Mental health - coping with training. Recommendations for counsellors/books to read, etc.

[KeepGoing]

Hello. 
 

Does anyone have any recommendations for a counsellor/healthy mindset programmes that specialises in helping children who are in vocational training? It needs to be specific area of expertise as the conventional counselling advice doesn’t really seem to apply in the ballet world.  Or even books to read on the matter. 
We have an ongoing problem with a difficult teacher and the resulting loss of self-confidence. 
 

TIA x

[Dancing unicorn]

Know the feeling 🤣

Is the school not helping? 

[MissEmily]

I have just finished Yasmine Naghdi’s mum’s book, Tears of a Ballet Mum. I would highly recommend reading that. Furthermore, she cites other worthwhile books on the subject in hers.

[alison]

Welcome to the forum, KeepGoing, although I'm sorry it has to be under such circumstances.

[WhereToNow]

Terry Hyde - Counselling for dancers - Highly highly recommend.  I knew a normal counsellor wouldn’t ‘get’ it, or understand the danceworld.  Happy to discuss over PM 😊

Edited October 21, 2022 by ally6684

[Birdy]

It’s not super in-depth, or really a counseling book, but Megan Fairchild from New York City Ballet, has written a book called The Ballerina Mindset. She discusses ways she has coped with the demands of being a ballet dancer, from perfectionism to harsh teachers. It’s an easy read, but may be helpful for your daughter.

[Out-the-other-side]

It makes me beyond sad to see us all as dance parents discuss how we can put back together our broken children - been there, done that, got the therapy bill - whilst the damage goes on unchecked. I keep hoping that the next big scandal to be exposed will be that of the ballet world so that future generations of bright-eyed optimists can navigate a fairer, kinder, more nurturing system but the occasional ripples that surface soon die down again. At times, it seems untouchable. 
To the original poster, I genuinely send you best wishes in helping your child regain their self-esteem but would very politely suggest that it may not be THEIR mindset that needs changing as much as their teacher’s. Xx

Edited October 22, 2022 by Out-the-other-side

[Lifeafterballet]

1 hour ago, Out-the-other-side said:

It makes me beyond sad to see us all as dance parents discuss how we can put back together our broken children - been there, done that, got the therapy bill - whilst the damage goes on unchecked. I keep hoping that the next big scandal to be exposed will be that of the ballet world so that future generations of bright-eyed optimists can navigate a fairer, kinder, more nurturing system but the occasional ripples that surface soon die down again. At times, it seems untouchable. 
To the original poster, I genuinely send you best wishes in helping your child regain their self-esteem but would very politely suggest that it may not be THEIR mindset that needs changing as much as their teacher’s. Xx

100% agree.

We have, as you say, been there, done that and paid the therapy bill 😞

Sadly I believe that the ballet world is the issue and very unlikely to change. My daughter saw a psychologist privately outside her ballet school for a time. We were worried that it wasn’t going to be helpful as the psychologist wasn’t familiar with the ballet world and didn’t as you say ‘get it ‘. But it was helpful because it proved that it wasn’t  her that had to learn strategies to cope with the ballet world, but that the toxic environment at the school wasn’t right and needed to change. Parents and children get so immersed in the ballet world that they can’t think clearly and what is right and wrong becomes blurred. Those outside the ballet bubble can help clear the fog. 
It is approaching two years since my daughter stopped ballet. Healing from years of physical, psychological and emotional abuse, from herself and others, takes time. Her recovery is ongoing but she is confident, positive and finally happy. She is enjoying a new sport and is learning to deal rationally and without fear with injuries too. 
I too am patiently waiting for the ballet world to be investigated and held accountable for its practices, and future generations of young dancers to not endure the current cruel system. 

[Mamaderuby]

My DD is currently reading "Advice for dancers" by Linda H. Hamilton. She says it is fantastic. I've seen a few copies of it second hand on eBay at a good price.

[Dancing feet]

23 hours ago, ally6684 said:

Terry Hyde - Counselling for dancers - Highly highly recommend.  I knew a normal counsellor wouldn’t ‘get’ it, or understand the danceworld.  Happy to discuss over PM 😊

I would second the Terry Hyde recommendation. Also happy to discuss over PM

[Dancing unicorn]

We too, at same school as Cotes’s dd, would love something to happen to stop this from happening to other dancers at any dance school! We too had outside counselling and our DD’s last college was amazing in building her confidence! Sadly after an incident  that happened not related to the college, her confidence plummeted again! We thought that new surroundings would help but the stress of now finding a job is taking over and she’s told us only this week that she’s just not ready for a job abroad! So a job in the uk it will have to be 💗🫰She’s fighting on and is nowhere near ready to let that first school beat her 💗

Edited October 22, 2022 by Dancing unicorn

[KeepGoing]

On 21/10/2022 at 11:28, Dancing unicorn said:

Know the feeling 🤣

Is the school not helping? 

Horrible, isn’t it?

Nope. Always brushed under the carpet. Very frustrating. 

[Dancers Dad]

21 hours ago, cotes du rhone ! said:

We were worried that it wasn’t going to be helpful as the psychologist wasn’t familiar with the ballet world and didn’t as you say ‘get it ‘. But it was helpful because it proved that it wasn’t  her that had to learn strategies to cope with the ballet world, but that the toxic environment at the school wasn’t right and needed to change. Parents and children get so immersed in the ballet world that they can’t think clearly and what is right and wrong becomes blurred. Those outside the ballet bubble can help clear the fog. 
 

I think this is important. A good therapist/counsellor can help you unpick what's right and wrong, what's damaging and what's not, where responsibility lies, how your experience at ballet school interacts with your previous life experiences and why different people respond differently, and so on. They don't have to know the ballet world inside out (though that, of course, may help).

[KeepGoing]

Thank you for the recommendations - I will look into all of those. 

 

I wholeheartedly agree! I can’t go into too much detail on here but sounds like this is far more common than it should be. 

I will explore conventional counselling again too. Thank you. 
 

[Kat09]

My advice is to change her school & I don’t say that without knowledge of how difficult that is. If the tutor continues as is , no amount of counselling will change the outcome. Your daughter needs to be away for any healing to occur. The sooner the better .

best wishes and good luck.

[KeepGoing]

On 22/10/2022 at 12:51, Out-the-other-side said:

It makes me beyond sad to see us all as dance parents discuss how we can put back together our broken children - been there, done that, got the therapy bill - whilst the damage goes on unchecked. I keep hoping that the next big scandal to be exposed will be that of the ballet world so that future generations of bright-eyed optimists can navigate a fairer, kinder, more nurturing system but the occasional ripples that surface soon die down again. At times, it seems untouchable. 
To the original poster, I genuinely send you best wishes in helping your child regain their self-esteem but would very politely suggest that it may not be THEIR mindset that needs changing as much as their teacher’s. Xx

Thank you. 
 

I hear you loud and clear on all of those points. 

[NotadanceMa]

I just wanted to add that if your child is in crisis (feeling overwhelmed and wants anonymity or to offload to a listening ear) or any child for that matter the Samaritans are amazing.

 

I’m talking about perhaps Y10/11/Upper Schools, they have a wonderful Self-Help app which can be very useful for an overwhelmed teenager in the middle of the night. 

 

I know the usual association for Samaritans is suicide and domestic violence, but they offer a listening ear for so much more, and support for absolutely anything 24/7 365 days and it is free, immediate and confidential. ❤️