DancingtoDance

Thank you Janet McNulty for your advice, I will try to get someone closer to them to tell their parents.

Thank you everyone for your advice.

Thanks for your answers. I do not have a way of telling this person's parents. Let's just say this young adult is in danger of taking their own life at some time or the other and they may be considering it. It may not however be an immediate situation (e.g. they may not be in immediate danger) They were in the hospital and probably still getting help but fooled the doctors. On discharge they were far from out of danger but probably only I know about this. I think their parents are extremely cautious but that is not always enough.

I think they are 18. So legally they would be be an adult (albeit a young one) and out of secondary school. Actually now reevaluating the situation, I don't really have a way to report this except for by telling people who are friends of this people, or I can tell the Head of Year or someone in my school who is in a position of authority. I guess I can tell the Head of Year or someone in a similar position but I don't know how that will be useful now that they are out of school. Unless the Head of Year contacts parents and warns them. No I don't think there is anything like ChildLine where I live. So I can either tell this person's friends, and/or I can tell someone in my school who is a position of authority (this person graduated from my school). Do you think either would be useful and how? The problem with the former is that I don't think this person's friends know about the situation, and with the latter is that this person is out of secondary school so the people in my school aren't exactly responsible for this person anymore.

The title may not be important, but I meant to post "Worried about someone I know" not "Worries about someone I know". It still conveys the same message though. Edit: I realised you can fix the title and edited it, never mind!

I am worried about someone I know, their health and well-being and their safety due to their health and well-being. I don't want to get in trouble as I pretty much have promised not to say anything but I also don't want anything to happen. I want to remain anonymous if I report this but I am afraid I may not be able to, which could lead to problems. How can I remain anonymous? Or should I just not say anything, risking this person's safety and possibly their life? This may not be an immediate situation, but is a situation that may warrant attention and is a situation where I am genuinely concerned about someone else's safety.

And what about Mid Associates; do they wear tights? I assume they do.

Thanks for your answers; does anyone know about outside England including within the UK?

Thank you drdance for your answer.

In case he doesn't become a dancer, or after he stops dancing as a career in dance is generally very short and unstable! You never know, you may need something you never thought you would use! You might already have told him this though!

I get the impression that in RBS Year 7s wear socks at first... I was wondering do they do this for the whole year or just until the teacher thinks they are ready to wear tights? And if it is the latter, by the time they are ready for pointe would they still be wearing socks or would they be wearing tights and approximately when would it be that they graduate to tights? And how is it in other vocational schools? What about junior associates; do all JAs wear socks? Thank you for any answers.

Good for your DD. But I feel we have to be careful about levels as whether or not the level they are at is good is relative to the child's ability in that subject - some students may achieve a high level yet be underachieving, while other students may achieve a low level yet be achieving their maximum potential.

As for studying at a ballet school post 16 without going through Lower School, I think it depends heavily upon the quality and quantity of dance training you can get locally. Locally is the standard good enough to get your child up to par at age 16 and can you fit in enough classes locally. Obviously the upsides include broader options academically and more family time but another upside I also see is that post 16 students do A levels and to do A levels students need to have to gotten a B or above in the subject they want to study in, so there may be closer abilities... but then again, although not knowing the OP's child's academic ability there is a difference between a B student and an A* student so I don't know if this really is an upside... But even in Lower School vocational schools do set their students based on ability in certain subjects (although some vocational schools only do this from a certain year, and the subjects in which they are set by ability may change as they progress in the school) so if some subjects are set by ability in the OP's child's year in those subjects not being with those with similar ability shouldn't be a problem.

I see what you mean, but aren't there non-selective independent academic schools? Or are their standards generally not as good as academically selective independent schools? (We have to keep in mind though, every child is different so some children, even if they are in the 10% and get in a selective independent school, they may be borderline and struggle to succeed in a selective school but thrive in an excellent non-selective independent school or comprehensive, while there are also children who thrive at a selective independent or a grammar school. But as the OP mentioned their child is really quite bright, so their child seems to be in the 10% and perhaps a mixed-ability school such as a ballet school isn't the best fit for their child academically. The issues with hiring and retaining academic staff are obviously a concern, as it would be for any child and school. I strongly agree though that one should be concerned if their child isn't fulfilling their academic potential, and for a child aspiring to become a ballet dancer their balletic/artistic potential as well.)

But I agree that a personal attack is not fine, and that constructive criticism is

I agree that there needs to be trust, but I also realise that sometimes students are TOO trusting of their teacher leading to abuse - so I can't say that trust is the only thing - like how a teacher might cross way over the line, yet the student thinks it's acceptable because they trust everything their teacher does is right I will also say I don't find YOU played too heavily etc out of line, but being called lazy or stupid may be, not necessarily abuse but humiliating and out of line, but it's difficult to know because ballet is old and in some respects maybe ballet hasn't moved forward with the rest of the world, and also true emotional abuse is less likely to be realised - but if you look closely, you would know if it is true emotional abuse Sorry if I don't make much sense

Thanks for all your posts; they are useful but I was really just asking about what is abuse and what is not, for example in regards to criticism...? Like when does it cross the line..? Your posts are all useful though, I appreciate them very much

I take it you mean no slap/tap in jest or because a student did something wrong/are naughty but that it is okay as a dance teacher to tap a part of a body to correct

The SCHOOL leaving age is still 16 in England, but the EDUCATION leaving age is 18, which may include staying at school/college, participating in an apprenticeship/traineeship, or part-time education/training in addition to working or volunteering at least 20 hours a week. In other parts of the UK the school leaving age is still 16, or 17 depending on your birthday and where you live in the UK. https://www.gov.uk/know-when-you-can-leave-school

But the main point of this question is not for advice about my situation, but when does ballet training/discipline in a studio, school or company cross the line to abuse, whether that be physically, emotionally or sexually

Yes, I think it may have been done in jest - but then the teacher I think in Year 9 pushed my forehead or something if you feel that is unacceptable but that is long ago, I don't think there are any other indicators. So perhaps telling people would cause more problems instead of less. I don't think the teacher really pays attention to me, she did for a time but then didn't pay much attention to me, maybe because I don't perform the movements so well or maybe because I am slow to pick up choreography I also come from a culture where many parents use corporal punishment and are allowed to hit with objects etc but is not allowed in schools; young girls sometimes play 'mommy and daughter' with the mother spanking the daughter - but corporal punishment is illegal in schools, as far as I understand I would also probably not tell on this teacher - I think she is good and don't see the point in potentially getting her into trouble

Thank you for your reply Yorkshire Pudding; I think the 'smack' was not hard and intended to be playful? The student did say though, 'it's illegal!', but in a laughing manner. Another time I think it was the same and a Year 7 girl looked shocked when the teacher hit a Year 9 girl (the class is for all years; we mainly do repertoire in the class). Perhaps the Year 7 girl's reaction shows it has crossed the line? But people are often shocked about many acceptable things as well, not to excuse the teacher's behaviour if it is not acceptable. The teacher is not a teacher of ballet. I think sometimes even when the students are comfortable the line could be crossed; they become so used to it they feel comfortable with it. My main purpose for asking this question is not for advice about the above but to understand when the line is crossed.

When does it cross the line and how do you tell? I also have a dance teacher at school who has smacked students on the bottom. But I think it has only happened a couple of times, though I think she may do that to her students outside my school especially as they are more 'professional' - but I am not sure and kind of doubt it. So should I just leave it there or tell someone if it happens again. Also, the student reacted by laughing so... And the teacher may have been being playful, is it okay then So what's the difference between abuse and ballet training/discipline? When does it cross the line?

Perhaps he is one of those who just HAVE to dance!

Please read my above post; I think you should let him. There is no reason for him not to do ballet - this 'slight sinking feeling' is due to him possibly being naturally talented, did I guess right? (If not I am sorry.) If so you are almost denying him the chance to use his possible talent to learn ballet properly; if he is not naturally talented you are still denying him this chance. Ballet is such a wonderful art form and you learn so much from recreational as well as vocational ballet training. If he turns out to meet the requirements for vocational ballet training AND he wants to do it, there is always a way for talented aspiring dancers and you should let him while still emphasising other things, such as family (although family time will have to be sacrificed to an extent, unless he attends as a day student) and academics (requiring your son to get grades that he is capable of if he puts in maximum (but not ridiculous, e.g. overnight) effort) and having a plan B. If your son goes to vocational school and doesn't become a dancer he would still have learnt so much about life. If he doesn't go to vocational school that is fine; any good ballet training is beneficial and you learn a lot about life in recreational ballet training as well. Yes dance careers are short and unstable as well as very difficult, and vocational ballet training is very difficult as well, but both are worth it for those who HAVE to dance and recreational is also fine. I just don't think there is any reason for him not to do ballet; there may be difficulties but these can be surpassed or managed.