Going away to vocational school at 11???

[CeliB]

Apologies if this is off ballet a bit but I wanted to add that my younger brother (now 24) spent most of his teenage years locked in his bedroom on internet fantasy gaming sites. Funnily enough he now has several friends around the country he met on said sites who he goes to visit regularly. He has a first class hon degreee and is doing a law conversion with one of the top London firms and is very socially successful. I think it is in the nature of teenage boys to lock themselves away in their bedrooms doing something solitary. My DS spends most of his spare time when not dancing on the XBox....

 

There is a brilliant book about teenagers called 'Get Out of My Life: But First take Me and Alex Into Town' which I found a huge help in understanding the teenage condition (and this is useful for all of us with tricky teenagers whether dancing or not). I am not usually a great fan of self help books but this one is a gem...

 

I also agree with twinkeltoes that whatever your decision it is much better to make it together before talking to your daughter- it would make life unbearable if she is able to play one of you off against the other (something children aquire a skill for at an early age!!!)

 

Good luck xx

[2dancersmum]

Actually by "giving it a try" I was not suggesting that parents would be telling a happy child she has to leave vocational school after initally allowing her to go. It is more that one of the difficulties in deciding what is best for your child is the fact that leaving home to study elsewhere is a step into the unknown and you have no real way of knowing if the reality for the child will live up to her dream. A friends DD went to vocational school at 11, the school she really wanted to go to. There were the usual problems of homesickness but the girl settled down. However at the end of the year she asked if she could leave. She wanted to return home and continue local classes for her ballet. She was happy away at school but happier at home. A few years on and this girl is glad she had the experience and that her parents allowed her to go but she does not regret leaving and will be trying again for voational school aged 16.

[taxi4ballet]

As 2dancersmum says, give it a go, you can always change your mind.

 

When I was a kid, my mum insisted on me taking ballet classes, whereas I was totally obsessed with horses!

 

At 17, I chucked in my A-levels and went to work at a riding school. I loved every minute of it (well, apart from getting up at the crack of dawn), and although I only spent a year there, I am so glad that I had that opportunity and will never regret it.

[Evie]

My dd started at 3years old and although she did ballet, modern, tap, jazz etc, she was never on the JA circuit and neither were any of the others dancers at her studio at that time. We moved to another dance studio when she was 12, where being a JA and ballet was the main aim for many of the dancers there! Her younger brother started at this studio and became a JA with a passion for ballet and sure enough auditioning and 'going away' reared its 'ugly' head! He is now 11 and has successfully gained a place at ballet school! My experience as a parent with both of my dancing chldren has been completely different! Only time will tell wether going away or not is right!

[tutoo2much]

C4D- This is my very personal experience.

 

I ended up letting my daughter go to vocational school at 11. I had been told she would probably get a place and warned that once offered it would be very hard to turn down. But it is so easy to get caught up in the process and a big part of me did want to see what the outcome would be, so she auditioned. It's awful,I dont remember being estatically happy when she got in, neither was she, but she is an adventurous sort of person and decided to take the place.

 

I still remember waking up the first few nights after she was gone, feeling sick to the bottom of my soul knowing she wasn't in the the house. For weeks, if not months it felt like I had left a limb somewhere. Dancing, with all the attendant fun of festivals, exams, performances, long car journeys to JA's was meant to be a fun shared activity. Instead I felt a bit like I shot myself in the foot. Sometimes I still do and I wonder why I actually thought it was a decision that should be left to a 10 year old child. I really don't think she would have resented me if I said she couldn't go. A part of her would probably have been relieved.

 

My point, albeit a bit longwinded, is that I had control of this process and allowed it to happen. I think it would have felt very,very different if it had happened against my will and someone else made the decision to let her to go away.

 

And the other thing is, it isn't that easy to leave, especially for a child who is proud and resilient and has heard comments made about children who haven't coped and have had to come home. She is having a lovely time now, and I have got used to it, but it doesn't get any easier. You do miss out a lot on your child's life and if you are lucky see a few classes a year and the odd show. I will never get this time back.

 

We both agree we should have waited till she was older, though this is what we were advised and didn't take any notice anyway!

[JulieW]

Thanks for sharing this with us Tutoo2much.

 

I have certainly advised friends who are starting out down the audition route to stop and think about whether they actually would be happy with getting the place and having their child away from home (not sure you'd have taken much notice of me by the sounds of things though ). As you say, it's very easy to get swept along with the whole thing.

 

We certainly started out never believing our son would get a place anyway, so it didn't really matter - but he only auditioned for WL and it was his dream to be there, so despite the collywobbles when he did get in we were very happy. It probably helped from my point of view that I had two dancing children still at home - with my daughter in JAs and doing lots of festivals etc and me being very involved with the local dance school - otherwise I would have suddenly felt very cut off from my own hobby! In fact, I'm feeling a bit that way at the moment as my son is about to leave Elmhurst and my daughter will be going to uni next year - their dancing has been such a huge part of my life for so long, I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do!!

[charlie4dancin]

WOW tutoomuch that is very honest thank you...

 

and thank you everyone else I am overwhelmed at the heartfelt responses for this!!!

 

We have alot of talking to do and I will certainly share with balletco when we have decided

Cx

[hfbrew]

Good luck.

 

Might I suggest another option is to audition for year 10? Wonder if that would be a good compromise if she keeps up her standard. It would allow her to mature at home and be really sure she wants to dance without shutting the door completely. And you will save three yeard of expense....

[Evie]

tutoo2much i feel like you do and my ds hasnt even gone to vocational school yet! I feel very cynical about the dancing world, is it the path to happiness! To be told constantly that you're not good enough and be constantly compared to other children!! They have to smile and be happy with this! Will they get work and earn money at the end of it all, thats the question!!!! I am already dreading September and we've only had the YES letter for 3 weeks!! He is happy about it all and looking forward to going!! I want to get off this rollercoaster already, but it's too late for me now!!!!

[balletla]

It is sooooo easy to get swept up in it all and start feeling panicky about places etc. There is still an overwhelming feeling that you have to go in year 7 or you've missed the boat. Whilst there are justifications both ways, there is absolutely no way I would have missed out on my DD being at home and some things are more important than ballet.

[hfbrew]

Prepare for a long ride!!! No denying its been tough at times but as a family its also given many good times. My ds was well looked after and was allowed to be himself. And Id like to reassure you that he was never actually told" you are not good enough" and although comparisons with other pupils are inevitable we did try hard to celebrate his own personal journey and tried to avoid as much as possible comparing marks of appraisals etc.

 

And for us the alternative schooling option really doesn't bear thinking about... I do think it must be much harder for those who have excellent local schooling!

[JulieW]

It is a rollercoaster ride - but one that I wouldn't have missed for the world (and I hate theme parks ) - even with the awful homesickness and ds being assessed out - he and I have made wonderful friends along the way and had some amazing experiences which few are in the fortunate position to have. To a certain extent, like anything in life, you get out what you put in - so go in with your eyes wide open - help your child to see the positives in everything (applies whether they've got into a vocational school or not) and see what happens.

 

I can't say that we were 100% sure that ds wanted a career as a ballet dancer when we set out (he was more certain by the time he stopped for a re-think in year 9), but what a wonderful time he's had finding out

 

And yes, we've missed having him around terribly, but they get very long holidays and lots of weekends at home, so to be honest, sometimes I didn't really notice he wasn't here

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

My (now 17) daughter was certain she wanted to be a ballet dancer at 11 - turned out she hasn't got the physique for it so I'm glad she didn't get in because she's found another vocation she's aiming for - but I'm glad we gave her the opportunity to try at the time.