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Dance/life conflicts


Katymac
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DD is back from school & will. be back until September.

She needs to earn money for next year & has managed to find 2 paying jobs.she is also working for her old dance teacher in exchange for classes & in the family business for lifts to work/class. This has all been set up for months.

She has also arranged to go back for an associate type class until the end of term as advanced classes round here are hard to find.

I thought I'd made sure the teacher knew she couldn't do the end of year show (the others have been learning all year/she can't do any extra rehearsals)

So today (first day) the teacher gave her a rehearsal schedule which she can't attend because
a) she isn't doing the show & B) she has 4 jobs

Where did we go wrong?

Edited by Katymac
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Hi Katymac

 

I feel your pain! My DD is coming to the end of year 10 and has so many demands on her time both in normal school and her dance school it's a wonder she has the time to sleep!

 

Normal school just don't seem to understand or appreciate how much dancing she does outside of school (5 hours of lessons plus a further 3 hours of teaching the younger ones at the weekend) and think that she should just drop these classes as when they say to accommodate rehearsals for their own school production and GCSE Performing Arts work!

 

I can understand the teachers of her more 'traditional' subjects not understanding it, but it's the Performing Arts staff who are the worst for insisting she drop everything to accommodate them! :angry:

 

I suspect I may have to keep my lip buttoned for most of year 11 I'm just not sure I'll manage it :unsure:

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You must be so proud of your daughter for taking such responsibility on herself in order to help pay for the tuition - what a dedicated and determined student she must be! Her school probably doesn't realise quite how much she has taken on, even though you say that you thought you had made it clear to her teacher. I suppose you had better write another letter! Keep calm and carry on!

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We are struggling too, Katymac, although a different sort of dance/life conflict. Yesterday, our usually cheerful and lovely DD (age 11) refused dinner and took herself off to bed because I said she couldn't go to help at a children's book awards evening event next week – because that evening is her most important IF class of the week. She has skipped Gr 4 & 5 to start IF this year (since Feb), and was supposed to do IF exam in 2016, but now has been told she should sit it in Sept. Yikes! So we just feel she has to miss as little as possible. What doesn't help is that she is missing two more classes going to an out-of-town festival next weekend – which we entered back in April when we thought she didn't have an exam this year. It's in her grandparents' town in the other island of NZ so we have flights booked and can't cancel as visiting them is half of the reason for going.

I was ready for the missed birthday parties, trips to the mall etc, but do feel bad about saying she can't go to something book-related, especially as only a few were chosen to go and help. So hard to get this right!

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I think in this instance you do just need to take the apologetic approach about the 'misunderstanding'.  Explain that you do appreciate the opportunities for DD but that it really is not possible for her to attend rehearsals/do the show.  It probably is easier for your DD to talk to the teacher - if only for the fact that she can blame you (!) and the fact that she had been under the impression you had made the situation clear about her lack of time and job commitments.  If your DD would rather you spoke to her, its easy to say that you are speaking on behalf of your DD because DD is feeling bad when it really is all a misunderstanding and not DDs fault.  Is this in the associate type classes as it may well be that if they are now spending each class just on show work, the teacher has just assumed DD would like to take part as the classes may not be much use to DD otherwise and her presence might complicate class for teacher and class mates.    It sounds like your DD has nice teachers - I would just get the apology/talk over and done with as soon as possible as the longer you leave it the less it will seem like a genuine misunderstanding and more it will come across as DD changing her mind/being disorganised/something better coming along.  good luck

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Hi Cara has your dds dance school discussed with you why they want to advance her taking IF in Sept 15 as opposed to in 2016. If getting sufficient lesson time in between now and September is causing you and dd real stress its worth talking this with them to check its still the right choice for her. Vocational exams are much more demanding than graded ones - a very wise friend said to me that its better to do it well than to do it early.

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I agree nmemo - it seems that your DD has to make the choice whether to do the IF exam this year and forego everything else, or whether to pluck up the courage to ask her teacher if she could wait until 2016 after all (if this is still an option due to scheduling etc).

 

I really don't think it should  come across as you FORBIDDING her to do the book festival though - you don't want to start making her resent ballet. You need to offer the above two options and let her make her own decision as to where her priorities lie (i.e. doing the exam in Sept and doing the festival would not be an option on the table).

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DD is back from school & will. be back until September.

 

She needs to earn money for next year & has managed to find 2 paying jobs.she is also working for her old dance teacher in exchange for classes & in the family business for lifts to work/class. This has all been set up for months.

 

She has also arranged to go back for an associate type class until the end of term as advanced classes round here are hard to find.

 

I thought I'd made sure the teacher knew she couldn't do the end of year show (the others have been learning all year/she can't do any extra rehearsals)

 

So today (first day) the teacher gave her a rehearsal schedule which she can't attend because

a) she isn't doing the show & B) she has 4 jobs

 

Where did we go wrong?

 

I don't think you're the ones that went wrong. Sounds as though the teacher was applying a degree of wishful thinking.

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I think it's totally reasonable for you to get involved Katymac. Your dd is still young - just away at school - so maybe seems older. I think if she was living at home and in a 6th form you wouldn't think twice about intervening. I remember needing help with that type of thing in 6th form......

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Guest Autumn days

Katymac, I think I am a bit confused, too! Has term finished already at your daughters vocational school or has she left early to cme home so that she can work etc? And is the show she won't be in at her local dance school or vocational school? I think the response should be different depending on which it is!

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Yes term has finished (it was a pre-vocational course)  & the show is at her 'old' associates that said she could come back for the last half-term to help 'keep up her dancing' as she will be off 15 weeks

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