double edged sword but it is a useful thing for these young ones. Ballet is a small world and all their paths will probably cross several times. I think I worry about flexibility/talent or lack of, much more than my child. I think she is far too laid back sometimes. I have to admit to saying wow look at her/him and worrying that she isn't as flexible or whatever and the dd just says, " ah that's not ballet mum" or "well I can do this/that really well. Stop worrying mum." wish I could! My child is obviously far more sensible and mature than I am. Sounds exactly like my DD! I'm more worried that she is. But I should add that she keeps doing her exercises now through the summer (and before) to work on everything she needs to improve. I hope I won't be too nervous and upset when the day comes when we need to drop her off at the school.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Happymum  " I hope I won't be too nervous and upset when the day comes when we need to drop her off at the school..."  My advice, help her with whatever she needs help with (carrying suitcases etc). Then, big smile, big hug a cheery "Have a great time, love you loads" (or something along those lines ) Turn around. Leave. Cry on the way back home if necessary.  All the best to you all. xxx 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happymum Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 " My advice, help her with whatever she needs help with (carrying suitcases etc). Then, big smile, big hug a cheery "Have a great time, love you loads" (or something along those lines ) Turn around. Leave. Cry on the way back home if necessary." Â That is soo sad! Aren't we staying to help them decorate their rooms etc? I thought the first time parents stay for longer? Yes I know that we need to smile and make it look like it's not a big deal and I won't cry until later at home (optimistic version) or in car (more realistic) but I'm sure there will be more for us, parents, to do, to listen to, to sign, to help with, to .... Lots of other things before we leave. Am I mistaken? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mimi'smom Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Don't worry Happymum you will be able to stay and help dd decorate her room. We used to laugh and call it the 60 minute makeover as that was how long you were officially given (but they aren't that strict!) have also sent you a pm x 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Oh Happymum, I'm only speaking from my point of view as a former boarding school student and mum of boarding school children. In my experience it's best to do whatever it is you have to do (I never had to sign anything on dropping off day, or decorate) and not prolong the agony. I cried lots on the way home (as a mum, not as a student !) But I think that the kids feel better once they're on their own with eachother and start to make friends/chat etc. This is of course a very personal view and there's no one size fits all option in these situations. Lots of Luck. XÂ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 We found that dd was fine on drop off day as we left and still fine that night. It was a day or two before she was upset and homesick, but it passed. She's going in to yr 10 this September and there's still sadness at leaving her, especially after a great summer together. There was one very stroppy half term when I waved her goodbye with a genuine smile of relief on my face!! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harwel Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 I hear that Karen! While I miss DS terribly sometimes, I am also pretty sure we have a better relationship than lots of teenagers and parents, because we are so genuinely happy to spend time together when we do actually see each other. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JulieW Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 A couple of old but useful threads... About early days at vocational school and homesickness  http://www.balletcoforum.com/index.php?/topic/7761-news-of-dc-in-vocational-schools/?fromsearch=1  http://www.balletcoforum.com/index.php?/topic/4911-homesickness/?fromsearch=1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gowiththeflo Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 I hear that Karen! While I miss DS terribly sometimes, I am also pretty sure we have a better relationship than lots of teenagers and parents, because we are so genuinely happy to spend time together when we do actually see each other. Â I absolutely agree with this Harwel- i went to boarding school ( no dance involved, sadly) and always said that the time i did spend at home, was so special- there was no time for arguments etc, we, as a family, made the most of the limited time we had together. You could argue that it's not a reflection of 'real life', but it did make for a happy childhood. Yes there was homesickness, but it didn't last long- and some of the friendships I made then, I still have now. I wouldn't have changed it at all ......... Except to add I wish it HAD been a vocational school!! Â Good luck to everyone starting in september!! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harwel Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 Just wanted to wish everyone (parents and students alike) starting vocational school this month GOOD LUCK!!! Â I am sure you are all very excited and nervous in equal measure. It seems to take ages waiting for the start date, but then it is suddenly here. Enjoy your journeys at this exciting time. Xx 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happymum Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 Thank you Harwel! It's This Sunday for us. My DD is very excited but more nervous every day. I'm happy for her but terrified at the same time! Good luck everybody! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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