As a parent with a child whose dream is to be a ballerina I follow this forum (along with others) and anything else I can find to educate myself as much as possible about the industry. It is my job as a parent to make sure that what I do is in the best interests of my child. I know my daughter best which means that I (and not a school or teacher) have a better idea of how much dedication, drive and resilience she has and whether it may be enough to enter an elite field. I also have the best idea of her mental and emotional maturity. I am also best placed to asses how her body will (more than likely) develop during puberty based on that of my family and my husbands family. Family genes! Parents can definitely get a better idea of likely outcomes than a school or teacher ever could at an audition.
Railing against the institutions and
saying “but things should be different” changes nothing. This will be an unpopular opinion but it needs to be said - it all ultimately starts and ends with the parents. It is the job of the parents to manage a child’s expectations as to what is realistic and achievable for that child. It seems in far too many cases that it is the parents dream for the child (their own vicarious dream) that is being enabled. My child has been dancing since she was 4. She is now 9 and doesn’t even realise/understand that vocational schools exist and what that actually means. A child isn’t born with the dream of going to vocational school. They were sold that dream along the way. The only way a child can know of what is possible is if these aspirations were fostered by others - be it parents or dance teachers or friends etc. It is ultimately a parent’s job to step in and manage expectations. If you don’t want a dance teacher indicating in code that your child’s physical attributes may not be suitable to ballet, do it yourself!! You can only fight family genes so far, ultimately, and it sounds much better coming from a parent!
As an outsider with no ballet knowledge whatsoever, it is extremely obvious to me what a ballet physique is likely to entail and that it is rare in the general population. There is absolutely nothing wrong with explaining to your child as they develop that their physique is perfect in every way but just may not necessarily be suited to ballet - in the same way their body won’t necessarily be suited to any other elite sport. Whether that is fair or unfair is not a helpful discussion. It is the reality at this time and that information should be discussed openly and lovingly by a parent with their child. If a teacher criticised my child’s physique, I would remind her of our discussion and explain again she is perfect in every way but just maybe not for ballet (like many, many others) and that we knew this time may come. There are so many other fulfilling careers in the industry and not everyone can be a ballerina no matter how badly we may want to be one.
Body dysmorphia and poor diet is a huge problem for many children of all ages today - whether they are dancers or not - and it is our job as parents to instil appropriate values and eating habits from the day they are born so that they are not at the mercy of what the outside world throws at them like a leaf in a storm. We need to do better. A child arriving at a vocational school already with body issues or not having it explained to them in advance by their parents (in a loving and sensitive way) that they may look significantly different as they go through puberty (through no fault of their own) and hence ballet may not necessarily be a career for them, is a recipe for disaster. It is likely that many children will feel that they (or their bodies) are letting their parents down….the very parents who have worked so hard, sacrificed so much and supported them to get in. Letting down your parents (in reality or thinking you have done so) is a huge burden for a child to carry.
If you are not able to develop your child’s self confidence, self worth, resilience and understanding of what the rigours of elite training will entail in an honest and realistic manner (ie having some difficult discussions based on the Panorama documentary as well as the many anecdotes on this forum) perhaps life at a vocational school may not be a suitable option for your child.
