New boy in class

[Plie22]

Hello everyone,

 

 

Male recent re-starter here and I'm currently in the process of trying several different ballet to find the perfect class for my somewhat lacking ability. As a 23 year old male, starting ballet has been quite daunting after having a gap of several years. I've been to some adult/teenage classes recently and it's been quite obvious that the environment has been quite cliquey; that really doesn't bother me as I can appreciate that when you dance with the same people every week, you're going to become friendly.

 

The first class I went to was nerve-wracking enough, as soon as I walked into the academy that the class was held at, the receptionist almost interrogated me as to why I was coming into the building. When the teacher arrived, we had quite an awkward chat about ballet and the academy. 6 adult ladies turned up before the class started and it really seemed as if they were unimpressed at my presence and that I was invading their class. After the class, I tried making polite conversation and it was met with some animosity. All in all, not a fantastic start! 

 

3 nights later, I went to a fairly big dance school to their intermediate-foundation class where the other people in the class were all female and around 5 years younger than me. I rocked up at the dance school, got changed into my kit and walked into the studio. I swear that you could have heard a pin drop as the girls getting ready to dance turned around and glared at me. This was then followed by giggles and whispers, which continued when we swapped from barre to centre and after the class. I found it quite comical, but a couple of times the teacher addressed the class as "girls" which was met with much laughter by the girls in the class. I appreciated that it's probably habit, but it did absolutely nothing to help my confidence!

 

I know that this is always going to be fairly likely that this may happen, but it's really knocking my confidence, making me feel rather disheartened and making me wonder whether my decision was indeed the right one? I'm fairly body conscious when wearing ballet kit and don't expect to be given special treatment as a male in ballet. I just feel that perhaps the teacher could have done more to help me become a little more integrated in the second class.

 

Any advice would be appreciated- I'm going to try another new class next week and really hope that it goes well. I have spoken with the teacher who has given me her assurances that the "other people in the class are lovely" but the two previous teachers said this too, so I'm a little nervous!

 

Plie22

[Fiz]

Plie 22, I'm so sorry that this is happening to you in your classes. We have two guys in our class and they are both great. I cannot imagine my dance teacher allowing the sort of behaviour you describe in class. Where are you based?

[Picturesinthefirelight]

What a shame you have encountered this attitude.

 

If you are anywhere near North Staffordshire I could highly recommend a couple of adult open classes taught by a male teacher.

[Stirrups36]

David from http://www.davetriesballet.com/ was based in Bath. He might have some more ideas. But also some similar stories...

[Plie22]

David from http://www.davetriesballet.com/ was based in Bath. He might have some more ideas. But also some similar stories...

 

Thanks Stirrups, I Facebook messaged him via his page earlier on today so hopefully he replies soon!

[Plie22]

Plie 22, I'm so sorry that this is happening to you in your classes. We have two guys in our class and they are both great. I cannot imagine my dance teacher allowing the sort of behaviour you describe in class. Where are you based?

 

Based in Bristol now, however I went to this two classes in South Wales as I'm often there in the evenings for family etc.

[Plie22]

What a shame you have encountered this attitude.

 

If you are anywhere near North Staffordshire I could highly recommend a couple of adult open classes taught by a male teacher.

 

I'm afraid I'm not; it is indeed a shame as I totally didnt expect it as I never really encountered it when I was dancing as a kid

[Fiz]

I wish I could help. I live in Lincoln.

[Plie22]

I wish I could help. I live in Lincoln.

 

Thanks for your support!

[Tulip]

Some brilliant adult open classes up North, where there are male students. Would you not travel into London where there are lots of open adult classes with a good mix of male and female dancers?

[Plie22]

Some brilliant adult open classes up North, where there are male students. Would you not travel into London where there are lots of open adult classes with a good mix of male and female dancers?

 

That's always a possibility as I travel the country with my job quite often- I would however much prefer to stick to one local class if at all possible!

[aileen]

I recollect that Dave from Davetriesballet attended classes in either Bristol or Bath.

 

Dave, if you're reading this, how are you getting on in San Francisco?

 

Some unfriendly girls grow up to be unfriendly women, sadly. It's not as if professional male ballet dancers are a rarity.

[Colman]

Oh good grief. That's pathetic.

 

I'll admit that I was concerned when I started that I'd be invading a women-only space, but my teacher and almost all the ladies were perfectly fine - mostly pleased to have a male dancer in fact. But I have the advantage that my wife was already in the class and both my boys dance too - and I'm old and fat and have more-or-less run out of damns to give.

 

Calling the class "girls" or "ladies" is something you're just going to have to deal with, I'm afraid. Think of it as penance for every mixed group called "guys". (I do cough occasionally, though our main teacher is pretty good about it.)

 

 

You're going to feel silly in ballet gear for a while. It wears off. Soon you'll find yourself up a ladder in tights while checking the video for a show and you won't notice until the crowds start backing away. :-)

 

I'd be inclined to persevere with that second class - a bit of giggling is better than outright hostility! - they'll get used to you after a few weeks,.   Give it six weeks, at least - that's my rule of thumb for stopping feeling like at idiot at something new anyway. Or see what the third one is like.

[Tulip]

When you come up North look up KNT Manchester and Liverpool, these are open classes. In the advanced class professional dancers Bob into these classes inbetween contracts etc. Regular adult open classes, with people who attend regularly may suit you best.

[daughtersdance]

344 Dance School, Fishponds ,Bristol. Definitely have a man in their adult ballet classes! Established and welcoming school.

[Dance*is*life]

You were probably lucky to find an IF level class where the girls were only 5 years younger than you! The average age of our IF class is 12, so not exactly appropriate I'm afraid.  I do think your best bet would be to find an adult class.  I don't see why the ladies should give you a hard time - they wouldn't in the adult ballet class I attend!  And if they do in the beginning, I'm sure when they see you are serious and attend regularly, they will get used to you!  Go for it and enjoy yourself!

[hfbrew]

Well if you are ever down Hertfordshire way my lone adult gent would be glad of the company and the ladies are lovely too!

 

Good luck and keep going.

[Mummy twinkle toes]

Hi Plié 22. My dd dances with Moya Vahey in Cowbridge. She has an adult class Tuesday's which a man attends. She has taught several boys/men. There is a male only class on Saturdays.

[Moomin]

If you feel uncomfortable in ballet gear why not just wear shorts and tshirt for a while? Most important thing is to feel comfy and confident in what you're wearing. What level did you get up to when you did ballet before? If you want to socialise an adult class will probably be better but if you just want the ballet maybe just persevere with the syllabus class for a few weeks. They'll get used to you, girls can be quite giggly- perhaps they felt a bit self conscious? When they get used to you and realise you're just there to learn I'm sure it will be fine. Or if you have lots of other options maybe just try another class. As Colman said, I wouldn't judge it on one class. Although I'd expect the teacher to act if there is blatant rudeness/ hostility etc I wouldn't necessarily expect them to integrate you into the class as an adult.

[TYR]

It's a thing; it took quite a few classes until my class got used to OMG A BLOKE!!! Rewarding, though, once you start getting included in really strange conversations....

 

Oddly I didn't notice this as a problem on intensives; perhaps there's so little time to form a temporary community that the incentives are different, or perhaps it's because it's temporary.

[Kate_N]

Sorry you're getting what TYR calls the "OMG it's a man" response. My very basic local regular class down here often has a man or two in it, and there's very little giggling that I can see. Apart from our regular laughing over teacher's jokes & generally enjoying ourselves. (Although we had a regular who was probably a man at some time in her life, and never a dancer, even in class, but that's a whole other story).

 

Some things to check: that your clothing is appropriate. For this reason, I'd say no to shorts - maybe thick sweatpants? Because I'm afraid if there's anything I do notice about a man in class - I'm used to men in class all the time - it's when they don't have the appropriate male ballet under-dancewear. I also notice if they don't use a deodorant.

 

Other than that, though it may just take time. As you say, a group of people working together will form friendships that may seem excluding. If you turn up and just do class often enough, and maintain your polite pleasant demeanour, then I hope it eases up. Would it help to think that you're there just to learn, and let everything roll off your back? It sounds as though you've got a great attitude and are very pleasant & considerate. This will win out in the end!

[Colman]

Some things to check: that your clothing is appropriate. For this reason, I'd say no to shorts - maybe thick sweatpants? Because I'm afraid if there's anything I do notice about a man in class - I'm used to men in class all the time - it's when they don't have the appropriate male ballet under-dancewear. I also notice if they don't use a deodorant.

 

Thick sweatpants are going to give the effect of not having worn deodorant pretty quickly, whether one did or not!

 

It depends on how strict the dress code is, though most of the male uniforms seem to give the choice between tights or dance shorts. Personally, I dance with tights/dance belt/vest and a fairly closely fitting t-shirt to draw a slight veil over proceedings as a mercy to my classmates. And a little spritz of Chanel Pour Monsieur, though, frankly, nothing is going to help at hour three of classes. 

 

Dance shorts over tights should be acceptable though if it makes you feel better - some of the ladies wear them some of the time.

[Moomin]

I say male, female, transgender: who cares! As long as you love ballet and want to learn it makes no difference to me and I'm sure the majority of adults feel the same. I think you were probably unlucky with the first class. An adult of either gender isn't going to blend in a class of younger teenagers so well so maybe leave that until you're more confident? Please don't think the majority of classes will be like your first

[trog]

Plie22 if you're ever in Birmingham, drop into the DanceXchange - us chaps have always been welcome there. Actually, I've never known a class where I wasn't welcome, although if there had been giggles, I wouldn't have taken any notice. I'm like that - I reckon if I'm not causing anybody any grief, I've as much right to be in class as anybody else.

 

When I started ballet about 23 years ago, I was the only bloke in class. It was that way for nearly the first ten years. It didn't worry me and it didn't worry the ladies. I used to do an RAD 5 class with a group of teenage girls. They were naturally wary, but they quickly realised that I was only there to take class and I had done grade 5 before and knew the syllabus well. At the barre, they liked me to stand at the back, so they had somebody to follow when we did the second side. They also used to like to follow me across the floor.

 

I've often heard the teacher address the class as girls - I just ignore it. In one class I used to do, the teacher would teach both the girls and boys reverance, and we were all expected to do both. She also had the girls trying pirouttes from second, and tour en l'air, just so they could see how hard these are.

[invisiblecircus]

In one class I used to do, the teacher would teach both the girls and boys reverance, and we were all expected to do both. She also had the girls trying pirouttes from second, and tour en l'air, just so they could see how hard these are.

 

I went to a vocational school and the girls were taught tours en l'air and pirouettes from second! We had mixed classes most of the time but did these even when there were no males in class IIRC. In fact, as someone who started ballet relatively late, I had always had a problem with pirouettes but had a major breakthrough when doing them from second!

[Picturesinthefirelight]

Dd is taught the boys steps & especially the jumps too.

[Kate_N]

Dance shorts over tights should be acceptable though if it makes you feel better - some of the ladies wear them some of the time.

 

 

Ah yes, dance shorts - sorry, I assumed the shorts suggestion was for normal sports shorts! And yes, on 2nd thoughts, sweatpants probably aren't great most of the year. 

 

And I was also taught "boy's" steps - I love turns from second! Tour en la'air not so much - it's difficult. I like having a man to race in allegro - teaches me to cover ground.

Edited August 29, 2016 by Kate_N

[richieN]

Hi Plie22,

I can only guess at the embarrassment you must be feeling. However, I would like to let you know that you are not alone. As a father, I have faced a 'wall of silence', when sitting with the mums at dd's dance classes, and being ignored by the teachers. There are other guys who take their daughters. They get ignored, too. So often I'll see one of them sat in a corner, staring into space. I think that if I was just going for myself, I would have left long ago. But I am there for my daughter. She loves the place, and gets a lot from it. It has been a long, slow process to get slowly accepted. It has taken a 5 years, but I get the occasional 'hi' from the teachers now. A couple of the mums talk to me, but I think that's because they know my wife..

I don't think this is gender specific, though. People form cliques and don't like change. Be hard-faced, but don't burn any bridges. You are paying for lessons and deserve to be taught. You will be accepted. It will take time, that's all.

[LinMM]

In the Bristol area there is also Bristol Russian Ballet. Try googling for where they practice.

 

There are many different types of sweat pants .....they don't have to be thick and fleecy!! They are better though if the bottom bit is elasticated in some way if for ballet.

Perhaps there is a yoga shop not too far away......though admittedly they do tend to be expensive from places like Sweaty Betty and the like.

 

I'm sure these giggly girls will get used to you soon.

As someone in their 60's they would probably giggle if I joined the class for different reasons!!

As long as the teacher isn't ignoring you and treating you like an outsider they will take their cue from her eventually.

Good Luck!

[baby steps]

Bristol Russian Ballet School has an adult beginners and improvers class on Wednesdays 7.30-8.30. It is held at the David Lloyd centre, Long Ashton.

[Plie22]

It's a thing; it took quite a few classes until my class got used to OMG A BLOKE!!! Rewarding, though, once you start getting included in really strange conversations....

 

Oddly I didn't notice this as a problem on intensives; perhaps there's so little time to form a temporary community that the incentives are different, or perhaps it's because it's temporary.

That's exactly it in a nutshell- I guess that I'll be seen as N anomaly somewhat so the "omg it's a bloke" should be expected. Hopefully it doesn't last too long!

[Plie22]

Hi Plie22,

 

I can only guess at the embarrassment you must be feeling. However, I would like to let you know that you are not alone. As a father, I have faced a 'wall of silence', when sitting with the mums at dd's dance classes, and being ignored by the teachers. There are other guys who take their daughters. They get ignored, too. So often I'll see one of them sat in a corner, staring into space. I think that if I was just going for myself, I would have left long ago. But I am there for my daughter. She loves the place, and gets a lot from it. It has been a long, slow process to get slowly accepted. It has taken a 5 years, but I get the occasional 'hi' from the teachers now. A couple of the mums talk to me, but I think that's because they know my wife..

 

I think it's very much the wall of silence which causes the awkwardness for me; I think it's just a case of me having to persevere and I'm sure it'll all work out for the best in the end!

[Plie22]

Thanks so much for the support everyone, it really is appreciated

I've found a small class a couple of miles up the road with 5/6 other students, so hopefully this will enable me to gain the confidence and ability to go and join one of the larger classes in Bristol in the not so distant future!

 

In terms of dancewear, it seems logical for me to go to my first few classes in shorts and a tight tshirt before moving towards wearing tights or a Leo- I always used to dance better when wearing the correct kit!

 

I'll keep you updated as to how my next class goes; hopefully it'll be a case of 3rd time lucky!