Relationships

[balletla]

Does anyone know what vocational (boarding) school policies are on students having relationships with each other? Are they allowed and how are they 'managed'. My DD is at the age where quite a few of them seem to be pairing up and it would be worrying being at a distance, making sure she keeps focussed on studies and dancing.

[Anna C]

Not something that has arisen with my dd - yet! - but when it happens I don't think it will be something that we would want to put a stop to completely. It's surely a natural progression for teenagers to start having boyfriends/girlfriends.

 

I agree that focussing on studies and dance is very important, but at the same time, IMO, learning how to form and deal with relationships is also an important part of growing up. Perhaps we should look at it in terms of juggling and prioritising? :-)

[petipacat]

My dd fell in love at secondary school 3 years on and they are still as close ( hopefully not that close wink wink )he has always understood that her dancing comes first and supports her wholeheartedly ,what will be interesting is how it will pan out when she goes to vocational school and he to college They reckon they are soul mates ,who knows ?

[CeliB]

At DS's school PDAs (is this an Americanism? not sure, anyway for those who don't know it means public displays of affection - eg holding hands, kissing) strictly forbidden. DS got told off for being seen holding hands/kissing at various points, though he has managed 2 relationships so far without apparently too much difficulty. Girl and boys dorms kept strictly single sex- if a student is caught in the wrong coloured dorm at any time it gets taken pretty seriously -one person has had to leave the school dorm and live out due to breaking school rule on being in someone else's bedroom after hours (not expelled as still attends lessons/class but can't board)....

Have no experience of UK schools but wd be very interested- in particular how they handle the possibility of same sex relationships as this clearly not solved by separating girls and boys!!!

[BankruptMum]

Ribbons - at the vocational school my daughter was at there were specific policies on the topic of relationships. Basically they were not permitted and physical contact including kissing was not allowed due to the embarrassment it may cause others!

 

But children will be children and the more school say no the greater the challenge I guess. It definitely wasn't encouraged though.

 

[BankruptMum]

Ribbons - at the vocational school my daughter was at there were specific policies on the topic of relationships. Basically they were not permitted and physical contact including kissing was not allowed due to the embarrassment it may cause others!

 

But children will be children and the more school say no the greater the challenge I guess. It definitely wasn't encouraged though.

 

[aileen]

Perhaps the schools aren't worried about same sex relationships because they can't result in (the scandal of) a teenage pregnancy!

 

 

[Pups_mum]

I think the whole relationship issue is one of the most stressful things about being the parent of a teenager. My husband is rapidly turning into a victorian father, getting uptight at the mere mention of the word "boy"!Heaven help anyone that DD ever does bring home It must be even more stressful for parents whose children are hundreds of miles away from home though and I sympathise greatly.

But to look at it from another angle, boy/girlfriends met at vocational school will presumably have similar hopes and ambitions and will understand how important dance is to their loved one. The chances of meeting such a like minded boy/girlfriend in an average comprehensive are not high, particularly not of a dancing girl meeting a boy who shares (or even understands) her passion for dance. So maybe a boy/girlfriend from vocational school is at least less likely to distract a dancing teenager from their dance?

[Anna C]

Really difficult for children at Vocational schools, thinking about it. We weren't allowed to have PDAs in school when I was at school, but we still managed to do so in quiet corners of the field, or walking home! And then obviously we could go out on Friday nights when we were older.

 

Dd goes to an all-girls school, so apparently the older girls meet up with boys on the walk home. Not an opportunity that children at Vocational school get though! :-(

 

Loving your "Victorian Dad" issue, Pups_Mum! I predict exactly the same behaviour from my husband in a couple of years' time. He's already mentioned that he'll be taking fingerprints at the front door (and I don't think he was joking!!). :-)

[aileen]

Pups_mum, doesn't it make you wonder what your husband was getting up to when he was your daughter's age?!

[smallbythesea]

My dh says he will make sure that he is polishing a shotgun (not that he has one!) when dd brings any boys home!!!! He also says she won't be allowed out until she is 40 - to which I replied "don't worry, i'll let you sneak out of the back door & you will have to run down the passage" lol.

 

Anyone seen the latest twilight film? I love when Bella's (the main characters) Dad is giving a speech at her wedding breakfast:

 

"Edward will be a good husband, I know this because I'm a cop, I know things. Like how to hunt somebody to the ends of the earth. And I know how to use a gun."

[Blondie]

My ds has had relationships whilst at his local dance school and whilst at vocational school.He has rarely been without a girlfriend from the age of 9.Whilst at vocational school relationships were not frowned upon but there were strict rules about always having a chaperone-usually just any other child from the school.Now he is in 6th form and has yet another girlfriend and next year he will be living unsupervised as will she so how on earth do you stop things going on???I guess as long as they are careful you cannot worry too much.The only alternative would be not to let them leave home and for us that would mean no vocational training.

[Anjuli_Bai]

You cannot control what you cannot control. As a parent you spend your day teaching your child both by example and by expectation your view of what you consider a good - moral - life. There comes a time, early or late, when that teaching will be tested by your child. Keeping a child at home until adulthood is no guarantee that your moral view will be the child's moral view. Yes, they can certainly get in trouble away from home - but they can do that while at home, too.

 

Teach the best you can - and then stand back and be ready to help if possible - but eventually you just stand back.

 

In any case they will test for themselves no matter what you do and some of that is difficult to watch.

 

That's how parents end up with gray hair. It's no accident of nature. Been there, done that.

Edited May 10, 2012 by Anjuli_Bai

[Sheila Beelam]

Wise words as always anjuli...agree completely

[glowlight]

Relationships are a normal part of being human. I think it is hard as a parent to handle this, as it is a sign of your child growing up, but they do have to learn how to handle relationships and (hopefully) still stay focussed on the important things in life. If not they could be very lonely as adults and that would be really sad.

 

At least at vocational school they are in a relatively controlled environment and are busy a lot of the time. They're not likely to be sneaking off to all night house parties or 'hanging out' on street corners. The school probably has tighter rules than you could possibly enforce at home if you had a strong willed teenager. And they are living with like minded friends so the boyfriend/girlfriend at least should understand the importance of dance.

[aileen]

I agree with glowlight. The schools are able to enforce their rules with the threat of expulsion, which is a huge threat to a child aspiring to a career as a dancer (this is probably not the case with academic boarding schools). The anxiety stems, I think, from the fact that the children are sleeping on the same premises and are together more hours of the day than they would be if they were living at home. Of course, post-16, where children are living in flats they are free to do what they like! I don't know what the rules are in hostel-type accommodation.