Siblings

[Bluebird22]

Wondering if anyone has any advice or experience with siblings? In particular when one excels and the other feels deflated or has seriously bashed confidence? I've seen it a few times particularly boy girl siblings, when the boy does better, the girl ends up deflated and its very hard to explain to a child that their brother isn't better there's just more opportunities for boys.

 

 

Any advice or shared experiences very much welcome! 

 

 

[MrsMoo2]

Yep, I have b/g twins and the boy has always done well. Like you say he's not necessarily better, but he's a boy! 

My girl has now moved into diversifying from ballet and doing more contemporary type stuff which the boy has no interest in. Been interesting watching them find their niche, I wouldn't say it's ever caused arguments but in the beginning when DS was doing auditions for RBS etc, DD was a bit cheesed off.

Now they just fall out about which choreographer is the best! 😂😂 xx

[Guest]

Yes. I have 2 girls who both did ballet at the same dance school. The ballet teacher took me aside one day, to warn me that the younger was about to overtake her sister as the schools policy meant ability counted for more than age in determining grade and they had decided to accelerate my younger girl. At least being warned meant I could spend some time talking with my older child about how she felt and what she wanted. She chose ultimately to give up dance and focus on playing music and singing, which she preferred, and to be honest was better suited to. Of course it can be terribly hard (and expensive) when siblings are doing different activities in different places (and usually at the same time). But ultimately it has given each the space to play to their strengths.

[Lifeafterballet]

I have a Ds and Dd, both at vocational school. They are competitive yet very supportive of each other. I think it is easier that they are not the same sex as then they can rationalise success as boys, especially in competitions and selection for performances, get more opportunities. 

I feel the real difficulty in siblings is the non dancing one that feels left out / jealous of the time and investment that parents put into the dancing child. 

[Mummy twinkle toes]

2 dds with only 2 years between them. Dd2 does get jealous as Dd1 has more dance classes as she is older & higher grade. However Dd2 has good turns and elevation so i and their teachers praise their individual strenghts. It has helped that dd2 sings and can get focus for that. Ds used to dance too but has given up. Siblings will argue and mine will fight like cat and dog but when one achieves something the others will congratulate and hug them. 

[Ballet4Boyz]

Having spent years nursing our DS back to health with lots of time spent in hospital , followed by years taking him back & forth to dance lessons - he now attends vocational school.

Our non dancing daughter who is three years younger,  never once complained or showed any jealousy even though we would have understood if she had. We've always told her what an amazing and selfless daughter/sister she is but also worried that silently she may have felt in DS's shadow.

Thankfully - she has found a passion for badminton & is currently training to represent our county. We now ferry her around constantly to coaching and although I was hoping for a bit of a rest from taxi duties - we are so pleased to see her gain in confidence at something & to devote more of our time to her ....... finally ! 😊

[BlueLou]

15 year old dd is slightly irritated that 10 year old ds will ‘have it easier’ by way of competition for opportunities than she has had, but it won’t touch her confidence  - partly because she is old enough to rationalise it, and partly because she is a particularly self-confident girl. Boys may well have it easier in some ways (less competition for opportunities), but in others surely they have it much harder (defying the stereotypes). Ultimately, professional male dancers have had to work every bit as hard as their female counterparts regardless of whether or not they had a bit more help ‘getting on’ when they were younger.

[Picturesinthefirelight]

Oddly I was chatting to a mum tonight who Id not spoken to before. at rehearsals who has a Dd & a ds. The ds is younger but appears to be doing very well (associate, featured ensemble in a particular show due to being a boy whereas his sister is general chorus). The sister seemed very upbeat though & pleased with what she is doing. 

 

Turned out thry attend the school you teach at. 

 

Ive had the opposite in the past. Dd st vocational school but now ds has decided he wants to perform he's getting good parts as a boy but as a non dancer it's holding him back a bit as he gets older. (Had first dance lesson last week) 

[Nicola H]

2 hours ago, BlueLou said:

15 year old dd is slightly irritated that 10 year old ds will ‘have it easier’ by way of competition for opportunities than she has had, but it won’t touch her confidence  - partly because she is old enough to rationalise it, and partly because she is a particularly self-confident girl. Boys may well have it easier in some ways (less competition for opportunities), but in others surely they have it much harder (defying the stereotypes). Ultimately, professional male dancers have had to work every bit as hard as their female counterparts regardless of whether or not they had a bit more help ‘getting on’ when they were younger.

 the  'easier'  is the numbers game , the 'quality line' is the same , it;s just  it's more  girls aobve the quality line in absolute numbers ... 


 

[richieN]

Older DD is 11 and has huge success in Ballet. Perfect physique; Talented, driven and passionate about dance. Younger DD is not a natural, and I think she suffered a bit in self confidence. We moved older DD to a more advanced dance school and kept younger DD in the original school. We have also taken the time to explain that we value younger DD for her own unique qualities, and that other people's successes are not her failures. 

It's more complicated for us shuttling our kids to different schools, but I think younger DD is enjoying her dance time more, now she doesn't see her older sister being put front and centre for every routine. However, I am mindful that younger DD may have natural talents in different directions, so I am keeping my eye out for new things to introduce her to. However, as long as she is happy, that's all that really matters.

[Pups_mum]

I know this is a serious topic, but it's reminded me of quite a funny event from a few years ago. My middle child who is now 14 and no longer dances put his sister's nose well and truly out of joint when he was about 5 and she was 10. She'd had significant success at a recent local dance festival and our mantelpiece was full of silverware. Little brother announced one evening that he wanted a trophy too, so we explained to him that it wasn't quite that easy, but that if he wanted to learn a dance and have a try, we would ask their teacher if he could enter the next festival. Much to our surprise, as he is painfully shy, he did just that. With lots of help from DD he learned a little character solo, and to my amazement went out onto the stage and danced. And won! So he had his trophy and everyone was happy. DD had a good festival too so all was well, until the penultimate evening of the festival when the adjudicator's choices for "Dance of the Festival" were announced. DD had been doing festivals for 5 years and at the time had never been picked for this, and really wanted to be. So she was ecstatic when she saw her name on the list. Except it wasn't her name. In her excitement she had seen our surname but failed to notice that it was not her, but her little brother that had been selected.....whoops. To add insult to injury, he refused to participate. It was all very clear in his mind. He had wanted to win a trophy and he'd done it so there was no need to dance again. He never performed again and gave up his lessons soon after. DD to her credit saw the funny side and she did get selected eventually. But I will never forget the look on her face when she realised she had been out danced by her baby brother!

[JulieW]

My 3 (boy, girl, boy) are now all grown up and working (well, nearly - dd has less than a year to go to qualify as a vet as some of you will remember) - they still call my eldest "the chosen one" as nickname. 

 

Sorry, not really given much advice on how to deal with your question but everyone laughs at his nickname in our family 😉

[Bluebird22]

I'm a sibling but me and my younger brother always had opposite expectations- he loved performing and being the centre of attention. I loved that he took that role as it deflected attention from me, I just wanted to teach! 

 

I teach a few siblings now where they both have the same end goal, I can't give them opportunities that aren't available!