kaledonia Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 I was at a dance festival recently - first time ever as even though both DD and DS dance we have never been involved in competitions or festivals. The festival involved lots of different genres and was all group dances. Lots of dance schools and dance companies were taking part and it was quite an education for me. The dance schools we have been involved in have always been so supportive and I've never had any problems with bragging Mums and when we have attended any shows everyone is supportive and shows their appreciation but at this Festival there was a lot of raucous clapping and hooting and yelling from various audience members when their DC or their dance schools were on stage - during the dances - fair enough as I understand that in some dance genres like disco and some high energy jazz - this might be the norm but I found it really off-putting. But what was worse was that after whooping and yelling during their own children's dances these audience members proceeded to talk loudly and critically during other performances - criticising the dancers and the choreography or just totally ignoring the dances completely and just talking loudly about their own children's performances even when other dancers were performing. The festival was good and although there was a real mixture of talent and technique all the performers did really well but the behaviour of some audience members was just awful. When my son's company came on to dance and they were announced as an all-male dance company there were even some catcalls and wold whistles from the audience - this for a contemporary dance company with some young dancers from the age of 12 who were performing a thoughtful contemporary piece. My son wasn't have been bothered - he's 21 and would only have been bemused by a wolf whistle from middle-aged women - but not really great for the young dancers I would suggest! I'm sure that not all Festivals would be like this but I think I've been really sheltered by my children's dance experiences and so I was really shocked by this behaviour. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 To be fair though.....whilst this kind of behaviour is very real, I would have to say that I have made some lovely friends via my DD's dancing, and they are friendships I envisage lasting well beyond our respective children's attendance at dance class. When DD first started dancing I did find the other mums quite off putting, but as time went on, I discovered that for every one madly infuriating person there were several very nice ones. It's the same with my other children's hobbies too really. I think there are just some people for whom every aspect of life has to be a competition, but thankfully there are plenty of other more laid back people around too. Completely agree. Would not have been able to juggle work, other children and (the shame of it) things that I was doing for myself, without the help of my dance mum friends. Without lift sharing we would have all gone mental long ago driving to the dance school 5 times plus per week not to mention scholarship classes, hanging round Birmingham all week end (I have nothing against Birmingham but its lonely on your own. Solidarity among harassed parents! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annaliesey Posted March 22, 2016 Author Share Posted March 22, 2016 ... I would have to say that I have made some lovely friends via my DD's dancing, and they are friendships I envisage lasting well beyond our respective children's attendance at dance class. Yes absolutely, me too and you're right it's just people being competitive in different aspects of life. I remember a bit of pushyness from football Mums but still think dance Mums are worse. Thankfully there's not too many of these dance Mums about Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annaliesey Posted March 22, 2016 Author Share Posted March 22, 2016 I was at a dance festival recently - first time ever as even though both DD and DS dance we have never been involved in competitions or festivals. The festival involved lots of different genres and was all group dances. Lots of dance schools and dance companies were taking part and it was quite an education for me. The dance schools we have been involved in have always been so supportive and I've never had any problems with bragging Mums and when we have attended any shows everyone is supportive and shows their appreciation but at this Festival there was a lot of raucous clapping and hooting and yelling from various audience members when their DC or their dance schools were on stage - during the dances - fair enough as I understand that in some dance genres like disco and some high energy jazz - this might be the norm but I found it really off-putting. But what was worse was that after whooping and yelling during their own children's dances these audience members proceeded to talk loudly and critically during other performances - criticising the dancers and the choreography or just totally ignoring the dances completely and just talking loudly about their own children's performances even when other dancers were performing. The festival was good and although there was a real mixture of talent and technique all the performers did really well but the behaviour of some audience members was just awful. When my son's company came on to dance and they were announced as an all-male dance company there were even some catcalls and wold whistles from the audience - this for a contemporary dance company with some young dancers from the age of 12 who were performing a thoughtful contemporary piece. My son wasn't have been bothered - he's 21 and would only have been bemused by a wolf whistle from middle-aged women - but not really great for the young dancers I would suggest! I'm sure that not all Festivals would be like this but I think I've been really sheltered by my children's dance experiences and so I was really shocked by this behaviour. The whooping and cheering is one thing but criticism of other performers not on. I sat next to a dance teacher once who loudly exclaimed that black people were better at hip hop. I had to say excuse me and get up and move to another seat as I was so embarrassed that people might think I was with her! So I guess bad behaviour isn't just DM's  But as for clapping and cheering I always make an effort to support other routines. It's pretty rubbish too when people burst into the auditorium like a tidal wave, just loudly support their own routine and just as loudly leave the auditorium without watching or supporting any other routines in the category.  And wolf whistles bit odd! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dancefanatic Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 Thank goodness I haven't really met such mums in our travels but then my DD doesn't do the competition or festival circuits! She took part in a show at the weekend and I have to say the audience there supported all acts equally. I was so very impressed as the first show she has done with this particular dance school and I was naturally very vocal (in appreciation too I might add) about all the acts I had seen. The mums I've met through my DD's JA class last year couldn't have been nicer to both of use from week 1 and have continued to be so through into this year. Do you think some people watch shows like Dance Moms and think that the behaviour shown is one they must emulate to be a dance mum??  I have loved reading this thread, particularly the stories of the children who have done particularly well in a beautifully quiet and un-show off way (sorry, I know that's not good grammar!!). I hope that's the way my DD and I are perceived, as we have always ensured we praise other children too and try to talk down her achievements, and then only talk about them if questioned directly by someone!  Keep those stories coming!!!! 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jazzpaws Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 Fortunately most mums are lovely people who just want the best for their DC's BUT the others are awful. Sometimes there are DC's who are in every dance(shows and festivals) and always have their position at the front in the middle but they are not always the best dancers, which does dishearten others. A couple of years after DD had moved to a more dedicated ballet school (no festivals ), had been through her associate programmes and started at vocational upper school I happened to bump into the mother of a dancer that was always centre stage at the local supermarket. She was gushing about how well DD had done and how she had got where she is through sheer hard work because it wasn't as though she had any natural talent - after all, her DD would have been accepted at any vocational school she chose if she had applied. I thought it best to say that I was so pleased her DD is enjoying what she is doing and walk away - they do say she who laughs last laughs longest lol 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petalviolet Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 Funnily enough, I'm my short experience so far, the mums that seem the most down to earth are the ones with children who have been through an audition process outside of their local school/area- be that festivals or associates or youth ballet but who have done it on their own. Â When you have to jog along with a group of strangers with children from all sorts of different schools and backgrounds and deal with the intensity of being judged or scrutinised by panels that are unfamiliar you develop a degree of tact, humility and patience that I don't think is as tested if you stay within the comfy surroundings of your local area or in a protective huddle. Â It's really hard rocking up on your own and I'm not the most gregarious individual but sometimes I 'do chatting' and sometimes I just step back and watch and listen and I quite quickly realise DD is not the best dancer of her generation (!) and there are families putting in more miles/money/sacrifice/effort and we aren't that special or different. Â I think it's a confidence issue too. If you travel en masse from one event to another then of course it encourages some to conduct themselves with a bravado they wouldn't dream of displaying otherwise. Â That and a total lack of curiosity. Some people just aren't that interested in 'having a look around'. I guess they just might be a bit threatened by what they might see? Try not to let competitiveness upset you - it's insular and ultimately just plain boring. 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
proudmum Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 My dd and I have made some lovely friends during her dance 'journey', but I have to say festivals bring the out worst (and best) in people. The loud bragging in the changing rooms is embarrassing - last year I sat behind 2 mums who discussed my dd very loudly as she was dancing!But my pet hate is during associate auditions when parents crowd round the warm up room - watching every other dc apart from their own, eyeing up the 'competition'. Maybe I'm very synical but thankfully my dd gets herself ready so I can escape to have a coffee well out of the way!! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jazzpaws Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 You are right Proudmum, so have I - the very few horrid ones stick in the mind unfortunately. I can understand it more during auditions as it the most horrendously stressful time - but festivals should only ever be fun and a chance to perform solo or in groups and to receive constructive comments from the adjudicator. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sherbert Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 Normally I'm irritated by the comments on this site - how tough it is for dance mums, mums this mums that. Never any mention of fathers. Â On this occasion glad do see another mum only thread. Â Although can't help thinking enough is enough now... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 IME the dms who do feel the need to brag, boast and hog the attention are in reality the most insecure. Deep down they secretly worry that others are judging them and their dc as they judge others, and they are constantly seeking external validation in the shape of festival wins, auditions etc etc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loulabelle Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 Normally I'm irritated by the comments on this site - how tough it is for dance mums, mums this mums that. Never any mention of fathers. Â On this occasion glad do see another mum only thread. Â Although can't help thinking enough is enough now... Â I've always found the Dance Dads to be far more easy going about the whole dance world! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anna C Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 Normally I'm irritated by the comments on this site - how tough it is for dance mums, mums this mums that. Never any mention of fathers. On this occasion glad do see another mum only thread. Although can't help thinking enough is enough now... Hello Sherbert, and welcome to the forum. It's a shame that you are "irritated by the comments" on our forum. Although many of the members of Doing Dance are Mums of dancing children, we also have several Dads too, as well as dancers and teachers. As long as this thread doesn't risk identifying any parents or children, as a Moderator I am happy for it to continue for now as it is clearly a therapeutic place to have a little vent. Feel free to join in should you need to; alternatively there is a previous thread started by Stirrups36, I believe, on how stressful the audition process is for Fathers. If you would like me to provide a link, do ask. Â In the meantime I hope you continue to use the forum and realise what a knowledgeable and hugely supportive group of posters we have. 22 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
taxi4ballet Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 In a two-parent family it tends to be the mums who take their dc's to dance, as often they are the one able to do hair, emergency ribbon sewing etc. If there are other siblings then the dad will probably be the one who stays at home/goes to other activities with them. Â You do occasionally see a handful of dads waiting at associates or whatever - they usually look as though they wish they were somewhere else! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dramascientist Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 Though my sister was always very impressed that DH could do a really good pony tail or plaites over the head! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JulieW Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 I did the bulk of the "dance stuff" with all my children, but my husband did occasionally take them to JAs (and rehearsals at the ROH on a few occasions) on the back of his motorbike, much to their delight and the amusement of others when they turned up clutching a huge helmet and bodysuit. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
taxi4ballet Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 Though my sister was always very impressed that DH could do a really good pony tail or plaites over the head! Good for him! Â On one occasion I was unexpectedly taken into hospital and dd was going to a day of dance at Tring. DH took her, but had no idea how to do her bun (she was a lot younger then, only about 9 and hadn't got the hang of it herself). When they arrived, he looked around and asked several mums how to do a bun and they wouldn't help him! In the end a member of staff took pity on him and did it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anna C Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 Though my sister was always very impressed that DH could do a really good pony tail or plaites over the head! This reminds me of when I was going into hospital for a lengthy stay so I taught dh how to do a ballet bun. He took to it like the proverbial duck, and after that whenever a particularly neat bun was required, dd would always ask "Dad, can you do my hair?" I felt quite put out! :-) 13 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2dancersmum Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 No mention of fathers on this thread from me as I've yet to meet a pushy bragging father on my dance travels with my DDs. Â Yet, maybe its unusual - but the dads by far outnumber the mums at our local dance school - for both dropping off and picking up. I'm sometimes the only mum there! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dramascientist Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 Oh Taxi how awful that nobody would help! If I would have been there I would definitely jumped in and given him a hand, why would you not I ask myself? 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MAK Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 My dh does more of the dance runs than I do due to our working patterns. He also sews elastics into shoes, ribbons onto festival/pointe shoes, shortens straps and is way better at buns than I am. He has even had to do hair and makeup for festivals, though of course has to do it all before leaving home as is not allowed in the changing rooms. He also watches as many times as he has the opportunity. However, the organising/co-ordinating/applications etc. are definitely my job, so I'm the one on the forum! Anyway, off topic I think. Re this thread, we are so lucky. All of the parents we have met at the local dance school are just lovely and supportive and some of them have very talented dcs indeed :-) 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petalviolet Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 Frankly I think my two sole responsibilities  1) doing the bun 2) changing the loo roll  make me..  THE BACKBONE OF THE HOUSEHOLD. 14 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pups_mum Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 In 15 years of dancing I can count the number of times my husband has been to watch DD dance on the fingers of 1 hand. (And the number of times when he has stayed awake throughout is..well, a round one...) and it's a standing joke that he always asks "Which one were you?" afterwards, even when she's had solos. Hey ho....he has made some pretty awesome props and scenery for shows over the years though, so he has definitely "done his bit" even though he has absolutely no interest in dancing. To be fair, he isn't any keener on most of our boys' hobbies either so DD doesn't feel too victimised really! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fiz Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 Taxi, I can't believe no one would help! How mean spirited is that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annaliesey Posted March 23, 2016 Author Share Posted March 23, 2016 Normally I'm irritated by the comments on this site - how tough it is for dance mums, mums this mums that. Never any mention of fathers.  On this occasion glad do see another mum only thread.  Although can't help thinking enough is enough now...  I'm really sorry. When I started this thread it was genuinely only because I personally had come across Those Dance Mums.  I've never had an issue with Dance Dads. Maybe that's a minority view? I don't know.  Sorry if it offends 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cornishprincess Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 I'm sorry if I ever have been one of those mums..... 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petalviolet Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 Personally, I don't think you have anything to apologise for Annaliesey X 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loulabelle Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 Me neither Annaliesey it's certainly made me chuckle!???? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JulieW Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 And if you watch "those" TV programmes it's very definitely dance mum's who are the issue. Someone was just feeling a bit touchy earlier, no need to apologise - it's funny reading all your stories. Â I no longer have a dancing child but I am helping/writing at a festival soon so I'll get my dose of dance mums then :-) 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drdance Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 There are also so VERY mean / competitive teachers out there... While some are indeed lovely, I hate going on courses or dance days where I might encounter a teacher who is constantly bragging about how many of her/his students attend such and such a school, or how many get distinctions in exams, or who sit at syllabus courses and whisper "well that's not how [insert well known examiner name] told me how to do it!". As for the abusive messages I've been on the receiving end of, for speaking out about safe dance practice in children.... 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Picturesinthefirelight Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 They get their comeuppance thigh drdance & it's satisfying when you hear of it as I did recently. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annaliesey Posted March 23, 2016 Author Share Posted March 23, 2016 Thanks peeps, I didn't mean to offend honestly.  I was just thinking though.. I don't think my hubby has ever had to endure the brag-chat. It's as if women don't start on him in the way they do me.  Possibly because he would look like he needed to go and fix a boiler somewhere, or unblock a toilet.  He did have a lady tap him on the shoulder at a competition once to helpfully point out "that at these style competitions its only the number that is read out and not the dancers name" ... he was like "no shit sherlock, I've sat through too many of these things now" and was just a bit bored rather than confused  But that is it! That is the total sum of dance mum drama he has endured. Which was really just a helpful comment!  Maybe people like him are just no fun to spar with 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annaliesey Posted March 23, 2016 Author Share Posted March 23, 2016 There are also so VERY mean / competitive teachers out there... While some are indeed lovely, I hate going on courses or dance days where I might encounter a teacher who is constantly bragging about how many of her/his students attend such and such a school, or how many get distinctions in exams, or who sit at syllabus courses and whisper "well that's not how [insert well known examiner name] told me how to do it!". As for the abusive messages I've been on the receiving end of, for speaking out about safe dance practice in children....  err yeah to the mean/competitive comment!  I've had my fair share of that but less said about that the better (as I am being watched, even under my pseudonym on here! *laughs hysterically*  I wonder if there is a connection between the teacher behaviour and the mum/dad-behaviour in terms of competitiveness.  I did hear an explanation several times that went along the lines of "It's our job to be tough on the kids to prepare them for the real competitive world of dance"  I've wondered whether teachers were competitive in these professional environments .. surely that must get on everyones nerves too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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