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I think we made a mistake.


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I should have encouraged dd to apply for vocational school instead of putting her off because I didn't think she was good enough.

 

She may not have got in - but now we'll never know and it would have suited her down to the ground.

 

She has aspirations to a career in musical theatre and I know it isn't necessary to go away at 11 to achieve that but still. No one "gets" her at her ordinary school.

 

Oddly enough she is the opposite to a lot if posters on here who worry about the singing part of the audition. She'd have flown that and she is a good dancer but not what I consider exceptional.

 

Maybe I'm being harsh, maybe not.

 

Not really looking for answers as such just wanted to tell people who understand the dilemmas.

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If she's only 11, the best thing to think is... there will be many other opportunities! 

 

Also, if she hadn't of got in this time round, it may have shattered her confidence and she may have not wanted to try again at 16/17/18 when she may have improved a lot more by then and may have got a place!!

Edited by BalletBloch
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Don't give up, your be surprised what can happen if you think. Oh well not this year, lets get working for next year auditions! I have seen this happen so many times. Go for it!!!

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For what its worth I've made some huge mistakes in the opposite direction

 

I should have listened to my heart not my head when deciding which school for DS aged 11

 

I should have listened to my DS when he decided mid August he really didn't want to go

 

All you can do is  try not to regret too much - and I have found this hard - and to learn from it when it comes to making decisions in the future.  I honestly believe that coming to the whole vocational system at 16 rather than 11 has distinct merits - you are unknown and this can be an advantage.  You have wider life experiences and possibly greater performance experience.   I'm certainly not pushing my extremely musical DD into the equivalent music schools and am actively encouraging her to make the most of the opportunities available to her which don't involve boarding.

 

I now feel many of these mistakes are still affecting my DS at 15, but I am trying to use these past mistakes to help us with our choices now.

 

Meadowblythe

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I guess that for my DD, I'm adopting the " you only regret what you don't do..."  Although, it will be really disappointing for her if she doesn't achieve a place with a Vocational School for September 2014, at least she will have tried.  Whereas, if we shy away from it now, she may always be thinking "what if?".

 

DD is year 5 and this is a year of discovery and auditioning, all with a hopeful end game of achieving a vocational place.  DD knows that the chances are slim and that there are 100s of little girls and boys all with the same dreams.

 

Picturesinthefirelight, there is always next year - from what I have read, lots of people don't make yr 7 selection but subsequently get places in yr 8. 

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That is why I let my ex did study drama and trying to get into drama school. At ten, my ballet teacher told me "If you had started two years ago, you would be at the Royal Ballet School. It's too late now". It doubly broke my heart. I had wanted ballet lessons from the age of three. Also, my dance teacher was lovely and had taught my mother's best friend. She said it with genuine regret in in voice. My mother's friend was a Bluebell dancer and my teacher knew what she was doing with her pupils and she thought I was good enough. I could never visit the same pain and disappointment to my own child.

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Gosh Fiz how sad- and I find it hard to believe that you could be written off at 10 for having missed the boat- Patrician Zhou who went to DSs school didn't join vocational school until 14 (prior to that she had a minimal hour or so a week for fun) went on to win the prix de lausanne at 17, spent an apprentice year at royal and is now with stuttgart ballet... you may never had made it to be the best dancer in the known universe but a career in ballet must surely still have been possible? I

 

suppose my feeling for my dcs (and non dcs) is a to adopt the same prinicipal as 'better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all'- how can you ever know what 'might have been' unless you give it a go?

 

picturesinthefirelight these decisions are always so hard and we make the decision that seems right with the evidence available at the time so don't beat yorself up about it- if you fel it might have been wrong then the best thing to do is move on and use that feeling to inform the decision about whether to give it a go in later years. My impression is that unless you are wanting to be a purely classical ballet dancer (which doesn't sound like what you or your dd are thinking of) there is really no need to be in vocational school at 11 so you/she have plenty of time to think about what she really wants....

good luck with whatever you decide...

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We all make decisions based on the information we have at the time..... Sometimes these are the right ones, sometimes not. This is not the end of the line for your dd, in fact it is the start of her journey. She can apply for vocational school next year and there are many dc's on here who have made positive choices to start their full time journey at 16 and gone on to have a classical career. Don't waste your energy on regret, move on and take one step at a time. :-)

Edited by Kitschqueen_1
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Sorry Picturesinthefirelight just noticed that it is MT your dd is interested in. Many of my dd's friends are going down this route, and have stayed at home at local dance schools and CAT schemes, doing GCSE's and have auditioned for Btec courses at specialist 6th forms. They intend to audition for full time places at 18. There are many different journeys into full time training, you have not made a mistake. :-) x

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One of the reasons we shied away was I didn't want to push dd into doing something because it was financially better for us (we are in the odd situation that vocational school would be cheaper than her current school plus dance classes) and we didn't want to appear foolish both to her current dance teacher and to dh's colleagues.

 

She'll be fine she just needs to keep her head down and ignore the attitudes of done of the other kids at school.

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I can relate to what you mean about making a mistake. A similar thing,although slightly different ,has happened to us.I have a  16 year old son,who doesn`t dance,but is very bright [but sadly,even lazier]. We are from Manchester,but moved to Northern Ireland in 1999 after my mother died. Plus it was a chance for my son to get to know his father properly, who lived here. We,but mainly me,decided my son at three would go to the local Irish language nursery,and then join the nursery`s primary school. A wonderful opportunity for your child to become bi-lingual from the earliest age.They teach them ONLY in the Irish language.Everything ,literally from day one ,from "go and hang up your coats and find your seat", to singing,counting,not a word is spoken in English from the very moment they step into the door until the moment they leave in the afternoon. It`s called the language Immersion system. [it should be noted,that they are taught from day one to speak in English if they have to or if there`s something urgent]. The nightly struggles I had trying to help him with his homework.The questions all written in Irish,and having to be answered in Irish. It`s not like French or Spanish,by the way.It is an ancient European language and is incredibly difficult. Still,we ploughed on and my son became,like everyone else,very good at it. To such an extent the entire class in his final year at primary school were entered for their GCSE  Irish and everyone passed with Grade A Star,even those who were not particularly bright,such was their competence by this stage.[Except for my son,who adamenently refused to do the exam,saying he will do it at secondary school] Eleven Plus preparation time. Got him a tutor to pull up the Maths ,Science and English.The teacher at school would concentrate on the Irish aspect of the exam they would have to do. Except that nobody told me there was to be NO English in the exam,and every single Maths and Science question was written down on the paper,and had to be answered, in the Irish language. He got the lowest grade for his 11 plus.Grade D. Because of this grade the secondary school he is now at [he leaves after his June GCSE`s] thought he mustn`t be very bright,and put him in the lowest set for everything for the first 3 years there.This is despite my regular pleadings with the school that the work was too easy for him in every subject.But no,he got a Grade D so the lowest set he has to stay in. Was finally moved up a few notches last year .But is still,because of this lower ability class he is in ,only doing the Lower Tier at GCSE Maths,despite it being far and wide his strongest subject. So he will leave school with Grade C Maths. No shame in that,of course. But the tragedy is, no matter how brilliantly he performs in the exams,even if he was to answer every single question perfectly, the highest grade he will be awarded will be a C.  ALL of this,I believe,can directly be traced back to the wrong decision I made in sending him to the wrong primary school. I can`t wait [and neither can he] for him to leave school and go to college in September. He will be on a level playing field with everyone else and can start over,so to speak. Mistakes? Oh yes,big time.!!!!!

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The path we see our children taking is not necessarily the one we would have chosen for them. Our dd did one ballet class a week since the age of 3 as having 2 older brothers we felt we should embrace her feminine side. Only in year 6 did she join RBS JAs and Elmhurst Associates at the recommendation of her ballet teacher. The audition process was incredibly stressful and I empathise with all who are still going through this. I feel that we were lucky and our journey was short. I don't know whether I could have hacked 3 years of associates to then receive a no. Our dd is lucky ! She is at a vocational school and has never been happier. I am sure my dh still greives for the rugby career that she never had ! Still who knows what will happen. We embrace every success and learn from every experience. Good luck to all.

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