Just don't know what to do???

[aileen]

I think that children (apart from the very young ones) generally just accept that some of their peers are more talented than them and, whilst they might feel slightly envious of them, do not resent them or behave unpleasantly towards them. There are exceptions of course but it's striking how the children themselves are able to recognise talent in their peers. When it comes to your children you just can't worry about what other parents think - and this doesn't just apply to ballet. Everyone wants to be liked and accepted, especially in a small community like a ballet school, but you can't allow your anxiety about upsetting other parents dictate the decisions which you make for your children. If the atmosphere in the waiting area at the school is unpleasant then don't stay or wear headphones and sit with your eyes closed. In general, I find the conversation between parents (particularly mothers) congregating as they wait for their children anywhere pretty dispiriting as it usually consists of gossiping and complaining about other people.

[Anna C]

Yes, I agree aileen. There are one or two parents I avoid like the plague. Fortunately I've also made some wonderful friends both at Associates and locally, so I just chat with them and if they're not there I either recline in the car with a book or watch a film or ballet on my iphone (with headphones)!

 

Mind you, all this competitive parenting isn't limited to ballet - I remember once at swimming lessons a fellow mother told me that my dd was FAR too advanced for the group; it was ridiculous and that she was making all the others look bad! I just looked her in the eye and said that I trusted the teacher's judgement and that I was sure she would move her "when appropriate".

[Legseleven]

Spannerandpony is so right - this jealousy and nastiness is not limited to the ballet world, although the caricatured pushy spiteful ballet mother is very much a reality! As so many have said, it is better to chat with those others who are supportive or to remove yourself from the situation.

 

As this woman has also told your 8 year old daughter what she thinks, though, my view is that this has reached a whole new level and if I were you I would be telling the dance teachers (as I see that the same situation will now apply in your daughter's tap classes what has gone on. Not as a complaint as such, as your daughter doesn't seem worried by it, but because no-one should be bullying an 8 year old child by telling them that they have no right to be in a particular class and the teachers need to ensure it doesn't happen again - and quite possibly to address the issue of what is and what is not appropriate and acceptable behaviour in the studio.

 

My DD has always danced with older children and although the majority of parents have been fine with it and possibly unaware of the age difference, a couple have made pointed remarks which were clearly intended to make me feel that I was the one pushing her forward. Nothing could be further from the truth however and I have found that a smiling statement that if they were unsure as to why the teachers had placed my DD in a particular class then they should address the issue with the teachers and not with me, as I had nothing to do with it, has always shut them up. (And no, they haven't gone to ask the teachers....funny, that....)

[taxi4ballet]

At one dance school dd used to go to, the teacher would include a few words in the newsletter along the lines that occasionally a few children would be invited to join extra classes if the teacher thought they were ready, and because it was always in the newsletter, nobody ever seemed to be bothered.