Police called in Ballet School 'not allowed to watch class' dispute...

[Dance*is*life]

I'm just wondering why a four year old is having two lessons a week in the first place?????? How old was she when she started?  Two and a half???? And why exactly was this whole thing blown out of all proportion?  If a parent can't come to the open class, what's the problem with letting them come another time?  If we settle on a particular week for open classes, most parents will usually be able to manage one or other of the classes, If one or two have to be accommodated, is that such a big deal? 

 

A valid point that someone made is that there is very little improvement to see at this age anyway and this could have been explained to the father - if he then decided to remove the child from the school, well so be it!

 

When my oldest grandson was about three and a half, he attended a "Circus" course. At the end of the first three months parents were invited to watch. My son and daughter-in-law went, as did my husband and I and his other grandma -oh and his little brother.  Anyway, even with all of us rooting for him he refused to do a thing for most of the demonstration!  That's what you get with pre-schoolers - they're totally unpredictable........ Seems to me it's a storm in a teacup!

[MuddledMama]

I would say there is a lot more to this (on both sides), without knowing all the facts we can't really judge who is in the right and who is in the wrong (or if they are as bad as each other).

 

I do think it's really bad of the teacher to say she will warn other dance schools though, it's not that little girls fault that the adults in her life have fallen out so why potentially stop her from carrying on with a hobby she enjoys!

[taxi4ballet]

I do think it's really bad of the teacher to say she will warn other dance schools though, it's not that little girls fault that the adults in her life have fallen out so why potentially stop her from carrying on with a hobby she enjoys!

 

Perhaps her father is responsible for that by making derogatory comments on social media, contacting the dance teacher's parents about it, and then involving the national press as well? If other local dance teachers read the national press (or even this forum!) they probably won't want his business anyway...

 

Having re-read the Mail article, it looks like he was expecting his dd to "be studying a discipline that is difficult to master" and thought he was paying for her to make more rapid progress, especially as he says "If children are not pushed enough classes can easily turn into substandard lessons or even playtime/social sessions".

 

Poor little girl, she's only 4. Dancing at that age needs to be fun; they shouldn't be being 'pushed' should they?

Edited September 2, 2016 by taxi4ballet

[alison]

Indeed, my thoughts exactly: she's only 4.

 

As for contacting the press, well, that happens a lot these days, seemingly often as a first port of call rather than a last resort.  You only have to look at your local newspaper to see that: I frequently wonder "Why are you moaning to the press?  Couldn't you have approached the local business/restaurant/person concerned first and tried to come to a resolution?"  The complainers frequently haven't.  I'm surprised to see this hitting the national press, though: I guess we're still in the end of the "silly season", and it's a long time since I've expected the Telegraph to stick to what I would think of as broadsheet-level news.

[Melody]

She's only four and she's been dancing for nearly two years? When children start that young, surely teachers explain to parents that it's basically just for fun and for overall progress with posture, movement, and musicality, not discipline and technique. Of course, that doesn't mean that parents understand.

 

Poor kid, though. If she loves dancing and is being blackballed throughout the area because of a pushy parent, that's going to be hard to explain to her.

[Dance*is*life]

Perhaps the school advertised the baby lessons as ballet rather than creative movement or whatever, leading to a misconception of what she would actually be learning?  And with two classes a week that could easily lead to false expectations..........  Anyway, it's all speculation - as someone said hardly worth the coverage it seems to have been getting!

[Kate_N]

It's the Daily Mail. Enough said - it is not a newspaper in any sensible definition of the word ...

 

However, the parent concerned was wrong on several points. a) A four year old child in pre-ballet is not necessarily going to make discernible "progress" in the eye of a lay-person, and it's clear the parent concerned knows little about dance for children. b ) Studio rules are studio rules. Having a day at the end of each term is sensible, and stops the pushy parents (unless they go to the police). c) contacting the school proprietor's parents at their home address is moving into stalking/harassment territory. On the face of it, the parent sounds very controlling. I'd have asked him to take his daughter elsewhere.

[2dancersmum]

Personally I think going to the press did more harm to the chances of another ballet school wanting to take on the little girl (as she comes with her father) than anything the teacher said.  The article ran in only one of the local newspapers and I think a lot of other local teachers, schools and parents would not have seen it.  Some of DD2's friends attend this school and they were unaware until it hit the national press. DD2 even went to watch their show in June so I know there were more opportunities last year than just the watching week.

 

Incidentally the school has a website that clearly gives all term dates a long way in advance and clear details of classes - even giving ages alongside.  As I said before the teacher in the article is the Principle of the school and she would not have taken two classes a week for the pre-school classes so I think another teacher will have been caught up in this also. The Principle needs to look after her staff and other children at the school aswell as the concerns of one family.  I don't approve of the wording or the tone of her emails as she certainly does not come across very professional. What is not known however is what has been said to the other teacher (if anything), what was posted on social media (to cause her to consult a solicitor) and if the family took all the emails to the press or only selected ones.

 

I have no links to the school and am not meaning to side with one party or the other. There are wrongs on both sides.

But The school has been going a long time and I don't think it has a reputation of being pushy, with most students recreational.  Its also a dance school as opposed to just ballet.  There are plenty of other dance and ballet schools in Cheltenham itself and in the general area.  I cant imagine this is typical behaviour from the teacher and I think the little girl may well get to dance again elsewhere.

[Tulip]

I personally think the teacher should have remained professional at all times, regardless of how difficult this customer was. To get caught up with negative emails etc, wont do your business any good, people start hearing about it for the wrong reasons, no matter how good the school is. Everyone has to be very careful with social media, once it is sent you can't withdraw it. The principle had a very challenging parent, but by responding in the way she did, exculated the whole situation. Running a business requires you to understand emotional intelligence meaning stick to the facts and try not to let emotions over rule you.

Edited September 3, 2016 by Tulip

[taxi4ballet]

That's easier said than done. Most of us will have said things at one time or another which, with hindsight, would have been better left unsaid.  Do dance teachers have classes in how to handle challenging parents as part of their teacher training?

[Moomin]

If said in person I'd agree that something may slip out in the heat of the moment but it's easily avoided on email. And it serves as a permanent record to be used against you, hopefully this will be a reminder to take a cooling off period before clicking send!

[LinMM]

But this is an experienced teacher so I agree very much with Tulip on this one.

 

This teacher could have shown her disapproval of this parents behaviour ( and he does seem a tad unreasonable if his wife was able to make time to see their daughter ....he must have been around at least!) in a much more professional way in the way she worded the email.

Letting of steam with friends etc she can call him what she likes but emails have to be more discreet if you don't want to end up damaging yourself.

 

It will all blow over I'm sure and in a few weeks or so nobody will remember anyone's names!!!

[LinMM]

Posting at same time Moomin but agree.

[Dance*is*life]

And it's not just what you write, but how it sounds. Without the tone of voice to qualify certain statements, even perfectly innocent remarks can be misinterpreted.  When I write an important email or WhatsApp, I think about it ten times before sending.  Also, yes, dealing diplomatically with parents is definitely an art that needs learning!   Funnily enough my two older sons showed me the way to go..........  The oldest one would apologise immediately when I told him off for something - it was straight away Sorry Mummy Sorry Mummy, until I'd calmed down and forgiven him.  Son No 2 would not apologise and always managed to rile me up even more.  I have learnt from that always to placate parents and calm them down - it usually ends well that way!

[balletbean]

Our local school allows parents to watch classes during the last week of term. According to the Telegraph article, the Father hadn't seen his daughter dance in the 20 months since she started classes, and apparently couldn't make the next watching week because of a "pre-booked family holiday". Where had he been for the preceding 17 months/4 terms?

And she is only 4 yrs old!  Heaven help her class teacher and Head Teacher at her Academic school!