Jump to content

THOSE Dance Mums = help!


annaliesey
 Share

Recommended Posts

*Urgh*

 

I just groan sometimes where I hear stuff like (and I have a little mental list) …

 

“her feet were made for pointe shoes”

“best in the dance school”

“dance is her life”

“she is her teacher's favourite”

“the youngest in all her classes”

“will take / has taken her exams early”

“always dances up several levels”

“is only 9/10/11/12/13 but at advanced levels”

“good enough to skip grades or go straight in at <insert high grade>”

 

Obviously it’s when it’s in a certain context it grates the most, but you can tell when these things are said in a particular way ie; bragging.  It’s always along the lines of just how super gifted and hardworking some parents describe their children.

 

And then there’s all the audition stories of being so fantastic, being offered blah blah something but having to turn it down for x/y/z reason. (I’ve switched off at this point).

 

Is it just me that is grumpy about this?  It’s like fingers being scraped on a black board for me. I can go right off some people.

 

Why do some parents think their child is the only one child on the planet that works hard? Or that their child is the only one that “deserves” certain things and opportunities because of their “hard work”? Lots of children work hard. In fact, show me a dancer that doesn’t work hard!

 

I believe talent and success speaks for itself.  It doesn’t need parents to verbalise it at every opportunity.  

 

Just urghhh! Rant over

  • Like 14
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 143
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

There are parents like that in every sphere of interest unfortunately. There are a couple of people I know to whom I have given up ever mentioning my children, even in passing, as if I do, I immediately get bombarded with detailed accounts of their children's latest astounding achievements. It does grate, but basically I try to avoid people like that,or if I can't I adopt the "smile and nod" approach and try to let it float over my head.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dont get me started on these parents! I have some students who come to me for extra coaching from another teacher and their parents actually came in to ask me why I kept correcting their children! Apparently they were so good they had never been corrected prior to entering my class and their parents couldn't understand why they would possibly need correcting!

  • Like 6
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dont get me started on these parents! I have some students who come to me for extra coaching from another teacher and their parents actually came in to ask me why I kept correcting their children! Apparently they were so good they had never been corrected prior to entering my class and their parents couldn't understand why they would possibly need correcting!

That is really daft. So what did they think was the point of the extra coaching then?!!!! ;)  :D

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

There are a couple of people I know to whom I have given up ever mentioning my children, even in passing, as if I do, I immediately get bombarded with detailed accounts of their children's latest astounding achievements.

Yep! That too! My dad has a saying that if your dog was dead theirs would be deader!! :)

  • Like 13
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dont get me started on these parents! I have some students who come to me for extra coaching from another teacher and their parents actually came in to ask me why I kept correcting their children! Apparently they were so good they had never been corrected prior to entering my class and their parents couldn't understand why they would possibly need correcting!

That's hilarious! My dd would think the teacher was bored with her if she didn't get any corrections!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

And I absolutely love it if you go somewhere and there's children stretching all over the place with perfect buns and clothes, perhaps even an associate hoodie, and someone comes in looking as scruffy as hell with toes almost poking through their shoes then the take up their position and just floor everyone ... I can't help it, I just love it, even if it shows my girl up too ! :)

  • Like 13
Link to comment
Share on other sites

A little bit of humility goes a long way and it applies to children and parents alike. I always think, 'Tell me when they get a professional contract, then I'll be impressed'. Until then it's just a potential which may materialise or it may not. The very best will make it whatever (and by best I don't necessarily mean technically so, it's a whole combination of things that have to come together to make the whole). What truly matters is that they love what they do. It's a long bumpy road, enjoy your own child's successes along the way and ignore all the changing room point scoring. As for corrections, if my DC wasn't being corrected regularly I'd move teacher!

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh Annaliesey, yes - I don't get it: ballet training is better to be slow and steady.

 

But here's a heartening tale: member of my family was a bit of a late starter (11 or 12 or so), and was never the "star" of her class or the awful dance competitions that were done for "performance experience." There was another girl who was the prodigy etc etc just as your first post lists. Her mother was always not-bragging, just as you say in your first post - not bragging, just telling us all about her daughter's achievements (yeah, right).

 

Guess who went on to earn her living as a professional dancer reaching at soloist level in an established well-known company?

 

Hint: it wasn't the youthful prodigy ...

  • Like 8
Link to comment
Share on other sites

That's sweet kate_n :) very sweet when it's real :)

 

Unfortunately one (only one of many!) of my worst dance moms was of a late starter. It was as if because her dd decided to take up ballet at 11/12 she had a point to prove and was the worst bragger / pain ever! It was things like "she works so hard" (meaning she probably practised once a week or something) when our kids has been "working hard" for years! Our children regularly made sacrifices such as sleepovers or birthday parties or play dates for years but suddenly since she started, the whole world needed to know about a missed birthday meal or family event. It was like "get over yourself". She had no idea how irritating and insulting she was to everyone who had been dedicated to their dance for years.

 

Then there was all the sucking up to dance teacher, all the dreadful pics on social media, discussions about being desperate to go on pointe after less than a year, criticism of others who she didn't think were strong enough to go on pointe.

 

The mum must have read a ballet manual and just spoke so much garbage generally .. !

 

If she had just left her to get on with it, the dd might have enjoyed her start into ballet more without the self inflicted competitiveness

 

... Ridiculous

 

As you say Harwel "tell me when you get a professional contract"

 

... Until then excuse me while I yawn :)

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Worst overheard bragging dance mum comment ever went..

 

"Brag brag brag..brag brag..brag..."

 

Turn to neighbour

 

"So........(pausing for respite after exhausting bragging)

 

Has YOUR daughter found.....anything.....she EXCELS at.....................yet?"

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think some people forget that children learn by example and in my experience the mums who brag tend to turn their children into divas - won't take correction, correct other children, sulk when they aren't on the front row, brag about themselves and take real offence when other people achieve things or shock horror do better than them!

 

Interestingly I have never come across the same situation with boys and their mums. But I've heard mums of girls saying "he only got xyz because he's a boy"

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Trust me there are boys mums who are just as bad - not as frequently to be fair but then there are fewer boys also. I once had the misfortune to sit next to a mum of a 15 year old boy prior to a 'showing of work' at the end of a workshop and heard all about her wonderfully talented advanced ballet dancer son who had not even needed to audition for Elmhurst or Hammond because they had heard of him and wanted him. Out came the dancers - 5 boys in total amongst the girls and the person without a doubt with the worst technique was this boy - completely outshone by the 9 and 10 year old boys with far better technique and presentation.

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Balletmummy55 my mum was told I would never amount to anything because my long legs got in the way, which looking back is just the most hilarious criticism for so many reasons a) I was the tiniest child in my year at school B) I'm only 5ft2 c) lots of ballet dancers have long legs, in fact it's quite a nice quality!

 

Pictures, I think I should PM you!

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Worst overheard bragging dance mum comment ever went..

 

"Brag brag brag..brag brag..brag..."

 

Turn to neighbour

 

"So........(pausing for respite after exhausting bragging)

 

Has YOUR daughter found.....anything.....she EXCELS at.....................yet?"

oh please tell me how the other woman responded?

 

was it

 

a ) smile sweetly and say "yes thank you"

b ) was it to tell her to "go forth and multiply"

c ) was it with a "I'm sorry I've spilled my coffee all over you"

d ) was it "yes thank you, has yours?"

 

:)

Edited by annaliesey
  • Like 7
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was told, to my face (when my dd got rbs JA scheme and dance mum dd did not) "I didn't expect her to get a place anyway as rbs only take children with no technique, and my dd has amazing technique"!!

 

yes! haha  and I've also heard "It's not that they are better than you, we all know you are better but they are looking for just a certain physique even if there's no talent or technique!"

 

How arrogant to think that these places cannot spot talent as well as other stuff/physique 

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hope it was c and d simultaneously!

 

oh please tell me how the other woman responded?

 

was it

 

a ) smile sweetly and say "yes thank you"

b ) was it to tell her to "go forth and multiply"

c ) was it with a "I'm sorry I've spilled my coffee all over you"

d ) was it "yes thank you, has yours?"

 

:)

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dance mum's like that tend to cultivate chit chat with an easy target though don't they? What they want is a good sounding board, in this case, a flustered nanny who couldn't think of anything quickly enough off the top of her head mumbled feebly something about "she likes a good book".

 

Don't worry though. It was with great delight.. I witnessed dance mum's prodigy child escorted out of class moments later with teacher's hand firmly on crown of her head and ejected back into her mothers arms with the phrase.."well...she did manage to be better behaved than last week".

 

Nothing beats a dance teacher for keeping it real.

  • Like 7
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Picture DD at funding audition with DH. Nobody talking to DH (being the only man) lots of mothers brag brag brag, one turns ro DH "and has your daughter managed to get any offers, she's qiute tall isn't she?" DH oblivious "err yes erm I think offers from Tring Park, The Hamoond ,is it? and err the one in Scotland...not sure of the name but its on the West coast" ....."silence" much shuffling of bottoms on seats!

  • Like 16
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think I'm getting better at spotting them now though... 

 

... they hover around the reception desk or organisers with chit chat and gleaning special bits of information

... they constantly look over your shoulder in case there is someone more influential to talk to

... they have enormous hand bags full every conceivable accessory you could ever want

... kids in the brightest leotard (to stand out!)

 

I'm sure I'm on the right track here :) hehe

  • Like 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

All the above are the reason why I sit in my car for pick up and drop off and go nowhere near the dance studio.  There are some lovely mums at our dance school but unfortunately most of the diva mums are in my daughters year.  Once caught a dance mum sneaking a peak at my dd's exam result which she had left on the chair whilst she went to the loo.  The look on her face when she saw the result just made me laugh. 

 

My advice - stay as far away from them as possible!!

  • Like 6
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Then there's the 'festival braggers'..................????

I've been sat at a festival enjoying watching all the dancers, my daughter included.

The mum I'm sat next to has 'bragged' non stop about how good her DD was, how she's really worked so hard on her dance, how proud she is of her and how she's sure to be placed.

I sit there nodding and complimenting her DD waiting for her to say how nicely my DD danced too. It doesn't happen!

 

My DD is placed, hers isn't and she stomps off without a word of congratulations. Then proceeds to make excuses for her DD in the dressing room while I keep my head down????

Sound familiar festival mums???

  • Like 7
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Then there's the 'festival braggers'..................

I've been sat at a festival enjoying watching all the dancers, my daughter included.

The mum I'm sat next to has 'bragged' non stop about how good her DD was, how she's really worked so hard on her dance, how proud she is of her and how she's sure to be placed.

I sit there nodding and complimenting her DD waiting for her to say how nicely my DD danced too. It doesn't happen!

 

My DD is placed, hers isn't and she stomps off without a word of congratulations. Then proceeds to make excuses for her DD in the dressing room while I keep my head down

Sound familiar festival mums???

 

haha.. yep

 

Don't tell me.. she was competing with an injury/illness/just lost a family member/ or ... only learned the dance in 3 mins or something like that .. blah blah :)

 

Its even worse if it's someone from your own dance school!

 

it's horrible as so unnecessary. If it had been the other way round you would have heard loads I'm sure :) 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dh travelling to JAs with ds. Loads of bun heads get on all full of themselves bragging loudly about their dance ability, schools etc.

 

Ds quietly unbuttoned coat to reveal RBS JA sweatshirt.

 

Whole carriage goes silent!

 

(A good ten years ago now!)

  • Like 10
Link to comment
Share on other sites

All the above are the reason why I sit in my car for pick up and drop off and go nowhere near the dance studio.  There are some lovely mums at our dance school but unfortunately most of the diva mums are in my daughters year.  Once caught a dance mum sneaking a peak at my dd's exam result which she had left on the chair whilst she went to the loo.  The look on her face when she saw the result just made me laugh. 

 

My advice - stay as far away from them as possible!!

 

I'm having this dilemma at the moment because if I sit in the car I get cold, and can't really have the engine running for the heater because it's a residential area (I had someone politely tap on my window ... fair enough) so I've ended up sitting inside.  It's quite nice when it's sitting and watching as not appropriate to chat when it's sitting on a bench at the back of the room. 

 

Thankfully my days of sitting in a dance school reception area with point scoring mums is behind me for now at least, but yes I agree ... avoid, avoid, avoid!

 

Now shall we talk about facebook and instagram brags? haha

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share


×
×
  • Create New...