Lifeafterballet

Still available ☺️

This is still available ☺️

On 08/01/2021 at 22:23, cotes du rhone ! said:

Pictures 

 

https://ibb.co/PTB13Y1
https://ibb.co/Rc86tBN

These are still available and open to offers x

And a brand new set of Bloch Zenith pink canvas split soled, size 5c x

All of our lives came to revolve around ballet.

We spent most of our time and an awful lot of money on ballet. 
Do we have regrets ? Yes we do, a lot of them 😞

The main one was allowing our children to be physically, psychologically and emotionally damaged by the vocational system and not to admit it to ourselves that was what was happening. For watching Dd spiral into an obsessive compulsive decline that earned her praise, recognition and success, without intervening.
Knowing deep down that the bullying and unkindness was wrong but never having the guts to address it. Pausing and thinking of the consequences of action allowed opportunities to intervene slip by. Watching her passion, personality and happiness be destroyed class after class. Being made to feel not good enough and worthless. If a young person has to hurt themselves to achieve success then there is something very wrong. We regret ever entering the ballet world, we were naive and unprepared. No one guides you, supports you, is honest with you. We regret not pulling dd out in year 9 when it all started to feel wrong. It took until the final year for her to speak openly and honestly and to admit to us and herself that she was a square peg trying to fit into a round hole and she just couldn’t do it anymore. If she had to go on living like that for much longer then the damage may have been irreversible. It was a genuine relief when she stopped ballet and turned down her contract. We feel so very guilty 😢 for supporting her self harm for as long as we did. For letting the demons in and not protecting her. We all got swept up in the ballet world and lost sight of what was right and what was wrong. There are so so many parents out there now doing exactly what we did and my heart goes out to them. When you are on that rollercoaster it is just so difficult to get off. 
 

I realise that my posts recently have been mainly doom and gloom and I sincerely apologise for that. I am genuinely a happy, positive person ☺️
But I just want to reach out to those who read this forum and are experiencing what we went through and know that they aren’t alone. That lots of others share the dark side of ballet and although you think that everyone who is successful is happy, they more than likely have the same struggles that you do but are just afraid to admit it and talk about it. 
 

Both my dc had ballet contracts in the US but we’re unable to go as the US Embassy in London has been closed since last March and isn’t scheduled to open for face to face interview til this August.

There are no ESTA, holiday visas, allowed in at present and I doubt very much you could extend it for the whole season. Also, anyone currently entering the US from the U.K./EU has to quarantine for 2 weeks elsewhere prior to entry.

A performing arts/work visa is a P1. The company should apply for this. Dds petition cost us nearly $1000 before we gave up 😞 It was just a bridge too far. Too many hurdles. 
That’s before Covid vaccines/passports start to play a role in entering too. 
Im happy to answer any questions x

46 minutes ago, glowlight said:

Giving up your dream of a career in dance is a major life change for a young person, and shouldn't be rushed.  Especially if it is something that isn't purely their choice. 

 

Maybe rather than rushing in to what do chose next, a little down time to give them space and clarity is what they need.

 

A few months at home, working in local shops/cafes if they are lucky.  Doing  normal teenage things.  Discovering who they are as a person. 

 

I'm sure it will come.

 

I'm not surprised that schools give little support on this.  To be honest they probably have very little expertise in other areas.  But encouragement doesn't cost anything

 

Good luck - they will find their paths when the time is right.

 

 

Covid gave my Dd time away from full time ballet for the first time in 8 years. Ballet was her first thought/worry of the day and her last. Every action/meal etc was executed in the pursuit of ballet. Is there any wonder these children have an identity crisis when they believe that being a dancer is all that they are. When you eventually step away and look at it from outside the bubble you realise how crazy it all was and what you have sacrificed for a dream. 
The teachers we found are not only not experienced in guiding the dc onto other paths when they so choose, they are not very good at guiding them with a ballet career either 😒 

In the 8 years of training and all the parent/student/teacher meetings we attended there was only one occasion that we felt there was honesty about Dd and the reality of a ballet career. I mentioned it yesterday and Dd had exactly the same moment in her memory too 😊 Dd knew deep down that she just wasn’t good enough, that she wasn’t the cream of the crop, not special enough as she put it and she needed someone to confirm this. This teacher was the only one that supported Dd in choosing another path. 
I totally agree that they will all find their path when the time is right. All we can do as parents is be there to pick up the pieces 🤗 and the bill 😂 

2 minutes ago, Flower said:

How can you fail? 😂

I got the first two questions wrong and panicked 😂

39 minutes ago, Flower said:

Have you done an aptitude and interest test like the Morresby one? (I’ve probably spelt that wrong). It should work out your strengths and weaknesses and suggest millions of things you never thought of. 

Just did a trial question of a Morrisby test and failed miserably 😂 Fab suggestion so worth exploring 😃

12 minutes ago, Glissé said:

I will have to get dd to do the same writing down passions etc. she’s been stuck in a negative rut lately her school isn’t helping I think she needs to find who she is outside of dance. It’s so hard when ballet has been the biggest part of her life for all these years. Like you said she just needs to find that passion ❣️

You have hit the nail on the head. Dd talks about only ever identifying as a dancer and feeling that without that she is nothing. These children are so much more. They have skills and abilities beyond their years and just need to believe in themselves 💪 The very best of luck and a very happy Easter holiday of exploring all those amazing opportunities that await her xx

6 minutes ago, Glissé said:

Dd’s school also extremely unsupportive at looking at other careers. She reckons that she definitely wants to come away from dance similarly she has no one to ask for advice as they’re so focused on company contracts. I’m sure we’ll work something out in the coming months 

That’s so sad 😞 

We searched for weeks for a university course that Dd would like. She wrote down what her passions, interests, strengths were and what kind of work she would like to do in the future. We toyed with physiotherapy for ages but she didn’t want to work with ‘sick’ people. My husband, oldest son and I are nurses, that’s enough to put anyone offer a healthcare/hospital career 🤣 Then at midnight one night I woke my husband and said “I’ve found it !” It ticked all of her boxes. She was ecstatic 🤩 And that’s what she is off to do. Deep down you’re Dd will have a passion that has been squashed by ballet. You just need to find it 😃 

2 minutes ago, Glissé said:

Excellent news congratulations! Dd still a bit lost as to what she’s going to do after grad it’s so hard at the moment especially with the pandemic.

I would get her fingers into a lot of pies so she has choices. She can still try for contracts whilst she is looking at alternatives. And quite a lot of university courses let you defer for a year.

My heart goes out to the graduates from last year and this 😢 We found Dds school to be very unhelpful with exploring alternative careers. Apart from one ballet teacher 😌 They just kept telling her she would get a contract. All she wanted was someone to listen and help her explore her options and not make her feel like changing paths was a failure 😞 

As other members post audition results on other threads and begin their vocational ballet journey, tonight we are celebrating that, after an MDS and Dada, Dd has been granted funding for her University BSc course 🎉 She has chosen her accommodation and clubs already. There’s a lot of fun times and team sports to catch up on !! Must stop calling her Dd 🤣 
There is plenty of life after ballet 💪🤣

52 minutes ago, Jan McNulty said:

We were asked by a couple of members to remove posts that related to the award of MDS.

So those awarded MDSs from RBS, Elmhurst and Tring shouldn’t share their happy news on here either ? Or is it just Hammond ?

 Knowing that the posters children may have also applied for the other schools the members may request that these are removed also. 
It’s sad because I quite like to hear parents and dc so happy at the beginning of their journey, remembering how it was for us in the early years ☺️
 

“the barre” home ballet barre.

2 metres long, adjustable height. Cream coloured. Very sturdy and in excellent condition. Only used during holidays, barely though 🤣, and during lockdown. 
£130. Too heavy to post so for collection only. Cornwall/Devon  border. 
https://ibb.co/T1hpT4d
https://ibb.co/zPDq2JM
https://ibb.co/PCdyTYS

38 minutes ago, valentina said:

Our experience would be that students share quite freely, within a year group, whether they are on a MDS or not. It might have been a sensitive subject for some but the students didn’t appear to see it that way. Some of those not on MDS were applying to re- audition for the award the following year, which was possible in some Vocational schools. Not sure if that still happens.
 

 

This was our experience too.

The Dc know exactly who is on an MDS/Dada and who has extra funding/support etc. 

On anonymity, the ballet world is small and Instagram etc makes it smaller as Dc put themselves out there. Personally I feel that the beauty of posting on here is that, for that reason, people can be identified and that gives some form of protection from nasty and unpleasant comments that are so rife in the internet/ballet world. 

My concern with silencing of parents from sharing their happy news is that this is the start of the vocational ballet journey of isolation. Personally this is how we felt. Afraid to talk to the school about issues, afraid to talk to other parents about concerns or problems 😢 On reflection we felt isolated and sad 😞 The ballet bubble has left a huge knot in our chests that won’t go away. This sadly, in my experience, is many parents and dcs experience. 
So congratulations to the yess 🎉 Shout it from the rooftops if you want too !! And a sorry for the nos 🤗 but you may have just had a lucky escape 😅

22 minutes ago, margarite said:

I thought it was a bit strange, especially as people are posting anonymously. The school has always asked parents not to discuss funding  with other parents in their child’s year, which is sensible I think. The kids know to be discreet, too.  But posting anything here is a bit different and there’s never been an issue before 🧐

If one school stops parents sharing their exciting news and helping/supporting other parents through the process then they will all follow suit. The audition season has just got a bit boring if there is no results 🤨

21 hours ago, BalletcoForum Moderators said:

 

The Forum has been made aware that the school has asked for MDS awards not to be made public.

Why would a school do that ? 

23 minutes ago, sunrise81 said:

Just had a look at Dar Danse and it looks.amazing!! Can family stay there too as would be going as a family holiday? Flights look reasonable too!

Dd won a scholarship to go to Dar Danse at the end of year 9 and I went with her. It is a hotel / family estate. It was the most amazing inspirational ballet course she ever attended. Outdoor sea view studio. Wonderful teaching, no favouritism, every student valued and supported. As it should be ... 

Then we went back to school 😒
Had to edit this to add some memories of happy times ☺️
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https://ibb.co/P6R5Rrp
https://ibb.co/s5L5QTY
https://ibb.co/4jsPntV

3 hours ago, Nama said:

I think research the conditions of contracts or pre professional year spots for young ballet dancers. I know from friends of my dd that a Dutch junior coy was very low pay in the initial year with parents having to support rent and living expenses. Also a Central European coy that one young dancer was given a full contract was so poorly paid  in the local currency that the dancer couldn’t afford to live without parents. The salary was so low. Also some coys don’t pay for holidays or outside the season. Only pay the dancers during the time they actually dance. The Aud Jebsen apprentice pay was £22k pa a couple of years ago - which was considered good money for a first year dancer. Ask around. Find out what your young dancer is likely to get and their future prospects. My daughter is at uni now headed to a career in finance. As you can imagine as parents we are relieved. I’m only speaking up to let people know the info I have managed to gain after her 5 years in a uk school and her friends experience after graduation the last 2.5 yrs 

Having had two Dc graduate from a U.K. vocational school I, like yourself, can only share our experiences and those of my DC’s friends. The dance employment/graduation destination has been on a decline for the past few years, as in the numbers securing paid, that you can live on, contracts. Churning out all these young dancers into a world where they realistically haven’t got a cat in hells chance of employment is wrong 😔 and these schools and their associated companies need to find solutions and start supporting them. 

When we started this journey in 2012 we were incredibly naive as to the future and in hindsight should not have let our children invest so much of themselves physically, psychologically and emotionally into such a career. Or us, as a family, financially. 

I wish I had met me 9 years ago 😂. Just a Mum, who still really doesn’t have a clue about ballet but has been on a hell of a journey. 

I had a brief look at post graduate placement/apprenticeships incase it was something that my dc would have considered. They aren’t cheap. Correct me if I’m wrong..... 

Northern Ballet was £3000 for the year, that’s what it was when Ds was offered it.

ENBS was £8,000 please correct me if I’m wrong 😑 I read that somewhere. 
Ballet Cymru was £3000.

Dutch National was €4000.

None of these included accommodation etc. I am sure that scholarships are available at some but even to continue training post vocational school is a financial nightmare 😣 

8 minutes ago, Anna C said:  

 

The issue I have with apprenticeships/Junior Contracts which are either unpaid or which have to be paid for by the Apprentice is that it rules out low or even middle income families who have to find living costs for their child for yet another year.  This could rule it out for a lot of people. 

I totally agree Alison that it is extremely unfair to middle/lower income families and those who have already funded 8 years of ballet training, which even with an MDS/Dada is crippling. But this is the sad reality of where we are at.

My Dc vocational school has a graduate placement program. Many similar schemes are popping up all over. Some you pay for, some you don’t. This one is free. As in the ex graduates are classed as members of staff and have roles to fulfil around the school in exchange for a ballet class and a base from which they can apply for jobs. The parents may have stopped paying for school fees but they are still paying for rent, bills, food etc and then auditions.... 

I wish it was more equal but when you have left the school funding support system it’s sadly not 🙁

15 minutes ago, glowlight said:

This is a really interesting idea.  

 

Whilst I agree that it would be good if there was a mechanism for graduates to get company experience, there's something in me that feels that expecting someone to work for nothing for any length of time is wrong.  In fact I think that UK employment laws might make this very difficult.

 

It sounds as if Aud Jebsen is more work experience as part of their course at RBS - which is an excellent approach for those schools which have links with companies.

 

 

 

Sadly, I think that vocational students/parents are led to believe that they will, after 8 years of training, get a paid ballet job. In my experience this is rarely the case. Dd and I knew that the best we could hope for would be a trainee/junior company  position of some kind that we would have to financially support her in. And that’s exactly what she got. There are just too many extremely talented international dancers out there and in the British Ballet School bubble you can be swept along and convinced that all will be great and you will get a contract 😔 Very few do and the rest disappear quietly. The published graduate destinations hide the contract details, and as previously mentioned, that’s even if you manage to make it onto the list. As parents we naively believed that they secured paid contracts. Most we found out later didn’t. 
 If Dd still wanted to dance, we would have paid a company to take her on as a trainee. That’s not because we can afford it but because that is the sad reality of a ballet career. I don’t think the situation hits home until you get to grad year and the rejections role in 😣 Its heartbreaking. 
My son and two of his graduate class mates did a question and answer session with the next years grads and parents, Dds year, and I will never forget the look on their faces when they shared their experiences of rejection, open/cattle market auditions and being cut at barre 😔 it was very honest and raw. 
British Ballet Schools and companies need to do better for its young people and maybe now is the time to start. 

8 minutes ago, Anna C said:

 

I believe that the Aud Jebsen Young Dancers at the Royal Ballet are in fact what you’ve described, cotes.  Not that they pay; they’re offered the Aud Jebsen year while still at Upper School, but as far as I know, they are company members in terms of taking class, rehearsing and performing onstage. 

 

 

Yes Anna C, this is what I was referring too. 
I feel that all the British Ballet Companies should be following their lead and offering a similar opportunity to British trained graduates not just expecting them to seek employment abroad. 

The US/EU have Studio Companies / Junior Companies attached to their main company. This was my Ds’s first contract. There were 12 dancers, male and female, with their own studio, ballet master/mistress, classes and rehearsals. They all worked with the main company and were casted but also did their own performances in the theatre choreographed by one of the principal dancers. It was a two year contract and he was paid enough to live on. Why don’t BRB or ENB have this ? 

21 minutes ago, DancingShoes said:

Do you mean similar to the schemes with Northern Ballet and Ballet Cymru?

Similar. Northern is more of a school sort of set up, uniform and classroom teaching, not like being part of the main company. I think the grad program with Cymru is like that too. The apprentices in other no U.K. companies are a full member of the company, doing class and rehearsals, getting casted for performances etc It’s this set up that would be more appealing I feel to pre professionals and beneficial to companies who maybe short of cash to employ dancers.