Too many negatives this month

[CharlieChuck]

So normally I go to vent on my blog and it usually helps but this time it's not been helping and I've grown so attached to this forum and the people in it so thought I would post here.

 

Last month I learned one of my favourite Aunt's had three tumors, two on the brain and one in the lung and was given six months to live. Just last week that was brought down to a few a weeks and they don't think she is going to make it till the end of the month. I go away to Glasgow for Halloween and I am terrified she will pass when I go away or am away and I don't want to miss her funeral but at the same time if I'm away I won't be able to come back early at all. I really don't want to sound or be horrible.

 

On top of that I came back from my class on Wednesday after staying at my boyfriends to a very messy house and two misbehaving dogs and had hoped my sister who lives with me would have tidied up. I soon learned she had made an attempt and had baked and so let it go. But then she tells me that our cat hadn't been fed and had been stuck in his room all day (he gets three feeds, one small one in the morning at nine, another small one at one and then a slightly larger portion for dinner, he hadn't had his breakfast or lunch.) So I went to let Dexter out of his room only to find he had thrown up everywhere. It was then I noticed he looked very off and was very unsteady on his feet, could barely keep his eyes open and was quite lethargic. Now I watch my pets like a hawk so I know when the slightest thing is wrong with them and so I rushed him straight to vets, I was not prepared for the news.

 

The vet told me Dexter's bladder, kidneys and liver were very swollen, his bladder was about to burst and his bowels were blocked up. He was very dehydrated even though Dexter always had a constant supply of fresh water. I told my vet I hadn't been there since Tuesday afternoon and came home to Dexter being like this and was going on what my sister had said. The vets I go to know I do everything I possibly can for my pets but Dexter was in a very bad way and was rushed straight into theater but was told it wasn't looking good and that he may need to be put to sleep but that they would do all that they can. And they do, one of my ferrets nearly died after his bladder burst after he got stuck (we have an open play pen for them and he got stuck between the bars) the vets did a fabulous job and my ferret is now back in tip top condition so I know Dexter is in safe hands. I can't bear the thought of loosing my beloved cat and cried my eyes out on the phone to my mom and to my sister who blames herself. 

 

I rang the Vets later that evening and they said he was doing well which gave me a bit of hope but I learned today that he took a turn for the worst last night and had to be rushed to larger clinic. He's to get an x-ray tomorrow to find out whether or not he has kidney stones or bladder stones. I just need him to be okay.

 

But on top of that, I posted a small clip of me practicing my glissades and my pas de chats on my blog only for some horrible person to call my fat and to get my horrible stuff out of their tag (on tumblr you have specific tags for things. Like if you have a video of a girl dancing ballet you would tag it ballet, dance and if she's on pointe you would tag it with pointe as well) now this horrible person really knocked me down as I have tried so hard to loose weight and to be healthy and class went incredibly well. I managed a few pirouettes which is what I have always struggled with. I know it was only one person but it still made a difficult time even worse but I replied to this person and told her everything that was going on and that she made my situation worse to which she told me to kill myself. Now I'm a chronic depressive, Anxiety and bi-polar and suicide is a constant thought on my mind that I battle with every day but I am strong person and death terrifies me. But that was the last straw and I had a huge break down. Even now, although I'm a little better, I still feel really crap. I have no idea how I'm going to pay my vet bills which already has an outstanding amount, I've no idea how I'm going to afford gas and electric or even groceries for that matter. Things are just piling up and piling up and no matter how much I try and keep it all organised something always comes along and ruins it and I just don't know what to do anymore. I've tried asking my parents for help but they won't and I'm running out of ideas. 

 

I'm sorry for this huge post, I just need to rant. How do you guys cope when, to put it lightly, shit hits the fan?

[GTL]

I try to cope by looking for the positives. You know that you've achieved a lot lately. You've recognised that the bully who is trolling your blog is a horrible person and you know not to engage with people like that in future: however bad your life seems, theirs is worse if they can't stop themselves from resorting to such malice.

 

Financial problems are such a common problem nowadays and a huge burden to carry as it all escalates out of control - so you can start to take control by contacting one of the advisory agencies NOW.

 

Advice NIDebt Action NIPhone: 0800 917 4607Text ‘Action’ to 81025Email: debt@adviceni.net

www.debtaction-ni.net

 

Citizens Advice Northern Irelandhttp://www.citizensadvice.co.uk/

 

Debtline NIStepChange Debt CharityPhone: 0800 138 1111www.debtlineni.org

 

Housing Rights ServiceMortgage Debt Advice ServicePhone: 0300 323 0310

www.housingadviceni.org/repossession-portal-home.html

 

Rent and rates arrears advicePhone: 028 9024 5640

www.housingadviceni.org

 

The situation with your aunt: I don't know how near you are located to her but I hope you are able to make the most of the time you have left together and in your position I suspect I would delay a decision on Glasgow to the last minute, with the inevitable financial consequences. Should the worst then happen while you're away, the inflexible Northern Ireland custom of burial two days after death does mean that close relatives sometimes miss the funeral but that seems to be understood and accepted.

 

As for poor Dexter the cat, let's just hope for the best and that with the help of those advisory agencies above you can tackle the problem of the vet's bills.

 

Things seem their worst in the middle of the night so I wanted to let you know before morning that yes, you are going through a very bleak patch but in seeking professional help, financial and medical, you can pull yourself through it. Others more experienced and knowledgable than me can give more useful guidance.

 

 

[Melody]

Oh, goodness. I hope Dexter pulls through, but it sounds as though he's getting the best of care.

 

As GTL said - never feed the trolls online, it just makes them bolder. If you're feeling resilient it's sometimes fun to bait them a bit, but if you're feeling vulnerable you should really steer well clear. I'm not sure if you're talking about your own private blog or a Tumblr page, but with the former I assume you can block individuals from responding (and block their IP numbers so they have a hard time re-registering) and with the latter you could maybe report a post that sinks so low as to tell you to kill yourself. Anyway, that person is probably obese, middle aged, and jealous, so just take a moment to picture her trying to do pirouettes...

 

If your parents aren't available for help, do you have a doctor or clergyman you can talk to? Or maybe get a referral to a counsellor?

[2dancersmum]

For Dexter - it sounds like he is getting the best of care and I hope that this morning brings better news from the vet for you.

 

As for that horrible troll - if you are able to report her and block her then do so but please do not waste any more of your time and thoughts on her. She is simply not worth it - unfortunately some people seem to take pleasure in making sick comments - but that says more about them than the total stranger they are trying to bully. A friend has a daughter with a terminal illness and you would not believe some of the sick and malicious comments that have been posted - about the friend and the little girl.

 

Re your aunt - I am very sorry for the devastating news. But I am sure she loves you as much as you obviously love her and she will want you to live your life and make the most of it. If worst case scenario you are away and you miss the funeral, then you have missed the funeral - you can still say your goodbyes in your own time and when you are ready.

 

Financial and emotional I echo the advice above. I do hope things start improving for you and wish you all the best.

[Jan McNulty]

CharlieChuck, I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles.  I do hope Dexter will come through, it sounds like he is having the best possible treatment.

 

GTL has given some wonderful, practical advice above.

 

Sending you hugs and best wishes.  Jx

[LinMM]

Have you checked with your vet that he will allow you to have a "payment plan" to pay off the eventual bill?

 

It's horrible losing a beloved pet though. How old is Dexter?

 

Don't worry what others think of your dancing. You are doing your very best and am sure you are of a very good standard from things you have said. And am sure your pirouettes are much better than mine that's for sure!!!

 

Life is often very uneven with everything going along smoothly for quite a while and then all sorts of troubles come along at once......or it certainly seems that way sometimes.

Have a good week next week xxxxx

[Lisa O`Brien]

CharlieChuck,like everyone else on here I am so sorry to hear of all the rotten things that are happening. I too have suffered from Depression for the past 18 years almost,and I am very,very overweight. Try and ignore the Trolls; I know it`s easier said than done,and if you are feeling vulnerable about things anyway some low life like that will simply make you feel worse. Just try and take everything one day at a time. As for your finances;are you with the Credit Union? I know for the vast majority of people in Ireland,North and South,they are an absolute lifeline for arranging small loans,etc. I used their free Debt Advice service once. I used to go to her once a week for about 4 weeks. Absolutely invaluable advice and completely confidential and FREE. You wouldn`t get it free from a bank. Do keep coming back on to this Forum too. We are all here for you . Take care,Lisa.

[CharlieChuck]

I try to cope by looking for the positives. You know that you've achieved a lot lately. You've recognised that the bully who is trolling your blog is a horrible person and you know not to engage with people like that in future: however bad your life seems, theirs is worse if they can't stop themselves from resorting to such malice.

 

Financial problems are such a common problem nowadays and a huge burden to carry as it all escalates out of control - so you can start to take control by contacting one of the advisory agencies NOW.

 

Advice NIDebt Action NIPhone: 0800 917 4607Text ‘Action’ to 81025Email: debt@adviceni.net

www.debtaction-ni.net

 

Citizens Advice Northern Irelandhttp://www.citizensadvice.co.uk/

 

Debtline NIStepChange Debt CharityPhone: 0800 138 1111www.debtlineni.org

 

Housing Rights ServiceMortgage Debt Advice ServicePhone: 0300 323 0310

www.housingadviceni.org/repossession-portal-home.html

 

Rent and rates arrears advicePhone: 028 9024 5640

www.housingadviceni.org

 

The situation with your aunt: I don't know how near you are located to her but I hope you are able to make the most of the time you have left together and in your position I suspect I would delay a decision on Glasgow to the last minute, with the inevitable financial consequences. Should the worst then happen while you're away, the inflexible Northern Ireland custom of burial two days after death does mean that close relatives sometimes miss the funeral but that seems to be understood and accepted.

 

As for poor Dexter the cat, let's just hope for the best and that with the help of those advisory agencies above you can tackle the problem of the vet's bills.

 

Things seem their worst in the middle of the night so I wanted to let you know before morning that yes, you are going through a very bleak patch but in seeking professional help, financial and medical, you can pull yourself through it. Others more experienced and knowledgable than me can give more useful guidance.

 

 

 

Thank you for simply amazing words, thankfully my rent gets paid for me and my arrears are all cleared now. So at least that is one thing off of my mind. I do have a standing order set up with my vets but I just really hate owing money to people. 

[CharlieChuck]

Oh, goodness. I hope Dexter pulls through, but it sounds as though he's getting the best of care.

 

As GTL said - never feed the trolls online, it just makes them bolder. If you're feeling resilient it's sometimes fun to bait them a bit, but if you're feeling vulnerable you should really steer well clear. I'm not sure if you're talking about your own private blog or a Tumblr page, but with the former I assume you can block individuals from responding (and block their IP numbers so they have a hard time re-registering) and with the latter you could maybe report a post that sinks so low as to tell you to kill yourself. Anyway, that person is probably obese, middle aged, and jealous, so just take a moment to picture her trying to do pirouettes...

 

If your parents aren't available for help, do you have a doctor or clergyman you can talk to? Or maybe get a referral to a counsellor?

I do not have a clergyman to talk to, I was meant to go to the Doctors today but I just couldn't bear the thought of going and so cancelled it for somebody else who no doubt has something much more severe. I always feel like I'm taking up their time even though I know that is what they are there for. I do have an appointment on the 31st which I have to go to so hopefully then I'll get talking to my doctor. But yet I was talking about my tumblr, I have blocked them but with the way tumblr has changed things is simply goes on your ignored users list and if they're reblogged something from you it still comes up. Thankfully this person hasn't and has so far been quiet but still...The funny thing is though I took your advice and did think of them trying to do a pirouette while I was practicing mine and I managed to pull three almost perfect ones in a row.  

[CharlieChuck]

Have you checked with your vet that he will allow you to have a "payment plan" to pay off the eventual bill?

 

It's horrible losing a beloved pet though. How old is Dexter?

 

Don't worry what others think of your dancing. You are doing your very best and am sure you are of a very good standard from things you have said. And am sure your pirouettes are much better than mine that's for sure!!!

 

Life is often very uneven with everything going along smoothly for quite a while and then all sorts of troubles come along at once......or it certainly seems that way sometimes.

Have a good week next week xxxxx

 

Dexter just turned one in September, so he is still quite young. As stated in a previous reply I do have a standing order set up but I just hate having money outstanding. 

CharlieChuck,like everyone else on here I am so sorry to hear of all the rotten things that are happening. I too have suffered from Depression for the past 18 years almost,and I am very,very overweight. Try and ignore the Trolls; I know it`s easier said than done,and if you are feeling vulnerable about things anyway some low life like that will simply make you feel worse. Just try and take everything one day at a time. As for your finances;are you with the Credit Union? I know for the vast majority of people in Ireland,North and South,they are an absolute lifeline for arranging small loans,etc. I used their free Debt Advice service once. I used to go to her once a week for about 4 weeks. Absolutely invaluable advice and completely confidential and FREE. You wouldn`t get it free from a bank. Do keep coming back on to this Forum too. We are all here for you . Take care,Lisa.

My mom does keep saying for me to sign up fro the credit union so I may actually do that. I am sure you are simply stunning though Lisa  

[CharlieChuck]

Sorry, was also meant to add that I did get some good news that Dexter is doing very well and he could be home Monday but literally not even five minutes off the phone from my vet my mom rang me and told me my Aunt has now only been given days. She is just being made comfortable now but even still the thought of not being able to get up to see her is upsetting. I am working all weekend and then after Tuesday it's going to be non stop until Sunday which is when I'm supposed to be going to Glasgow. My mom and my sister have said for me to still go as I really do not do well at funerals but I feel it is only natural for me to be there. I suppose we will see whenever the time actually comes. 

 

Thank you all for you lovely words, you have given me far better support than anyone else. Thank you from the bottom of my heart and if you are wondering this is the video stated in the original post http://your-little-cupcake.tumblr.com/post/100022039774/tried-working-on-my-jumps-before-going-home

 

It's very short and since then I have improved, my leg is straighter in my glissades and my pas de chats a little higher.

 

Again thank you all. 

[alison]

CC, I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through: that's an awful lot to cope with, and it's no wonder you're feeling so awful.

 

Don't forget the Samaritans, will you, if you need to offload verbally to someone?  It can help a lot http://www.samaritans.org/

And I hope you're getting help with your own health problems.  If not, please do speak to your GP or someone.

[Anna C]

I echo all the wonderful advice given here.

 

I was once given this piece of advice: Even on a dark, hopeless day when all you want to do is crawl back into bed, try to do one job - one thing that you don't feel like doing or have been tempted to put off. That may be eating a proper healthy meal, making an appointment with your doctor, cleaning one room, doing overdue paperwork, whatever. It can give you a vital sense of achievement.

 

Please please don't feel that you are wasting the time of your GP. They would rather see you and try to help, and your mental health is in no way any less important than anyone else's ailment. I would urge you to rearrange the appointment so that you can get some help.

 

Thinking of you and hoping things improve for you soon.

[JulieW]

So sorry to read about your troubles and how hard everything must feel right now. Some excellent advice on here from everyone - please follow up on some of the practical things and do ring the Samaritans if you just need someone to listen. Thinking of you.

[GTL]

Thinking of you and your aunt, CharlieChuck, and hoping for good news of Dexter.

[Jan McNulty]

I'd just like to add my best wishes to those of GTL and everyone else on the Forum.