Melody Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 (edited) This is one of the reasons I'm very suspicious of these attempts to get people to live to 120 or 150. I don't see any advantage to it if they don't figure out how to avoid dementia setting in during the 70s and 80s. My mother's dementia took years off my father's life, with the physical and emotional stress of trying to deal with her both before and after she went into a home. There wasn't much I could do to help him, since I live in the USA, but a dementia diagnosis is a very good (if tragic) way of finding out who your friends really are. Edited March 14, 2015 by Melody 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa O`Brien Posted March 14, 2015 Author Share Posted March 14, 2015 My grandmother [my mum`s mum] had dementia for the last few years of her life and had to go into a nursing home,as she kept burning pans . During a visit with my mum, she would recognize us straightaway, but as the afternoon wore on she would start asking who we were. Eventually,I remember she used to walk around the communal room, stooping down to pick things up off the carpet. There was nothing there,but she imagined there was. But one funny thing I always remember [she died aged 91 in 1993] was when we went to visit her one Sunday. She didn`t have her false teeth in and we couldn`t find them. So my mum asked her if she knew what had happened to her teeth. " Oh I got fed up of them and threw them out of the window". We went outside,and sure enough,underneath my grandma`s window were a set of false teeth.!! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sarahw Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 Hfbrew, I'm sorry to hear you are just starting the journey and my heart goes out to all of you - Aileen/Fizz/Lin - hope I haven't missed anyone -dealing with a relative in this situation. Melody I totally agree with you about living longer. I think we have lost sight of the reality of what living longer can mean..... I once had a 93 year old patient discharged from hospital on a new prescription of a cholesterol reducing medication...... She was very happy to stop it when I suggested it. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melody Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 So many of us are dealing, or have dealt, with a close relation with this awful disease. You don't realise quite how common it is until you see something like this, where half the forum is coming along with a sad story to share. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fiz Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 Today was rather difficult to put it mildly. I think my mother is fast realising that she can't handle the situation for much longer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aileen Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 I'm sorry to hear that today was difficult, Fiz. However, if your mother is now able to accept that she needs help it is a good thing. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fiz Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 Yes,I agree, Aileen. I only hope she is of the same opinion when we discuss things with my brother. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tulip Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 Huge hugs to you all. Thankfully I have never experienced this awful condition. There is now a lot of discussions and education about this illness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aileen Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 Although I find my mother's dementia very upsetting I do comfort myself with the fact that she had some 75 years of good health which many people do not have. I know and know of quite a few people who have died (usually from cancer) in their 30s, 40s and 50s leaving young or teenage children and so I try to put my mother's decline into perspective; it is sad and unfortunate but it is not a tragedy. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hfbrew Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 This would sound trivial to lots of folks but I am delighted to learn that my once fastidious and slightly vain mother has finally made a hair appointment for next week!( its not been done since before xmas) Shes looking forward to seeing my ds in Aladdin at Worcester next week although she keeps asking what day its on.. Now to make sure she remembers the hair appointment.. Wish I wasnt 2.5 hours away! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LinMM Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 I agree mostly Aileen but I do feel it still is a tragedy. There is still something awful about seeing that mental decline in somebody and it's the no.1 thing for me that I don't want to die of! Hfbrew don't talk about hair!! I don't know how my dads hair didn't just fall out in the end as he didn't really shampoo it properly......and wouldn't let anyone else do it either......for at least a year!! he just used to comb water through it and that was washing it to him!! Hope your mum makes the appointment! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anon2 Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 Hebrew does your mother write herself little reminder notes? A lot of dementia suffers I have worked with do. Even when their dementia seems advanced you often find scraps of paper with notes such as 'hairdresser 2 o'clock after lunch on Wednesday today is Saturday'. Why not send her a postcard with the appointment day and time on and tell her to put it on her fridge or cupboard where she stores her teacups for example. Do the same with the performance day. A lot do find it helps them keep some independence and control in their lives. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jan McNulty Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 Hfbrew don't talk about hair!! I don't know how my dads hair didn't just fall out in the end as he didn't really shampoo it properly......and wouldn't let anyone else do it either......for at least a year!! he just used to comb water through it and that was washing it to him!! IIRC there was what would now be called a reality TV show years ago about people living as though they were in the iron(?) age for a reasonable period of time. There was a young lady with a particularly nice head of hair who was unable to wash it but who after about 8 weeks discovered that it did not need washing with shampoo as somehow it became almost self-cleaning and occasional water was enough. I've never been brave enough to try that and still spend a fortune on shampoos! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sarahw Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 I've heard that. So much of our washing behaviour is dictated by social convention not what is natural. ..... I think I would lose my job (and possibly my dh) if I tried to tough it out to 8 weeks!! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hfbrew Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 Hebrew does your mother write herself little reminder notes? A lot of dementia suffers I have worked with do. Even when their dementia seems advanced you often find scraps of paper with notes such as 'hairdresser 2 o'clock after lunch on Wednesday today is Saturday'. Why not send her a postcard with the appointment day and time on and tell her to put it on her fridge or cupboard where she stores her teacups for example. Do the same with the performance day. A lot do find it helps them keep some independence and control in their lives. Yes, thanks Jane, my mum has been writing things down for ages and her diary is a lifeline for her. When we talked about the theatre for example she opened the book to write it down to find she written it twice already! I am so pleased that the prospect of a trip out has prompted the hsir appointment which my stepdad has assured me that he will make sure he keeps! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2dancersmum Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 I can tell you that the not washing hair for weeks does really work though. My poor mother-in-law had a head injury and had a dressing on the back of her head. She was not allowed to get her hair wet whatsoever. Lots of tears were shed over the first few weeks and she did not want to go out in public but within a number of weeks her hair was shiny and looked and felt very clean. It really was in lovely condition. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LinMM Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Well perhaps we are all washing out all the natural oils too much. My own hair is pretty short so looks like it hasn't been washed for weeks after only a couple of days! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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