What to do when things go wrong?

[DVDfan]

Can I suggest that rather than talking about problems at a particular school, which can run our splendid, hard working moderators into legal problems, we focus on what to do when things are going wrong for our children?

I'm not a dancer or a ballet parent, but my daughter has been badly damaged when things went wrong for her in an academic school. She desperately soldiered on, and we did not recognise the signs until she was overwhelmed and collapsed.

So, for a thread, I feel it would be useful to discuss how to tell the  difference between a rough patch and a serious problem, and what to do about it. When is it time to contact the school, to put pressure on the school, to change school? How can you tell if the school/teacher is at fault, or if in fact, ballet as a career (or even hobby) just isn't for you?  Should serious formal complaints be made to somebody about the behaviour of certain teachers or even schools? Should parents get together and vote with their feet? Ought there to be more regulation in this sector, and if so, who should be responsible for it.

It's clear to me reading this forum over many years that behaviour that amounts to teacher bullying is common throughout the ballet world, and it would be good to change the culture. 

[Kate_N]

Really good points @DVDfan I think the only way that change will happen is through education of parents and guardians about what is appropriate dance training and methods of training. And then how to effect change in a productive and appropriate way. How could parents change the discourse from complaining anonymously on a message board to actually dealing effectively with bullying? That would be an amazing conversation to have here on BalletCo. (And I write as someone bullied throughout my academic schooling at a time when you just had to put up with it). I'm sure posters could share resources, contacts, ideas for letters and effective challenges to mistreatment. 

 

I'd hope we could we do this without the personalised comments (and some comments veering towards xenophobia) of the past? If we want this message board to remain as a source of good information, debate, and knowledge, we need to be mindful of the Moderators' workload and the legal position of this board. Message board Moderators (I am one on another MB) have to balance all points of view, and the health of a message board overall. 

 

I really appreciate how the Mods here have kept the MB open to people's concerns, and safeguarded the conversations away from personalised comments, which only serve to undermine the reputation of BalletCo as a place of informed and genuine information, civilised discussion, which is always going to include differences in points of view, experiences, and opinions - heck, yes, even disagreements!

[FlairsFlair]

Very happy to change the direction of the discourse if it’s provoked discord/digression 😖 but do want to state for the record that An Ode wasn’t intended as anything more than an expression of feeling (perhaps tinged with sadness/frustration) about the degree which any of us has control over our context or the uniformity of the playing field we (or our DCs) happen to be playing in. I’m grateful to the moderators for not deleting it - albeit this is now tinged with guilt for inadvertently provoking dissent! I hope the post can nevertheless be viewed as a benign and authentic expression of feelings and thoughts. It actually came from a place of hope and optimism (however naively) which makes it harder to switch to 'what to do when things go wrong'.  But maybe it's the hope that kills you! So, I will certainly read and reflect on people's thoughts and experiences ☺️

[Kerfuffle]

I loved your poem, it was honest and heartfelt. Your DC obviously went in with an optimistic attitude which is the best any auditionee can do, and obviously had done very well to be in that audition at all! Going through year 11 with GCSEs plus auditions is tough so hats off to her! 
 

I think it’s important to keep some discussion of the difficulties facing our children open on this forum. We can then support each other. 

[Peanut68]

I didn’t read the poem as being reflective of one individual DC’s experience in one audition…. Rather as a mirror turned on the whole system as it’s not just in an audition where an individual is susceptible to the whims of another individual…. This is just as likely to resonate  in some local mainstream schools cultural type provision with favouritism etc, or a local recreational dance school right up to vocational training & even dance companies too!

I do not believe it was critical of an individual person or institution but rather of a system & a ‘turn a blind eye’ approach far too many of us on here feel enforced to adopt.