taxi4ballet

It was a while ago my dd was in the audition merry-go-round, but I believe something well into the hundreds for 2-3 dozen places per school, but a lot of people audition at several to up their chances.

Hi Kat, I think my dd knows your dd, although they are a year or two different in age. There's one thing I can add to that list of yours above - the blatant favouritism shown by some teachers towards a handful of students, and the equally blatant ignoring of others.

I can believe it. They wouldn't talk to me at all until I emailed them asking for a copy of their student welfare and safeguarding policy document. Within half an hour of me sending that email I had a phone call asking me why I wanted it. I told them that we wanted to get our facts straight. They decided that instead of sending it to me, DH and I could go for a meeting with them and they would give it to us then. They were bricking it in that phone call. By the time we got there for the meeting a few days later, not only had they closed ranks and put up the barricades, I never did get that document.

Perhaps some parents didn't complain because they knew there was no point, and they would be banging their heads against a brick wall. After my dd's exit from vocational training, we did tell family and friends what had happened, and they were universally appalled. Several said that we should take the school to court, and we did consider doing that, but dd was against the idea. Why? Firstly because she was too psychologically damaged to even think about the prospect of re-living it all again, and secondly because she was too fond of some of the staff. "But 'X' and 'Y' were really nice to me and I don't want them to get into trouble". We had to abide by her wishes.

When my dd was about 7 in primary school, there was another child who enjoyed pushing her over, treading on her feet, pinching her pencils and so on. We told the teacher and nothing was done. It went on for months. So I complained to the head that she was being bullied, and that the staff weren't doing anything. I had a meeting with her in her office. I told her what was happening and she said: "There is no bullying in this school". She then went on to refer me to their robust anti-bullying policy and their excellent Ofsted reports.

Hypothetical and completely fictitious conversation between two people on a walk around the leafy grounds at a random private school which offers bursaries to students with a talent in a particular field... Inspector " What a wonderful place you have here. Tell me, Headmaster/Histress, several parents of former pupils have said that they were unhappy about how their children were treated while at the school. What do you say to that?" Head: "Oh, well I expect the children were simply not talented enough to keep their place at this school, we have to spend the patrons' scholarship money wisely you know, and this is all just sour grapes. The parents can't accept that their children failed". Inspector "Ah yes, Heamaster/Mistress, I see what you mean... "

How many times do I have to say that this is not all about children losing weight? There are many issues with vocational schools and this is only one small aspect of it. My dd's problem had nothing to do with weight or body image whatsoever. I had no idea of the monumental foul-up the staff had made, nor did dd, and by the time we found out, it was too late. I won't go into details, it is too identifying, but she was treated appallingly, she thought she was at fault and a failure, and we thought they were dealing with it. They weren't. In the end, I had to threaten them with legal action before they would even talk to me.

Totally off-topic, but I know someone who is currently incarcerated in prison for sexual offences against children. He got away with it for years because people liked him, parents trusted him, and it was only when one of the children reached adulthood that she felt able to tell her parents of the historic abuse. Her parents were most definitely not to blame for allowing her to spend time with this man. They were groomed as much as the child was. He was a trusted, respected pillar of the community. Why would any parent not put their faith in him to take care of their child?

My parental gut instinct went into hyperdrive when we visited one school my DD auditioned at and I couldn't put my finger on why. She was offered a place there but turned it down and thank God she did. She had a seriously bad time where she did go, but it could have been a lot worse. So I will say to any parent considering a vocational place for their dc, if your gut instinct is going against both heart and head, there could be a reason why. Pay heed to it, and don't take your eye off the ball for a second.

People can be as pushy a parent as they like, but that will not get their child into the Royal Ballet School. You think parents have to take some responsibility. Really? Bearing in mind that many of these children are in their mid-late teens and deliberately don't or can't bring themselves to tell their parents what's going on, I think that's somewhat unfair.

This in bucketloads. They have been drilled into obedience from an early age, and are so desperate to remain at the school, they will put up with almost anything.

I am reminded of a phrase which is often used on Mumsnet. "The only acceptable level of abuse is none".

But does that inevitably mean that some young dancers won't have started their periods by 17 or 18, or that children starve themselves and develop anorexia because eating less is the only thing they are in control of, or that they are so emotionally broken by the constant criticism that they have to leave training altogether? Lets not also forget that many of the issues were not covered by this programme at all, which concentrated on only one aspect.

With all due respect, it is very true. And I speak not from having watched the documentary (I still haven't) but from knowing how it affected my daughter during her time in vocational training. And from knowing what others have gone through as well, although obviously I can't speak for them. They are afraid to speak up because they are scared it will make matters worse.

No current students would have dared to stick their head above the parapet. It would be the kiss of death for their career, and they know it.

A lot of the mental health problems that students (and professional dancers) suffer are as a result of continually being told they aren't trying, they aren't good enough, they aren't ever going to get anywhere. That happens to many dancers, and isn't necessarily to do with their weight or physical appearance. Some students are utterly humiliated in front of their peers, and demoralised to the point that they can't even bring themselves to ask for help. Another big issue is fear. Fear that if they say anything to their parents, then they will be taken out of the school, or that they worry they will have let their parents down. Fear that if they complain or stand up for themselves, their funding will be taken away or assessed out. The fear that nobody likes a troublemaker and if they become known for it, then they will never get a job. The fear that the one thing they live for and have dreamed of since they were a toddler will be taken away from them. So they say nothing. I applaud the bravery of those who have spoken out.

I knew it! I bloomin' well knew they'd come out with that excuse, and I said so earlier in this thread. See my post on Friday at 18.31.

I have opened a thread on a popular parenting forum elsewhere on the internet (yes, okay, Mumsnet) in case anyone wishes to make comments which can't be made on here without making things impossible for our volunteer moderators by contravening the site rules. Please, if anyone has anything really contentious to say, please avail yourself of that. We really don't want this thread on this forum to be hidden or removed. Thank you so much.

Just for clarification, my DD's departure from vocational training was not eating disorder-related.

It is six years since my DD had to leave full-time ballet training (is 6 years 'several' or more than several?) and she still feels unable to talk about it. She won't go there - she says she just can't even bear to think about how awful it was. She's shut it away, and got on with her life outside the dance world. I have previously been approached by a journalist, however in view of my (now adult) DD's feelings on the matter, we were not able to assist them. 'Recollections may vary' sums it up very well when it comes to what I imagine would have been her school's view of what happened to her. They were incapable of seeing her point of view at the time, let alone now. I'm out this evening, so will try to watch the programme when I can. I expect my blood pressure to rise to boiling point.

Agree with the above. You could also ask your ballet teacher to check your technique to ensure that you are not pulling back and 'locking' your knees.

And another 'excuse' often heard from a certain type of teacher: "Well I was trained using these methods, and it never did me any harm". It puts the resilience of children into question, and is basically accusing them of not having sufficient moral fibre to be able to cope with stringent training.

I have noticed that the usual defence of the school in these situations is a "Well of course the real reason that they didn't succeed / got assessed out / fell by the wayside / suffered mental health problems is because basically they weren't good enough, and all this complaining is sour grapes".

That will probably be a Question Time Special...

It may or may not turn out to be indefensible. We need to wait and see what is said in the programme first.