Robinredbreast

For JA’s and arguably WL I don’t think there is much extra classes can do. RBS is all about the physique and there’s little you can do to change what you’re born with. That’s why I get cross with some teachers attributing a child’s success in these schemes to their training: in my view a child with non-RBS physique (which is in no way the same as non-ballet physique….) cannot be coached to be offered a place, no matter how good the training.

Tring is excellent in academics. Pupils get into Oxbridge, medicine etc. Look on their website for student destinations.

Hello Sorry for the long delay in replying. Thank you so much to the people who have sent me private messages: I will get around to replying to them. Dealing with this, heavy workload and some other family issues is leaving me very little to update! Again, I really appreciate your advice and care. It's really touching. The homesickness seems to have lessened, although we saw DS this weekend and it started to creep back in towards the time we had to leave him. But we had a fairly cheerful call home last night which was reassuring. His mind seems to be fairly made up that he's not wanting to pursue dance as a career, and that, for us and him, seems to take away any need for him to remain at vocational school. He's got siblings and the house doesn't feel right without him - I'm willing to sacrifice that to help him try to achieve his dream, but if this isn't his dream anymore, why would we lose that?! Family comes first and life is short. I have no issues with him walking away from the dance world. There is more to life than dancing and there are so many other wonderful things he can do. In fact, to be honest, I'm a little relieved. The odds are so small, and even if you succeed, it's a precarious existence. We have not yet told his school. We are waiting to get through the Christmas performances (which mean less time at home although I do think / hope they will be a magical experience for him) and will then assess the position. There is a place for him at a school here thank goodness - we just need to tell them a date. He may stay until the end of year 7 if we feel it's simply too disruptive to move midway through a year, but I've told him if there's another dreadful episode of homesickness we will likely pull him straight out. Something someone said on this (another?) forum struck me about children who board learning to cope with their situation: I don't want him to learn how to deal with intense homesickness if, as I said above, there's no need to. My child sobbing down the phone to me and begging me to drive to collect them at 10pm at night is not how I want things to be. So a bit of a wait and see. Christmas isn't far now, and then we will look at things again once performances are over.

Hello. Thank you again for all of your kind words and advice. There is a huge amount to ponder and reading about your personal experiences has been really helpful. I have no particular desire for DS to become a ballet dancer: there is no pushing from either my husband or myself in that respect. If that is the path he chooses, wonderful, but if not, wonderful: there are so many other options in life. So I honestly don't think he feels pressure from us. We have repeatedly told him that we would never see this as a 'mistake' or a 'wrong choice', since he will have learnt so much from it and had many great experiences (despite his current unhappiness). So I'm hopeful that he feels able to make a free choice either way. Assuming he continues to not want to dance professionally, then there is no reason for him to remain at vocational school. I can justify having him away at boarding school if dancing is his dream, but if it's not, I want him home. So we are just thinking through the best timings for this, taking all the different aspects into account. But unless he has a huge change of heart, it is a question of when and how, rather than if. It needs to be managed in a sensible way.

Sorry for the delay in replying. Busy day yesterday. thank you all so much for your thoughts and experiences. Truly valued. This parenting thing is hard. I spoke with him last night and it had been a better day but he’s very confused. With one breath he’s saying he wants to leave, with another he’s saying it’s ok, there’s are good things too. He’s desperate for me to visit this weekend. I’m 99% certain that he needs to leave the school. If he doesn’t want to train vocationally there is no reason to be there, ultimately. The question is therefore when. the advice on schools is v helpful. I’ll be calling around today. Ditto the advice to see a counsellor: I think that has to happen-so we can all be sure it’s the right decision. How do you make a decision?-silly question maybe but a biggy. And the advice too to play for time is useful: he’s not in immediate danger so there’s no need to swoop in today. I think we must take a bit of time to be sure of what we’re doing, how and when.

Would be grateful for advice. DS is at vocational school in England. Year 7. He seemed to really enjoy the first half term but this half term is a totally different story. Tears every night, asking to come home. He no longer wants to dance as a career. Being there full time has made that clear to him. The dance classes are therefore fun but too long and obviously the commitment to focus and work hard every day isn’t there. He finds the academic side of things frustrating, since there’s not as much time for them as he’d like. He misses home dreadfully. He has friends but nobody close so often feels lonely I think. We can’t get to visit him weekly for various reasons which is also hard: we have family nearby but he wants us. There’s nothing “bad” going on: no bullying, abuse etc. I’ve asked repeatedly and believe him. It’s just not the right school for him. Any advice? Do we make him complete the year? Pull him out straight away? If he were older I think there’s a strong argument for seeing through a commitment but he’s only 11 and I worry about psychological harm if we leave him: but maybe that’s just me panicking….? Maybe he could enjoy the rest of the year somehow and then leave before year 8? Maybe we should give up the place for someone who really wants it? He has performance commitments this Christmas: he says he doesn’t mind not performing but surely he can’t let everyone down?