Jump to content

DD's struggling with college


Katymac
 Share

Recommended Posts

"For DD (16) in the first term I would suggest sheer amount of stuff to do; she is doing a pre-voc in MT

 

The classes/dancing/college is the most marvellous thing ever;the shopping, cooking, washing-up, washing clothes, washing her hair, even showering have been soul-destroying - she is totally exhausted and is talking about giving up because she just wasn't prepared for the work involved in looking after herself."

 

I posted that on another topic & because it was derailing Dancebrain's question I started a new thread.

 

I am hoping DD's problems are around a very hard first term, adjusting to her 'new life', being poorly & maybe even her approaching birthday

 

But I don't know, I hover between supporting/propping her up"of course you can manage" & saying "OK pack up & come home" which normally gets a wail of "I don't want to"

 

She is in a lovely house - with a marvellous flatmate & a great landlady; but she is largely expected to be independent.  The landlady will step in if she is being foolish or daft

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I do feel for you Katymac.  It's so difficult to know what to do in these situations.  I'm sure she will be fine when she gets into the swing of it, and if she's not well at the moment then she is going to want her mum, we all do!

 

Are you close enough to go and give some practical support like doing her shopping, washing etc. one weekend?  If not a care package with things that she's likely to forget to buy like shampoo, conditioner, nice moisturiser etc always put a smile on my face when I was at uni.

 

It's hard to leave home and adjust at any age, but at 16 it must be doubly hard.  I left at 18 and found the first few months a struggle.  I remember my parents visiting for my birthday (October) and really wanting to get in the car and go home with them.  Once I'd adjusted I was fine, and I'm sure that your daughter will be too.

 

I'd like to say don't worry, but I know that you will.  I'm sure she will be okay and settle in fully very soon.  Keep us updated as to how she's getting on.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Your poor DD! I would suggest that to a large extent it probably is down to a very long first term as she is adjusting to everything. They do get so exhausted that it makes everything harder and being poorly just makes things worse.

 

Is she still coming home at weekends? If she is, perhaps you should encourage her to stay. Weekends is when most do all their washing, shopping etc and they can get a lie in for much needed sleep. Travel itself is also a lot more tiring than you think. If she is missing home and wants to see you, are you able to visit her instead? You could perhaps cook up a batch of something then that she can divide into several meals. At the start of each half term with my non DS (DDs landlady provides food) we would do a big shop with him to make sure he had all the staples in and his share of the freezer full up. He would take dishes like lasagne with him and then freeze it into portions - anything to cut down on the shopping and the number of times in a week he had to cook. If she gets on well with her housemate - sharing can work well - especially if at the weekend they can plan the meals for the week, shop and then take it in turns to cook.

 

If she is home at weekends, ask her to bring her washing home, send her back with homecooked food she can just reheat and above all make her rest. Just do what yo can to ease her load. I know from your posts that she has still been dancing at weekends. But she really does need to rest and get plenty of sleep until she is fully adjusted to her new life. Do your best to get her to rest over Christmas too.

 

My DD found the first term, even without the weekday cooking, completely exhausting - both physically and mentally. Just the fact that everything is still new to them is extra tiring in itself. I do hope your DD finds a way through this after all her hard work to get there and I hope something I have said here may give you reassurance or ways to help her.

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh Katymac I know what you mean it is very hard for them. Dh and I had a call a week last Saturday at 6.30 in the morning 4.30 UK time because DD had been up all night throwing up and she just wanted her mum! I agree with all the comments it is hard for them especially as the nights get longer and they just don't realise how much work it takes to look after yourself, I think the shopping for my DD is the biggest challenge. Just let her know its normal to feel like this and she isnt alone and Christmas will soon be here. I am sure she will feel differntly after the holiday.

 

DRSC

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Is there a pastoral team at her college who can just give her a bit of support? She really isn't the only one who is finding it hard but it is easy to look around and think everyone else is finding it a breeze. Also from one who has had a dd at vocational school for a number of years do remember that as parents we are their sounding block - we hear about the awful day, how hard everything is and their friends, teachers see a happy, confident child! For myself I have had to learn when to ask a member of staff to maybe just keep an eye on dd because her tone of voice indicates she is struggling. And for her knowing I have pointed out to staff is enough for her to feel she can approach them and have a chat.

The majority of those that have just started sixth form will be tired, needing some space away from their peers and there are so many viruses doing the rounds, all adding to their feelings of finding it hard to cope. The fact she doesn't want to come home is a good sign but exhausting for you as you try to give the emotional support she needs when you are probably feeling fragile.

Is it practical to visit her at weekends? A walk and coffee away from it all does help. I send my university dc shoe boxes full of practicalities and treats when sounding fed up or work load extra heavy. Chocolates, Magazine, pasta sauces etc. if you keep it below 2 kg it only costs £2.30 to post at the moment.

Not long to Christmas break, feed her up, let her rest and I bet she will be too keen in your eyes to get back in January.

  • Like 7
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I didn't go to dance college or anything, but did loads & loads of dance while at uni (I wasn't giving it up!) & still do, I remember feeling exhausted & crawling towards the end of term, so I can imagine your DD needs a real break! It's a massive adjustment for her! Time saving things that helped/helps me now, much of which I organise/organised at weekends for week ahead:

 

- have dance stuff ready for week ahead, eg I needed ballet stuff for 3 days so I made sure I had 3 pairs of tights clean & ready on Sunday, packed in a bag with leotard, shoes etc. Jazz stuff in another bag. Rehearsal stuff ready in another bag etc. Saved time during the week washing etc & finding stuff. I did (& still do) have quite a lot of dance stuff, but I found the cost worth it (& a lot of the time it's pretty cheap stuff anyway).

 

- for food shopping I agree with doing a massive bulk shop at the beginning - get a Tesco delivery? That saves me so much time now & also it saves your orders so the repeating shops are much easier. Get the app on her phone & she can shop while travelling. Agree with bulk cooking & freezing also where possible & sharing with flat mate?

 

- use all the time travelling, I had about an hour/hour & a half journey each way 4 days a week to classes so that was a lot of time to use doing reading, learning stuff etc. I quite often used to do my make up on the train in the morning to give me more sleep...not recommending that exactly but I just worked out the best way to use what hours I had!

 

I think the main thing is prep as much as you can in advance. & have a proper break at Christmas, it's not that long!

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Lots of good advice but reassure her also that it has been a very long term and everyone is getting run-down especially now the nights are drawing in. This is true not just in dance schools - I work in a secondary school and it is clear students are flagging, as is my non-dancing dd at uni. Also get her to think about things that HAVE to be done and things that can (although not ideal) be left. Also is she a morning or evening person? I am a morning person and have learnt when I reach a certain point to just leave things, sleep and get up a little earlier the next day, Jobs take me only half the time in the morning with the added pressure of leaving the house on time that they would in the evening when I am tired and there is no time deadline apart from a need to get to bed.

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well the doctor has just given her amoxycillin for a probable chest infection; so I hope it's just feeling miserable because she is ill rather than anything more serious combined with more exercise than she has ever done before in her life & a longish term & darker nights

 

But we have found a range of good quality ready meals she likes which has helped, each half-term we have stocked up with food

We are creating a timetable for washing & she does have spares so she should keep up with kit

 

She walks 20 mins to & from college

 

She has been coming home weekends but stayed this weekend because of a party/going out and then couldn't do wither because she was poorly - I went down to see her but I'm not sure it helped

 

It's her birthday on Friday & we were supposed to be going to a ball (in London) and then a show on Saturday, but I'm glad we were just getting tickets on the day as I think the show tickets would have been wasted the way she is coughing.

 

It's hard not to worry

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I hope that it is down to her probable chest infection. She has probably been feeling a little under the weather for a while as it all catches up on her. I hope she is soon feeling better and send her birthday wishes for the weekend. Do make sure she adds sufficient rest into her busy life. I had a girl stay with us her first half term holiday who fell asleep within minutes on every car journey, was in bed by 10pm every night and slept a full 12 hours - to the absolute astonishment of her parents who live abroad. She had been used to a full day at school, leaving for the bus at 7am, and dancing after school til 9pm every day as well as all day sunday but found days at vocational school way more tiring.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

The poor thing is struggling; she has had a tummy bug(D&V), then a very bad cold & asthma (no chest infection), then a chest infection and now possibly a chill

I feel so sorry for her & want to sweep in & look after her - but I have work & she doesn't want to come home :mellow:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Perhaps what she really needs is a couple of days in bed! Sometimes you struggle on and try to keep going through illness, and because your defences are down you're then more prone to picking up more germs along the way. Mother Nature needs time to fix things, and that can only happen if you allow yourself to rest, otherwise things can drag on for ages.

 

Hope she's feeling better soon. :)

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

She is a much better colour - her peak flow has stabilised

 

She has enjoyed being pampered a bit by her dad (I'm at work) - we also got a new cat 3 weeks ago & she has really enjoyed being slept on by the cat :)

 

 

She absolutely loves the course; but I think she likes the idea of living by herself rather than the actuality of washing & shopping & cooking & dishes & putting clothes away and then starting all over again.  I guess it wasn't too bad when she felt well but when she was ill it became a real chore

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

It is a lot to deal with, I think. My ultra neat ex dd turned into a bit of a slob at university and is still much more untidy than she used to be. Hopefully your dd will start to feel much better soon. Everything always seems worse when you are poorly.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

My DD is 16 and started at college in sept she to is finding it hard doing everything that she always took for granted when she lived at home but is getting slowly getting herself into a routine and it all seems to be falling into place now, but it has been hard along the way!

 

I hope your DD feels better soon Katymac I don't think the college that she is at has long till it finishes for Christmas do they so a nice long break will be good for her.

  • Like 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

If she goes back on Sunday it will be for just 3 days

 

But I think she needs to go back to show them she is OK - part of the training is showing you can manage fulltime training I think

 

Plus she has to get her photos, her report & her reference for her applications

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...