How to develop confidence in a dancer?

[sunrise81]

My dd is in Year 10 at vocational school. She gets great reports about technique. But keeps being told that she needs to stop being a "quiet dancer" and have more confidence in herself.

 

She has got herself upset about this as she knows next year is upper school audition time and she doesn't want to be overlooked. I have told her to speak to ber teacher but she doesn't want to. Any words of advice or things she can do to help her overcome this?

 

I have no idea about ballet so cannot help her!!

[Ballet Saga]

It’s so unhelpful when teachers say thinks like that without giving any actual advice! 
 

Firstly tell her not to worry. It can easily be developed.

 

I would get her dancing for fun at home or in a studio space you have hired. Just put on some music and be free with it. Also find dancers she likes and imitate them. Get her to film herself and watch it and she can see where she wants to improve. 
 

And she needs to work really hard not comparing herself to others. It just destroys confidence. She has plenty of time to develop her confidence before upper auditions. 

[sunrise81]

Thank you! These are good ideas 💡 I will have a chat with her when she is home. 

 

She does compare herself a lot, especially since plans for summer shows are being made

[Pixiewoo]

Bless her, hugs to her and you. 

 

Tell her she needs to 'act' confident - push herself to the front of the class, volunteer to demonstrate something, answer questions etc. Maybe pretend to be a dancer she likes/admires?

 

It is REALLY HARD to do if you are naturally shy/retiring. But if she can put an 'act' on, and just go for it, after a while, the act won't be so much of an act. 

 

I'm not a dancer, but am someone who would prefer to hide in the shadows, however, to do my job I have to put a smile on, and go out and be 'all singing all dancing'. It does become easier over time. 

[sunrise81]

I've said about making sure she is at the front etc......but she is very shy naturally, and then said that the other girls would be saying mean things behind her back if she did that, as she isn't one of the popular girls. I did question this, but she assures me nothing has been said by anyone to her 😭😭😭

[alison]

Hi, sunrise81.  Have a look at some of these and see if they help:

 

Showing results for 'confidence' in content posted in Doing Dance. - BalletcoForum

[sunrise81]

8 minutes ago, alison said:

Hi, sunrise81.  Have a look at some of these and see if they help:

 

Showing results for 'confidence' in content posted in Doing Dance. - BalletcoForum

Thank you 😊 

[Ruby Foo]

I don’t believe you can be confident unless you truly ‘feel’ it from within and it’s authentic. If you think of occasions when you feel confident, it’s usually when you feel super competent and comfortable or maybe you just look amazing. It’s pointless people saying ‘ you need to be more confident’ because if you don’t feel it inside then it can never work. If she’s generally a quiet, humble type then she may be overlooked by the teachers. And feel trapped by her peers. Maybe try and ask how she feels in class generally. Does she feel super competent or if there’s something worrying her, whether it be her peers or her dancing ( or her teacher). Obviously if she does feel competent among her peers then there’s some reason her personality and performance is not translating to her teachers. Can she take her competency ( lovely technique) to another level and proactively seek attention from her teacher?  I would ask for a little help from the school. It might be as simple as the teachers paying more attention to her. Does she feel more confident away from her vocational school and the people in it? At summer school?  Can she remember times when she felt very competent and wanted others to see how good she is? Maybe she can look out some piccies of when she felt really good about herself and get her to tell you why.  Can she  conjure those same feelings in class? I would definitely get to as many performances as you can so she can see how much larger than life you need to be on stage -every class a performance. 
Sometimes these things sort themselves out with a change of school, different environment and teachers. 
I can definitely empathise!

 

[Allwrong]

This is so frustrating, and so common in the academic sphere too. I’ve lost count of the time my children were called shy at school because, being quick at understanding, they held back from a process that was aimed at those taking longer to understand. This perceived need to push yourself forward is a real modern curse, and is really nothing to do with a genuine situation, such as a real performance or an audition. At university my son is now amongst the most vocal because the debate is at his level and his contributions appropriate. If your DD has lovely technique, she will rise to the top and outshine by the beauty of her movements, which are all the star quality a ballerina needs, and very hard indeed to be achieve.

I know it’s hard to accept when roles in school shows go to those who attract attention through the year in class, but once in a real situation you daughter will be fine. She might have to swallow down some disappointments in the meantime, but she’ll come through in a more real situation.

DD appears socially shy amongst dancing peers, but she frequently gets noticed as a dancer, in class situations as well as performance. But she always did poorly in festivals or situations where whet was needed was ‘starlet’ sparkle.

If it helps, DD says she doesn’t feel shy in a role because she is communicating the character. She will, however, always be more of an Odette than an Esmeralda. But that’s fine: a company needs both. And there are more Esmeraldas out there than Odettes!

So my advice to your daughter is be very proud of her technique, and find teachers who appreciate what she has. This may mean she doesn’t get an Upper School offer where she is (though she may well, too) but only because she doesn’t match their style. She needs somewhere that is good enough to be able to develop her great technique! Plenty of places will jump at the chance to take her.

[alison]

Yes, this must be incredibly frustrating.  It sounds as though it could be something as simple as presentation: lifting the head slightly higher, having your movements a little more expansive, making more contact with her (imaginary) audience, whatever.  But if she doesn't ask for clarification she may never find out, of course  

 

At some stage in our careers/adult life I think a lot of us find that we have to push beyond our comfort zone somewhat, and a bit of faking the confidence you aren't feeling can work wonders. But of course that's a lesson that a mid-teen may not be ready to learn yet.

[margarite]

Not sure I’ll have any useful advice for you, but I do sympathise as I went through similar with my DD in year 10/11. Interestingly, she was stronger in performance skills when she was younger, I think working so hard on her technique almost dulled some of her natural ‘spark’ for a while. She was told she needed to work on her eyeline and projection and be ‘more confident’ but was often overlooked by teachers for the more outgoing dancers in the room, which obviously didn’t help with the confidence issue. I too dreaded the upper school auditions, but she ended up with several solid offers, plus got finals for a couple of schools that we’d thought she wouldn’t ever be considered for. Fast forward to year 12 and she is having the time of her life, so much more confident, and has been selected for featured roles in her school’s latest production. I think in hindsight, getting performance experience in the holidays would have benefitted her more than just the classical intensives she went to – she already had the technique – just needed to have some fun dancing out of the school environment. Best of luck to your DD, I’m sure the right upper school will spot her beautiful technique, knowing that they can develop her performance skills.