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THOSE Dance Mums = help!


annaliesey

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Absolutely right Pictures! I get tired of hearing dancers (or their parents) say that someone has such strong feet she gets through her pointe shoes quickly.  It is quite the reverse, it means the dancer's feet aren't yet strong and it is the shoe doing the work.  You have what you are born with, but good training and hard work will make a difference.  

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Absolutely right Pictures! I get tired of hearing dancers (or their parents) say that someone has such strong feet she gets through her pointe shoes quickly. It is quite the reverse, it means the dancer's feet aren't yet strong and it is the shoe doing the work. You have what you are born with, but good training and hard work will make a difference.

Ah I didn't know that .. Fabulous :) I could have smiled couldn't I?

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Absolutely right Pictures! I get tired of hearing dancers (or their parents) say that someone has such strong feet she gets through her pointe shoes quickly.  It is quite the reverse, it means the dancer's feet aren't yet strong and it is the shoe doing the work.  You have what you are born with, but good training and hard work will make a difference.  

Good point, but not always - for those with a really high arch/instep and hyperextended ankles, as soon as the shank of a pointe shoe is what everyone else would call 'broken in' and perfect for dancing, it isn't able to prevent such a foot from going over too far. Very strong dancers can pull back and compensate for this, but they are working against the shoe rather than with it, so to speak. :)

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Now v v scared of going to Pineapple. Is there any form of repellent that works to drive away the evil dance mums - garlic? crucifixes?? gnat spray???

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Now v v scared of going to Pineapple. Is there any form of repellent that works to drive away the evil dance mums - garlic? crucifixes?? gnat spray???

No don't let it put you off, I'm just having a giggle :) it probably sounds worse when written on a forum but in real life it's just an eye roll moment :)

 

But I don't know if repellents apart from zero eye contact or conversation but if I did that I wouldn't have got to know some lovely people, mums who I've since connected with on Facebook who are not up their own behinds and who share events and workshops etc

 

It has been great for DD, huge boost. Even if classes are a bit too challenging she can tuck herself away in a corner of the studio and have as much fun as anyone else.

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I don't know how the kids cope with it & carry on.

 

I take dd to school & workshops & summer schools & I see the huge improvements she has made & all the difficulties she has overcome.

 

But I see all the other children & mums who are so talented & more advanced & winning scholarships etc & it makes me think why is she doing this - should I be encouraging her or should I be gently persuading her to just keep dance as a nice hobby.

 

Over the years I've met some lovely dance mums but equally dd has been subjected to some very negative comments (usually from other children). Everyone is posting pictures on Facebook etc & they must compare themselves even though we encourage them not to.

 

I honestly don't know if she has what it takes & if I have these crisis of confidence so must she but she carries on regardless. There are so many dancers fighting for so few places/jobs.

 

I have to take my hat off to the child but sometimes I wish we'd never gone down this path.

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How old are these children and if they are old enough, why are mums hanging around instead of going for a coffee? My daughter and her friends all go through point shoes at a rediculous rate, they are all graduates now, so surely they are using their feet correctly, but they are going through point shoes every two to three weeks?

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How old are these children and if they are old enough, why are mums hanging around instead of going for a coffee? My daughter and her friends all go through point shoes at a rediculous rate, they are all graduates now, so surely they are using their feet correctly, but they are going through point shoes every two to three weeks?

Coffee every time for me - I drop and run ;)  mainly because dd will tell me to clear off out of the way!

 

Mind you, now she goes to most places under her own steam I do sometimes miss chatting to other mums/dads. I've met lots of lovely people over the years & made some great friends. 

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I don't know how the kids cope with it & carry on.

 

I take dd to school & workshops & summer schools & I see the huge improvements she has made & all the difficulties she has overcome.

 

But I see all the other children & mums who are so talented & more advanced & winning scholarships etc & it makes me think why is she doing this - should I be encouraging her or should I be gently persuading her to just keep dance as a nice hobby.

 

Over the years I've met some lovely dance mums but equally dd has been subjected to some very negative comments (usually from other children). Everyone is posting pictures on Facebook etc & they must compare themselves even though we encourage them not to.

 

I honestly don't know if she has what it takes & if I have these crisis of confidence so must she but she carries on regardless. There are so many dancers fighting for so few places/jobs.

 

I have to take my hat off to the child but sometimes I wish we'd never gone down this path.

Pictures, I know exactly how you feel. My DD (12) is doing really well but there will always be a kid (or more) who is better. We have tried to take the pressure off my DD by never assuming she wants to do this for a career. So we always talk about "If you want to audition for full-time training...", "If you go to university..." – so she knows she has options and they are there for HER to choose. She is not one of the madly passionate kids who always wants to do more; in fact she has asked to drop her contemporary class so she can have two days off dancing each week. She is quite reserved and I think just needs time to recharge.

 

It seems such a remorseless career that I'm not at all sure it's an option we want to encourage. So we just say it is like being good at a sport or a musical instrument, and we will support her for as long as she wants to do it. That means it's not about "If I don't dance professionally I'll have failed". The kids who feel they *have* to dance are the ones you can't stop. So I don't think we should beat ourselves up about our role. Being the stable support in the background is our job. 

 

And for catty mothers, I sit there and smile calmly. If you aren't busting a gut for your kid to be the best in the world, life is so much simpler  :rolleyes:

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I guess I stay some of the time to reassure myself she is ok & can cope. I'm on tenterhooks during summer schools because she never phones & I can never enjoy or relax during performances.

 

Dd is a child who feels she 'has' to dance which does make things stressful. it's such a competitive environment. But she is happy & doing what she loves.

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I don't know how the kids cope with it & carry on.

 

I take dd to school & workshops & summer schools & I see the huge improvements she has made & all the difficulties she has overcome.

 

But I see all the other children & mums who are so talented & more advanced & winning scholarships etc & it makes me think why is she doing this - should I be encouraging her or should I be gently persuading her to just keep dance as a nice hobby.

 

Over the years I've met some lovely dance mums but equally dd has been subjected to some very negative comments (usually from other children). Everyone is posting pictures on Facebook etc & they must compare themselves even though we encourage them not to.

 

I honestly don't know if she has what it takes & if I have these crisis of confidence so must she but she carries on regardless. There are so many dancers fighting for so few places/jobs.

 

I have to take my hat off to the child but sometimes I wish we'd never gone down this path.

But does she love it? I mean really really love it - because if she does then the dance is its own reward! I know exactly where you are coming from and have often thought much the same about my own dd. However she has turned out much tougher than me. Am resolved to try to take a step back, and let it be (not always very successfully) :(

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Yes she does.

 

She had a terrible time in year 7 - diagnosed with aspergers, ballet teacher she didn't gel with, kept behind the rest of the class with regards to pointe & almost lost her love of dance.

 

But she picked herself up & got on with it. I'm amazed at her really. It's just she's very academic & I wonder if we've sacrificed her academic education (she gave up a place in a selective school) for something that won't lead anywhere. Or maybe it will - she believes she can try.

 

I now try to be a good supportive dance mum when we go places. At some Xmas workshops was a mum whose dd didn't have much experience but was wanting to take things up a notch so I try to share my knowledge of stuff we've learnt on this role coaster in the same way as others did with me. Difficult to do as I don't find it easy to socialise face to face - it's much easier on the Internet.

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If its any comfort Pictures, my dd won a scholarship to a selective school and then flatly refused to go it (her sister was already a pupil there and she saw the mountains of homework) much happier at the local comp. A very academic child like yours can surely get away with going light on school work at least up to GCSE level.

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I don't know how the kids cope with it & carry on.

 

I take dd to school & workshops & summer schools & I see the huge improvements she has made & all the difficulties she has overcome.

 

But I see all the other children & mums who are so talented & more advanced & winning scholarships etc & it makes me think why is she doing this - should I be encouraging her or should I be gently persuading her to just keep dance as a nice hobby.

 

Over the years I've met some lovely dance mums but equally dd has been subjected to some very negative comments (usually from other children). Everyone is posting pictures on Facebook etc & they must compare themselves even though we encourage them not to.

 

I honestly don't know if she has what it takes & if I have these crisis of confidence so must she but she carries on regardless. There are so many dancers fighting for so few places/jobs.

 

I have to take my hat off to the child but sometimes I wish we'd never gone down this path.

I know what you mean but my take on it is actually to take things a few steps at a time and not stress about the long term. In any walk of life there's always going to be someone better but it doesn't take away from your own enjoyment and successes however we measure them :)

 

I just think life is too short to not do something you enjoy.

 

The thing about comparisons reminds me of when my son used to do football tournaments which were not "competitive" which I find funny as of course the kids could keep count of goals scored! There's lots of competition in life whether it's a job interview or promotion or anything where other people have the same goal.

 

I suppose I'm quite pleased that dance competitions have given that sense of there always being someone better, it just doesn't take anything away but can inspire and motivate.

 

And I don't worry about the pics on Facebook or Instagram either as it doesn't tell the whole story ie; musicality or ability to pick up or emotional connections with audience or hours in class. I don't worry about grades now either but I used to as more advanced can mean so many things but it's not a race to a finish line, it's going to be ongoing for a very long time and then it will be auditions for best fit not what mark you got in RAD grade 5 etc

 

Don't listen to negativity or bragging :)

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How old are these children and if they are old enough, why are mums hanging around instead of going for a coffee? My daughter and her friends all go through point shoes at a rediculous rate, they are all graduates now, so surely they are using their feet correctly, but they are going through point shoes every two to three weeks?

My dd is 11. Old enough for me to usually drop and go but sometimes it's not worth going home and coming back if an hours class. This Easter it was a few classes at pineapple where actually I do sit in the cafe or m&s cafe over the road but you can end up talking with mums in the corridors briefly or the cafe area. The audition was different as parents stayed in a room for a talk and a tour and there was a bit of chit chat signing in, during the walk about etc.

 

:)

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I can identify with your feelings pictures, I feel the same. I suspect most sane, reasonable, sensible people do. I see my DS shortcomings all too clearly and having danced myself I know how important some of these things are. Whenever I watch him, I always think, 'ok he's getting there' I am waiting for the day when I can say 'he's there' and honestly, I don't know if I will! However, his determination and work ethic is something to behold so I figure, if anyone can overcome these things, he can, if it is in his power to change. As for academics - he could have an 'easier ' life if he wanted to go the university route, but he doesn't and I figure, he has the brain, it will always be there, he can do that later if he has to. I would rather he follows a passion in life than live a life, half lived. In the mean time, there is always cake and wine for me!!

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"I see your daughter wears grishko, my daughters teacher said they weren't strong enough for her advanced ankles"

 

 

Annaliesey, your post cracks me up! What, in the name of whoever, are "advanced ankles"? Does this mean that other people's ankles are only "intermediate" or, heaven forfend "remedial"?

 

Honestly, you just have to feel sorry for these rather small-minded people don't you? Although it takes a tough skin for the jibes not hurt a little bit.

 

The urgent text is a great excuse. Good luck with surviving.

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DH and I had a funny experience watching DS's Saturday class at the Vaganova. Because we made the occasional whispered comment to eachother (along the lines 'oh my word how are they still standing upright!' after the most punishing 12 minutes of barre work I have EVER seen) the boys in the class clearly thought we were commenting on them a la dance mums (or even dads!). Or even worse they thought we actually knew enough about ballet to make pertinent comments! They anxiously asked DS if we were 'ballet' (they are all Russian with no English and he had only been there 4 weeks so didn't yet have much Russian- hence the limited communication) - trying to work out if they should be making a special effort. Apparently Saturday is usually their 'slacker' class so they were highly relieved to discover that we were totally ignorant... I did laugh at the thought that we were seen as potential ex ballet (I would have thought DH's Welsh rugby player physique would have ruled that out pretty comprehensively!) and surprised that even at 18 they would be so worried about what someone's Mum or Dad thought of them (no matter how 'ballet'!!), but I did also feel a bit guilty for giving them all a panic attack....

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I wear contact lenses and even with them don't have 20/20 vision so when we watch class, I tend to squint as I concentrate which my DD says looks like a frown... so much so her friends have commented that I look like a scary, unimpressed ballet mum! Most definitely far from it as I am usually in awe of them all .....fast forward half hr and air con dries out my contact lenses causing my eyes to stream so I then look like I am crying all the way through the remainder of the class! (I sometimes hide behind that excuse if I am actually having a little proud mummy moment ????) So my DD hates watching days with her unintentional embarrassing 'ballet mum' ????

 

Edited for spelling

Edited by wildflowers
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Well if you want eye watering embarrassing ballet mum stories

 

Last autumn during an impromptu watching week (only mum there THANK GOD) I got stuck half in half out of my superdry hoodie whilst waiting around in changing room (was a pull off one, no zip, just needed that extra oomph to get over shoulder blades) but one of the kids spotted me and before I could stop it, it had gone and got DD's dance teacher to help me.

 

*oh for GOODNESS SAKE! She said

 

and she wrenched it over my head with such force she jammed my nose right back into the cavity of my face that my top two front teeth were throbbing with pain so badly I thought they were going to fall out.

 

So yeah, afterward eyes waterering and beetroot red I beheld the class.

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