Pressure - when did they get the most?

[annaliesey]

I’m curious about when others would say their dc have felt the most pressure

 

my dd is usually quite easy going but starting to make noises about feeling pressure. It’s going to be gcse time next year along with auditions for whatever she plans for 16+ but she’s starting to get stressed already just making plans! 

 

I have another non dancing child that displayed little stress until it came to A levels and planning 18+ further education 

 

DD has done dance exams, shows, comps, auditions (like most dc’s on here I suspect) but only now starting to describe feelings of pressure and stress 

 

when was the most stressy time for your DC’s, what did you do to help? 

 

TIA

[Picturesinthefirelight]

Ds is in year 10 and is finding the pressure hard.  he's just had to give up some of his dance classes as he can't cope (his main focus is music however and that's what he hopes to study.  Dd found GCSE's fairly stressful, especially as dh was taken ill in the middle of them, but she seemed to cope very well.

[2dancersmum]

I would agree - GCSE year for those auditioning for vocational school at 16, A level year for those 'changing' at 18+ - be it for dance training, university or a job, final year of vocational training facing the end of training and uncertainty of what comes next.

 

Not sure how you can help - other than continue to offer encouragement , reassurance and support to your DC. Though on a practical note, for a DC not at vocational lower school, it is perhaps a good idea to contact their secondary school at the start of year 11 and explain your DC's ambitions to them . My DD was assigned a deputy head of year as a sole point of contact - it was he who talked to her subject teachers, authorised absences etc. 

[Bluebird22]

This is the first year in quite a few years my Year 6 SATs kids have seemingly been under no pressure, which has been joyful to see- moving to high school is a big enough transition without pressure in the final few months of Primary school. 

My GCSE kids on the other hand have been under more and more pressure, my job during this time completely changes, I get all their exams done and dusted before the start of GCSE exams and when they come to dance class I just respond to what they need, which is sometimes just a yoga inspired lesson or floor barre. I’m not going to get anything out of them when their mind is elsewhere. Those auditioning for vocational school I encourage them to get all auditions done before Christmas. 

[Pups_mum]

The new GCSE syllabi are without doubt a lot tougher than in the recent past. I have noticed a big difference from when my DD did hers 5 years ago, and my son doing his this year. And i believe things were tougher for DD then for her friends just a few years older who had largely modular GCSEs. So over the past decade there has definitely been a huge change. I do think some of it is good, but not all. The sheer weight of numbers of the exams is an issue. My son has stopped all his out of school activities for the exam period as he simply hasn't had the energy. Fortunately for him his music and sport are only hobbies and 6 weeks or so off isnt going to cause any haem but i think for a dancer heading off to vocational school in September this would be a very stressful period. Trying to keep up serious classes during the exams is probably counter productive, if not impossible. At least there is a good long break after the exams so hopefully batteries cam bw recharged and fitness regained over the summer. Year 11 is definitely not a lot of fun.

[Picturesinthefirelight]

Even at vocational school dd found that several of her usual dance classes were cancelled in favour of revision sessions during the GCSE period and this definatly had an effect on her general level of fitness and technique.

[annaliesey]

10 hours ago, Picturesinthefirelight said:

 especially as dh was taken ill in the middle of them, but she seemed to cope very well.

Sorry to hear that xx 

[ArucariaBallerina]

As a year 11 (only 3 GCSEs left now phew!) I was lucky to be able to continue with absolutely all of my dance classes and associates and it has been what has kept me sane. I get up early, work through the school day and lunchtime, test self on flashcards on the journey to dance and then go to bed a bit later to finish anything off. I'm so glad I kept up dancing because it gives me motivation to revise etc and not waste time, and makes me love dancing even more if that is possible!

 

Auditions are much more stressful than exams because they feel like they mean so much more, I got all but one of mine done by January so would recommend that. Use the summer of year 10/first half term to get all audition application stuff, photos, personal statements, references sorted for general peace of mind before revision starts ramping up. I started revision in the Christmas holidays just little and often. 

[sarahw]

Definitely Year 11. I think Arucaria's advice is spot on. Despite doing this we still found Year 11 very stressful.

 

I don't think being at vocational school helped due to the lack of supervision compared to being at home. Same place as Picture's DD and they missed lots of dancing in Y11 which was not beneficial and led to loss of fitness and anxiety about lack of dancing.

[Jen51]

Definitely y11 with auditions and finals which go on right up to the end of March and then there are GCSEs to focus on! Be prepared and ready early! 

[FlexyNexy]

 

I will write you from my (parent) experience and how we managed to cope. We felt the worse pressure in Year 11. From what I heard of other mums and families it was all about early planning and I knew it would have to be a team work in my house.

 

We have sat down at the table and wrote it all down during summer before Year 11 started. She has made final list of ballet schools she would approach and I made application process research on each of them.

I brought home from my office wall planner and we wrote it all in day by day (her auditions, classes, various deadlines, revisions).

Her normal school was very pushy and added compulsory classes before and after school. I have been receiving number of letters and calls from the head teacher informing me of detentions and various threats if the kids do not attend. As my DD lead double life and normal school didn’t know about her ballet commitments, she had to attend all without excuses.

She was getting up at 5am so she could attend her 7am school GCSE booster classes as they called it, then at 3.30 she had one more booster class and then taking train directly to her ballet class that started at 6.30 until 8.30/9pm

I used to wait for her with the car so she no needed to take tiring public transport home. I often did her assignments myself i.e. sewing textiles projects etc. that I felt are just time consuming and “not important”

 

I had to step in as towards her GCSE’s week the school added weekend booster classes and I have refused to take my DD in. I have been called to the head teachers office (!) and she has laughed when I told her that my DD cannot attend as during weekends she is doing ballet. She laughed into my face and called me irresponsible parent that I am prioritising “tippy toeing” and not her education. You would not want to hear what I said and how I left the office. She was already A star student so how much more they want from her?? But I was absorbing all of this and did my best so my DD was not aware of this.

 

I have to say despite all the pressure she was facing from her school teachers, most of the studies and revisions they did at school. At home she was just revising her flash cards. During the GCSE exams I pulled her out of ballet all together and she was just conditioning herself at home.

 

As for ballet and for me not to go insane, I had large spreadsheet with all the ballet schools written in, their audition deadlines, forms, payments – the lot. I have printed all the forms at work and made a summary what is required the summer she was about to start Year 11. I had a list what I needed to complete and provide. Medicals, audition photos, videos, references etc. Videos were the most difficult part. All had to be done during private lesson after normal class, so she would finish sometimes after 9pm. We worked out with steps etc. so they can be universally used for UK and international schools and formatted it to 15 minutes. It was elaborate work as I do not have a clue about ballet and we managed to finish it day before the ballet school deadline.

 

But my OCD and colour coordinated spreadsheets helped me a lot. This way I took the pressure of her from the applications and she could only concentrate on her exams and leave the paperwork etc. to myself.

 

She was aiming only for 1 school in UK and 3 overseas but she has auditioned for all what UK has to offer and she used the auditions as a practice run. She has done all her UK schools by March which helped a lot. The stress continued for us as despite offers received from UK, our International auditions were taking part during July and the last one was in 1^st September week!

I struggled with acceptance deadlines the schools gave us here and we were playing a gamble. Do we accept, do we decline and wait the outcome of summer auditions and what if we decline and no other offers are received from international schools and we are left with nothing at all? I spared again my DD with this details but in the background I had to really work hard.

 

My advice would be to plan ahead and if you can, help with school assignments that sometimes are just teachers’ inventions and do not have weight on GCSE’s. I used to cook her favourite meals even, large breakfast and massaged her feet end of the day 😉 
Good luck x

[annaliesey]

oh my good god! you obviously love your child more than I love mine ... haha... I draw the line at massaging feet! just no way!  spreadsheets - yes, wall planner - yes, doing some trivial school tasks on their behalf - yes, cooking favourite meals - all yes... but feet being massaged .... absolutely NO! hahaha 

[glissade]

@FlexyNexy How did you manage the acceptance deadlines? ... did you accept and then forfeit a deposit (or even a term's fees ...?), or were the schools flexible for you, or did you decline ...? 

[Ruby Foo]

Incredible support and organisation FlexyNexy.

I am already dreading yr 11, ( especially those auditions overseas) but your post has helped. I only hope I can nail it as well as you!

[FlexyNexy]

5 hours ago, glissade said:

@FlexyNexy How did you manage the acceptance deadlines? ... did you accept and then forfeit a deposit (or even a term's fees ...?), or were the schools flexible for you, or did you decline ...? 

We declined two offers as it was impossible for me to pay deposits already required to be paid by February (so soon into auditions) and one I paid and lost. It was tough decision as money are tight but didn't want to leave her with no options. 

[FlexyNexy]

17 minutes ago, valentina said:

Incredible support and organisation FlexyNexy.

I am already dreading yr 11, ( especially those auditions overseas) but your post has helped. I only hope I can nail it as well as you!

What also helped I was putting aside some money towards application fees year ahead. Even if it was only £10 a month in a jar. It helped. 

[FlexyNexy]

6 hours ago, annaliesey said:

oh my good god! you obviously love your child more than I love mine ... haha... I draw the line at massaging feet! just no way!  spreadsheets - yes, wall planner - yes, doing some trivial school tasks on their behalf - yes, cooking favourite meals - all yes... but feet being massaged .... absolutely NO! hahaha 

I even rolled the spiky ball over her feet hahahaha (and washed my hands thoroughly after that) 😂

[Picturesinthefirelight]

Is your dd an only child?  I’m just trying to imagine doing all that with a sibling in tow too. 

[FlexyNexy]

14 minutes ago, Picturesinthefirelight said:

Is your dd an only child?  I’m just trying to imagine doing all that with a sibling in tow too. 

Yes she is. I would not imagine to do this all if I have one more and very likely the things would have different outcome. 

[annaliesey]

3 hours ago, FlexyNexy said:

I even rolled the spiky ball over her feet hahahaha (and washed my hands thoroughly after that) 😂

Actually to be fair I got called into her bedroom tonight to “feel her toe joints” to see if they felt squishy... like what the heck? I actually felt them too! Not that they felt squishy. Then I had to see if her toenails looked bent and to praise the disappearance of a verruca. And this was after 3 hours of dance tonight. Why do we do this? I’m sure this isn’t in the mum manual haha 

 

but thank you for the advice. Dd started adding to her folder tonight looking at things to do and revising/tweaking her plans. 

 

Her last plan simply said ..

1. Vocational course

2. Perform 

3. Create 

4. Teach 

5. Die 

 

so I’m glad she’s starting to fill in some gaps  haha 

[Pups_mum]

@FlexyNexy you must have the patience of a saint. I have on occasion had reason to moan about my children's academic school a bit but they have never behaved like yours. I think it is absolutely appalling that any school should be applying that amount of pressure to students. "Booster classes" at 7am and weekends? That is verging on abusive in my opinion, especially if they are making them compulsory. Offering extra sessions to those who want them is great. Encouraging selected pupils to attend sessions in subjects they are having difficulties in, is also great. But a blanket extension of the school day to that extent is ridiculous. I would have probably got myself into big trouble as I would have been unable to stop myself asking the Head why her staff were unable to teach the curriculum in the prescribed time, and whether it was them who needed remedial action, not the pupils? Yes, the new syllabi are demanding and some pupils will need some extra input but what you are describing really should not be needed. My children's school has won all kinds of awards and is consistently the highest performing non selective school in our part of the country and indeed one of the better performers in the country as a whole, but they don't do anything like that. My son is just finishing his GCSEs now and has had no compulsory extra sessions though was issued with a list of times when his teachers would be available IF pupils had any concerns. I believe there were some more formal sessions for selected pupils but that makes sense - target the pupils who need help specifically rather than brow beat the entire year group. 

Sorry, i am getting carried away I know but this kind of thing makes me so mad. Young people need rest, relaxation and to be treated like individuals with different strengths and weaknesses, likes and duslikes. That is impossible in the regime you describe. No wonder we are seeing so many mental health issues in youngsters. We talk a lot on here about teaching practices, pastoral care etc in vocational schools and of course it is right to air concerns, but your DD's regular school sounds positively toxic too. I hope the next phase is a lot less stressful for you both. Well done to her for getting through it, and to you for being so supportive and guiding her through it.