Small moment of encouragement

[Pups_mum]

It's funny what lifts your mood sometimes isn't it? I have had a really rotten week for a number of reasons which I won't go into,but which have included DD bring hospitalised (though thankfully on the mend now)but something really cheered me up yesterday. We went round to see some friends who had relatives visiting who we haven't met before. They got talking to DD and naturally the conversation came round to dance, and she was asked if she planned to carry on after school. When she replied that yes,she was hoping to make a career out of it the reply was "That's great,good luck. I really admire people who work in the arts. They are so talented and hardworking." Now DD has only recently decided that actually she really does want to dance as a career and apart from me and her ballet teachers just about everyone she has told has either rolled their eyes or tried to put her off with stories of how hard it is (like she doesn't know....).So to get such a positive reaction,even from a stranger,was lovely. It's just nice to know that there are people out there who do value the arts and the effort that performers put in.

[Zacharovitti]

Yes it is very encouraging, isn't it?

When I talk to people about my DD's aspirations the reactions are mostly the same: people who don't know anyrhing about ballet close the dialogue with a bored "oh, great" but then think I am a bit naive, if not crazy. People who have some knowledge of the ballet world come up with a list of negative stories and try to put me off from supporting my DD.

The worst is that my parents and my sister, who works in the industry of theatre productions, are doing this. All of them love arts and ballet as well, they go to watch ballet, but it must be for others, not for their grandaughter! Luclky my husband is very encouraging, even though I don't think he knows how hard and tough the ballet world is! He is a dreamer....even to much, so I have to balance between all of them, trying to let my DD follow her dreams but keeping her feet on earth!

[Dance*is*life]

I will tell you a related story about something that happened to me many years ago.  I passed my 11+ exam high enough to get a scholarship to the school of my choice, but I elected to go to a privately run performing arts school, where they gave me a scholarship.  The LCC, as the GLC was known then, put the 11+ scholarship on hold and when I was accepted to the RBS, they agreed to give it to me to pay for my studies there.  However, they gave it to me under a different name - Advanced Academic Award, which was a scholarship normally given to outstanding students for university places.  They held a party for all the award recipients and I was invited of course.  I remember listening to all the other awardees telling their plans of going to the various universities and I felt really embarrassed and rather out of it.  Someone asked me where I was going and I have to say that it took me quite a bit of courage to answer the Royal Ballet School.  Surprise, surprise they all got very excited about my answer!  One of them said to me - "You're so lucky to know what you want to do in life and to be able to train for it seriously.  I'm going to uni, but I have no idea what I want to do with the degree - I just chose something that sort of interests me and hope that it will lead to something".  I held my head up high after that and stopped apologising for choosing ballet rather than an academic career.  I got a degree eventually through the RAD and never regret spending my life in such a beautiful art.  And you know, people are always telling me how lucky I am to work in a field that I love, and I agree with them......... 

[irishballetmom]

I love that you met some encouraging supporters! I find I can only talk to other mums of dancing children about DD's aspirations and am grateful to have found here so I can ask questions from parents who have been on this path before us and can share their wisdom. I wish I could stop researching how hard it is... I have a tendency to be too realistic, but need to be optimistic for my DD don't want to crush her dreams, just want to do like Zaccharoviti and keep her feet a little bit on the ground!

[Petalviolet]

Being right at the beginning of this dance journey I'm only starting to realise how difficult it can be to encourage and protect and nurture my DD and her dreams but also keep her/our expectations realistic. Sometimes I'd like her to live in her little bubble of possibility as long as possible, she's only seven! I've always been surprised and curious, maybe a little dismissive of why so many of my friends who have experienced ballet seem to be nostalgic about it, even traces of sadness and in some cases very real bitterness and regret. I don't think many people outside the dancing world (I include myself in this) really appreciate how hard it is to devote yourself to such a demanding discipline knowing that the physique you have, the only tools you have to work with, will be subject to endless critique and scrutiny and subjectivity. I already feel pressured to swiftly explain to anybody that knows my DD is applying to be a JA this year that the audition is more of a physical exam. It makes me feel a little defensive of her actual dancing ability- I want to say please don't think that probable "NO" has anything to do with her attitude, her commitment, her creativity, her poise. Sadly I have started to realise it has so much to do with those beautiful, endless lines and the rare ability after years of training, to control them, that makes the aspiration to be a ballerina such an elusive one. I'm not really sure how either of us will cope with her first auditions this year- I am actually quite worried about the pressure of expectation from people who don't fully understand the process who assume too much or that things happen too easily. What I really hope is that my DD will follow in the footsteps of so many of the inspirational children I read about on this forum and continue to dance, strive to fulfil their potential and grow to be stronger and better people because of the negativity not despite it.

[sarahw]

I agree with you all. This forum is a lifeline for me as a non dancing Mum whose dd has big aspirations......

[aileen]

Petalviolet, why tell other people about your DD's audition for JAs? Sometimes it's better to be a bit more circumspect about what your child is doing, particularly when people don't understand what the odds of succeeding are and what the criteria for selection are. Ballet is different from so many other activities because of the importance of something which is largely outside the person's control: one's physique. It's much easier to understand why a child is selected for, say, a music conservatoire or a football academy or elite tennis training because the evidence off ability is there for all to see. A child who does not stand out at all at the local dance school may be selected for JAs whereas a child who many parents think is a wonderful dancer is not.

[Petalviolet]

Aileen I think you might have misread my post- I assume you think I have been telling "people" when in fact only my closest family members know. I'm talking about grandparents here- precisely the sort of people to have vaulting expectations! As I don't come from a dancing background and nobody in my family understands the exact nature of pre vocational ballet auditions I have some explaining to do before they get carried away. I am at great pains not to do precisely what you are suggesting I have been. I can't keep her audition completely between just the people practically involved as it's only fair and realistic that, if she can't talk about it at school, or at either if her dance schools, she can at least talk about it to her family?

[aileen]

So is your DD talking about the audition at her day school and dance schools? I agree that grandparents are generally wholly unrealistic about their grandchildren's talents. I find some of my MiL's comments about my son's abilities quite absurd - and annoying. Strangely, she doesn't seem to think that my daughter is so talented! I just think that perhaps you are building up this audition too much and this will raise everyone's expectations, which will be dashed if your DD doesn't get a place. Personally, I would not have mentioned the audition to anyone, including grandparents, and not discussed it with my DD until just before the audition. If your DD does not get a place then you will have to deal with the grandparents' disappointment, which will either be bewilderment or misplaced anger at the unfairness of it all (really wearisome as there is nothing personal about the rejection). You'll then have to go through it all again next year. It's an audition, albeit an important one, but perhaps I'm just a person who likes to keep things like this to myself rather than discussing them with a lot of other people who haven't a clue. That's why this forum is so useful; people do know how competitive ballet auditions are. Anyway, good luck to your DD for her audition.

[Dance*is*life]

I don't think it's wrong to dream or have high hopes.  People were always calling me the second Margot Fonteyn and I would blithely reply that I was going to be better than her (yeah sure) !!!  Of course I didn't become anything of the sort, but so what?  That's life and I wouldn't really have changed anything I did or didn't do.  People who are not part of this crazy dance world of ours don't understand it or us - that is a fact - so just don't let it bother you!

 

Grandparents will always think their little darlings are the best and will take inordinate pride in all their successes however small. Parents are slightly more realistic, but probably only because they don't want their kids to get hurt or disappointed.  I actually find the children nowadays are the most down to earth!  They are so aware of their own shortcomings, but they still love to dance.  I have students who spend hours at the studio each week and they don't even want to make a career of it!   Whether or not your dancing children will succeed in their ambitions, they will have got so many life lessons out of their struggle, which will help them throughout their entire life.  And besides - dancing is not just wonderful exercise it's also food for the soul!