goodtoes Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 By taking her to see a dance Physio after she developed a snapping hip problem. Apparently this indicates I don't really trust the teacher. Actually *I* thought it indicated my daughter was in discomfort and I wanted it sorted. I had told the teacher about the problem and she had said "Well stop doing the developes for the moment, we will Look at it after the exam." But she then kept cancelling my daughters private lesson - and then stopped teaching her at all and got another teacher to do it. All without ever mentioning the hip again? Was I out of order? Or is the teacher being absurdly precious? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annaliesey Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 I would say your DD is your top priority and you do what you feel is right and don't wait about for anyone 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MayKwok Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 I find this odd. Most teachers I encounter would actually say, "I'm not a healthcare or medical professional. Get medical advice immediately and we will work together to address the problem." For me, hips don't only work during developpés. They work to keep the dancer standing. And in pliés. In tendus. In fact one needs a correctly functioning hip to be dancing at all. To put off investigating a hip problem rings alarm bells for me, especially in growing children. I think you were right to seek medical help. From what you were saying above I'd say it would give me grounds to start doubting the teacher as well. 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chloe123 Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 This is bizarre. Your daughter is a person as well as a dancer! Hips are not only relevant for dancing. The teacher wouldn't have been offended if you'd been to the GP for example about an ear infection would she? Any health issues that are worrying you should be reviewed by an appropriate health professional whatever that issue might be. 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tulip Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 The teacher is being rediculously childish and unprofessional. You are the mother and you are responsible for your child's health. If your dance teacher is approachable ask for a meeting to see if things can be resolved, if not find another good dance school. You are a paying customer, is this how customers should be treated? 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sim Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 To be honest, if anyone gets precious and offended about a mother doing the best for her child, they should not be trusted as it would appear that their ego is more important to them than the welfare of their students. I agree that you should consider looking for another teacher. 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fiz Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 Both of our dd's teachers were most concerned when they both had problems which prevented them from dancing. Both problems were skeletal and the teachers concerned only wanted our dds to get better and be able to come to class again. They did not throw tantrums. I agree that you need to find a new ballet teacher. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Picturesinthefirelight Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 Even the highly highly experienced teaches at vocational schools are very quick to refer children to the physio if there is any unexplained pain or injury. My husband is a vocal coach with a special interest in the area of voice injury & rehabilitation. The first thing he dors if he suspects anything is amiss or if a problem persists is to reccomend a student goes to their Dr for either a speech therapist or ENT referral as appropriate. Even if he knows from experience that someone has modules or similar he will never ever attempt to diagnose & makes it clear he is not a medical professional. This post, along with previous posts of yours is sending rather loud alarm bells ringing with me. I hope the physio offers some solution & you absolutly did the right thing. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drdance Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 I agree with advice in the thread so far - as a teacher, and someone with experience in the field of assessing and treating dance related injuries, my main priority is always the child. During my training as a Sports Rehabilitator we were repeatedly told to refer on if we were in any doubt or needed support with a client. Based on this, if someone asks me for advice/assessment/help and I can't help, I'll immediately refer a child to a physiotherapist or doctor and will do what I can to work with medical professionals. It would be nice to hear of more teachers doing this, rather than throwing their toys out of the pram when people seek the help and advice of someone clearly specialised in that area! 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CeliB Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 (edited) I agree with all those above. I find it astounding that this teacher should question your parental right to refer your daughter to whomsoever you choose. Who's to say it was even a dance related injury? And at what point does this teacher believe her view is more valid than a qualified health care professional? You have parental responsibility- the teacher should respect this position. I get really fed up (this happens a lot in elite sport) with teachers/coaches feeling they have a right to tell parents how to parent. I was once told my daughter wasn't doing well in training (at an elite sport) because my husband and I had the temerity to be employed and have more than one child, this meant we were sending our child to training with our au pair instead of dutifully (like many of the other parents) sitting watching through 4 hour training sessions 4 times a week. But despite this expectation of what 'parental support' looked like (have one child, be unemployed, sit by the side at every session, pay up vast funds (not sure how we were supposed to acquire said funds whilst sitting by the side of the pool for 20+ hours a week) ) we werent allowed to have any opinion on the training either- any questions were frowned upon as interference (so add 'dont speak' to the previous list). Unless this teacher back pedals rapidly and can give a good reason for this behaviour (temporary insanity?) I would find another teacher.... edited for typo spelling mistake Edited August 17, 2015 by CeliB 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goodtoes Posted August 17, 2015 Author Share Posted August 17, 2015 (edited) Thank you for your responses. I didn't think I was being out of order, but frankly the teacher does make me doubt myself. It is almost certainly a dance related injury, and if I am honest I am uncomfortable about that too. Basically my daughter had about 2 private lessons in January where she was given a series of exercises to practise - one of which was developees. She was then expected to continue with the exercises daily in her own time. However, being 11, she didn't do them every day, and after a month or so stopped altogether as she was practising festival solos and exam work instead. Fast forward to end of may where her teacher gets cross and says "we have given you exercises to do - if you were doing them you would be making more progress". So daughter starts doing them again. However, when she does a developee she lets her standing hip collapse, and doing it incorrectly is what has caused the problems. Her teacher did say (when we discussed it this weekend) "Well I knew what had caused the problem and we had shown her how to do it properly " but I can't help feeling giving an 11 year old an exercise and expecting them to do it properly 4 months later with no further specific input is not particularly sensible. Or maybe that is just me. I am going to change her dance school. It needs to wait until after October, because she has committed to a festival then. And I think my daughter needs time to come around to the idea. I am sad that it is coming to this though. Edited August 17, 2015 by goodtoes 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davidstinson Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 As a ballet teacher, I would be happy for my students parents to take them to the physio! However, I know a lot of ballet teachers that think they know best. Lets face it, ballet isn't natural. And everybody's body's are different. It's important to get checked out if your uncomfortable or in pain. Teachers should encourage this! Don't feel bad! You've done nothing wrong. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
primrose Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 Your daughter should never have been told to do exercises like this unsupervises. My daughter was at voc school throughoutsecondary years and they were never expected to practice alone without the support of a teacher. She went to three different voc schools. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annaliesey Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 Is she doing this on both sides? I'd be interested in what more experienced people say on here about this as my DD is 11 and any exercises they are given to do at home they are completely sure of and build up gradually to it. (Although my DD is a bit of a pain by finding stuff on YouTube to have a go at and we've had words about that!) Also anything they are given they will usually get a printed off guide or the teacher will speak to the student with the parents around to emphasise the dos and donts. I think 11 is too young to just get told and exercise to practise unsupervised without checking more frequently .. What if they were doing it wrong for 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
taxi4ballet Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 I am going to change her dance school. It needs to wait until after October, because she has committed to a festival then. And I think my daughter needs time to come around to the idea. I am sad that it is coming to this though. To be honest, unless your dd is in a group for the festival and would be letting them all down if she pulls out, I'm inclined to think it might be best to make the move sooner rather than later. What did the dance physio say when they saw your dd and checked her over? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Picturesinthefirelight Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 I agree with taxi. October is quite a way off, plenty of time to re choreograph even a group. Some things are more importsnt than festivals. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JulieW Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 Nothing much to add to all your excellent advice, but just to say that having exercises to do at home isn't necessarily a bad thing - the RBS associates have exercises, but the teacher watches them do them do them at every class so any errors can be corrected and they can be developed (or they did when mine were there - I presume it's the same). But you don't give them exercises and then just leave them to it for months. Good luck. I'm glad you've decided to move and I hope your daughter's OK with that - and that her snapping hip syndrom improves (it should, with a good physio). 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anna C Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 I agree. Excellent advice by everyone. We wouldn't have known about a particular, brilliant dance physio had dd's local teacher not recommended her. Exercises prescribed by a Dance Physio or other Medical Professional are one thing - beneficial, personal to the particular student, and checked regularly to ensure that 1. they are being done properly and 2. that they are having the desired effect. This is also true for exercises given at a good Associate Scheme. But that is not the same as a teacher ordering unsupervised practice and not checking the technique. You are in charge of your dd's welfare and you have made absolutely the correct call in taking her to a physio. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melody Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 It's bad enough that the teacher would pitch a fit about you taking your daughter to a doctor for a health-related problem. But to then say she'd work on it and then proceed to do nothing of the sort, that's downright weird. Hips can be a terrible problem later in life if they aren't looked after properly. You'd think this teacher would be encouraging you to seek help from a medical professional. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goodtoes Posted August 20, 2015 Author Share Posted August 20, 2015 To be honest the bit about the physio was almost an aside in a much longer and much more distressing conversation, where she has a go at me over a lot of things. A couple of which were almost justified, but most weren't. For example: 1. My daughter is "becoming unteachable" and if she doesn't change her attitude we will have to start thinking about whether this was the dance school for her. Examples of this were: when in her very first lesson for her very first song and dance solo my daughter wouldn't sing. She learnt the whole dance, but point blank refused to sing the song. Which was not good, I know. She said to me she felt embarrassed and every time she tried to open her mouth nothing came out. She has since then had another lesson and overcome this problem. The teacher then gave an example of when she "sulked" in class and refused to lead a row of children in a set of steps which they had learnt the previous week (when, as it happens, my daughter was absent), and another example of how she had taught her a particular exercise one day and the next day my daughter didn't do it correctly (and actually my daughter had some home after that lesson very indignant about being told off as she HADN'T been taught the step the day before). 2. I had dared to speak to the tap teacher a couple of weeks before and say that my daughter had a "negative thing" about tap at the moment as she felt the tap teacher thought she was rubbish. My daughter said that the teacher had said in from of the class that tap was her "downfall" (which is probably a misremember of something). Apparently this, again, is all down to my daughter's bad attitude, and I didn't need to say anything because they were all too aware of my daughter's sulks and moods. I should probably say at this point that NOWHERE else has my daughter been criticised for having a bad attitude. Her school reports ddescribe her as putting 100% effort into everything she does. She has been described as the start defender of the hockey team, her RAD ballet teacher had nothing but praise for her. So if she really IS as bad as the dance teacher makes out, then I wonder why? Or whether the dance teacher is putting every not so good moment under a microscope and making that all there is to her... 3. My daughter is antisocial, and the other girls won't want to do duets and trios with her (but then, daughter says if she does try to sit with the other girls a certain couple always make nasty comments to her, so she chooses to just steer clear). Again, this is hugely different to how she is seen outside dance - she makes friends everywhere she goes - on campsites, at hockey matches, at the playground... 4. The physio issue. I left the studio in tears. However, it must be said that the teacher I was speaking to very rarely actually teaches my daughter any more - she is the owner of the studio. My daughter absolutely adores the teacher who teaches her most of the time, and she is a very sensible woman. That said - the general negative attitude towards my daughter and towards any perceived questioning of her "methods" has made me feel that enough is enough. My daughter has already put a lot of work in for the festival, and would be devastated to miss it, but I do think that we will not be there for long after the festival. Sorry - it was cathartic to get all of that out! I didn't post it all earlier because I was typing on my phone, which I hate, but now I am back at a proper keyboard it all comes flooding out! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa O`Brien Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 Oh dear,goodtoes. It sounds,from what you have just described,that the sooner she leaves the better. Have you another suitable school lined up for when the festival is over? And,more importantly I guess, does your daughter want to leave? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fiz Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 I really would remove her immediately. Neither of you need this sort of negativity in your life. My dd wasn't confident about tap and a carping teacher made her feel so inferior that it has taken nearly ten years for her to feel she can actually do tap! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 Agree. It sounds as if the relationship has broken down irretrievably on both sides. For your dd to be in such a corrosive environment cannot be good for her confidence and happiness. No festival is worth that amount of hassle. You both deserve a fresh start. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
taxi4ballet Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 Holy Wow You need to get your poor dd out of that environment! You're the paying customer, and have every right to ask questions. You also have the absolute right to remove your custom any time you choose. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harwel Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 My DS was in a negative student/teacher relationship - it had been fine for a few years, but deteriorated with one teacher in particular. I kept him at the school for an extra half term as he was entered for his grade 6 modern exam, which he had worked really hard for. I had found him an absolutely lovely and excellent teacher but told her he would move across after the exam. In hindsight he should have been moved straight away, the damage to his confidence has taken 2 years to put right - by the care taken by the new teacher and going away to vocational school. The situation with your dd sounds really harmful to her confidence and I would urge you to move sooner rather than later. The work she has put in will never be lost but a corrosive environment can take years to overcome. My ds is not a better dancer because he did his grade 6 at that session and your dd will not be a better dancer for doing a festival where I'm sure she will have extra lessons and potentially negative comments and attitude to deal with. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Picturesinthefirelight Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 Get her out of there NOW. Stuff the festival - get her out before your dds confidence is destroyed. I'm guessing the song & dance teacher wasn't a trained singing teacher too. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa O`Brien Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 Actually I have to agree with what everyone has just said. Stuff the festival ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aileen Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 It appears that the relationship between you / your dd and the school has broken down. If that is the case then you really have no option but to change schools. The culture in the studio in terms of the relationship between the students doesn't sound very healthy either if there is a lot of cliqueiness and spitefulness. If the school doesn't like your dd then there's no point in fighting it. It's better for her to go to another studio where she is liked. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annaliesey Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 Is she doing many dances at the festival? Is it an important one for her? Would she do well and get a confidence boost there? When is it? To be honest I don't think I would wait about for it if it were me. Every negative comment can take ages to recover from and stroppy dance teachers are not worth the energy. Our kids spend too long at dance classes to be surrounded by teachers who pick holes and let kids get away with being mean. Every dance can ALWAYS be better but it's important to give praise to build confidence. It's also meant to be fun Why don't you start trying out some other places so you've got some comparisons sooner rather than later 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hfbrew Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 Move. Now! 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FullContretemps Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 Oh my this woman sounds worryingly like the owner of a dance school I know. It could almost be the same place... The only reason I still go there is because of the outstanding RAD teacher and the fact that I rarely have to see the other 'lady'. And I'm an adult and more than capable of giving back as good as I get to her, in the nicest way possible of course. But I would never send a child of mine (or anyone else I know!) to a class taken by the owner of this school (now intrigued to see whether you are anywhere nearby haha!). I might send them there for ballet as long as they didn't have to deal with that teacher but that would be it, and only because I have such a huge respect for the RAD teacher there. You are much better getting out of there. I don't have anything useful to add as everyone has said it all - you are definitely right in getting it checked out by the appropriate professional and in changing schools. Your child's health and all of your sanities come first! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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