aileen Posted March 27, 2013 Share Posted March 27, 2013 Thinking of you, Julie. Fiz, I'm sorry to hear that you have not managed to get through to your brother. I agree with Julie's suggestion that you at least raise your concerns about both of your parents' health with their GP (by letter if necessary). This might prompt some action by the GP. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fiz Posted March 28, 2013 Author Share Posted March 28, 2013 I don't, Julie. From what I have heard, she isn't very helpful, I'm afraid. I am so very sorry about your dear mother. Old age is terrible. Most of the people is the ward Daddy is in have at least some degree of dementia or else can do nothing to help themselves. To add to the fun, I've had agonising hip pain for the last two days and now I have a viral rash and swollen glands! My husband says I look awful, too Oh, deep joy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
porthesia Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 To Fiz and Jule, big hugs to you both x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jan McNulty Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 Sending hugs to you both, Julie and Fiz. Jx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa O`Brien Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 Same here.Hugs to Julie and Fiz. Thinking of you both. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fiz Posted March 28, 2013 Author Share Posted March 28, 2013 Thank you all so much. Ballet people are wonderful x 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JulieW Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 Sadly my mum died on Thursday evening. We knew it wouldn't be long and I'd spent the day at the hospice with her on Wednesday. My dad and brother were with her and it was very peaceful. Can't believe she seemed perfectly well at Christmas though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aileen Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 Julie, you have my condolences and sympathy. It is hard to lose a parent however old you are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jan McNulty Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 Julie, I'm so sorry to hear your very sad news. You and your family are in my thoughts. Jx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
porthesia Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 Sorry to hear your news Julie x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fiz Posted March 31, 2013 Author Share Posted March 31, 2013 Julie, I am so very sorry. You will be in my prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anjuli_Bai Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 My heartfelt condolences, Julie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KathyG Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 So sorry to hear your sad news Julie. Our thoughts are with you. Kathy x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa O`Brien Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 So very sorry to hear of your loss,Julie. My thoughts are with you .Lisa. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alison Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 Julie, I'm so sorry for you and your family, but hope you can at least take some encouragement from the fact that it wasn't long and drawn-out. You'll all be in my thoughts and prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa O`Brien Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 What age was your mum Julie,if you don`t mind me asking? My son`s nana [ his dad`s mother] is 88 and is in and out of hospital it seems on a weekly basis with one infection after the other. She was always very fit and healthy,but has lost a lot of weight the last 2 or 3 years due to poor appetite. I think that`s what could be causing her to get all these infections. Now I hear from her daughter,she is starting to become confused,which is something she never was before. I`m not surprised, the amount of times she`s been in and out. Think i`d be confused too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
veryskint Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 Condolences Julie. My father had a similar cancer in 2010. The end comes very swiftly but now looking back that was a blessing. Try to focus on the times pre-diagnosis - I have found that helps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa O`Brien Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 Sorry Julie,I see from your earlier post you said your mum was 79.x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2dancersmum Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 Really sorry for your loss Julie. My thoughts are with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rowan Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 Sorry to hear about your mum, Julie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fiz Posted April 3, 2013 Author Share Posted April 3, 2013 So I was told I was right about my father yesterday. I have never wanted to be wrong more in my life. I emailed my brother who now believes it since the hospital has confirmed it. This afternoon the physio, a doctor and a social worker are meeting with us. I do not think my mother really knows what is about to hit us all. I am dreading her reaction Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aileen Posted April 3, 2013 Share Posted April 3, 2013 Fiz, I'm sorry to hear that your fears were well-founded. At least the professionals are now involved and your mother will have to accept that your father has a problem. It seems that your brother has now accepted the reality of the situation and this will be helpful in dealing with your mother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spax Posted April 3, 2013 Share Posted April 3, 2013 My mother has Cerebella degeneration and both my siblings. Mother was sent to hospital because she lost the will to live and didn't eat. Turned out she had vertigo virus. Got her strength up and hospital let her out 11 at night with no assessment and within a couple if days fell and broke her arm! Now in home, put 1 stone on in 9 days! Doesn't want to go home. I live in London, she in Oxford, siblings can't get to her as not allowed to drive. Heart breaking seeing your only surviving parent suffer and can't be there 24/7???? Sorry to hear others in same position. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fiz Posted April 3, 2013 Author Share Posted April 3, 2013 Oh boy! The doctor and social worker could not believe how blinkered my mum was or how unwilling she was to believe what they were saying or accept help. She's agreed to the minimum amount possible, cannot believe Dad needs 24/7 care or that my brother will have to return to China in the next fortnight for a week. I've got a splitting headache and daren't think about the future ;( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jan McNulty Posted April 3, 2013 Share Posted April 3, 2013 Fiz, it's so hard. Many years ago the Mum of a friend had dementia. She and her sister both found it hard to accept but it was her sister who found it the hardest and she was a district nurse. Sending virtual hugs your way. Jx 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aileen Posted April 3, 2013 Share Posted April 3, 2013 Fiz, if your mother has been in a state of denial about your fathet's health she may need time to process what she has been told. Once she has organised outside help for your father she may become less depressed and be able to cope better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa O`Brien Posted April 3, 2013 Share Posted April 3, 2013 Fiz,I agree with what Aileen has just said. I think sometimes we can be so close to someone it`s difficult to see things as they really are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fiz Posted April 3, 2013 Author Share Posted April 3, 2013 My father has been deteriorating for over a year. I've tried to talk to her about this several times but she has just shut me out. I found out today that my brother has been changing everything Dad pays to direct debit, and is setting up a shopping home delivery service for them. I have been excluded from this and any decisions about how Dad will be cared for.I have been worried sick about how my mother will cope and so has my husband. There is a lot more I could say but won't, except it seems to me that everything is being done for my mother's benefit, not my father's. My brother will just go back to China and I will be the one picking up the pieces and having several daily phone calls about the least little thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ELee Posted April 3, 2013 Share Posted April 3, 2013 So sorry to hear your sad news Julie, my thoughts are with you and your family. This was read at the funeral I attended this week for a dear friend, she had been unwell since Christmas and died peacefully at her daughter's home. The service was mainly secular but ended with this message. I had not heard it before; but with the sun shining and spring flowers evident in the grounds where the funeral was held, it was somehow both fitting and moving. God's Garden God looked around his gardenAnd found an empty place,He then looked down upon the earthAnd saw your tired face.He put his arms around youAnd lifted you to rest.God's garden must be beautifulHe always takes the best.He knew that you were sufferingHe knew you were in pain.He knew that you would neverGet well on earth again.He saw the road was getting roughAnd the hills were hard to climb.So he closed your weary eyelidsAnd whispered, 'Peace be Thine'.It broke our hearts to lose youBut you didn't go alone,For part of us went with youThe day God called you home. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JulieW Posted April 4, 2013 Share Posted April 4, 2013 Fiz - please try not to worry. As Aileen said, let's hope things will get better as your mum comes to terms with the situation. You can't be responsible for everything - they will have to find a way through with the help of their local nhs support system. Thinking of you xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fiz Posted April 4, 2013 Author Share Posted April 4, 2013 I am trying not to, Julie, but Mum sees social services as "interfering". All I can do now is hope and pray. Thinking of you and your family. x 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aileen Posted April 4, 2013 Share Posted April 4, 2013 Fiz, many people are reluctant to get Social Services involved in their lives. I was one. I feared that they would start dictating what we should do with my mother. As your mother finds it hard to cope generally I think that it is a good idea to simplify her life by setting up direct debits and organising a grocery delivery service. This will help to avoid crises such as your parents being threatened with having their electricity supply disconnected or running out of food. This will help you as well as you won't have your mother on the phone as much panicking about things. As for your father's care, Social Services will generally try to keep people at home for as long as possible if they feel that they will be safe and that it is in their best interests. A care package for someone at home who lives alone typically starts with a couple of visits a day, perhaps in the morning and evening, and an additiional weekly shopping "call" and perhaps a weekly or fortnightly cleaning "call" as well. Social Services will carry out an assessment of your father's needs and draw up a care plan with input from your family. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fiz Posted April 4, 2013 Author Share Posted April 4, 2013 This may be your experience, Aileen but hardly any of this was offered to my parents. My mother has so far been on the phone to me twice today and twice to my brother who has admitted to me today that he is fast losing patience with her. He can't even concentrate on his work here in the UK. We are as concerned about her as we are about my father now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now