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Struggling with letting go


Katymac
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DD has gone off to an Associate scheme (not Ballet) today, left the house at 6:10 - did her bun & make-up (& breakfast) on the train.

 

She has been doing a similar journey on a Sunday since Easter

 

So why have I found this morning so,so hard? It's quite out of proportion :(

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Aw shame Katymac. Sometimes it just hits us that they are growing up and don't need us so much. Listen to " Slipping through my Fingers" from Abba in the movie Mama Mia and have a good howl lol. I hope the sadness will pass soon and the pride in her independence will return x

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Aw shame Katymac. Sometimes it just hits us that they are growing up and don't need us so much. Listen to " Slipping through my Fingers" from Abba in the movie Mama Mia and have a good howl lol. I hope the sadness will pass soon and the pride in her independence will return x

Belljul your post brought a tear to my eye. I cannot listen to that song without being reduced to a sobbing wreck as it came out when my eldest non dancing daughter was about to go to secondary school. I did indeed feel I was losing her in some way. Now 6 years on we have the most brilliant relationship. Without meaning to sound corny she is my friend as well as my daughter. Like all of us with children at vocational school I struggle with my youngest being away (the song that reduces me to tears for her is For Good from Wicked!!) but I know the bond we have built up, especially through the dance journey is strong. Katymac, you have been kind enough to share videos of your daughter on here and she is a beautiful and confident young lady - I am sure your relationship with her will find new ways to grow. (But sending you big 'I know the feeling' hugs anyway)! 

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She texted the Ballet & Contemporary were amazing and she is all geared up for Jazz & Singing this afternoon; so it's all fine

 

She had a bad day yesterday when some work she did on a community event wasn't acknowledged (It was actually attributed to someone else) so I guess that probably affected my mood (plus getting up at 5:30 :rolleyes: )

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Glad things feeling a bit better katymac. As for more songs that reduce us to emotional wrecks, "The Letter" from Billy Elliot just makes me fall apart lol

Especially the reprise when he says goodbye to his mum.... I'm off now !

 

It is strange how some days it just hits you. I had perfectly good Skype calls with my eldest two today and yesterday - didn't cry at all - but other times I'm quite upset after we say goodbye. It is getting easier though (should bloomin' hope so - they're 20 nearly 19 - lol)

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Oh dear :(  Sounds like the daughter of friends of mine: her dad ended up driving miles to go and pick her up when there was some unexpected train problem and she had no idea where she was.  (Having been brought up in a train-mad household with no private transport, that's all a bit alien to me, but I can understand how disorienting it can be when you're not used to it).

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Going through all these emotions, as though one DD is in her 4th year at vocational school and the other in her thrid year, as a parent your journey does change. Younger DD has alway phoned every night for a jolly good chat, but this year she seems to have forgotten our phone number and eldest DD is barely communicating at all except for help with GCSE home work which takes place late in the evening and lasts for quite a considerable time, which is wearing me out!!!! At least she "phones home" now though. I am getting broody when I see babies and todlers which isnt good at I was recently 50!

 

NL

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[quote name="Nana Lily" post="62385"

 

eldest DD is barely communicating at all except for help with GCSE home work which takes place late in the evening and lasts for quite a considerable time, which is wearing me out!!!!

 

NL

 

Haha! Did you get a rendition of the monologue down the phone?

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DD asked me to draw a map of King's Cross station plus underground the other day in case she got lost - quite a challenge, the place is huge!

 

Wow, that's definitely a challenge, especially now it's all changed.  I can't get my head round it any more - I get very confused when coming back from Sadler's Wells now :) 

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Love this thread, but at the end of the day we raise our children to be independent adults and the problem lies with us if we cannot let them go and fulfil that potential. Maybe when they are young and at vocational school parents are placed in this situation earlier than most and it's far more stressful, but at 15/16 it is the developmental norm for them to assert their independence and no longer need their mums to the same extent.

 

Loved your post T4 B bout ur dd at Kings Cross. I spent the bank holiday w/end rescuing my dd & her friends from a washed out weekend at Leedsfest. Mud.......I've never seen anything like it and I'm still cleaning it out of my car now!! However negotiating London the following w/end to see Selena Gomez was no problem for her. At 16, she was much more comfortable in a city environment than a muddy field in Leeds. Our dc's have amazing skills and resources that we should embrace and celebrate rather than mourn the fact they no longer need us :-)

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At 15/16 years old my dd was quite happy and confident catching train and tube up to associates in London alone (a journey she had been doing with her Dad since year 6) however she was petrified of catching a bus from home into our town centre or back - a distance of about 1.5 miles!

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London buses are so much easier now than when I was a teenager. Clear signs, maps, routes, online info, electronic boards on the stops and in the buses. Marvellous :-)

They are arent they? Wish they had been around when I first lived in London as I ended up completely lost several times!

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The problem was: if she gets a replacement bus for the 'train' it stops at each stop on the line - the way they arranged the replacement buses for the tube was that each bus only goes to one stop; so instead of looking for her stop she just got on her 'line' & ended up at the wrong stop

 

As we don't have either buses or tubes where we live, I think it was a fair mistake to make & she certainly won't make it again ;)

 

She is doing this at 15 - I didn't 'learn' London until my early 20's and I was terrified!!

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When I was 16 and in my first year at the RBS I still didn't have contact lenses (they forced me to get them my second year and I have blessed them for that ever since!) and vain creature that I was, I refused to wear glasses.  I had to change to an overground train at Victoria from the underground and I was forever getting on the wrong train, because rushing to look on the board and not seeing well enough, I would jump to conclusions and end up in wierd places.  My poor dad was always having to rescue me from unknown stations!   I think he was very glad when I finally got contacts!

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It's easy in big cities especially London to get on the right number bus but going in the opposite direction to what you want!!

 

Because I lived in London for 28 years I have a sort of directional map of it in my head which took a few years to build up so you would think no more getting lost!

 

However a few of weeks ago I was returning to London Bridge station from Jubilee line (had found my way fine in the morning) but when I came out of the tube had no idea where I was and how to get to the bit of the overground I needed for Brighton. I asked a couple of people before finally got to the overground but it was the wrong bit so I had to sort of use my Oyster card to get back in and then still another trek to get to right bit! It had taken about 20 mins from exiting the tube to get to the required platform!

Added to which because I used my Oyster card to regain entry but had a return rail ticket for Brighton I am not sure if this will now be an additional cost to the journey as haven't signed out with it so to speak so am assuming when next use it may charge me from London Bridge to wherever!!

I felt even more annoyed as I felt this shouldn't have happened to an old hand like myself!!

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LinMM. I believe if you log onto your Oyster account, it will indicate on there that you have an unfinished journey and I believe you can rectify it somehow. It happened to once ages ago when travelling from Brompton to Clapham by overground. When I got to Clapham, the barriers were open and I just changed onto my platform for Brighton without 'touching out'. And I can quite understand how you got lost at London Bridge. Took me a while to get used to that station. When I'm in Covent Garden area, I always get national train from Charing Cross to London Bridge. Much easier and quicker than tube.

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However a few of weeks ago I was returning to London Bridge station from Jubilee line (had found my way fine in the morning) but when I came out of the tube had no idea where I was and how to get to the bit of the overground I needed for Brighton. I asked a couple of people before finally got to the overground but it was the wrong bit so I had to sort of use my Oyster card to get back in and then still another trek to get to right bit! It had taken about 20 mins from exiting the tube to get to the required platform!

Added to which because I used my Oyster card to regain entry but had a return rail ticket for Brighton I am not sure if this will now be an additional cost to the journey as haven't signed out with it so to speak so am assuming when next use it may charge me from London Bridge to wherever!!

I felt even more annoyed as I felt this shouldn't have happened to an old hand like myself!!

 

Don't worry, Lin, it happened to an old hand with 25 years' commuting experience the other day, too.  London Bridge is a hellhole at the moment.  Anyway, if I've understood you correctly, I think you will have been charged a single Zones 1-6 journey (peak rate?) for touching in at a station and then touching out again.  If your OC is registered, you can probably get it taken off: if it isn't, I don't know.  I had to go and stand in a great big queue at the Underground ticket office to get mine taken off again.

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Thanks Alison. Because I only make occasional journeys to London mine is not a registered one! :(

 

I touched out of Jubilee tube thinking it was a short walk across the road (as had been in morning) to the overground but had obviously come out of the wrong entrance(I usually do the Victoria route to London)

 

Probably what I should have done is used the return part of my train ticket to regain entrance but because the guard.....who wasn't up for any chatting..... Said I was at the wrong place..I thought I still might have to gain entry via the return ticket when I got to,the right place so used the Oyster to gain entry.

It was only once ensconced on the train back that this Oyster blunder occurred to me and I remember someone saying if you don't touch out it will charge you the furthest distance......which in this instance would be East Croydon!!!

 

However I didn't know you could get things taken off I could at least try and ask :) they can only say no:(

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Aw shame Katymac. Sometimes it just hits us that they are growing up and don't need us so much. Listen to " Slipping through my Fingers" from Abba in the movie Mama Mia and have a good howl lol. I hope the sadness will pass soon and the pride in her independence will return x

Oh how funny you put this as I was listening to that song earlier today, whilst looking at most grown up DD and was almost sobbing!!!

F x

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One summer hols I suggested that DD and DS get the bus and meet me at work. I got a call from them to say the bus had gone by on the other side of the road! They thought it didn't matter which side of the road they stood. Something DS was to repeat a few more times. Including the time a few of his friends and DS got a bus into Birmingham when he said this is the way I come into school. They were heading away from Birmingham. He has finally got better but is waiting for us to visit him in Poland before he gets on a bus there.

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