Cara in NZ

DD is now 14 and we are getting on ok as long as i am careful not to express ANYTHING that could be taken as criticism At 12 she was unsure about her full-on ballet/JA path, and last year she cut back on her dance load. This year I made her choose her ballet classes for the year (our school year starts in Feb), and yes I called her out yesterday when I caught her telling her big sister that I was 'making her do all these classes'. She likes to moan but now acknowledges that she will miss ballet when she stops in a couple of years. I've also told her she needs to find an alternative form of exercise that she can maintain independently while at university, and she has conceded enough to have signed up for swim squad at school. I also have a son aged 27 and daughter aged 22, and I honestly think that the main thing they need as they enter their teens is to feel they have some level of control/say in their life and routine. School tends to be fairly non-negotiable so they fight about the rest of it. I would suggest working out what is negotiable and what isn't, but in a way that makes your DD feel that she has some say as she fights for some independence in what may seem a very regulated world. Good luck

My DD's 'concentrating face' makes her look really anxious, which isn't good on stage OR in exams! She is always told to try to relax her jaw (tension in your neck contributes to this), and preferably relax her forehead a bit too. Our RAD examiner teacher always used to say 'Look charming!'. At competitions or performances, the kids I most enjoy watching are the ones who clearly love what they are doing, rather than fretting about how well they are doing it. Good luck!

I don't know where to post this as adult ballet has come up in so many posts. But just wanted to say that this week I did my first adult class for 15 years. It was lovely to be back, even if my head does know a whole lot more than my struggling body! There were five of us of varying levels and I'm in the middle, which is fine. The poor teacher just has to keep challenging the two who've been dancing for a while, and also hang on to the two who haven't really done any ballet. I don't mind how easy or hard it is – I just want to get stronger and enjoy moving to music again. Ballet was Thursday, and I had my regular hour of Pilates on Friday. This morning (Saturday), I literally hobbled out of the bedroom, glad no one could see me looking ALL of my 54 years

DD had her first Rep class (Level 3) this week and loved it. They started working on Bluebird (Had no idea this was also called Princess Florine until reading this thread), and the teacher, who is an RAD examiner, said she didn't see why anyone would do it en pointe for no extra credit, but a couple of them might want to. Our level 3 class is for Intermediate and Advanced Foundation /Grade 7 students.

I think that's a very good illustration, Mummy twinkle toes (if people know Maddie & Mackenzie). Maddie has always had some sort of emotional insight/connection in the way she dances (even though I'm a Chloe fan myself). I think it takes a while to develop and some kids just may need more life experience before they can connect feeling with their dancing. My DD (age 14) is quite reserved and does best with dances where she is in a dream world, or that kind of 'faraway' feeling. She has trouble connecting with the audience, and it's just not really her thing. The main thing is not to be concerned as at 9 no kid has had a full gamut of emotional experiences (I hope!). When you look at the variations these girls can be working on at age 12-14, they are portraying quite adult characters. I'm quite happy that DD is no Kitri or Carmen at 14!

We don't get any educational credits for passing RAD exams in New Zealand, although our exam certificates still mention the 'European Qualifications Framework', whatever that is. I think it's just seen as an extra challenge, and kids love learning variations. But if there's no extra credit for doing it en pointe, it suggests only the super-keen vocational kids would choose to. I'm just not sure DD's teacher will give her a choice. I guess it may depend on who else is enrolled – it doesn't seem ideal to have some of the class en pointe and some on flat, although I know the exercises are the same.

I haven't been following this thread but I like your attitude, Dancer123. There is a 'reality check' for many of us with talented DC, when whatever limitations they have (physical or mental) become more apparent around/after puberty. My DD has the body but not the feet or the passion. So we've just been discussing what she DOES want to achieve in her last few ballet years. Life feels much more balanced without dance being in control!

As a kid who wasn't allowed to do dance, I took to Scottish Country Dance in my teens and loved it. It was very social although we also performed at local events. Later on, when I couldn't find more than one ballet class a week as an adult, I tried jazz and tap. The problem with tap is that there were no instructions for the arms and I felt like they were just flapping around. Didn't appeal to my OCD, although when they gave us a dance with a bowler hat, I was happier with something to hold!

DD is enrolled for Adv F, Grade 7, and Rep Level 3 (our school year is only just starting this week). She'll try it out for a term but I suspect that if the teacher (it's the strict one teaching Rep) wants her to do it en pointe, she may not want to. When they say 'pointe is optional', it raises the problem of who decides!

We had great success with an aged droopy ballet practice tutu by getting an extra (very short) layer of net added underneath, if that is an option?

DD wears black high-cut undies under black leos and skintone ones under paler ones. No bra but she's an 8B so no support needed. When she is wearing a white or pastel leo, she often wears an 'undertard', which is a nude-coloured leotard with thin straps, ie an extra layer. She doesn't like nipples showing! (No point being embarrassed, Jade – we've all had these discussions. It's even complicated discussing what boys wear!)

Nobody ever took ballet as the easy option

It's not a matter of being 'weak', Moondust – just that ballet uses a peculiar type of strength that your body may not have come across before!

Fifth position is a very unnatural position that can only be done well with correct turnout. You certainly won't achieve it this early! You must avoid forcing it from the knees as you can damage them. So the turnout of the feet starts all the way up in the hip. You need to find your natural range of motion to know what level of turnout is achievable at this stage (it may change depending on the mobility of your hip joints). Don't push things beyond your body's limits. My Pilates instructor always says that when a muscle shakes it's because it's working hard and is not a bad thing. I think you will get stronger but again it will take time. If you belong to a gym or do Pilates, anything resembling squats or lunges can help.

Ha, every time I talk to someone not in the dance world and explain that DD has 'cut back' from nine ballet/Pilates classes a week to five, I see a strange look on their face. I think it's incredulity (I do remember that older daughter didn't dance and at 14 just had one hockey practice a week and one game). We can get quite blinkered about just how demanding ballet is, even for our DC who don't want a dance career but still want to dance well.

DD wears both leather and canvas flats, depending on the floor. At one studio it is more slippery and leather works better; at another it's stickier and canvas works better, apparently! From a parent's point of view, canvas don't last as long but can be thrown in the washing machine. (Some floors/stages leave terrible black marks on pink shoes) Re tights over leotards, I believe this is a trend that started in the US (ABT/NYCB) and others have adopted. I think it ruins the line of the leotard, and isn't particularly flattering. But as you have found, Jade, the teacher sets the rules. Curtseying may seem old-fashioned but is just part of the etiquette, like bowing to partners in martial arts. I like it as a mark of respect to the teacher (also represented by arriving warmed up, well-groomed, and ready to work!) I will let you know how I get on (if I survive)

Oh, I can SO identify with that description! DD tells me that even after 3 years of competing, she still shakes the whole time she is on stage by herself, which of course is even more of a problem en pointe!

Mum never liked ballet ("Just a lot of hopping about" !!!*!!!*!!*) and wouldn't let me learn. So I did Brownies, and later, Scottish country dancing. I discovered adult ballet age 19 while at university and danced 3-4 times a week for 4 years with a Russian lady who'd emigrated to NZ after the war. Even made it en pointe and passed Pre-El and Elementary exams. Then moved to London in 1987, at the start of the Pineapple craze and went there after work when I could. Had first baby and went to local dance school when he turned one (1992), but mortifyingly had to join the Grade 5 class of 11-yr-olds, then returned to work after a year and gave up again. Returned to NZ and in 2001 found myself living 3 doors from a ballet school, so joined adult ballet and jazz for 2 years until I got pregnant with DD, when I stopped as I was 40 and nervous. Fast forward 15 years and a lot of Pilates, walking, cycling but no dancing - and I've enrolled in adult ballet starting Feb 15. Sadly my beautiful DD is slowly falling out of love with ballet, so perhaps this is my way of keeping it in my life. I have no illusions about what I will look like but that's fine. I'm just glad there is a class for me

I would say pay attention to your grooming – hair neat (could be braids pinned up if you don't like buns), and no jewellery except maybe stud earrings and a watch. No accessories or big things in your hair! Perhaps you could go in a leotard and tights but with your own 'comfortable' clothes on top, that you could take off once you see whether everyone else is in leos/tights? Then just hang back a bit and watch what everyone else does. It's usually easy to find someone who looks like they know what they are doing, so you can keep an eye on them if you forget what comes next. Also listen carefully. There may be unfamiliar things like curtseying to the teacher that seem odd to you but are just part of the etiquette. Some classes have a bit of chitchat, and some are very focused with no conversation between dancers once the class starts. (I'm going to my first class in 15 years next month, so I'm cheering you on!)

I had dipped in and out of dancing, only starting ballet at 19. Gave up when I had small babies, and went back when they were a bit older... stopped again when pregnant (at 40) with DD 15 years ago and have been doing Pilates instead ever since (plus exercycle and walking). I was 'resigned' to watching DD for a couple more years and just trying to keep my body strong as I get older, but recently have seen a mix of discussion on this forum plus publicity about older dancers, and someone posting a video on my Facebook of a lady in her seventies still dancing en pointe... This all got me thinking... basically it was pride stopping me going back to ballet as I knew it wouldn't look good any more. I also didn't want to embarrass DD by taking adult class at her school, but she thinks it's a great idea. So I'm starting next month! For me, no other form of exercise also speaks to my heart and soul like ballet. Perhaps another sort of dance would do the same, but this year I'm going to focus on working with the music and exercising body, mind and spirit – and not worrying about how I look or how old my body feels.

DD has to wear black tights to school as well as pink/grink for ballet. When a pair ladders, she just adds a second laddered pair – on the basis that ladders will never be in the same place

Thanks Moondust – I've bought a budget leotard and shoes and done a couple of barre workouts at home. At the grand old age of 55 and with a 15-year gap since my last ballet class, I'm amused to see that my arabesque is the same height as my fondu en l'air Luckily for me I have nothing to prove and am just looking forward to moving to music (and avoiding the mirrors). Pilates and exercycling are good exercise but don't do a lot for the soul. Do let us know how you get on!

Our worst one was Grade 3 when DD was 10. Class at 3.45, when school finished at 3 and it was a half-hour drive away. It was the first class of the day so the dance school doors were locked until the teacher swanned up 10 minutes before. We tried doing the kids' buns in howling gales on the pavement outside, or in the car. Buns done before school didn't last... in the end she started getting changed at school in the lunchbreak so there was only the hair left to do. The things we do!

Pointe is just not for everyone, whether we like it or not. DD does ok but struggles with non-bendy feet and I refuse to buy any more shoe styles in search of the ones that magically create the illusion that they do bend. I suspect her teacher will want her to do Level 3 en pointe, but it's so good to have an alternative. I'm very grateful for other options – for teens as well as adults!

I just remembered – I treated DD to a Cloud & Victory leo for her 14th birthday (on sale, I add). It's the white 'Almond Blossom' one, and is beautiful – as well as organic. But the washing instructions? "We recommend you dry-clean this item". After I'd finished laughing, I threw it in the machine and told DD if it didn't survive, we'd chalk it up to experience