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Household chores


Cara in NZ
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First time starting a thread – eek!

I was just wondering (as I emptied the dishwasher AGAIN) how other parents manage their household chores with DC? My older two have left home, thank goodness, although DD's 19-yr-old sister likes to point out how little DD does around the house. At her age (11) the older two had chores plus first jobs, delivering pamphlets or walking dogs, but DD has dance five days a week and often struggles to get all her homework done, as this has increased along with her dance classes this year. I frequently find myself telling her I'll do her 'clean-up' after dinner so she can shower or do homework or do foot-strengthening/stretching. She is growing and needs 10-11 hours sleep most nights. She works hard, and only does a weekly swimming session apart from her dancing. She's also wanting to spend some time being a 'normal kid' with non-dancing friends, who already think dancing runs her life. It must be much harder if you have non-dancing siblings crying 'Not fair!' How do other parents manage teaching family responsibilities along with the importance of schoolwork, and still get all the dancing in?

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When mine were younger, as I was doing jobs around the home I would ask them to help me. There is three of them, so one would Hoover, one dust and the other one dish washer. So long as no one had more than the other to do, they just got on with it. The attitude was both parents work full time, everyone has to help around the home.

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Well my non-dancing d does music and believe me that also expands to fill the time available, just as much as dance - so both are very busy and have class or rehearsal nearly every day. We find it a challenge to be honest especially now we are approaching exam critical years. We have a priority order of school work then dance/music then the rest. I don't expect them to do masses of domestic stuff, in fact my mother thinks I let them off way too much :( . In defence I would say that they are both extremely focussed and hard working. My dd does still have non-dancing friends, but the ones that remain accept that she can hardly ever do birthday parties or sleepovers or other social stuff. It is after all, a situation that will only last for a short time. When they are gone to uni or dance college or whatever I will put my feet up.....

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Most of the girls my ex dd was friendly with could never believe how many classes,rehearsals and shows my dd was in and were always telling her she should miss class for sleepovers and parties. She very soon worked out who her real friends were.

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If DD does nothing at all - in terms of chores - then I can understand the resentment of her older sibling. Perhaps the best way to deal with that is to ask her to do a couple of small jobs - ones that won't overly tax her (as she sounds like she's already working very hard) but will act to give more of an appearance of contributing and doing "chores" - albeit easy / quick ones that don't add too much to her existing workload.

 

As the elder child in a family of eight I never really had a choice - mum could never do it all so we all had to "muck in" and do our bit, but there were definitely arguments about how much each sibling did (or didn't) do and I expect that will always be present to some degree or other.

 

If DD is already doing something and contributing to the housework then I'd tell her older sister that she's already doing enough and you'll consider asking her (DD) to do more when she's older and has grown past her development stage towards adulthood.

 

Good luck - parenting is never easy and there are very rarely absolute right's and wrong's!!

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I also find that my youngest does less around the house than her elder siblings did at the same age and yet the middle child did a lot more dance classes than the youngest but it doesn't worry me and when elder ones have commented i have just pointed out that with only three of us left in the house there is a lot less work overall - less dishes, less washing, less ironing, less mess generally.  In the evenings i tend to look at all the 'tasks' that need doing and divide them up but i include homework in that list of tasks and usually DH and I are finished and able to relax with a book or in front of the TV before all homework is done so i feel it would be unfair for DD to do more chores.  Weekends and school holidays she does more though.  I think with household chores as with everything else there has to be give and take in the relationship - less chores when there is less work - more chores when there is more work and always balanced with homework etc

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Our household is a bit mixed too - my husband and I both work. My husband and ds have asd (autism spectrum disorder) and ds also has dcd (developmental co-ordination disorder). Both struggle to help around the house (they just about cope with work/school and need to destress when they return). Older dd is training in Musical Theatre and younger dd is at a full time dance college. Ds starts at Music College in September. Older dd's help around the house with cooking etc. Ds empties the dishwasher and vacuums occasionally.

  I think it's harder for young people these days as expectations from school is greater - they certainly get more homework than I did and in GCSE years, younger dd had interventions after school and during school holidays so she had no free time at all during Yr11.

All children do more chores during holidays than during term but take turns in cooking depending on who is home first :)

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My DD trains 4-5 days a week and also has a great deal of school work as she is just finishing yr 10 and preparing for GCSE's next year.  She is still required to do chores  of which she got a choice and chose to do hoovering and her own ironing.  She knows that as a full time working single mum I cannot do everything at home and all her running around for dance without a bit of help.   I do appreciate what she does for me though - especially when she decides to bake!!

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I've never given dd set chores to do but she helps when asked. However, after reading comments on this forum and from other parents with children leaving home, I think I should increase her chores to start preparing her. I have just over 2 years to get her ready(if things work out for her)

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I don't have the precedent issue to deal with which helps.Both my kids tidy their room once a week and get pocket money for it. DD who is the elder (12) has to put her washing away. Beyond that I ask for help like table laying etc as we go along and that can vary dep on homework etc. They get supplementary pocket money for larger tasks.

The way I see it I'm at least as busy as dd working and driving them to clubs etc. Also, you do them a favour to teach household skills prior to leaving home.

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