CeliB

my DS didn't obviously suffer very much from homesickness though he did go to vocational school at an older age (14)- however I have noticed that he has tended to stay in touch MORE rather than less as time has gone on. I suspect this is (as has been mentioned above) because at the beginning it was quite disruptive for HIM to call home and be reminded of how separated and distant he was. As he felt more secure and 'at home' in his school environment he is more able to chat to us without it throwing out his equanimity....I have always been of the opinion that 'no news is good news' in this (esp since in the first year DS tended only to call when he had a ghastly homework deadline he needed help with!!!) I know people have debated the merits of facebook for this age but in my case it was a complete lifesaver for this issue. The fact that I could see him posting pictures of messing around in the studios doing pas de deux with mates or hanging out in downtown Washington trying on daft outfits in shops etc made me feel far less anxious about him, without having to keep nagging him for a call....no matter how much he said he missed us I didn't think he could be all that sad if he could bring himself to prance around in a faux fur coat and feather boa.....

There seems to be a strange culture amongst some (I stress some as I don't want a barrage of hate mail!) ballet teachers (and also amongst some parents) that you shouldn't be in ballet class unless you have the desire and/or capability to become a classical ballet dancer, Considering that said ballet teacher is generally someone who went through years of ballet training and then became a teacher and not a classical ballet dancer, this seems quite strange. Somehow in other sports or arts endeavours it is acceptible to do it for the love of it or just to get better at it and with no intention of becoming a world superstar......there are plenty of am dram groups, amateur opera groups, running clubs, swimming clubs and dance groups stuffed full of young, old, fat, thin, disabled people all having FUN taking part in their chosen activity. Yes FUN. It is allowed..... I used to swim in a fabulous swimming club where the ex olympic coach would train, criticise and frankly laugh at my god-awful technique. We had a great understanding and I am a much better swimmer for his teaching. My DH learnt to high board dive aged 40- and competed in the GB Masters (he even won a few medals!). What a dull life we would all lead if we only ever did the activities we were perfectly suited to excel at..... edited to try and make font bigger!!

My DD has very wide feet (runs in the family- am just glad DS doesn't have to wear pointe shoes) and when she was fitted for her pointe shoes (a process that took well over an hour) the fitter gave her spacers as she said this was essential to ensure her big toes maintained correct alignment, otherwise if the big toes push across towards the little toes she would get bunions. Whether wearing spacers after bunions have already developed can help I don't know...I would have though that the GP could refer to a podiatrist even if not severe at the moment in view of your profession.....perhaps you need to be a bit more forceful?!... BTW my grandmother had terrible bunions but lived in an era where 'ladies' wore pointy shoes with heels at all times- I have the family broad feet (eg all have either G or H fitting at clarks) but have never worn anything but flats which are wide at the toe (clearly I am not a 'lady'!) and have never had so much as a hint of a bunion...

My younger brother has a serious amount of gym experience (he is currently doing officer training at Sandhurst and is second fittest in the cohort) and he only uses the protein supplements when he is seriously working out (by this I mean several hours of weights plus a 20k run per day) and having to build muscle at a high rate. I know the older lads at DSs vocational school use the protein shakes but again this is at 4 hours class/rehearsal per day plus additional weight training in the gym. I don't get the impression they are of much benefit to anyone doing only a moderate amount of exercise....(and I cycle about 80-100 miles a week and would include myself in that 'moderate' band) However I recently read a really eye opening article about added sugars http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2013/aug/04/demon-drink-war-on-sugar If you actually look at ll the products you eat it is amazing how fast you hit the recommended maximum of 20g- I consider myself a pretty healthy eater but I am way over (for example I had some french onion soup for lunch yesterday and realised I had eaten 3/4 of my daily sugar allowance in one go!). I did low GI after my 3rd child when I was about 2 stone over my ideal weight and it worked a treat- 10 years later (and 6 yrs after number 4) I am struggling to get the same effect (am just stuck at a stone overweight) and am sure it is a combination of age plus too much sugar...

if you think that's bad how about this: http://www.theguardian.com/world/2013/sep/06/coconut-detained-maldives-vote-rigging

My DS was accepted to vocational school aged 14 with no splits of any kind (even after he had completed the 6 weeks summer intensive). Within a term of being full time at the school he had all sets of splits with no difficulty (he has inherited my natural flexibility, but just had never done enough ballet prior to this). Because he is inherently flexible and has natural turnout this may not be particularly helpful to your situation but certainly it shows it is possible to improve at an older age.... I appreciate it also may be different for boys Vs girls though, as they are expected to be more flexible naturally. And the school in question is not a UK school so may be different. In fact I may not have helped in any way at all... sorry!

My daughter got an 'under target' evaluation in one of her subjects and an overall level 6 (her target was 7c). All her essays for the year had been marked at 7a and her two assessment tests were 7b and 7a. It doesn't take a maths genius to work out the average of several 7a's and b's (no matter how they are weighted) cannot possibly be a 6!!!! On the other hand I clearly remember a school report of mine that ran 'xx works well' 'xx has worked well' 'xx always works well' 'xx consistently works well' and so on ad nauseum. It made me feel like an extraordinarily dull person!!! So i have to say that by and large the quality of school reports has improved since my day!

Just thought I would let you know the outcome as we had so much helpful advice. DH flew out to the school at the end of the SI (at eye watering expense)to meet Mr Makhatelli and discuss DS. He IS father to Maia and David Makhatelli, both of whom he trained at the school where he was the Director(David then won Prix de Lausanne and went to RB). DH was hugely impressed with Mr Makhatelli's background, teaching methds and approach to ALL the children (not just those he saw as having major potential). On of the other teachers told DS that Mr M is one of the last great Soviet teachers. DS loved his teaching, and thinks he has learnt loads (even whilst being in a large class compared with the year round program). He found him very dynamic and warm as a teacher. Mr M thinks DS is a bit behind technique wise but even so is thinking about entering him into the Prix De Lausanne next year and also YAGP (seems a bit soon/scarey to me but hey what do I know...). In the meantime the previous teacher has got back to us and is negotiating a position at a good school but one that only does after school classes, so there is no real possibility of DS moving. We will therefore keep DS where he is at least until Christmas and see how he progresses. A cautious sigh of relief!!! Thank you all for your advice and support...

I think the main issue is whether this favouritism is genuinely disadvantaging (is that a word?!) your DD (of course feeling you are not appreciated is one way of being disadvantaged *if* you let it alter your perception of yourself...) Remember there are many instances quoted on this site of children who have got their heads down and worked hard when they were NOT the favourite and in many ways this made them create their own work ethic which stood them in good stead in the future. Being the favourite at a young age can be a distinct disadvantage- as can too much early success- as the child may then get an inflated sense of their own brilliance and then really struggle when they discover they were only a big fish in a small pond (I have seen this in spades in the diving world). Ultimately in order to make it in the dance world you have to have your own personal work ethic, not one that is based on external praise and endless positive feedback - because the older you get the less of that there seems to be! So unless you want to change ballet school with all the attendant hassle (and no assurance that you wouldn't just get more of the same) the important thing is to process with your DD what is happening in such a way that she doesn't conclude the favouritism is related to her ability. It's the same conversation we have with our kids over why some of their friends like other friends better, why sometimes they get told off at school over something that wasn't their fault, why they don't always get top marks even when they performed as well and so on. Another of the endless joys of parenting... (if you think it's bad now wait until she's 14 !!) Sorry, just to add I hope this does not sound as if I am in any way belittling/dismissing your distress-only you can evaluate how much of an affect it is having on your DD and judge what is the appropriate level of response.

DS went away at the end of year 9 so admittedly a bit older. He has stayed in touch with a goodly portion of his home friends. I would hugely encourage supporting this as otherwise school holidays can be a desert of social isolation. Being a boy lots of his contact with his best mate is via online gaming (minecraft for those who want to know!). His best friend's Mum has told me she hears him yakking away to DS whilst online at totally unsuitable hours of the night but generally lets him carry on as the friendship is so important to both of them....DS does also have FB but he has me as a friend so knows that I check it and even post comments (he doesn't mind at all) and this has never been an issue between us. But to be honest skype is his/our lifeline (of course we have distance and timezones to contend with)and particularly allows him not only to stay in touch with home friends whilst at school but also the other way round (a few weeks ago he was in a 3 way skype call with one friend in Brazil and one in Japan whilst sitting in our back garden!). I have said before I do believe the inventor of skype deserves a Nobel prize....

Hi Angeline, I think to be useful it has to be quite detailed though I don't know how possible this is what with data protection! But you would want to be able to tell how many people are assessed out each year, how many get a place at the school's own upper school/6th form (if entry is competitive at this point), of those who do not get a place at the school's own 6th form where do they go, and then at graduation when listing the contracts won how many years training at the school the individual with that contract has... For schools where scholarship's or funding are offered it would also be good to have detailed info on how many scholarships the school has, what percentage of the fees the scholarship pays and whether there is any element of means testing in the award.

I think schools should be more transparent about where their dancers trained before joining the school when they publish information about contracts obtained post training. And transparent about the numbers who have been assessed out along the way. So for example (and I have said this before on other threads) RBS boasts a 100% graduate employment rate.... but a variable proportion of their graduates trained with RBS from year 7- many came at 16 from all over the world and one would expect them to be the 'best of the best'. I, as a parent, would like to know genuinely what my child's chances were of being on of those lucky 100% having started at White Lodge aged 11..... Sorry to single out RBS of course the others are often no better. And many of the international ones don't really give good stats even about their graduates...

Sometimes I think the greatest sacrifice is the one made by the parents who have to go through the trauma of losing their DCs so much earlier than they ever expected. My DS went off to summer school a week and a half ago without so much as a backward glance. I, however, spent the whole day crying (even though he's only gone for 3 weeks). He first went to vocational school 2 years ago so it's not as if I haven't had time to get used to it- except somehow you never do. He knows if he ever decides he's not happy he could stop ballet in an instant. He's only there because he begged us to go. It wasn't at all what we'd imagined for his life, but I couldn't bear the thought that at 16 he might be auditioning for 6th form and not get a place, and at that point be looking at us and saying 'this is your fault because you didn't let me go and train properly', so letting him go was almost the lesser of 2 evils. I think I have said earlier on this thread that his life is incredibly rich and full of wonderful friends and experiences. I don't think he would consider his life one of sacrifice! (although I acknowledge he started ballet late and at 14 was a late starter at vocational school....)

I disagree that 'many' dancers (certainly at recreational level and aged 9) would be doing sufficient ballet to burn off so many calories they would be slim as a result. My DD is 14, does weekly 1.5 hours ballet, 1 hr contemporary, 1 hr swimming, 1 hour trampolining and also goes to the gym once or twice as well as walk to school every day. She is generally fit and healthy but has over the last 2 years developed into a very womanly, marilyn monroe type body shape (takes after her Dad's side of the family). She is (IMO) gorgeously curvy and beautiful but considers herself the fat, ugly one amongst her leaner friends. She is probably far fitter than any of them but that's little consolation to her. Weight anxiety in girls and women is a pernicious ill in our society and certainly extends well beyond the perceived requirements of ballet dancers....<br />I also agree with many posters above that no matter what the rights and wrongs of the situation at hand one shouldn't use one's children as examples in the national press...

Does your DD do much in the way of ballet appreciation? When my DS first went to vocational school his teacher was astounded to discover he didn't even have a favourite dancer, and knew almost nothing about the great classical ballets (he hadn't been doing ballet very long at the time). Ballet appreciation is a major part of his school's teaching so they spend ages not only looking at different performances but discussing different interpretations, motivation for the characters etc. Now DS listens to ballet scores on spotify, can recognise the score and pinpoint the specfic dance of a huge number of works and is always sending me youtube clips of his favourite dancers in particular roles. I am sure this must strongly influence his understanding of the characters and hence his interpretation of the role and how to project it. After all how can you act a role if you don't understand it yourself? And this means in the context of the whole ballet- not just someone telling you to do the dance in a particular way. Of course as far as I am concerned some ofo the classical ballets are unbelievable tosh (shhh- don't tell)- Giselle in particular makes me want to slap the eponymous drippy heroine and tell her to get a grip- so this wouldn't work for me (exploring the story just makes me feel hugely irritated) but it works for DS and he's the one dancing!!!!

just a brief update: the situation is now official the replacement teacher is in fact Russian (Nikoloz Makhateli) and looks good on paper. DS's current teacher negative about him but I won't go into detail on an open forum as it's all hearsay. Our plan is for DS to attend summer school (new chap will be teaching) and then consider what to do, but perhaps in the meantime make an audition tape and sent it around. List of places currently thinking about are San Fran, POB, Vaganova Inst, Houstons Ben Stevenson. Harid also if I can confirm they have a male teacher....DSs friend at Kirov I think came from Harid because of lack of male teacher but situation may have changed... In the meantime DS will go to Judy and up to LRBS a few times a week ... Many thanks for all your kind words and helpful advice... Will keep you all posted. edited for typo

My DS is now 1/4 inch off 6 foot- and not yet 16 so I think has a few more inches in him. We have always been given the strong impression that height is an advantage for a male principal- at least as far as doing the 'prince' type roles- so I have been willing him to grow (felt like sneaking baby bio into his tea!) and this has clearly worked (I take all the credit of course) as he has grown 5 inches in the last 2 yrs.... From watching a number of school performances I do notice that the small and incredibly athletic Japanese boys with (IMO) stunning technique nevertheless struggle to command the stage as much as the taller boys. But the more familiar I become with the ballet world the more I notice male dancers who are not particularly big.....so as with many of these questions about what makes a great/successful dancer it's never as simple as x height or x number of pirouettes or x degrees of extension. If they have that indefinable sparkle no-one seems to care what size they are (within reason!!).

yes I agree with all the above- I suspect the 'get him in' to another school is more about getting him seen, and equally I am not exactly thrilled with the idea of a move no matter how good the alternative school is (and assuming there is the slightest chance of getting him in anywhere at this late stage). And of course I realise all funding is already allocated- which is why I am so panicked- and think the move to fire the teacher has been deliberately left until the end of the year so that students have few options but to return to the school. I agree a school ought to be able to stand the loss of one teacher.... except if it is the only male teacher (it's only a small school) and the replacement is not from the same pedagogy! To clarify- DSs scholarship is from the school so tied to that school only. Any other option would have to financially viable.... And I agree re the academics - I am not truly happy about him not having any fall back. But it doesn't feels like the biggest worry at the moment...

Thanks for advice so far. Answers to some questions: School is apparently firing DS teacher because he only pays attention to a small number of boys (DS being one). DS refutes this- believes partly it is the americans not 'getting' the russian style of correction. He and a few of the other non US students have no problem. I dont trust the schools director- he seems ego driven, slightly hysterical and willing to cut his nose off to spite his face. DS would have to stay til 18 to graduate with high school diploma- he could arguably come to the uk and start an A level syllabus but hard to switch systems at this stage, he has no formal GCSEs and is quite dyslexic so my hopes are not high that this would work. He can only stay in the US on an immigration basis if he is at a formal school. I wouldn't consider him living out and having only the one private teacher as feasible at 16. But his teacher seems confident he can place DS into another school (eg San Fran). On the other hand that wouldnt be as vaganova... We don't know at this stage anything about the replacement teacher except what DS teacher has said (that he is an american with no russian or teaching track record). He is currently on 100% scholarship; DS teacher thinks he can get him a similar deal elsewhere on his say so- I don't know the ballet world well enough to know whether this is in any way true... As to potential, everyone who has seen him dance says international principal. By this I mean people qualifieds to know (not just his fond parents!) lots of ex principal dancers (from NYCB, Stuttgart, Elmhurst) as well as London Russian school (taught him for 6 months before he went to Kirov and felt he could easily get a place at the Bolshoi and were prepared to teach him for free). So I guess to that extent we are willing to forgoe the academics at this stage... However financially we can't really afford to pay full fees for him anywhere and it is rather late in the day to audition for a scholarship... Btw Judy Breen IS his original teacher (!) and he will be going to her class whilst she is teaching and he is home... Could consider Bristol and London again but not sure DS would be keen (he has always felt Bolshoi style quite different to vaganova...). But will certainly think about them if DS doesn't go to the summer school (depends who is going to teach it). Will keep you posted. Am grateful for all the advice... x

DS has finished for the summer but has summer school in a few weeks, assume the new person will be there (certainly the current one thinks he won't be) so DS can get a feel of what he's like. So yes we have until Sept to carry out a fact finding mission. I was wondering if it is worth doing a DVD audition tape and canvassing potential schools- I know we have missed the normal auditon route but given the circumstamces could perhaps make a case for an out of schedule audition?

Dear all, We have a fairly major dilemma - went to pick up DS and see his end of year performance, and were told by his teacher (the boys only have one who teaches all of them exclusively) that he expects to be fired in the next few days. I won't go into the reasons except to say they seem to me to be more about differences of approach than teaching quality. All the boys have improved immeasurably since last time we saw them and DS exceptionally so... Apparently the replacement teacher is not Russian or Russian trained and has no track record in teaching (though this could be hearsay- we won't know until all this goes official). This teacher has a really strong mentor relationship with DS- he understands his character, keeps him on track, has encouraged and supported him and DS has thrived under his care. The teacher says to us that placing DS (and one or 2 others) somewhere where they can continue their training with him or with an equivalent level teacher is his highest priority. He is talking about other ballet schools where he has contacts (very early days but he includes going to Russia as one of those possibilities). DS is about to turn 16 and is a bit behind in his training having started vocational school late (14). This feels like a crucial time for him. It's too late now to audition for 6th form places elsewhere through the normal routes, and anyway DS is really wedded to Russian training. So, clearly there are lots of things to consider (not least of which is that if he now leaves the US his academics go seriously down the toilet) and I don't expect anyone on this forum to have the answer (if only!) but I wondered if anyone has experience of following a teacher rather than sticking with a certain school. Personally I trust the teacher far more than the school principle (despite having only 15 or so boys and only one english student he always gets DS's name wrong, compared with DS's teacher who after 2 years describes his character so accurately he could have known him since he was 2!). But there are issues of disruption, loss of his peer group, academics, cost and so on. Any advice or experience would be helpful....

DS's school recently decided to make the students wear a logo'd school leotard/dance top at $40 each (ouch) but all the rest they can use whatever make they like. To be honest the cost may seem huge when you add it up in one go but he wears every single item to a shred (quite literally- by the time he asks for new ones the old ones are more hole than garment/shoe). And if they spend 4-6 hours a day in their dance gear I figure the wear and tear on their 'civvies' (and the amount of other clothes they need) is substantially reduced. After all, even $40 is less than a lot of fashion tops, and £20 for the leggings is less than any jeans he would otherwise be wearing... Luckily he doesn't have an academic uniform, so that's a reduced cost. And I appreciate the cost for girls with pointe shoes can be crippling. I have to say when reading another thread criticising an article in which it was assumed that all ballet dancers are 'posh' I did think 'maybe not posh but certainly rich!'. Before I get a deluge of 'I'm not posh or rich' replies- I don't mean super rich but I would argue that it would be almost impossible for anyone to get good enough to get to vocational school/professional level without having a substantial sum of money spent on them....and if you truly are on the breadline you just couldn't afford it.

Not the same limb (arguably worse) but DS broke 2 metatarsals the christmas before last, was in a cast then boot and unable to even go on demi pointe for at least 10 weeks, went on to get an A in his ballet exam at the end of March (the only boy in his year who did, so it's not just that they give out 'A's like smarties!). I would think as long as the break hasn't affected the elbow joint it should heal and be fine....but very important to take advice from the specialist about how/when to start using it once the cast is off to make sure she doesn't do anything which affects the continued healing....

well the standard motto is 'one tenth inspiration nine tenths perspiration' isn't it? in ballet I would imagine the 'inspiration' part includes physique, musicality, (dare I say gender?) etc and other aspects which can't necessarily be taught. And the 'perspiration' IMO includes parental perspiration as well as DKs! But perhaps it should be 'one tenth inspiration, x tenths perspiration and (9-x) tenths sheer dumb luck' (suggestions for the value of 'x' on a postcard please!)

I am not and have never been a dancer so all the above is a mystery to me- but amazing serendipity- I was just about to post a query about pirouettes for DS who has spent his evening moaning to me about how he can't 'get' his pirouettes (meaning more than 2). So before I copy out all of the above for him (which looks both erudite and useful) can I just check that there is no special technique difference between women and men? I suspect part of his problem is growth adjustment, as in 18 months he has grown almost 6 inches, but he is deeply frustrated (his teacher just says 'it will come' but he's not too happy with that...