Pups_mum

I think you are right Peanut. It is about listening, believing, picking up on signs that your young person is not thriving, and, crucially, not being afraid to walk away. The last part is probably the hardest, particularly if it is a prestigous school, club or programme and you feel your child is going to miss out on opportunities, but long term it has to be the right thing to do. The more people start to refuse to accept bullying behaviour in this kind of setting, the greater the chance there is of change. Once the threat that "there are dozens of kids that I could replace you with" begins to ring hollow, these teachers and coaches will have to change or leave. But it is so hard and will take time. I think there is a growing movement though,,and forums like this help. For what its worth, my DD has experienced the whole range of teacher behaviour in the 18 or 19 years she has been dancing. She will hopefully be starting to train as a teacher soon and has a very clear idea of who she wants to be as a teacher, and the attitudes she plans to challenge. I don't think she is alone. There is hope!

I can see where you are coming from with this, but it could well be a "be careful what you wish for" scenario. Obviously dance is different, as it, and certain other out of school activities are largely provided by small businesses, the majority of community sports clubs are run by volunteers and on a shoestring. I can't speak for every sport in every location obviously, but I volunteer within 2 sports - I am a coach in two clubs and secretary of another (different sport) and I suspect that introducing Ofsted style inspections would kill off huge amounts of out of school activities. We already struggle for volunteers as it is. The time commitment is huge and there is often a significant financial cost to volunteering. I was fortunate in that one of my clubs funded my coach training, but I know plenty of people who have had to self fund for everything - coaching course, first aid course etc. But I do buy equipment, drive hundreds of non refunded miles, pay for my own CPD and have been known to buy food and drink for the kids whose parents forget, dont bother or simply can't afford to send something. This week I have been out til around 9pm three nights plus doing session prep and club admin outside of that time. Training is also time consuming and there are plenty of hoops to jump through already to achieve and maintain qualified coach status. If a club has Clubmark status from Sport England there is also a lot of work that goes into that - I'm thankful that that is someone else's job in our clubs! And this is on top of a fairly demanding "day job" and looking after my own children. Not that I am anything special. I have met people who give far, far more than I do to their volunteering work. I'm just giving an example of what volunteering is like in many out of school activities. It is time consuming, increasingly regulated already, can be costly and stressful. A lot of parents want all these opportunities for their children but expect someone else to do all the work and are quick to complain or even abuse volunteers. All that, already puts people off and leaves clubs struggling for helpers. Finance is often tight too. Adding Ofsted inspections to an already demanding and often pretty thankless task would, I suspect, send many clubs under due to a combination of increased costs and loss of volunteers. Obviously there has to be scrutiny, and without doubt there are bad apples in every sphere that need to be dealt with, but there is a fine line to walk. I love what I do, but I already have to deal with this type of inspection in the workplace and if I had to go through it again for each of the 3 clubs I help with I would walk away as would most of those I know. This would be a sure fire way of closing lots of clubs or pushing costs up to beyond what would be affordable for many - everything would have to be run by professionals.To be honest, I am not sure what the answer is, but I am certain that it isn't replicating Ofsted.

Just thought I would revive this thread as we approach the end of the school/university year. Hopefully we will be hearing wonderful graduation and results stories soon. My middle child (variably MS or GS....musical or geeky son) has just done his last GCSE this morning and will now have gone off into town with a a few of his pals clutching the £20 I gave him this morning, telling him it was for lunch and to buy himself a treat. Bless him he told me that he didnt think he would spend more than £10 and would give me the change when he got home. Youngest child (SS..sporty son) has been amazing us with his with his success thus year as neither of his parents are renkowned for their sporting prowess. He recently rode his first 3 day stage race on his bike. He came 60th so not knocking on the door of any world tour teams just yet, but it was his first national level race and I was super proud! He has been doing pretty well in our local race series, alternating first and second place with his best pal most weeks so that's nice.And then tomorrow he is at the trials for the regional level hockey squad, having impressed the selectors at recent county level competitions. I have mixed feelings on this one as the commitment, and for us, travel, is huge. But having invested vast amounts of the family's time and money into DD's passion for many years I don't feel I can say no. So we will show up, and what will be will be. I thought my days of hanging around at "auditions" were over, but maybe not! What news is out there from the rest of the forum?

@FlexyNexy you must have the patience of a saint. I have on occasion had reason to moan about my children's academic school a bit but they have never behaved like yours. I think it is absolutely appalling that any school should be applying that amount of pressure to students. "Booster classes" at 7am and weekends? That is verging on abusive in my opinion, especially if they are making them compulsory. Offering extra sessions to those who want them is great. Encouraging selected pupils to attend sessions in subjects they are having difficulties in, is also great. But a blanket extension of the school day to that extent is ridiculous. I would have probably got myself into big trouble as I would have been unable to stop myself asking the Head why her staff were unable to teach the curriculum in the prescribed time, and whether it was them who needed remedial action, not the pupils? Yes, the new syllabi are demanding and some pupils will need some extra input but what you are describing really should not be needed. My children's school has won all kinds of awards and is consistently the highest performing non selective school in our part of the country and indeed one of the better performers in the country as a whole, but they don't do anything like that. My son is just finishing his GCSEs now and has had no compulsory extra sessions though was issued with a list of times when his teachers would be available IF pupils had any concerns. I believe there were some more formal sessions for selected pupils but that makes sense - target the pupils who need help specifically rather than brow beat the entire year group. Sorry, i am getting carried away I know but this kind of thing makes me so mad. Young people need rest, relaxation and to be treated like individuals with different strengths and weaknesses, likes and duslikes. That is impossible in the regime you describe. No wonder we are seeing so many mental health issues in youngsters. We talk a lot on here about teaching practices, pastoral care etc in vocational schools and of course it is right to air concerns, but your DD's regular school sounds positively toxic too. I hope the next phase is a lot less stressful for you both. Well done to her for getting through it, and to you for being so supportive and guiding her through it.

The new GCSE syllabi are without doubt a lot tougher than in the recent past. I have noticed a big difference from when my DD did hers 5 years ago, and my son doing his this year. And i believe things were tougher for DD then for her friends just a few years older who had largely modular GCSEs. So over the past decade there has definitely been a huge change. I do think some of it is good, but not all. The sheer weight of numbers of the exams is an issue. My son has stopped all his out of school activities for the exam period as he simply hasn't had the energy. Fortunately for him his music and sport are only hobbies and 6 weeks or so off isnt going to cause any haem but i think for a dancer heading off to vocational school in September this would be a very stressful period. Trying to keep up serious classes during the exams is probably counter productive, if not impossible. At least there is a good long break after the exams so hopefully batteries cam bw recharged and fitness regained over the summer. Year 11 is definitely not a lot of fun.

Your wise and kind contributions will be a loss to this community....but life moves on. Very best wishes to you and your son in your next adventures.

I would give the nearer shop a try. As others have said, there is unlikely to be only one type of shoe which will suit your DD. In fact i think it is good to get the views of a different fitter from time to time even for dancers who have been wearing a particular shoe for a while. Feet change, and as a dancer gets more experienced their needs can change. Or there may be simply something better for them out there that they havent tried yet! And whilst I wouldn't of course advocate buying something unsuitable from the nearest shop just because its convenient, you do need to bear in mind the fact that as a dancer spends more time on pointe shoes need changing more and more often. If you can find something suitable closer to home I would recommend you seriously consider it. A day trip to buy shoes is ok, quite enjoyable even, when its the first pair or only happening every 6 months or so. But when its every six weeks...

I think the best thing a ballet parent (or a sports parent, music parent etc etc) can do is accept we have no control over what happens. Well, virtually none. Our job is to get them to the venue on time with all the stuff they need. And then sit back and let what will be, be. And later of course to provide celebratory/commisoratory (is that a word?) hugs/chocolate/pizza/icecream* (*delete as applicable)

I didnt ask but I imagine they come via the NHS supply chain like everything else. I work for the same Trust and we get what we are given basically - I dont suppose things are any different for the physio dept.

Can anyone recommend a good wobble board please....one that will safely take an adult's weight? Its for myself, and I weigh rather a lot more than the average ballet student! I am not taking up ballet I hasten to add, but my physio has suggested I look for one as it will be useful later on in my rehabilitation from some injuries I sustained in an accident earlier in the year. I dont want to buy one that collapses under my weight and puts me back to square one 😂. I'm not hugely overweight, but I am no 40kg ballerina either! My DD never had one so Ive never seen one up close - do they state a maximum weight? Any brands that are particularly good? Thanks in advance for any advice.

You sound very excited. That's lovely. I hope Izzy and you both enjoy her first festival. My DD did festivals from the age of 5 to 18. Overall we had positive experiences and i think she gained a lot from them, in terms of general life lessons every bit as much as dance. BUT we also saw some of the uglier side of competitions and soon realised that it is very important to keep things in perspective. Always remember that the marks and comments are simply one person's opinion on a minute or two of dancing. They may seem important in the moment, but they are very transient. And that applies just as much if they are outstanding as it does if they are disappointing. What really matters are not the trophies and medals (pots and pennies as my DD used to call them!) but what is the dancer gaining from participation? And there are lots of things to be gained - performance experience, resilience, new friends and lots of fun to name but a few. My DD can't remember now what trophies she won or a single mark awarded for any particular dance, but we will still laugh til we cry when we reminisce about particular disasters that occurred and we remember very fondly time spent with good friends at festivals. Plus she can recognise many ways that her festival experiences have been of benefit subsequently. Not to mention the vast improvement in my skills as a hair stylist, make up artist and wielder of a glue gun over the years! 😂 So my advice is try it. Have fun. But be sure to always keep festival participation as your slave - dont let it become your master.

Interesting discussion. I think if you are doing dance, drama, music etc exams ONLY as a means of gaining potential extra UCAS points/ something for the personal statement then its probably a waste of time. The effort required is very high for a limited and unpredictable gain. However, whether it is acknowledged directly by universities or not I do think students with this kind of background have real advantages. The transferable skills that sometimes seem a bit formulaic when written on a personal statement are genuine. Additionally, and so importantly, these activities provide students with an escape from the stresses of their course and potentially an almost instant new bunch of friends if they sign up for the dance club, orchestra or whatever during Fresher's Week. There is so much pressure on young people these days. I think it is crucial that we encourage them to enjoy their extra curricular activities for their intrinsic value rather than allowing them to become yet another hoop to jump through. I think it should be completely acceptable for a student of an unrelated subject to say "I dance because it makes me happy". The world needs more happy people.

Thanks Lisa. Im slowly mending but EVERYTHING has been a nightmare to sort out!

Not relevant to me personally (my DD is grown up and was never an RBS associate)but I wonder what they do for students who cannot travel by train? I dont think it would be physically possible to reach our nearest associate centres on time by train. Those i knew who went by car had very long days as it was - by train it would be a nightmare even if it could be done. Our nearest mainline station is an hour's drive away for starters. I would imagine that quite a few of those who are travelling 151+ miles each way will be in rural areas. Public transport may be the most cost effective and environmentally friendly option but its often not a viable option for us country bumpkins. Of you cant provide a train ticket are you ineligible for support? (Sorry, I am perhaps being a bit over sensitive re lack of understanding of rural issues. I have spent a long time on the phone to my car insurers today. I was in a serious RTC recently and am entitled to private physiotherapy, but they have failed to refer me because I hadn't selected a provider within their maximum agreed radius of my home. The London based operative seemed to be totally incapable of understanding that there ARE no providers within that radius, just as there are no train stations, bus stops etc etc...)

So sorry to hear this. It must be terribly difficult to deal with. I have no practical advice sorry, but I will share the advice that a wise person gave me many years ago when my now adult DD didnt get into JAs. It went something like this.... "I know this seems like the end of the world now, but remember that there is more to ballet than the RBS, more to dance than ballet, and more to life than dance. She, and you wont be able to see it right now, and that is understandable, but in the long term this wont seem so bad, and one day you may even see it as good." Now I dont for one moment think our experience was as traumatic as being assessed out, but I do think the advice I was given was very, very good. I hope it proves to be as true for you and your DD as it has for me and mine.

I can understand your reservations - especially the financial side of things. But one thing I would say is that NBS would not have offered you a place if you didnt deserve it. There will have been a lot of applicants for that place and you got it on merit. You have every right to be very proud of yourself and to take your place in the class. I would try to think forwards.....when you are say 40, this boat will have well and truly sailed. How much would you regret not having tried? You say you have already completed higher education and i am assuming (forgive me if im wrong) that you are currently working. So unlike your younger classmates it is likely you already have your "plan B" established. Lots of young people (and you ARE still young remember!) take a bit of time out of a career path to travel etc. If you step off your current career path you may well be able to step back on it if the dancing doesnt work out. But at least you will have tried, and you will know. You wont be sitting at your desk in 15 years saying "I wonder if...."

Thanks for all the suggestions and well wishes. I sent my husband out with a list of the more popular suggestions this morning. Naturally he came back with something completely different! The local pharmacist suggested an organic baby moisturiser which she says a lot of adults also swear by..... cant remember the name...still full of painkillers! So i will try that and return to this list if it doesnt help ( or the "mild fragrance" proves too much.

I know this should probably go in Not Dance but i am hoping for advice from dancers/ parents of dancers so I hope the mods will forgive me. A few weeks ago I was unfortunately involved in a major car crash and suffered multiple injuries. I am home now and with the potentially life threatening injuries dealt with, it is the less serious problems come to the fore. I have a bad fracture of my left heel bone and my whole left foot has bern very badly swollen though that is settling now. But my whole foot has bevome abnormally sensitive to touch and temperature and the skin has become very dry and cracked. My physio has recommend very gentle massage of the foot and im looking for some kind of nice cream to use, especially around my toes where the dry skin is at its worst. Which is where you guys come in....who knows more about sore feet than ballet dancers?! Could you let me know of any good creams you use? My DD has suggested an aloe vera cream but i dont like the smell, and another very weird effect of this crash is that my sense of smell has become heightened and smells that i used to find mildly unpleasant now really repulse me. (Husband has just burned toast in fact.....arrgh!) Thanks in advance for any suggetions and apols for any drug induced spelling, grammar or reality errors!

Well done anf good luck. Sorry i have no idea about funding but i hope you are able to find something.

You have received a very good mark for your Intermediate exam - congratulations. It is not at all unusual for students to score less highly in the vocational grades than they have been used to in the graded exams so you are certainly not alone. And remember that an exam result is only a snapshot, just one person's opinion of how you performed on one occasion. On another day or with another examiner you may have scored a few marks differently, who knows? What REALLY matters about exams is not your final mark, though naturally we all like to do as well as we can in any test, but what you have learned from studying the course. As others have said, many students dont even take exams, particularly those who have studied abroad. No audition panel will discount you on the grounds that you "only" have merit for Intermediate, I promise. They will make their decision on what they see on the day. Prior to auditions it is often stated that candidates need to be working at Intermediate standard or above, but that is just to give a guideline of the level that is to be expected, in a language that most students and teachers will understand quickly. It doesn't mean you have to actually have done the exam. The only value in re doing the exam would be to satisfy your personal pride. It wont affect your career one way or the other. Even if you opt to train as an RAD teacher the entry requirement is that you need to have passed intermediate, not gained a distinction. If you were my DD I would advise you to put it behind you and move on, unless you feel there are elements of the syllabus that you genuinely need a significant amount of additional work on, which seems unlikely. In fact that is exactly the advice I did give my DD nearly a decade ago when she did get a merit for Intermediate!

As with all these things its a mixture of nature and nurture. Some people are born with naturally "better" feet for ballet but even they need to work on them. Those with very flexible feet often need to improve on strength and those with plenty of strength tend to need to work on flexibility. And most people can improve on what mother nature has given them with time and appropriate exercises even if they wont ever get to the ideal. I dont think ive ever seen a successful dancer in any genre who has actually flat feet, but its probably true to say that other genres have less specific physical requirements than ballet. But at your daughter's stage i would say the most important things are to be enjoying what she is doing and getting good basic technique established. Steer clear of any extreme stretching regimes or devices that claim to improve the feet as they are far more likely to do harm than good.

I think you need to find another school asap. It is just as important for recreational dancers to have safe and fulfilling lessons as it is for those who hope to dance professionally. It doesnt sound like this school ticks either of those boxes at the moment. I know it can seem daunting to move and your daughter may well have friends she doesnt want to leave, but if she want to improve it sounds like a change is needed. Remember you are the paying customer. If you were paying for some other service and not getting what you needed I am sure you would change providers. Although leaving a dance school is without doubt more of an emotional drain than changing electricity suppliers, especially if you have been there a long time, the principle is the same really. Dont keep paying for something that doesnt meet your needs, and in fact sounds potentially damaging.

Lovely to hear from you C4D. And well done to your lovely DD. What amazing perseverance she has shown. (And you too!) Best of luck for the next phase.

Obviously things are far more complex thsn qualified =good and unqualified =bad and there are lots of things that contribute to how good a teacher is. I think that context is key too. For example, someone teaching exclusively older teens in a vocational upper school will need a different approach and skills to a local dance school teacher with a class of 20 five year olds. They could both be excellent teachers in their own setting but virtually useless and even potentially dangerous if they swapped classes! I think what this article was getting at is the dangers of people who have "danced a bit" setting up classes for young children without a real understanding of what is needed rather than ex pros becoming teachers. That said, I do think its a good idea for even ex pros to take adfitional training before they teach. As we have discussed on the forum many times, some "traditional" teaching practices in the ballet world can be very damaging both physically and mentally so its not ideal for people to perpetuate these by just replicating the way they were taught. Interestingly a friend of mine recently completed a British Cycling coaching course where one of the other candidates was a well known professional cyclist. He had to do exactly the same as everyone else before being allowed to coach children. Obviously he could do the cycling skills needed in his sleep but still had to learn how to give feedback, deal with learners of different abilities and so on, as well as the health and safety, children protection etc. There is a lot more to coaching/teaching than just being highly skilled at the activity yourself.

I would think that at a very young age the issue is not so much not learning the right things (yet) but actively learning the wrong things. I think it can be very difficult to "unlearn" bad habits learned at an early age in any activity, not just dance. I recall girls arriving at my DD's old dance school having started elsewhere and even I, with my limited knowledge, could see that they had poor posture and were doing the most basic things wrong. And this wasnt their natural posture, it was something they had been taught to adopt for ballet. I am sure it was harder for them to correct than for children of a similar age who had never done a class at all.