Empty Nest - well no longer a dance mum. Anyone else?

[amum/Cathy]

Ds is off to uni shortly, and dd is giving up ballet. So after 11 years I don't have a ballet run to do, or new kit to source, or a performance to look forward to, or....or...

 

Anyone else out there want to join me in howling quietly on this thread? I feel so strange. I hope Ds will continue to dance - he passed his Adv 2 not long ago, and Intermediate in Tap and Modern Jazz. He can do it all in societies at uni - but I'm out of the loop!

[Jan McNulty]

You'll have to stay on the Forum for your fix! Jxx

[amum/Cathy]

Thanks Janet. Yes. It's not just ballet class stuff. Ds would come to see ballets with me as well, as you know. In mourning for that as well!

[Pups_mum]

Thanks Janet. Yes. It's not just ballet class stuff. Ds would come to see ballets with me as well, as you know. In mourning for that as well!

Well you've still got me for ballet watching adventures! I doubt DD will be coming home to watch anything with me so I am also partner-less when it comes to theatre trips. I just need to find time between hockey,cycling and scouts...Oh and that work place I have to go to!

But yes, it's a very strange feeling to not only have a child disappear but also a big chunk of what used to occupy you. I'm obviously still on DD's local dance school mailing list as I've just had an email regarding term dates and forthcoming events which left me feeling strangely melancholy. I suppose I should email back and ask to be removed from the list but that somehow seems too final! It's strange what little things end up being quite upsetting. Goodness knows how I will feel when the school bus goes past tomorrow and there is no DD getting on it.

[Pups_mum]

PS Strangely,even though DD is dancing full time I also don't feel like a dance mum anymore as I don't have to DO anything now.She even ordered all her dancwear and so on herself before she left and all the parcels arrived with her name on instead of mine which was a bit odd! My contribution these days starts and finishes with electronic bank transfers it seems.

[Hull]

Hi, I know just how you're feeling! Our middle daughter is going off to Cumbria University this week (no more early mornings to watch her racing on her bike) and our youngest DD has been up in Scotland for almost one week now.

 

The strangest moment for me was just before leaving our DD, she made a lovely meal for us both from ingredients we had purchased at the local supermarket. It was a lovely, thoughtful gesture from her and a really pleasant way to spend time before starting the long trip back home.

 

Maybe my cookery lessons with her weren't wasted after all!

 

I'm still hoping to keep in touch with our local dance schools as DD would like to take part in the occasional lesson or workshop when she is back during holidays. I know she was really inspired by older dancers who went on to full-time training and I hope she can be just as inspirational to younger dancers locally in the future. This may be where Facebook/Instagram posts can be useful, as they keep you in touch with people you used to dance with, while also showing them what you are now doing.

[amum/Cathy]

Thanks Pups_mum, We need to arrange a trip!

 

Hull that is lovely - to have been made a meal by your dd before you left. I think Ds will be waving us off as soon as he can, then off to find pizzas with his corridor sharers.

 

Sadly our dance school principal has retired. We're lucky that she waited until this summer but it was very poignant at her retirement party. Hopefully she and I will stay in touch. I think ds is the only pupil she has taken from Primary through to Adv 2.

 

What is your favourite momento of those ballet days? Do you have one? Is it a video clip? An old ballet shoe/leotard?

[Fiz]

I feel for you, Cathy. I spent many years taking our two to ballet, tap, modern, jazz, singing and drama lessons. Not only had I lost my daughters to further education but I had lost contact with their teachers who I had known for a long time. It was very disconcerting. I felt as if I was in mourning for my previous life.

[amum/Cathy]

Thanks Fiz. You sound to have had an even more brutal farewell with all those classes you were supporting them at. Musical theatre has also been important to ds and this year his school put on West Side Story - which he choreographed - including the ballet sequences, and that was just brilliant for him, and us, and his ballet teacher, when she came to watch.....so even more sadness nothing like that will happen again. Wail!

[Lisa O`Brien]

Well just last night I spent several hours contacting various universities up and down the country,including ones in Scotland and Wales, who do Health and Social Care degrees. Annoyingly a lot of Unis expect you to just download their Prospectus nowadays. But I like a traditional Prospectus to look through [anyone on here remember when you could get Vocational School prospectuses too?]. Like the sad individual I am, I've ordered 19 different Uni prospectuses. Will look forward to looking through them when they all arrive in the post next week. I'll put them aside "For future reference" for Sean. ATM, he is making the most of his last week before going back to college by having his mates up and down the stairs to his room to visit him every few hours. Then they all get fed up and go for a drive around town in the one car between them. I always grill the lad and make sure he hasn't been drinking ,or taking anything else. He must think i'm a right nagging old so and so. And EVERY time Sean leaves the house before getting in the car I tell him to put his seat belt on. Will be glad when he's back at college next week, as he will need to be in bed for a decent time and I won't have a house full of people until midnight every night. Not one of his friends work or study so they would quite happily sit upstairs all night, which they have done several times. I really hope Sean decides to go to Uni one of these years, and finds friends that are more suitable. Does that sound terrible? [And true to form, they have all just gone out again in this car for a drive around the local village. Grr.]

Edited September 6, 2016 by Lisa O`Brien

[JulieW]

I've told my children that they need to give me grandchildren (eventually) and love close enough for me to take them to ballet classes!!. My daughter said she wasn't sure that was a good idea!!!

 

I've had a sudden change (well, it feels sudden) in that my daughter gave up dance for rugby 3 years ago when she went to vet school, and my eldest son left a professional ballet career to become a personal trainer a year ago. It's taken me quite a while to get over the upset of not seeing them dance again.

 

I get my fix going to live cinema feeds and must book something at the ROH soon. And I've taken up dog agility to keep me occupied in the evenings!

[amum/Cathy]

OOh Lisa. I can see where you're coming from. Ds is working in a local shop and I wouldn't want him to hang around as he is for a whole gap year, for instance. I suppose I'd feel differently if he were still studying for something at the same time, or auditioning and training.

 

I hope your ds gets on OK back at college next week. And have fun with the prospectuses. Are you going to any open days at these unis? We went to quite a lot, and it cost a fortune in travelodges and petrol, but I enjoyed seeing ds working out what he wanted out of a course and a uni. It was a privilege to accompany him on that journey, if you see what I mean. I hope you can manage the same.

[Lisa O`Brien]

OOh Lisa. I can see where you're coming from. Ds is working in a local shop and I wouldn't want him to hang around as he is for a whole gap year, for instance. I suppose I'd feel differently if he were still studying for something at the same time, or auditioning and training.

 

I hope your ds gets on OK back at college next week. And have fun with the prospectuses. Are you going to any open days at these unis? We went to quite a lot, and it cost a fortune in travelodges and petrol, but I enjoyed seeing ds working out what he wanted out of a course and a uni. It was a privilege to accompany him on that journey, if you see what I mean. I hope you can manage the same.

Unfortunately not. I'd love to go to the Uni tours, and drag Sean with me. But most are in England and atm I just wouldn't be able to afford going over,potential overnight accommodation too.

[amum/Cathy]

Julie I remember your dd heading off to vet school! I'm sure she'll have kids going to ballet classes, you just have to inveigle yourself into her life - she'll be desperate to have you nearby if she's working as a vet! I hope your ds is enjoying his new career, but I'm sure you've had a huge change to cope with from your 2 stopping dancing. I'll have to check out the live feeds in our local cinemas. I know they do them but I've sort of been avoiding them - worried how I'll feel when I go. SAD!

[amum/Cathy]

That's a shame Lisa. I hope you can manage something at some stage. Are there any he might fancy over there?

[Lisa O`Brien]

That's a shame Lisa. I hope you can manage something at some stage. Are there any he might fancy over there?

Sadly not. He has NO interest in even wanting to go to Uni. Because none of his mates are. 

[amum/Cathy]

Maybe when he finishes college he'll feel differently. They change their views on what they want to do so quickly at this stage. Six months can make a big difference.

[Pixiewoo]

Our old dance school had a couple of 'retired mums' whose DDs no longer danced, who still came along and helped with events etc! I think one learnt how to sew tutus etc, and is still firmly involved in dancing, just not with her own child!

 

LOL, it was my friends dance school, and I used to go and chaperone etc BEFORE I even had my own children, and before they were too small to join in!

[amum/Cathy]

Pixie that sounds brilliant. Sadly the school closed this summer when the principal retired. I loved chatting to all the little ones when I haunted all the school classes to get them to sign the Retirement card.

[Moomin]

You could all go to adult ballet class and join us on the adult ballet thread????

[Ellie]

Well just last night I spent several hours contacting various universities up and down the country,including ones in Scotland and Wales, who do Health and Social Care degrees. Annoyingly a lot of Unis expect you to just download their Prospectus nowadays. But I like a traditional Prospectus to look through [anyone on here remember when you could get Vocational School prospectuses too?]. Like the sad individual I am, I've ordered 19 different Uni prospectuses. Will look forward to looking through them when they all arrive in the post next week. I'll put them aside "For future reference" for Sean. ATM, he is making the most of his last week before going back to college by having his mates up and down the stairs to his room to visit him every few hours. Then they all get fed up and go for a drive around town in the one car between them. I always grill the lad and make sure he hasn't been drinking ,or taking anything else. He must think i'm a right nagging old so and so. And EVERY time Sean leaves the house before getting in the car I tell him to put his seat belt on. Will be glad when he's back at college next week, as he will need to be in bed for a decent time and I won't have a house full of people until midnight every night. Not one of his friends work or study so they would quite happily sit upstairs all night, which they have done several times. I really hope Sean decides to go to Uni one of these years, and finds friends that are more suitable. Does that sound terrible? [And true to form, they have all just gone out again in this car for a drive around the local village. Grr.]

Lisa, I have 4 children, all very different and I'm proud of them all - even when they make me tear my hair out ! The 1st wanted to go to uni and is currently working in Germany (it's a sandwich course, 2 years study, 1 year work, 1 year study) He had no maintenance grant and worked at the local supermarket whilst at uni . The 2nd really didn't enjoy school but enrolled at a hotel and tourism college where he absolutely found his feet has been working in hotels over the last 3 summers. The hotel he was at this year have already offered him a job when he finishes college (1 more year) The 3rd is at vocational school and the 4th (much like the 2nd) has no idea what she wants to do just yet. But she's smart and I'm sure and I hope that she'll be fine.

 

What I'm trying to say is that imo uni is not always the be all and end all. If Sean keeps on the right track, maybe with a part time job, if it's possible and has a sense of responsibility and self respect he'll find his way. Best of Luck. X

[Pups_mum]

Ok - just discovered the next stupid thing to upset me! I logged into Parentmail to top up my middle child's school lunch money and the first thing that came up was still DD's name and "account balance £0.00". Why on earth that should start me snivelling I have no idea really. But it did - and I thought I was doing pretty well at not getting upset.

[sarahw]

Little things can easily trigger it all back. There will be plenty feeling the same - including me after tomorrow! !

[Pups_mum]

I'm sure your right sarahw.Even DD's "can't be bothered" teenage brother seemed to get something in his eyes tonight when I reminded him that he only needed to set four places for supper tonight. Seems a bit late for hay fever but that's the only reasonable explanation as I'm sure there's no possibility he could be missing his sister.....

[Ellie]

Ok - just discovered the next stupid thing to upset me! I logged into Parentmail to top up my middle child's school lunch money and the first thing that came up was still DD's name and "account balance £0.00". Why on earth that should start me snivelling I have no idea really. But it did - and I thought I was doing pretty well at not getting upset.

When DS went off to boarding school I sobbed the night before I dropped him off....Then held it together really well....Until about 3 weeks later when I was hanging the washing out and burst into tears for no apparent reason. It can catch you when you least expect it. XXX

[Harwel]

When I dropped my ds at vocational school the first time, I found the first week very hard and burst into tears in the supermarket when I went to pick up his favourite snack and realised I didn't need it! After 2 years I miss him dearly when he's not here but at least I don't scare my fellow shoppers anymore.

[hfbrew]

I really miss ds not dancing although hopefully it's temporary.

 

Had a real pang the other day when his "going home" was back on the train to his lovely girlfriend and not home to dinner with me.Really missed the chat we would normally have had!

 

I found his White Lodge tie the other day. Such an amazing achievement for ds to have trained there I still can hardly believe it actually happened.

[Fiz]

Cathy, perhaps another ballet school would be glad of your help?

[meadowblythe]

I know logically my son is no further away in time than when he was in Scotland, but now he is living abroad it feels further away ....

 

My son really is mini-me temperament wise, and we actually agreed that if he had not gone to vocational school, rather than being really close we would have been impossible together (rest of the family say we still are) and would have clashed violently.  He would probably be dancing in Australia now to get away from me!

 

DD back to music school tomorrow so house will be so quiet.  But on the plus side, I can potter around in the kitchen early without having to talk to anyone.  I simply don't do mornings. 

[Anon2]

My trigger Is sorting the clean laundry. After dd has gone back to school her pile of clean clothes gets smaller with each wash until there is nothing to put in her bedroom. That still catches me out!

[Kate_N]

You could all go to adult ballet class and join us on the adult ballet thread

 

 

Exactly! I was going to suggest this. Great minds ... 

[Harwel]

I really miss ds not dancing although hopefully it's temporary.

I take it that your DS is no longer with BTUK then hfbrew. I hope he is successful at securing another contract soon if that is his aim.

[JulieW]

I really miss ds not dancing although hopefully it's temporary.

 

Had a real pang the other day when his "going home" was back on the train to his lovely girlfriend and not home to dinner with me.Really missed the chat we would normally have had!

 

I found his White Lodge tie the other day. Such an amazing achievement for ds to have trained there I still can hardly believe it actually happened.

 

Snap!  Lucky boys weren't they.  I've got a scrapbook of their time there - the note in the back from PH that she sent after he moved schools gets me every time!!