Exeat weekends

[Harwel]

I am pretty new to this vocational school lark and I have to say these Exeat weekends are killing me!

 

I am happy with the school, the training, the education. My DC is happy with it all too and the benefits are amazing. However, I feel like a little piece of me dies every time it's time to return him to school. I thought it would get easier, and when he's not here I seem to adapt a bit quicker but I think returning after exeats is getting more difficult. I am sure I am not the only one who feels this and would love to hear how everyone else is coping.

Edited March 8, 2015 by Harwel

[All4dancers]

I feel exactly the same. I think if anything it's got harder - not for her, for me. I sometimes feels like I know her a little bit less every time she's away, but of course she's just growing up. She reassured me that I would have her back for 3 weeks soon, but I won't because she will be dancing for some of that time and when she's not, I think she wants to be so I won't have her whole heartedly!

[Billyelliott]

I totally identify - were into our second year and although we have got used to it , it has not got easier , I just try not to think about it so much and focus my energy on his brother !

I really feel that he has changed so much and I'm not a part of it anymore - on the "exeats or leave outs" we often only have one day to actually be together and it usually catching up on sleep and homework or sourcing supplies for the next few weeks . We often argue as teenage is kicking in and his views on home life are not what they were , in fact he spends more time away from home so I should not be surprised , but it's like loosing a relationship .

Hard as it is , he will grow up and pull away anyway - But it feels too soon!

I know he wants to be at school more than anything in the world so it's just a sacrifice I have to make - he knows he always has the choice to come home !!!

I suppose it won't be long before he decides he would rather stay with a regimen than make the long trip home , just for one day .

I think you will find that most of us ballet parents go through this .

My best advice is to keep busy doing the things you couldn't do before your DD went away, because you were so busy taking her to dance activities !

Edited March 8, 2015 by Billyelliott

[Flora]

Harwel/All4dancers- I agree exeats are a killer for the parents but as the parent of a boarder of 7 yrs now, it does get so much easier eventually, I promise you. Hang in there!

 

I shed many a tear in the first year especially, usually trying not to let her see! At one point I thought we had made the worst decision of our lives. But when they turn into a happy, independent and self assured young person with a life long support network of boarding friends you can't help but be happy for them and accept (with both head and heart!) that your job is to equip them for life and to let them go, no more no less....

 

As a parent with boarders/non-boarders and mix of co-ed/single sex I honestly don't believe there is only one right way of educating a child. I bet you are both doing a good job for yours otherwise you wouldn't be finding it so tough...  

[tutugirl]

Well it may seem odd - but after 5 years of vocational training - it's getting harder to say goodbye after an exeat . Neither he nor I regret a single moment , and I echo those who have said that the school has helped to fashion a well rounded , confident , independent and hard working individual . Yet the tears flow more readily these days ( on my part !!! ) . The easier it is for him , the harder for me . A complete reversal of those year 7 days . Strange . Harwel I'm with you !!!

[JulieW]

I also felt, like Tutugirl that it for harder as my son got older! Sorry!!

 

Our first year and a half at WL was really tough because he was so homesick, but at least we saw him every weekend. But I found that around year 10 or 11 onwards, and particularly in sixth form, I found it more and more upsetting every time he went back. He got better at it...

 

I'm so glad he went though and had such wonderful opportunities. I still miss him now he's an adult living abroad, and leaving him is even worse, but he's doing what he loves (and it won't be long until he's back in the uk!)

[Harwel]

Thank you all for your replies. I knew I wouldn't be the only one feeling this! Such a mixed up set of feelings. I certainly wouldn't change it, but just didn't realise how tough it would be on me. One more of life's experiences to add to the ever growing list!!

[pas de chat]

I also find it very hard.  That overwhelming joy of seeing them on the Friday very quickly turns into that cloud of angst as you start packing away their washing on Sunday morning.  I woke up this morning very early and for a split second I thought she was still at home in bed

[dramascientist]

Oh my! reading this has brought tears to my eyes. I am missing my DD so much and also feel that she is growing away. Thank goodness she was able to be at vocational school and be at home until 16 , goodness knows how I would have coped. It was so hard to leave my DD after watching her perform in Romeo and Juliet in Glasgow because we saw her for so little of the time. DH was so upset at leaving his little girl in the city as sh e was waiting for a lift off a friend, I know she is where she wants to be but its soooooo hard!

[Fiz]

Reading this made me very sad for you all. My ex dds went off to university much later and that was bad enough.

[Belljul]

All these sad posts I agree, it does get more difficult the less they need you and the more independent they get, but I get such joy and satisfaction when I get a great phone conversation, especially when they have initiated the call, not because they are sad, or homesick, but because they want to chat. I often image if my boys were living at home, they would probably spend as little time with me as they could haha. At least when they are home, they are happy to hang out with us parents!

[JulieW]

That's very true Belljul.

[Lottie]

I too have found it very hard with them coming back and then leaving again, even though my DS didn't leave home until he was 16 and non-DC went to Uni at 18. 

 

Now he's working approx 2000km away I find it tough as he's only 19 but it's his choice and I have to let him live his own life. I'm amazed how well he copes with living abroad at such a young age and I'll always be there for both of them if things change. When we started on this journey we didn't even think about where he'd be working and how far away he'd be. It was just great that he loved dancing and had got a place at Central.

 

Thank goodness for Skype and Whatsap. Even a technophobe like me I'm grateful for those.

[2dancersmum]

Belljul's post rings true for me.  Mine left at 16 and 18 so i never had to cope with the emotions of exeat weekends.  I do find it every difficult every time they go away again after a visit home.  However, it has to be said also that with DDs dancing and GCSEs, I barely saw her during her last year or so at home - even car journeys were not a time for a chat as she woud be catching up with friends, revising or whatever and it was a similar situation with non DS with A levels, his part time job, socialising with friends etc Now they want to spend time with us parents when they are home and they have the time to do so but even while they are away I get regular texts, emails, phone calls and of course Skype so I probably have more quality contact with them than when they were living at home but always busy.

[aileen]

I think that it should be remembered that children do start 'moving away' from their parents even if they don't go away to school (some very quickly). It's a huge transition from the cosy world of the small, generally local, primary school with its assemblies, playdates and school runs to a more 'remote' secondary school where you may not even meet your child's friends' parents or even some of their friends if socialising is done away from home (eg meeting up in the park, at the cinema or at the bus stop or railway station for a shopping trip).