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exhausted dc


cornishprincess
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I don't know if this will help, but if you can pamper her a bit, listen to her when she is down and just be there but not smothering her, I believe it will help her a lot. Part of growing up is knowing when to ask for help or advice. I learned this the hard way with my own ex dd.

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Dd1 is also exhausted. She's in a similar situation to your DD. She gets up before 6, dances 4 to 5 hours a day and has exams at the end of the year... Her tiredness clouds her judgement and she feels overwhelmed by small things...

 

Last night her dad and I listened to her a lot, she tried to explain her doubts and fears... Listening and being there for her with just a bit of pep talk did wonders...

 

She went back to dance school this morning and had to deal with a mini crisis with the teacher disagreeing with an important choice of hers and she then sent me a text message saying "I managed"... Yesterday, in the same situation she didn't manage at all...

 

I agree with Fiz. Just be there...

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My DD's English teacher actually suggested she took a couple of days off!  Needless to say she didnt, she battled on even with a sore throat - they are made of strong stuff.  As has been suggested above being a sounding board is often enough.  They know what they need to do and will get through it.

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when my non dancing daughter gets overwhelmed with life (happens about every 6 months) I usually have to suffer a minimum 4 hours litany of every woe and slight she has endured including the classic no friends no boyfriend fat and ugly and useless at everything etc.

 

It has taken me years to get to the point where I can stop myself from offering solutions: days off, talking to school, personally taking her detractors by the scruff of the neck and threatening violence (well ok no I never really considered that one- but I felt like it!). I have realised after multiple events like this that all I have to do is suck up her pain and try not to spend all night weeping that she is a social pariah and will fail every exam she ever takes. Once she has offloaded, despite the night before her looking like a potential suicide, she invariably gets up next day completely chirpy, and is completely fine until the next biannual meltdown.

 

I realise your DD is under particular stresses but in some ways it is quite normal teenager behaviour. And despite being physically demanding, I often think the ballet actually reduces the other stresses in their lives by giving them a completely alternative headspace when they are concentrating so hard on their dancing that they leave all the school/social worries behind.....

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Not only DD is exhausted but me too! I am finding it such an emotional roller coaster I feel like my head is about to explode so I have no idea how our children can hold it together. We are lucky enough to have got good news from three of the four (just like everybody else we are waiting on Tring) but now we have to do it all again for funding auditions with collection of financial statements and the like, I wish I could turn off my brain to get a full nights sleep! How is everybody else coping?

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What about giving her some back rub, foot massage and a lot of hugs?

 

I am not a mum, and wasn't a serious dancing child, but I was in the similar situation at that age  (as many kids would be!), and that worked very well for me. ;)

 

Edited to say, I mean "extra" hugs et all"!

Edited by mimi66
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Hugs, Cornish Princess. The teenage years are hard enough for parents without having dcs who want to do ballet or drama so that their everloving parents get artistic temperament as well as the normal adolescent angst as part of the maturing process!x

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I think that all of us - when we reach a point of exhaustion or despair when we look at the road ahead - or the road we have chosen - are not looking for a "fix" - but an "ear."

 

This, I think is especially true of females - we are much more inclined to be verbal.

 

Many times when I was so so so busy, and tired, and things seemed to be tumbling in upon me, I would spill out my troubles to my husband.  Being male, his first inclination was to try to think how he could "fix" it.  He would become frustrated when he realized that his tools (hammer, nails, drill, pliers) were useless.  But, in time, I learned to say "I don't expect you to fix it - just listen."  And he would.  

 

We all need a sympathetic ear once in a while - someone we trust, someone who will not try to laugh away the litany of perceived problems, someone who by simply listening sympathetically validates our humanity.  "Yes, this is a difficult patch for you."  

 

Liistening - simply listening with a receptive heart - seems an easy thing to do.  It's not - takes patience, takes understanding.  It means turning off our busy cell phone for a while.  But when we are asked to listen it is a compliment of the first magnitude.  The troubled person trusts us with this sensitive information - coming to us when he/she is most vulnerable.  

 

When someone chooses your ear into which to spill their troubles - be grateful you can help by listening.

 

I know that sometimes we come across someone who takes advantage of a loving "ear" - I am not addressing that problem.  I am addressing the normally occurring "downs" in the life of someone important to us.

 

Listening is difficult because sometimes we need to listen to know that we need to listen.  And, it's different than "hearing."

Edited by Anjuli_Bai
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What a fab thread - you have all put into words perfectly how we are feeling  :) and some fab advice.

 

I am new to balletco - directed here by Katymac!

 

Have a 16 year old dd - year 11 - auditioning for MT - I'm sure I will reread this to remind myself I'm not alone!!  :)

Edited by mummysue1610
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Hopefully a week away from school - no rushing in the morning for the school bell etc will be a tonic. I do believe the school has "ramped up" the pressure considerably this last couple of weeks - dd walked into a class this week to be informed that she had 16 lessons left before the exam :( whilst some children need that hard kick I know it sent my daughter into blind panic.

 

Try to relax and enjoy the half term (whether at auditions or preparing). Take care to the both of you - supporting a teenager through year 11 and college auditions is a full time job in itself!

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Definitely a rollercoaster....Dd2 still has to go into school over half term (GCSE interventions). She was very happy today to find out she got an A in her Drama Mock GCSE and 1 mark away from an A* .

   Still, as you all say all I can do is be there for both Dds and support them (but why oh why do they always want to talk to me at 11-12 at night when I have to start work at 7.30am the next morning?!).

   Ah, well a week off dance - oh. no wait....Dd2 has a performance of Cinderella on Sunday and private lessons over the next week to put together a dance solo for her next audition and Dd1 has a National Youth Theatre audition and audition for the Pre-Professional Course in MT....and so it goes on...... 

 

But good to know we're all in the same boat and so grateful for this forum and all you lovely people Xx

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Undoubtedly the schools ramp up the pressure for this next half  term or so.  I agree with all the advice to just be there to listen and give that extra hug when they just need to pour out all their pent up worries and emotions.  I also agree that ballet gives them the opportunity to clear their minds.  My DD always came home from class in a more positive frame of mind.  And don't forget to remind them that this time of extreme stress and pressure has an ending and come June they will have a lovely long summer ahead of them to relax, catch up with friends or just do nothing.  Good luck everyone.

Edited by 2dancersmum
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Although I wasn't auditioning for vocational schools(even though I wanted to with all of my heart) throughout my GCSE's I spent most of the time from February onwards in tears. I struggled to cope with all the work plus dance classes and barely slept from Easter until the day I got my results paper! I had a good relationship with my head of year and she really understood me so I was lucky in that sense. If your DD's and DS' have a teacher like that maybe just get the teacher to maybe just have a chat with them once a week or something to see how they are getting on or just someone who they can just have a bit of a rant at about how crap everything is haha! I don't know if this is any help but thought I would post just in case xx

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DD announced she was going to revise in 2 hour blocks.....I wasn't too impressed with this and have created a spreadsheet <groan> with 15 minute chunks.....but loads of them; I'm trying to stave of boredom, inevitable confusion & frustration leading to refusal.....fingers crossed :unsure:  :wacko:  :blink: 

 

Less is more is my mantra atm ;)

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Pictures - micro-manage I really would

 

Show them how to do it & then walk away; if they comment shrug & say 'it's up to you'

 

DD didn't meet her 'self-imposed' target today so is going to get up early and catch up (apparently) whereas I just built redundancy/spare capacity into the system which will work if 60% of the work is done

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Well Sean my non dancing 17 year old son was looking forward to a week off college and chilling out. But he is in agony with an abscess on the side of his face. It looks really nasty,but wasn`t in the least bit painful until the dentist started prodding and poking at it today. He was in floods of tears afterwards as it hurt him so much.Thankfully when we got home he took his Peniccillin and went to bed and slept for a few hours. So that`s his half term ruined.!

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