New to ballet mum with an obsessed toddler any help appreciated

[Elly94]

My recently turned 3-year-old started ballet in November and is OBSESSED. Everything is ballet, even a walk to the park includes multiple stops at anything that remotely looks like a barre 😆. So without being that parent what can I do to help nurture this love? She has already declared she WILL be a 'white swan on stage when I'm a bigger ballerina' after we went to see ENB my first ballet: Swan Lake a few weeks ago and is adamant that ballet is her work (obviously taking this all with a pinch of salt). Yesterday after one of her many ballet shows she told me that she really really needs a barre at home, is this something that anyone would suggest? She also constantly asks me to be her teacher but other than 3 arm positions and plie (which I picked up at an ROH family day) I know nothing so have resorted to YouTube, is there a series or anything like that which is good for little ones? Then ballet schools, what are just some names I can through into the mix with her? We've been past the RBS multiple times and she wants that to be her school when she's big (mostly because of the spiral walkway to the ROH) but don't want her to just obsess over this knowing how hard a dream that would be to ever fulfil. I am completely at a loss with how to nurture this love, there is literally no dancing bone in my body and I still have no idea where she even discovered ballet to declare at 2 3/4 that she wanted to learn it! 

[Peanut68]

Ah - adorable! At that age the ballet dream is just lovely! 

[Swanwings]

How lovely, always nice to hear enthusiasm from little ones. It sounds as if you are already doing everything, I dont think theres anything else to do at that age, except listen and encourage. Have you seen the Ella Bella story books? My dd used to love those. I teach little ones and in my experience its best to just let it flourish slowly and naturally, otherwise, just let it be. Too much too early can (occasionally) spoil the enjoyment. Wonderful that she has found something to inspire her imagination.

[Dancing unicorn]

I totally agree with swanwings! Slowly slowly at this age! I’m always getting mums/toddlers like this in my classes but it’s best to encourage rather than over burden at this age and definately find a good school near you.
We do Melody Bear classes from age 2 - most of my school started with Melody Bear and still look back on those classes fondly 🧸 look for classes near you. 
My dd loved Angelina Ballerina, it was a series on tv and there are books too.

Hopefully it’s not a passing phase but in the meantime enjoy it - these are the best years were the love of ballet grows ❤️

[Mumof1]

So sweet , my daughter was the same. 
she was obsessed with this book when she was little. Had so many descriptions and photos of everything and she watched the dvd on repeat and followed along with the easy steps 

 

https://amzn.eu/d/4EOEmpl

[Jan McNulty]

Hello @Elly94 and welcome to the Forum!

[Anna C]

Welcome from me too, Elly. 
 

My daughter (now in her 20s!!) was equally as obsessed with ballet from a similar age.  The Angelina Ballerina books, “my first ballet class” type DVD, her ballet classes and being taken to see live performances all gave her the greatest pleasure.

 

A ballet barre at home is for “big girls”; I think my daughter was around 9 or 10 before she had one.  When children are little it’s vital to stick to age (and body/skeleton) appropriate dance, so skipping around the living room/doing “good toes/naughty toes), free movement to ballet music - all wonderful.  Following along with a DVD of little ones doing age appropriate ballet - great.  
 

There are lots of lovely books like DK’s “My first ballet book”, ballet sticker books and so on.  Playing ballet music at home is always nice.  Keep taking her to see live performances.  As well as ENB’s wonderful “My first ballet” series, Northern Ballet have superb children’s ballets. At Christmas, “The Snowman” ballet in London is wonderful. London Children’s Ballet puts on a full-length ballet each year, and there are also DVDs of past performances.

 

School-wise, there are full-time ballet schools like Royal Ballet School, Elmhurst, Tring Park and so on, but with the exception of Tring, these almost all start from Year 7/Age 11.  So absolutely nothing that you need to be thinking about right now.

 

The main thing is to find a balance between fostering her love of ballet and “just being a child”.  Music lessons, swimming lessons, Rainbows/Brownies, Stagecoach type drama/theatre classes, time for homework, time to go to friends’ houses for play dates and birthdays - all just as helpful as dance classes in helping children to develop in a well-rounded way.

 

Realistically, the chances of a dancer getting a place at Royal Ballet School, making it through to Year 11, getting a place in RB Upper School, staying for all 3 years, then getting a paid job as a ballet dancer - they’re as rare, or rarer than playing football for England, or making the Olympic showjumping team.   So my advice would be to do literal baby steps. ☺️💖

 

And enjoy discovering ballet alongside your little one! 

 

 

[SpideyDad]

@Elly94

This is so lovely to read: I don't have much to add to what @Anna C has written; but my DD and her classmates were in the My First show and I'll be letting her know about your post. As well as it being their first chance to perform in a 'Professional' show, the students had the time of their lives with the whole process: they love the feedback and hearing of the impression it made will only reinforce this.

 

In terms of what to do next, my advice is to find a local school and just let your DD enjoy it for now: the love for Ballet will probably never go now, but whether it's something she should pursue will become obvious as time goes by. 

 

Good luck!

[Allwrong]

A bit hypocritical given I’ve just got back from seeing my erstwhile ballet-obsessed-toddler dance in Swan Lake, but do also be prepared for the obsession to melt away overnight. Or a bit more slowly. You may find that hard, while she moves on without a backward glance. I’m sure we’ve all felt this with various intense obsessions our little ones have charmed us with and we have invested in for them. It’s hard to realise it’s not them any more. (Why oh why did my son abandon his dream of being a pirate?). And letting go of the ballet dream seems harder than most.

I’m sure you are very aware of that, though, from your post.

[Ruby Foo]

Enjoy every moment with your little girl doing the activities kiddies do and making heaps of special memories.

 

Just like toddler swimming teaches confidence in the water, how to float and kick your legs etc then Baby Ballet classes are useful for developing musicality, imagination and coordination. Skipping and jumping, swaying and galloping, balancing and turning and using their little limbs to be a jellyfish, a bird or butterfly. These are the important things for ballet development and if missed, can't be put back later. Basically that's all they should do for a very long time!  Some famous teachers think that formal ballet technique ( barre and technical movement) should not start until age 8 when the brain is developed enough to understand what the body is doing. Find a lovely qualified teacher who will let you stay with her for a few sessions and let her enjoy moving to music and expressing herself. Slow, gentle and fun are the key words. Making friends and listening to her teacher are also benefits.
As others have said, don't take anything too seriously. Once ballet takes on a more structured form ( with a barre and serious technique) many  kids decide it's not for them any more and 99% will not have the physical aptitude to go on to train in a professional sense in any case. You've probably got more chance of landing on Mars than becoming a Classical dancer!
What she will have learned as a toddler however will be useful all her life!

[Elly94]

Thank you so much everyone for the words of wisdom and book ideas, I was getting a bit worried when I kept seeing 'been dancing since 2/3' on dancers biographies and thinking I wasn't doing enough at this early stage to give her a chance of following her dream (if it continues to be). I will definitely keep enjoying the hours of being made to sit and watch her perform and her shouting at me for putting the nutcracker music on and not swan lake! 

 

@SpideyDad oh huge congratulations to your DD and classmates, they were absolutely incredible, I've never known my DD sit so still for so long without averting her gaze in absolute awe! They have well and truly inspired her, and I imagine so for a lifetime

[Garnier]

2 hours ago, Ruby Foo said:

Some famous teachers think that formal ballet technique ( barre and technical movement) should not start until age 8 when the brain is developed enough to understand what the body is doing.

There is actually a law on this in France: see https://www.legifrance.gouv.fr/jorf/id/JORFTEXT000000712638

• DISPOSITIONS RELATIVES AUX CONDITIONS D'AGE ET D'ACTIVITE ET AU CONTROLE MEDICAL DES ELEVES
• Art. 5. - Les enfants de quatre et cinq ans ne peuvent pratiquer que les activités d'éveil corporel.
  Pour l'enseignement de la danse classique, de la danse contemporaine et de la danse de jazz, les enfants de six à sept ans ne peuvent pratiquer qu'une activité d'initiation.
  Les activités d'éveil corporel et d'initiation ne doivent pas inclure les techniques propres à la discipline enseignée.
  L'ensemble des activités pratiquées par les enfants de quatre à sept ans inclus ne peuvent comporter un travail contraignant pour le corps, des extensions excessives ni des articulations forcées."

   

  8 years of age is the minimum to teach technique - before that children can only do "awakening" at 4 and 5 years old and "initiation" at 6 and 7 (which are both defined quite precisely in other texts that I won't reproduce here!)

[Ruby Foo]

55 minutes ago, Garnier said:

There is actually a law on this in France: see https://www.legifrance.gouv.fr/jorf/id/JORFTEXT000000712638

• DISPOSITIONS RELATIVES AUX CONDITIONS D'AGE ET D'ACTIVITE ET AU CONTROLE MEDICAL DES ELEVES
• Art. 5. - Les enfants de quatre et cinq ans ne peuvent pratiquer que les activités d'éveil corporel.
  Pour l'enseignement de la danse classique, de la danse contemporaine et de la danse de jazz, les enfants de six à sept ans ne peuvent pratiquer qu'une activité d'initiation.
  Les activités d'éveil corporel et d'initiation ne doivent pas inclure les techniques propres à la discipline enseignée.
  L'ensemble des activités pratiquées par les enfants de quatre à sept ans inclus ne peuvent comporter un travail contraignant pour le corps, des extensions excessives ni des articulations forcées."

   

  8 years of age is the minimum to teach technique - before that children can only do "awakening" at 4 and 5 years old and "initiation" at 6 and 7 (which are both defined quite precisely in other texts that I won't reproduce here!)

 
Thanks for posting this. It's something I have quite strong opinions about.

Young children have come through my door from other dancing establishments with very serious 'faults' that have been picked up from doing inappropriate steps way too young. The child has not been allowed to develop all the natural functions of movement and musicality naturally. Then the basics have been completely overlooked or not understood and I've spent too much time having to start all over, unpicking it all which is very boring for everyone. Some faults  are so ingrained even at a young age.
 

[Medora]

As a layperson I have to say this resonates with me, looking back I feel that anything more serious we did before the age of 8 was rather pointless and maybe even counterproductive. Before that age I’d just focus on fun classes, to nurture musicality and a love of dance, and maybe ‘cross train’ with a bit of gymnastics for strength. 

[FlexyNexy]

I had similar child, obsessed with performing from age 3, we also seen My First: Sleeping Beauty with ENB, she even attended ENB juniors; growing up performing from West End musical to performing with ENB as younger dancer, sharing summer with Mariinsky Ballet in ROH, then gaining offers to full time schools, performing professionally after graduating. You name it we did it. Until the world falls apart and the dream she worked so hard was not what she imagined. Despite having it in her hand.
My advice as a mother of now 22 year ex ballet dancer who had it all, now reading your post that brought me back to where we started, would be to expose her to also other hobbies and activities as well. Do not close her to ballet world bubble and everything ballet. It can easily get out of hand. Especially with mums.

[Neverdancedjustamum]

I would echo the posts about taking it slow especially at that age. My DD discovered ballet relatively late, when I enrolled her in after school dance classes at her primary school not because of dance itself but because it gave me the extra hour to finish work. She didn’t particularly know anything about ballet, no one in our family danced. She was more of the climbing trees and rolling down muddy hills type.  Even now, after years of her doing classes, both she and I find it difficult sitting through most of ballets (shock, horror).  When she was about 7 her dance teacher asked me if she can be put forward for the exam. I said no, we aren’t bothered. The teacher said it would be a shame. That boosted DD’s confidence and she found a passion and love for it and kept asking for more lessons. Thankfully, she decided quite early on she loves lots of other things too so whilst she refuses to quit dance as she loves it, neither will she just focus her whole life on it.  She enjoys school, being a teenager , friends and family time too much.  What I will say is this: once you’re in that world, it’s extremely intense and it’s so easy to get sucked in to the whole thing and so be careful and realistic. Once DCs get to a certain age, talks of associates, auditions, full time vocational school, privates, appointment with physios and gyros etc etc come into the picture. When you’re in that environment, it’s so easy to get carried away with all the competition of who’s doing what, who’s doing more hours, who’s doing the most intensives, hours of private lessons, who’s going to which competition, who’s going where.  I often felt like it was massive time, energy and money black hole.  Thinking back, I don’t regret much as my DD still loves dancing and has come out relatively unscathed but I think and am relieved that she got out of that whole scenario in good time. I’ve seen peers give up mainstream school, spend all time travelling and training - I assume all of this for one of those coveted, yet extremely rare, jobs at a big recognised company. If you ask my DD now, her fondest memories aren’t of auditions passed or summer intensive offers - it’s things like memories of mine and her trip overseas for an intensive (it was movie night every night, specially the night we ordered a large pizza not realising how big it was!) or when she used to skip on the way to dance class hand in hand with her dad when she was little or our train trips to her weekly associates class where we get to chat about anything and everything. Yes, it might be their dream to be a dancer but when they’re at that age, think carefully if they realise the implications and really, the sacrifices the whole family will have to make. I do regret those weekends when I wasn’t at home with my DH and other DC just chilling or helping paint the fence or making breakfast, or when the family can’t go out for Saturday lunches as I have to take my DD to her class.  Be prepared to think of how many family holidays you could have had if it weren’t for all the finances going to dancing or the half terms being spent in competitions.  I think a very balanced approach, and not being extremely focused on one thing, would be the best approach. Remember also that they are only young once and time is not something you can get back, or if they have siblings, same thing. I don’t think anything is worth sacrificing family time or a good, solid education that can open up more opportunities for them in the future.  This is only my opinion as the mother of a teenage girl who has, so far, been dancing for at least a decade but also has a normal teenage life outside of dance attending a normal academic school.  I am sure others would have differing opinions and advice and the best thing to do is to keep an open mind.

[Allwrong]

This is so wise! As you say, childhood is short and just as precious as a ballet career.

[Balletmum1210]

‘The Ballet Coach’ on YouTube is brilliant, she has free videos for age 2-5 which I am sure your daughter would love.