Life after ballet

[Nama]

On 12/01/2023 at 00:28, FlexyNexy said:

I applaud your daughter! We have been on very similar journey, and I wish my daughter would never chose career in ballet. It is horrible world! She had it all and travelled the world with her ballet and earlier musical theatre. Sailed through auditions, won school prizes and prix and with no contacts….she is just another dancer that had a chance to make it.
Since graduation only job offer, she received was to work for free in exchange for exposure. Whether it was US or Europe all was unpaid! UK only offered post graduate program which I followed for a while and so far only gave false hope to many dancers. She has given the unpaid role a go for a year and only came across bullying nature from directors and choreographers. It's all about who you know. We have seen it and live through it so no one needs to paint me another picture.
We have family friends who could fast track her to ballet companies, and she NEVER wanted to take that advantage. She wanted to achieve it in her own accord. I admire her for the young woman she is.
Ballet is great money-making scheme, very nice when you have little ballerina and you only worry about leotards and how to do their hair. But the reality hits you in the final years at upper school. 
Her peers from her class year gave up all together and the wealthier are paying their way through for the sake of saying I am a ballet artist.

My DD has been writing a journal ever since I can remember, and I am encouraging her to publish it. It would be a proper eye opener and reality check for many young wannabee dancers and parents and maybe will cause a scandal on what is really going on with establishments she has been involved with. I think few teachers would really have to be worried if their name is mentioned. What shocked me the most when she is constantly approached by her ex teachers desperate to know where she is so they can publish the success on their social media, they are not happy that she has shown cold shoulder to unpaid work. Hanging her shoes (me binning them same day in large black sacks) was the best decision she has made.
She is so content now, retrained and earning twice the salary of an young artist. She can finally be independent and free for the ballet culture and nastiness. She is like changed person. Full of life!

Congratulations to your young person. We have also supported our daughter through years of ballet - she walked away 4 plus years ago. Went to university- studied finance and graduated in December. She’s now got a fabulous career ahead in investment banking and starts in February. The road has been very difficult. The ballet world left her broken and required significant counselling and psychological help. Her confidence was crushed. She felt worthless and a failure - despite graduating from rbs !!! She had to find her voice and see value in herself that wasn’t defined and expressed by the ballet world. She’s learnt to see value in her brain and her opinions- her intellect and expression of her point of view. Her voice is powerful and in the real world valued and heard. She is no longer valued only on her bendy feet and high jumps. She can speak out - and is valued for being smart and articulate- not assessed as being too forthright. Silent women standing in line doing as they are told without an opinion is no longer for her !!! The opinion and assessment by the ballet world needs to reflect the real world and be cognisant of the psychological impact on the kids they are teaching and dealing with. This is not new - endless parents have told the leaders of these schools that their methods are unacceptable! Good transparent governance of these institutions requires reviews. They know this. But refuse to act.  The problems of conflict of interest and muddled favours and sponsorship events distorts true merit in selection. They all know this is a problem too - but it continues. The ballet world profits. Those involved know it works and no one wants to rock the boat. So best of luck to those involved. But congratulations and well done to the kids who have extracted themselves and achieved a new pathway. Well done !!! 

[Beezie]

4 hours ago, Nama said:

Silent women standing in line doing as they are told without an opinion is no longer for her !!!

Good for her.

 

Isn’t the stereotype of ballet so funny?  Quiet, compliant, female muses (usually in an old fashion, gender-stereotypes plot lines) trying to please a ‘usually male’ choreographer/director who judges them 50% on looks and 20% on connections/favoritism.  If you think about it like that, no mom would say “Great career choice; go for it!”

 

I know I just distilled a whole artistic industry into its most negative qualities….so don’t take that too seriously.  But that is the underlying culture each dancer will have to fight.  And unfortunately, those fights aren’t from the ground.  To be effective, you really need to usurp the director/choreographer after ‘playing the game’ for years.

 

Your financial banker daughter will have a better chance of rocking-the-boat in her current position.  If she wants it, her chances or getting onto the Board of Directors or Trustees of a major ballet company is probably in her grasp after 10-15 years in a successful finance career.  From there, she will have real voting power and can change the ballet industry 500% more effectively than being a dancer.  Keep her focused on the mission of ‘cultural change’ because there is more good she can do.

 

 

[NotadanceMa]

My son is still in training vocational training Y10.

When his form were asked what they wanted to do as a Plan B (we refer to it as another Plan A 😊) not one child had an alternative career choice. My son wants to be a forensic social worker. He loves dancing. Hates the culture. He values his emerging identity and finds there is no room for this in classical ballet training or classical repertoire in his experience to date.

 

He has thought about leaving the ballet world many many times in his few years in training, but for him it is also a seductive and beautiful and compelling place when you are in favour and talented. As a bystander it is a world of extreme emotions.
 

As a retired therapist and mental health professional the dynamics of ballet training and company life for professionals do remind me of a relationship based on coercive control. 

‘A life after ballet’ should be an essential part of the vocational curriculum timetable from Y7 all the way to US final year so that children come with an identity that isn’t defined by success in ballet contracts.

 

I do feel sad that life after ballet for so many children sounds like a process of reparation and grief.

[FlexyNexy]

It is scary and as a mother of now adult ex ballet dancer I strongly encourage every parent to give their child as much "normal time" as possible away from ballet. This is to prepare them also for the shock of “not making it” into dreamed company.

We had unwritten rule when after ballet class we never talked ballet at home, she never socialised in her free time with her ballet peers, and we did had normal holidays and I am proud to say that we do not have any summer photo in arabesque by the pool!

I hated when her ballet teacher used to say that if you have Plan B, you have already given up! It took me so much effort not to get my daughter brainwashed and yet when the ballet career went down the drain, not because she did not have offers, but she was proud dancer who refused to dance for free or tiny money that did not cover even her travel card she struggled to find her identity.  

This was the hardest part of her life! And this should be taught in schools too. Schools should be also publishing success stories of children that went to work on a cruise, theatre lightning managers, costume designers, make-up artists, accountants, chef…. It feels like they are ashamed of them.

I follow so many parents run accounts on social media just because I used to be in the ballet mum world and I fear for the little ones. Even the competitions turned the Art of Ballet into a kind of sports (but without sportswear). Who turns more, who jumps more, who lifts his leg more, who stays in balance longer, who invents a new trick and the spirit of dance disappeared. Sad.

[NotadanceMa]

52 minutes ago, FlexyNexy said:

It is scary and as a mother of now adult ex ballet dancer I strongly encourage every parent to give their child as much "normal time" as possible away from ballet. This is to prepare them also for the shock of “not making it” into dreamed company.

We had unwritten rule when after ballet class we never talked ballet at home, she never socialised in her free time with her ballet peers, and we did had normal holidays and I am proud to say that we do not have any summer photo in arabesque by the pool!

I hated when her ballet teacher used to say that if you have Plan B, you have already given up! It took me so much effort not to get my daughter brainwashed and yet when the ballet career went down the drain, not because she did not have offers, but she was proud dancer who refused to dance for free or tiny money that did not cover even her travel card she struggled to find her identity.  

This was the hardest part of her life! And this should be taught in schools too. Schools should be also publishing success stories of children that went to work on a cruise, theatre lightning managers, costume designers, make-up artists, accountants, chef…. It feels like they are ashamed of them.

I follow so many parents run accounts on social media just because I used to be in the ballet mum world and I fear for the little ones. Even the competitions turned the Art of Ballet into a kind of sports (but without sportswear). Who turns more, who jumps more, who lifts his leg more, who stays in balance longer, who invents a new trick and the spirit of dance disappeared. Sad.

This is a fabulous comment. It should be a pinned post!

[Jewel]

“Isn’t the stereotype of ballet so funny?  Quiet, compliant, female muses (usually in an old fashion, gender-stereotypes plot lines) trying to please a ‘usually male’ choreographer/director who judges them 50% on looks and 20% on connections/favoritism.  If you think about it like that, no mom would say “Great career choice; go for it!””

 

which is why I love this 

 

 

[balletbean]

On 20/02/2023 at 12:54, FlexyNexy said:

It is scary and as a mother of now adult ex ballet dancer I strongly encourage every parent to give their child as much "normal time" as possible away from ballet. This is to prepare them also for the shock of “not making it” into dreamed company.

We had unwritten rule when after ballet class we never talked ballet at home, she never socialised in her free time with her ballet peers, and we did had normal holidays and I am proud to say that we do not have any summer photo in arabesque by the pool!

I hated when her ballet teacher used to say that if you have Plan B, you have already given up! It took me so much effort not to get my daughter brainwashed and yet when the ballet career went down the drain, not because she did not have offers, but she was proud dancer who refused to dance for free or tiny money that did not cover even her travel card she struggled to find her identity.  

This was the hardest part of her life! And this should be taught in schools too. Schools should be also publishing success stories of children that went to work on a cruise, theatre lightning managers, costume designers, make-up artists, accountants, chef…. It feels like they are ashamed of them.

I follow so many parents run accounts on social media just because I used to be in the ballet mum world and I fear for the little ones. Even the competitions turned the Art of Ballet into a kind of sports (but without sportswear). Who turns more, who jumps more, who lifts his leg more, who stays in balance longer, who invents a new trick and the spirit of dance disappeared. Sad.

Well said. Whilst my DD and her cohort were supported to audition they were going in blind post graduation. However that being said, NBS do celebrate all their graduates successes and welcome return visits at anytime.
 

We were all so ignorant about knowing what was deemed acceptable pay & conditions whilst trying to balance not being taken for a ride as a newbie to the industry. Then the mental preparation of the waiting game that comes along after an audition. This subject could create a forum all on its own. Advice & support for graduates within the Industry. Whether that’s a ballet company or the wider world of ballet. 
 

Edited February 26, 2023 by balletbean

[alison]

Sounds as though a thread would be worthwhile.