charlie4dancin Posted November 2, 2012 Author Share Posted November 2, 2012 Thanks everyone for your help and support... I just want to clarify the school and staff worked very closely with us to try and make dd feel more at home and settled and they have said to take a few weeks before we give up her place... just incase!! Just to point out her diet is very restrictive which we find very hard to deal with as she has multiple issues, school and house staff worked hard to help make this easier, but as I said SHE struggled with her diet which was not helped by her feeling so unhappy I am going to be very honest now, I feel like the last 6 months have been a nightmare, one which I am not about to repeat in a hurry. Ultimately I have to deal with the fallout of the affects now and try and built bridges with my family and close friends, because I choose to try and cope alone. I think it was the sheer disappointment of dd dream falling apart, one which we had worked so hard at (with the help of others) to get her there in the first place, it all seemed so pointless and I felt so hopeless day after day as I couldn't make my little girl feel any happier... its the worst feeling in the world, a feeling you can't understand unless you have dealt with it also!!! Thankfully now after a lot of tears we can now move forward and try and put the sadness/disappointment/frustration behind us and allow dd to dance with her wonderful local dance teacher who has supported us 100%. I don't regret what has happened because we tried... A bit like 'you are better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all' Kind regards Cx 12 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fiz Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 How kind of the school to say to wait a while before they give up her place, though, C4D 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lottie Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 Big virtual hugs to your daughter, yourself and your family. As Pepitacat said above - things can happen for a reason, you might not know what reason yet but one day you'll be able to look back and see why. It must have taken a lot of courage to have been so honest and open on this forum. I admire you for it. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aileen Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 My heart goes out to you both. You sound so bruised by the experience. As you say, it's so hard to accept that the dream that you, your dd and others had worked so hard to achieve turned out to be a nightmare. I assume that your dd is in year 7. She is very young to manage dietary issues on top of going away to boarding school (This is not meant as a criticism). If she decides to goes away at 16 she should be much better equipped to deal with her dietary issues. You mustn't blame yourself for what has happened. As parents we make the best decisions for our children we can at the time and it is only with hindsight that we find out whether they were the right ones. I certainly have some regrets regarding my children's schooling. Once your dd's decision is final you need to give yourselves time to "heal". Try to get your dd to look forward and to focus on all the positive things about being at home. As others have said, it does not have to be the end of the dream; there will be plenty of other opportunities in the future. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jellybeans Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 I am so sorry that it didn't work out after all the heartache of getting your dd there in the first place. Time is a great healer and I'm sure you will all move on and be stronger for the experience. Good luck with the next stage of the journey. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie 2 Milner Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 Sometimes I think it is a very good idea to take a step back and look at all this vocational"stuff". We get so caught up in it from auditions onwards. The pressure to accept places, try for places, etc is huge. My son wasn't involved until 6th form but even so. Then the pressure continues. A job? Is it a "good" job. People outside the "business" assume all dancers dance with the RB and almost pity one that that isn't the comapny. They fail to understand the huge talent and ability of companies world wide small to large. We know that a vocational school formost is the route to a career and sort of say it has to be. I for one, have to remind myself this is a job, one they love hopefully, yes but a career and a life. I think I and many get wrapped up in the artsitry of it all. But like any enviroment it can be so tough for so many. Your daughter had other issues that made the problem so hard but many struggle with vocational training. Some will keep going with an eye on the end, even though unhappy. Others will take the brave decision to follow another path. My admiration for all involved is tremendous. Julie 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robin64 Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 C4D I want to send my best wishes too. I can sympathise (and empathise) although a slightly different story, I know a little of how you felt about your DD being unhappy at vocational school. My eldest (non dancing) daughter went off in Y7 to a very prestigious local girls grammar, it's only a state school but one that people try very hard to get into via 11+. We found out about the grammar schools quite late but as DD had moved to a new primary and seemed to have made a friend there who was sitting the exam, she took it too and passed. Off she went and we all felt proud. She really has not enjoyed it at all and we have had some miserable times trying to get through the last few years. Finally she is in Y11 and will leave as soon as her GCSEs are over. She will go to art school and hopefully finally be able to feel happy and be herself. We did offer her the chance to move schools but she didn't want to do that either and once you have done a couple of years it is harder to move again. The friend she went there with did not turn out to be a nice friend at all. My DD is quiet and I guess she makes an easy target. Hindsight is a great thing eh? I know you have gone through a really hard time but in some ways I was happy for you that you have managed to back out at an early stage and your DD can move on and hopefully be happy in her next chapter. It has gone on for years with my DD. but she gets to come home at the end of the day. Well done to you for making a brave decision and if your DD does think she might like to try again then there has been no shame in having a wobbly start. My dancing DD nearly gave up ballet this year after 10 years but only last night said how much she loves it again now. Her teacher commented that she was the most determined dancer for tackling her difficulty with pointe and coming through. I am sure your DD will use her experience to grow stronger as a person and a dancer. btw I had a slight pang that my DD did not want to audition for any vocational places, it sounded so thrilling reading all the threads on here. She said she knew she would hate to be away from home and does not want to go til she is 18 so I am very grateful to you for being brave enough to share your experiences. I guess vocational school is just not the route for everyone. I really hope that everything works out well for you and the family. x It is such a disappointment (for us as parents as well as our children) when something that seems so exciting goes wrong but have a big family hug, take a deep breath and go forward. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitschqueen_1 Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 I can empathise with you C4D because as parents all we want is for our children to be happy and it is utterly heartbreaking when they aren't and you feel powerless to do anything to help. I think it is a huge testament to the strength of your relationship with your DD that she was able to tell you she wanted to come home when I'm sure she was aware of the huge personal sacrifices you had made to send her to vocational school. Enjoy having her home and I send best wishes to you both 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rachaelballet12 Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 so sorry for U both remember when one door closes another one opens xx YOUR DD has a great dance area to come back to and lots of friends to support her good luck for the future xx 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
balletbun Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 Hope all is well c4d and that your happy with decision, you don't know how much I envy you right now getting off that roller coaster, we've got to start all over agin and I'm dreading it hugs to your dd from mine ???? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa O`Brien Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 Charlie4Dancing,Just wondering how your daughter is? I hope,above all, she is happy.! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charlie4dancin Posted December 16, 2012 Author Share Posted December 16, 2012 Hi quays... We don't regret her decision but she is quite unwell and has only been able to dance a handful of time since leaving vocational school maybe I should inbox you Cx 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twinkletoes Posted December 16, 2012 Share Posted December 16, 2012 hope she gets back to health soon C4D and in away its simply confirms that at this time you made the right decision, though a tough one, hopefully she'll be dancing again soon and back on form T 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aileen Posted December 17, 2012 Share Posted December 17, 2012 C4D, I hope that your dd recovers her health soon and that you and the family have a lovely Christmas / festive season. Let's hope that 2013 brings happier times for you and your dd. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fiz Posted December 17, 2012 Share Posted December 17, 2012 C4D, I do hope your daughter is soon well again and can be back enjoying herself and dancing as she would like to do. x 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tulip Posted December 17, 2012 Share Posted December 17, 2012 C4D, I also echo what Fiz has said. I would also like to make the point, up until the age of 16, vocational school is not the be all and end all. Most of the children in my daughters class have not been to vocational school and I have to say all of them are very, very strong dancers. The few who have been to vocational school do not stand out as being any better. I sometimes feel that if I had known better about associate programmes etc, I may well have kept my daughter at home with us. During vocational school when she was younger, there were tears, home sickness and unfairness. I do not believe this makes children stronger as life its self is tough enough as it is, at least she could have come home and had a cuddle or just gone off into her own bedroom. Good luck to your daughter and I hope she is feeling well soon. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amum/Cathy Posted December 17, 2012 Share Posted December 17, 2012 I'm so sorry to hear she is still unwell C4D. I hope she recovers soon. I think it is possible to get back to a high standard of dancing even with a considerable period away - remember Lauren Cuthebertson had a year off with ME/Chronic fatigue syndrome then returned to dance (and create) the massive role of Alice at the RB. All our love 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitschqueen_1 Posted December 17, 2012 Share Posted December 17, 2012 Wishing your dd a speedy recovery and I hope you all have a lovely Christmas. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BankruptMum Posted December 17, 2012 Share Posted December 17, 2012 Wish you all a healthy and happy 2013, don't worry too much about what she isn't able to do, focus on what she can xxx 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa O`Brien Posted December 17, 2012 Share Posted December 17, 2012 I echo what everyone else on here has said. I wish your daughter a speedy recovery,and that you all have a lovely Christmas.! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charlie4dancin Posted December 19, 2012 Author Share Posted December 19, 2012 Thanks everybody... I have passed on all your good wishes from everyone at balletco to our dd!! She is gutted as she will have to miss her long awaited Christmas present to see 'Wicked' in London on Saturday But we are hopeful she will pick up soon... thanks Merry Christmas to everyone and hope you all have a successful and happy year in 2013 with all your dancing 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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