Life after ballet

[Anna C]

11 minutes ago, Pups_mum said:

That's good. I found it helpful. Just accepting that it's normal to have these feelings and that you're not actually weird or the only one to feel that way is a good start.

It's paradoxically often easier to talk to a stranger than people that are close, so hopefully it will help your DD.

 

So true.  My DH found the same when he retired at 50 from a career which had been fast paced and high adrenaline.  He had to find a purpose other than career, Husband and Dad and found it *really* difficult.

 

Dd had counselling after she sustained her serious injury and had to leave vocational school.  There were a LOT of different feelings to work through. She gets mentoring (which is basically counselling) via uni now and it’s absolutely invaluable.  I’d always recommend it - not because our children can’t or don’t want to talk to us, but sometimes they have worries or need to talk about things that they don’t want us to worry about.  Telling someone independent who’s paid to listen really takes the pressure off and removes the feeling of being a “burden” or “I can’t tell Mum that in case it hurts her feelings” and so on. 

[Lifeafterballet]

Just stumbled across this post and it really struck a chord with me 👏

https://ibb.co/QcSmFQF

[Lifeafterballet]

On 22/01/2021 at 16:16, cotes du rhone ! said:

I posted a birthday picture on social media today for Dd 🥳 It was taken exactly a year ago, she was smiling and dancing for royal visitors that day and the picture later appeared in Hello magazine. I then looked back at my social media account, all the proud parent moments shared with family and friends over the passed 8 years, all positive, happy and successful. Not a hint of the trauma and the pain 😢 that we have all been through. Next to that picture on my phone I have a picture of her fractured foot that she danced on that day and then performed and auditioned on. I have never shared that one. I also have a picture of the MRI report of Ds’s L2 stress fracture from the year before. Both of these make me sick and feel so guilty that as a loving parent I allowed them to push through, to deny pain, postpone scans and have physios strap them up so they could carry on performing. All this in pursuit of a ballet career. My ballet brain fog is just starting to clear and I am starting to reflect on the passed 8 years and what we could have, should have done differently. Why did we not speak up ? I’m mortified by our silence and ignorance. We as a ballet community rarely share our experiences. We fear the repercussions of speaking out.  We celebrate our successes and remain silent about the reality of the full time training rollercoaster. My husband and I are guilty of failing to protect our children from the both physical and psychological damage that vocational training can cause. The self doubt, low self esteem, self judging and fear of being judged by others. The shame of joining the long queue for emotional support 😢 There are some amazing and happy times too in my photo album. It wasn’t all bad. But I have decided not to dwell on it and not to just disappear quietly as if embarrassed and make excuses for Dd. We want to share the truth. Dd has quit ballet. She fell out of love with it a long time ago. She outgrew it. That 11 year old who wanted to be a ballet dancer is now a beautiful, intelligent young woman with a whole new life ahead of her. Her passion, drive and ambition will continue in a different career. Covid actually helped her and gave her the breathing space she needed to make the difficult choice to start plan B early. 
The physical and psychological healing and recovery has only just begun but I see her happy like I haven’t seen her in years.

There are so many informative threads and discussions on this forum about getting into vocational training but very little shared experiences on completing or leaving training. I want to hear about those Dds and Dss that chose different paths. So very few who train vocationally actually have a career in ballet. 2020/21 has been particularly sad 😢 but there must be some positive stories to share. 

A year ago today I started this thread. Today we celebrate our daughters 21st Birthday 🥳 

She started University last September and hasn’t looked back 💪 Since deciding to stop ballet she has gone from strength to strength. She loves her course, has made some very special friendships and has never been so healthy, physically and psychologically. 
Her passion and drive are back in bucket loads as now she is surrounded by supportive, encouraging and genuine people. No more self doubt and tears 😭 

I reflect on those 8 years of vocational training now and what she and we as a family endured still hurts. But it’s about learning to move forwards, taking each day at a time and finding happiness and positivity in what you are doing. 
Thank you to those of you who shared your stories of your life after ballet journeys. I hope your DD’s and Ds’s find fulfilment on their new path 🥰

[Peanut68]

Thank you C du R for sharing your experiences so openly in starting this thread & for your wise words & those of others. It’s got me thinking to re-read this thread with a whole new ‘head’ on as DC’s journey seems to have shifted over the last (very challenging) year....

It gives such genuine pleasure to read your words & share your pride in the happy state of ‘life after ballet’ for your DD (& I suspect you too!) 

This is the thread we all needed to read back in those optimistic Year 6 audition year days! Let’s hope time sees modernisation in dance training & career guidance to support & empower youngsters to find their passions, allow these to change over time & to be true to themselves & truly happy! 

[glowlight]

So glad to hear that your dd is happy and thriving @cotes du rhone !

 

Thankyou for the update.

[FlexyNexy]

I thought my post would be suitable under this heading. My DD has graduated vocational school just in the middle of pandemic, secured contracts overseas but due to embassies being closed, we had to pass these opportunities. I do not know how, but she has found strength and continued to train this year in pre-professional programme/ junior company, but I think she is very tired of this cycle. She seems to be only getting into ‘companies’ which are subsidised financially by parents in exchange for dancing opportunities. She is frustrated that she is not going to be paid and feels the pressure she is giving on us. During our last call she said she fell out of love of ballet and all this hard work came to “nothing”. I want to support her, but I also do not want to feed her with encouragement to continue if this is making her depressed. Many of her peers have flown this month to join cruises, but this is not her “cup of tea”. Her mood is very down, she does not even know what she would like to do after ballet so I suggested just to come home and take little time out. We are stuck and also in a motion to set plan B.

[Peanut68]

I think there are very many families facing these same dilemmas...best of luck to your DD & you in working out next steps.

I think perhaps far more than in a usual year are facing these issues....Young grads seem to have so many hurdles to jump.... the shrinkage if the industry globally with the pandemic, Brexit reducing opportunities in EU countries & - dare I say this? - a cynical move by so called companies (& schools) to get parents  to ‘subsidise’ their running costs by offering ‘jobs’ under such titles as pre-professional training/junior company/apprenticeship etc...

these are more like a course or an internship & should be transparent in the marketing of these continued training roles. What I don’t get is why can’t there be government subsidised apprenticeships in UK ballet companies with part work part training;  like is available in the gas engineering works for example? Apprenticeship degrees would be s worthwhile addition or rethink/rebrand  of some of these offerings. I’m also saddened as I see one round of training leading onto another then another.... at what point do you decide enough of training? If a financially (ie. paid at a life sustaining level) viable job is not on offer or on a visible horizon, how does one decide to ‘move on’.... 

Its heart breaking but I guess that’s maybe more our problem as parents on sidelines? Perhaps the dancers themselves see it more as a release to enter a much wider world with far more opportunities & variety! And quite likely far more ££££ in earning potential too! 

Edited January 27, 2022 by Peanut68
Added...

[Anna C]

12 minutes ago, FlexyNexy said:

I thought my post would be suitable under this heading. My DD has graduated vocational school just in the middle of pandemic, secured contracts overseas but due to embassies being closed, we had to pass these opportunities. I do not know how, but she has found strength and continued to train this year in pre-professional programme/ junior company, but I think she is very tired of this cycle. She seems to be only getting into ‘companies’ which are subsidised financially by parents in exchange for dancing opportunities. She is frustrated that she is not going to be paid and feels the pressure she is giving on us. During our last call she said she fell out of love of ballet and all this hard work came to “nothing”. I want to support her, but I also do not want to feed her with encouragement to continue if this is making her depressed. Many of her peers have flown this month to join cruises, but this is not her “cup of tea”. Her mood is very down, she does not even know what she would like to do after ballet so I suggested just to come home and take little time out. We are stuck and also in a motion to set plan B.

 

Bless her, it’s hard enough to get a paid contract normally, without this seemingly never-ending pandemic, isn’t it. 😔 How much longer has she got until her year finishes, Flexynexy?  Could she come home for a short break and then finish the year, so the hard work and fees aren’t wasted? 

 

I have no idea how many, if any, vacancies there might be, but there are a few cruise ships that have ballet as part of the onboard entertainment; it’s definitely not all musical theatre/jazz.  Or how would she feel about teaching? 

[FlexyNexy]

Just now, Anna C said:

 

Bless her, it’s hard enough to get a paid contract normally, without this seemingly never-ending pandemic, isn’t it. 😔 How much longer has she got until her year finishes, Flexynexy?  Could she come home for a short break and then finish the year, so the hard work and fees aren’t wasted? 

 

I have no idea how many, if any, vacancies there might be, but there are a few cruise ships that have ballet as part of the onboard entertainment; it’s definitely not all musical theatre/jazz.  Or how would she feel about teaching? 

She is finishing in June but I told her this morning that I will come and help her pack and come back if she decides earlier. Even if early as next week. 
Her degree includes teaching, but I know she never wanted to teach and she would just give full stop to ballet and the environment around it. I have also suggested to maybe have ballet as recreational hobby while she is looking at other career prospects.
I told her I will support every decision she takes and will be with her all the way when she needs me. It is so hard.

[Anna C]

One thing I forgot to say earlier is to tell her that all her hard work is definitely NOT “for nothing” - her commitment and dedication to ballet will have benefits, and have given her transferable skills, regardless of what she does next.  

[FlexyNexy]

Just now, Anna C said:

One thing I forgot to say earlier is to tell her that all her hard work is definitely NOT “for nothing” - her commitment and dedication to ballet will have benefits, and have given her transferable skills, regardless of what she does next.  

Thank you Anna, I have reminded her of this and of all transferable skills she has. She is brilliant young woman and I am very pround of her for being able to talk to me openly about all her struggles. This is for me the most important thing.

[Anna C]

1 hour ago, FlexyNexy said:

Thank you Anna, I have reminded her of this and of all transferable skills she has. She is brilliant young woman and I am very pround of her for being able to talk to me openly about all her struggles. This is for me the most important thing.

 

Sounds like she has a wonderful support system at home too, so you should be proud of yourself. ♥️

[glowlight]

Oh @FlexyNexy - I do feel for your daughter and for you too.

 

I believe you are TOTALLY doing the right thing by supporting her as she faces this dilemma.  If she is coming to the conclusion that she is reaching the end of this road it is her decision, and so it is great that you are supporting her in that, so that she knows that she is not disappointing you (although I'm sure you feel a little sad as well).

 

Great that you are giving her the option, but it sounds as if coming home and taking a break might be a good approach.  

 

My dd didn't have a pre-defined Plan B when she gave up dancing (after 5 years working on cruise ships) - but like your dd she knew she didn't want to teach.  It took a few months at home, working in the local cafe, helping a little in the family business, keeping an open mind, and she found a new direction which she has been able to throw herself into.

[Out-the-other-side]

3 hours ago, FlexyNexy said:

I thought my post would be suitable under this heading. My DD has graduated vocational school just in the middle of pandemic, secured contracts overseas but due to embassies being closed, we had to pass these opportunities. I do not know how, but she has found strength and continued to train this year in pre-professional programme/ junior company, but I think she is very tired of this cycle. She seems to be only getting into ‘companies’ which are subsidised financially by parents in exchange for dancing opportunities. She is frustrated that she is not going to be paid and feels the pressure she is giving on us. During our last call she said she fell out of love of ballet and all this hard work came to “nothing”. I want to support her, but I also do not want to feed her with encouragement to continue if this is making her depressed. Many of her peers have flown this month to join cruises, but this is not her “cup of tea”. Her mood is very down, she does not even know what she would like to do after ballet so I suggested just to come home and take little time out. We are stuck and also in a motion to set plan B.

My daughter was in a similar position - apprenticeships and short term contracts that would have meant her staying perpetually on the audition treadmill. In the end, stability became the strongest pull for her (it is in her nature to crave that whilst others, such as my eldest non DD, can cope with uncertainty and freelance style work.) What I would emphasise is that she found it impossible to make that decision whilst still in the ballet bubble. In that sense Covid was a blessing as it allowed her to step away and to see that her sense of perspective had become somewhat warped. She also had to get over the ‘what will people say/think trauma’ that she had blown out of all proportion. 
She is the happiest I have ever seen her, putting her many transferable skills and qualities from ballet to excellent use and is genuinely excited for her future, which is totally non dance related. Ironically, she was contacted this week with an  expression of interest from a National Company in Europe in response to the last audition application she made in the summer - she just laughed and said there was no way she was going to go back to that world. And this from someone who was totally obsessed with ballet less than a year ago. It was her entire world then - now she knows there is a whole (often kinder) world out there for her to enjoy and discover. I wish your daughter well - happiness should be in the journey and in the destination too. Sending you both love and reassurance that there most definitely IS life after ballet! 

[Lifeafterballet]

18 hours ago, FlexyNexy said:

I thought my post would be suitable under this heading. My DD has graduated vocational school just in the middle of pandemic, secured contracts overseas but due to embassies being closed, we had to pass these opportunities. I do not know how, but she has found strength and continued to train this year in pre-professional programme/ junior company, but I think she is very tired of this cycle. She seems to be only getting into ‘companies’ which are subsidised financially by parents in exchange for dancing opportunities. She is frustrated that she is not going to be paid and feels the pressure she is giving on us. During our last call she said she fell out of love of ballet and all this hard work came to “nothing”. I want to support her, but I also do not want to feed her with encouragement to continue if this is making her depressed. Many of her peers have flown this month to join cruises, but this is not her “cup of tea”. Her mood is very down, she does not even know what she would like to do after ballet so I suggested just to come home and take little time out. We are stuck and also in a motion to set plan B.

I’m so sorry that you and your Dd are going through this difficult time. But as others have said there will be light at the end of the tunnel and ballet you will discover isn’t the be all and end all x

I do wish that vocational schools and parents / pupils would be more honest / transparent about what happens after graduation. The published graduate destination lists to those who have been through this is sadly not the reality 😕 A majority of the celebrated contracts are unpaid positions and unattainable due to visas, finance etc. I wish this was shared with the next generation of graduates and their parents so they can be prepared for the financial and emotional ride that will continue for most dancers. 
 

[Lifeafterballet]

Just to add, looking back at graduation destinations I feel that the chances of getting a paid corps contract was declining a long time before the pandemic. The last 2/3 years of grads have sadly had limited to no opportunities 😕

Our Ds was so lucky to be a boy and graduate just before Covid. We watched him perform last night and although I love being here and watching him I won’t be very sad when it’s over. The fragility of this career still makes me uneasy and we regularly discuss his plan B and when he will initiate it. I guess we seek stability for him and for us 😅 

[Peanut68]

How many families are still so heavily vested/invested in a recently qualified plumber young person & their ongoing career & worry about their health/injuries/short/mid/long term career opportunities & stability/plan B etc....???

And doubt they go watch them ‘perform’ in their role too!! (unless they are ‘tap dancers’ of course 🤣 Sorry folks...couldn’t resist!) 

Edited January 28, 2022 by Peanut68
Typo

[meadowblythe]

 

My eldest non dancing son has recently joined the police force, having previously worked in the theatre.  Only last night I was offering to come and watch him arrest someone and clap wildly at the appropriate moment ...  I pointed out it was only what I would do for his ballet dancer brother!

 

 

[Drdee]

I wonder what we mean by employment ‘stability’ in the arts. From my experience this is an oxymoron. I think ‘the media’ are the ones who peddle the myths, don’t focus on the unpleasant bits, the financial reality, the rejection, the politics, the subjectiveness. It is not for the faint hearted. Ballet is tough, not well paid, physically gruelling ... but no one can say witnessing a live performance is not transformative. I am sure that is what attracts ballet dancers to perform. From those I know who have succeeded in the arts you do have to wait out the first five years (at least) after graduation. Yes some get jobs straight away but there are those that don’t but may supplement part time contracts with other work. Those part time contracts do add up and can lead to a full time contract. In the end it comes down to how long someone is prepared to struggle in the precariousness of it all and who can support them as they do this (financially, emotionally,  politically). I have been married to an artist for nearly 30 years who had had his ups and downs - (more downs since having children who dance) but no one knows what the future holds. The artistic life is not for everyone that’s for sure. It’s trying to remain calm in heavy seas and keep travelling. 

[rowan]

2 hours ago, Drdee said:

From those I know who have succeeded in the arts you do have to wait out the first five years (at least) after graduation.

But dancers can’t wait five years after graduation. It’s a young person’s job and has a short shelf life. It’s not the same as being an actor, painter or writer. 

[Pups_mum]

I think you are very wise to suggest some "time out" @FlexyNexy

It is extremely difficult for anyone to see a way out of a situation that they are not happy with when they are right in the middle of it.

This has always been a problem of course but the pandemic has made it a great deal worse. It's probably hard for your DD to see it right now, but so much of the situation is outside her control and sometimes it helps to accept that you can't change what's happening, but you can change how you respond to it.

She is still very young and clearly has a loving and supportive family. There is no harm in taking some time out to think and reappraise the situation. Not having a plan B at this age is not the end of the world, upsetting as it may seem now. And she certainly will have many transferable skills - it's not been wasted time. Good luck to her in whatever the future holds.

 

 

[Drdee]

15 hours ago, rowan said:

But dancers can’t wait five years after graduation. It’s a young person’s job and has a short shelf life. It’s not the same as being an actor, painter or writer. 

Sorry that my comments were not clear. I think we should be prepared to wait a few years post graduation and maybe longer after the pandemic. Five years may seem too long in the dance world considering the average stage career. I was talking about the performing arts, MT, ballet, and maybe acting. It’s just my opinion and there are many variables at play. 

[Anon2]

1 hour ago, Drdee said:

Sorry that my comments were not clear. I think we should be prepared to wait a few years post graduation and maybe longer after the pandemic. Five years may seem too long in the dance world considering the average stage career. I was talking about the performing arts, MT, ballet, and maybe acting. It’s just my opinion and there are many variables at play. 

Dancers especially ballet dancers need to continue to have top quality dance classes until they have a company position and are doing class. For most once out of training impossible to access, either the expense, location or space at home.

[Drdee]

2 hours ago, Jane said:

Dancers especially ballet dancers need to continue to have top quality dance classes until they have a company position and are doing class. For most once out of training impossible to access, either the expense, location or space at home.

Totally agree with you @Janethose challenges are real and I have direct experience. I was trying to be optimistic and if I could set up big house with free accommodation, free high quality dance classes for unemployed ballet dancers in between contracts I would. I need to win the lottery!!

[Lifeafterballet]

3 hours ago, Jane said:

Dancers especially ballet dancers need to continue to have top quality dance classes until they have a company position and are doing class. For most once out of training impossible to access, either the expense, location or space at home.

Putting two children through vocational ballet training just about crippled us. Couldn’t imagine how we would have supported them if they hadn’t have got contracts or retired 😕 University is so cheap compared to ballet training, auditions, pointe shoes etc 😅

[Pups_mum]

I think the big problem is that although the world has kind of stood still in some respects for the last 2 years, and may continue to do so for a while longer, it hasn't done so for the schools and colleges who are still producing graduates at the normal rate. There are always more graduates than jobs, even in more normal times, but Covid has definitely exacerbated the problem. Even if job opportunities return to the pre Covid norm in a couple of years, which is probably optimistic,surely there is going to be a huge pool of dancers chasing them?  I would imagine that the newest graduates would be first choice for some roles, and experienced performers for others. But the Covid cohorts are potentially very disadvantaged as they will no longer be fresh new graduates, but they haven't had the opportunity to develop and gain experience either. Even keeping at the level they were when they graduated is going to be difficult.

It's terribly unfair to this cohort of talented young dancers and I absolutely understand why so many are so upset and disillusioned. Many of my DD's friends are in this position, and I really for them. It is very sad, but for many, the most pragmatic option is a change of direction, be that a new path in the dance world or something completely different. Waiting a few years isn't a realistic option for many unfortunately. Other professions will have similar issues but I think the fact that the average dancer has a fairly short performing career under normal circumstances makes them particularly vulnerable.It isn't the dancers' fault, or the colleges', or the companies' - or anyone's fault really. But it is unfortunately reality. 

 

[Peanut68]

Pups.Mum, sadly I fear you are exactly right in your assessment. 😢

[alison]

On the other hand, perhaps it's not always wise to abandon all hope:

 

 

[Lifeafterballet]

A reflection by my daughter on her two years post ballet.
 

Since this year marks two years since I hung up the pointe shoes, I feel it's fitting to post a ballet photo & share a reflection of the last two years.

The ballet world isn't as open as people hope it would be.

Having lived & breathed it vocationally from age eleven, I have had my fair share of trauma, which most people will be in denial about, myself included. You sacrifice a lot for the art form, some of which you will never heal from. As much as it is rewarding, it is as equally harmful in many respects. However this isn't a post to degrade the art, it is merely a shared reflection of how I have grown & flourished since moving on from what people associated me with & for those battling the choice to step away.

I have built friendships & relationships with incredible people who have comforted me when I felt low, carried me to bed after drunken nights & laughed so hard I didn't realise it was possible.

1 have healed mentally & physically after suffering with hypothalamic amenorrhea & I am proud of how far I have come.

A saying that has stuck with me goes 'you cannot truly heal within the environment that made you sick' & I feel every word of that.

I now understand what it means to genuinely feel happy & be optimistic about the future which for dancers is a daunting prospect whether they be in a school or professional company.

I returned back to the ballet world however in a different role which was liberating. Empowering & supporting dancers by sharing new knowledge combined with my experience, listening & engaging. Now with an outsiders perspective, I see on both social media & in person the negativity & unhealthy behaviours which are normalised & accepted within the ballet world which need addressing. I like to think that as a ballet community we are progressing however sadly this progress is slow & not quick enough.

1am proud to be one of many girls & guys who grew up within the ballet world who has stepped away to embrace a bright & exciting future beyond the stage, despite the fear of judgment having given 100% commitment for 8 years.

Let's hope 2023 enables us all to step in the right direction, encourage & be happy for everyone's successes.

[glowlight]

What a wonderful post @cotes du rhone !, thankyou for sharing.  I am so pleased that your dd is healing and is so much stronger now.  It is wonderful that she is able to build something positive from her negative experiences.  

 

I think it is really important for our young people to know that they are more than just dancers, and if there is one thing that we as parents of former dancers can pass on to the parents of younger dancers it is..don't let dance define your child.  They will be who they are long after their dance career is over, the dancing is just part of their life journey.  Let's hope it is a positive one.

[Allwrong]

A brave, generous and really heartening post. What a cheering start to the New Year, and here’s to a special young lady!

[FlexyNexy]

On 01/01/2023 at 00:49, cotes du rhone ! said:

A reflection by my daughter on her two years post ballet.
 

Since this year marks two years since I hung up the pointe shoes, I feel it's fitting to post a ballet photo & share a reflection of the last two years.

The ballet world isn't as open as people hope it would be.

Having lived & breathed it vocationally from age eleven, I have had my fair share of trauma, which most people will be in denial about, myself included. You sacrifice a lot for the art form, some of which you will never heal from. As much as it is rewarding, it is as equally harmful in many respects. However this isn't a post to degrade the art, it is merely a shared reflection of how I have grown & flourished since moving on from what people associated me with & for those battling the choice to step away.

I have built friendships & relationships with incredible people who have comforted me when I felt low, carried me to bed after drunken nights & laughed so hard I didn't realise it was possible.

1 have healed mentally & physically after suffering with hypothalamic amenorrhea & I am proud of how far I have come.

A saying that has stuck with me goes 'you cannot truly heal within the environment that made you sick' & I feel every word of that.

I now understand what it means to genuinely feel happy & be optimistic about the future which for dancers is a daunting prospect whether they be in a school or professional company.

I returned back to the ballet world however in a different role which was liberating. Empowering & supporting dancers by sharing new knowledge combined with my experience, listening & engaging. Now with an outsiders perspective, I see on both social media & in person the negativity & unhealthy behaviours which are normalised & accepted within the ballet world which need addressing. I like to think that as a ballet community we are progressing however sadly this progress is slow & not quick enough.

1am proud to be one of many girls & guys who grew up within the ballet world who has stepped away to embrace a bright & exciting future beyond the stage, despite the fear of judgment having given 100% commitment for 8 years.

Let's hope 2023 enables us all to step in the right direction, encourage & be happy for everyone's successes.

I applaud your daughter! We have been on very similar journey, and I wish my daughter would never chose career in ballet. It is horrible world! She had it all and travelled the world with her ballet and earlier musical theatre. Sailed through auditions, won school prizes and prix and with no contacts….she is just another dancer that had a chance to make it.
Since graduation only job offer, she received was to work for free in exchange for exposure. Whether it was US or Europe all was unpaid! UK only offered post graduate program which I followed for a while and so far only gave false hope to many dancers. She has given the unpaid role a go for a year and only came across bullying nature from directors and choreographers. It's all about who you know. We have seen it and live through it so no one needs to paint me another picture.
We have family friends who could fast track her to ballet companies, and she NEVER wanted to take that advantage. She wanted to achieve it in her own accord. I admire her for the young woman she is.
Ballet is great money-making scheme, very nice when you have little ballerina and you only worry about leotards and how to do their hair. But the reality hits you in the final years at upper school. 
Her peers from her class year gave up all together and the wealthier are paying their way through for the sake of saying I am a ballet artist.

My DD has been writing a journal ever since I can remember, and I am encouraging her to publish it. It would be a proper eye opener and reality check for many young wannabee dancers and parents and maybe will cause a scandal on what is really going on with establishments she has been involved with. I think few teachers would really have to be worried if their name is mentioned. What shocked me the most when she is constantly approached by her ex teachers desperate to know where she is so they can publish the success on their social media, they are not happy that she has shown cold shoulder to unpaid work. Hanging her shoes (me binning them same day in large black sacks) was the best decision she has made.
She is so content now, retrained and earning twice the salary of an young artist. She can finally be independent and free for the ballet culture and nastiness. She is like changed person. Full of life!

[Beezie]

Thank you, @FlexyNexy, for sharing.  It’s so easy to get sucked into the dance machine, as little-girl ballet classes involve into something more.  …and more, and more, and more.

 

Hearing things like this remind me to keep the perspective that dance is a lovely extracurricular activity to develop along with everything else in childhood.  And even if the perspective is appropriately measured, Ballet still has a strange layering of constructive and toxic behaviors all wrapped up in one. It’s hard to navigate for child and parent alike.