Dealing with Rejection Positively

[sillysally]

Hi all, after submitting many video auditions my DD has received a nice selection of rejection emails. She is 16 and looking for training from Sep 21.

 

We are aware life is not a fairytale, so we tend to live by the mindset that if you work hard and the gods smile on you, you may get a chance 😆. Rejection is disappointing but it^s a huge part of a dancers life. 

 

So I'm hoping someone has some advice on how to take a "no" and learn from it and improve...I find the lack of feedback is soooo hard as a parent. Maybe the problem lies in that she simply isn't talented enough, her body has physical restrictions, she has the wrong aesthetics etc etc  How do you help your children handle the rejection?

 

Thanks for your thoughts. I really want to tray and help this keep her strong for life and feel a bit out of my depth.

[balletbean]

1 minute ago, sillysally said:

Hi all, after submitting many video auditions my DD has received a nice selection of rejection emails. She is 16 and looking for training from Sep 21.

 

We are aware life is not a fairytale, so we tend to live by the mindset that if you work hard and the gods smile on you, you may get a chance 😆. Rejection is disappointing but it^s a huge part of a dancers life. 

 

So I'm hoping someone has some advice on how to take a "no" and learn from it and improve...I find the lack of feedback is soooo hard as a parent. Maybe the problem lies in that she simply isn't talented enough, her body has physical restrictions, she has the wrong aesthetics etc etc  How do you help your children handle the rejection?

 

Thanks for your thoughts. I really want to tray and help this keep her strong for life and feel a bit out of my depth.

I’m so sorry to hear about the rejection emails for your DD. 
Whilst the emails may say no thank you, rather than seeing it as an end to the dream, how about taking it as a no thank you at this moment in time?  
Rejection can be hard but one that can open up many more doors rather than shutting it all down. 
Just a couple of questions that don’t require an actual answer but ones to consider. 
Were the applications for schools of similarity? ie Purely classical route 

Or

Have you considered looking/applying for schools/colleges offering a wider curriculum but still with a strong classical focus. ie NBS/LSC/RCS
These schools also don’t have such a strict age criteria as the more traditional voc schools, as in they welcome dancers from 16 many going at 18 and even older in some courses. 
Maybe consider taking a breather from the pressure & disappointment to regroup and rethink then reapply at 18. Using the additional time to broaden ones training if deemed necessary and treat this experience as the dress rehearsal for the big event at 18. 
I wish you all the best.  
 

 

[glissade]

Sorry to hear about the rejections ... can only say that it's very, very common. One thing that may help is to know that it often isn't the case that anything is actually "wrong" or "not good enough" .... just that there's lots of competition and the students that were selected may have scored only a miniscule point in one area over your own daughter ... but because of the numbers applying, that miniscule difference on the day is all that it takes. 

 

I understand however that that can be little comfort when there's no feedback and you can't be sure. Perhaps asking for an independent assessment might help ....? Emma Northmore comes to mind here .... someone with lots of experience of the things different schools are looking for. It would, of course, be a second opinion and not necessarily an accurate reflection of what the schools actually noted themselves, but if you could share your audition videos with someone in this way, it would at least be based on the exact same performances that the school saw.

 

Just a thought .... and good luck for the future. Something will work out .... and it isn't as if there's any rush at the moment, given the lack of actual performing opportunities right now .... (a topic for a different thread, I imagine!).

[Ballet Power]

I’m sorry to hear this.  I’d suggest looking into foundation courses. Depends what schools or styles of dance but associate courses or summer schools could really help. And speak to your dance teacher. 
Its so hard, but there’s lots of other opportunities too. 

[Thecatsmother]

This article might be useful

 

https://www.pointemagazine.com/ballet-audition-rejection-2544971876.html

 

[glowlight]

Hi @sillysally - I'm so sorry to hear of your DD's rejection emails.  

 

Thought you might find this thread worth a look if you haven't already seen it..

 

I think the way we handled it was to not dwell too much on what could have been - but move on quickly to the next opportunity.  

 

I would look into the possibility of summer schools or associate schemes to give her something to look forward to.

 

And discuss with her teachers how she might move forward in the future.  If that is what she still wants to do.

 

On the other hand, on reflection she may decide that enough is enough, and that she has taken the dance journey as far as she can.  If she does make this decision be ready to support her in that too.

 

 

[sillysally]

Hi all,

 

glissade - thanks for the thoughts and idea....I might go down the second opinion route....i think we need some honest feedback so we can establish a plan!

our dance teachers are not the best at giving objective feedback.

 

Balletpower - I think our teacher maybe a little naive in how competitive the dance world is these days!

 

glowlight - yes thanks, I did read the thread and i took some courage from it 😄 i think its best we focus on some mid term future such as summer courses etc 

 

To everyone - i badly need to improve my skills for quoting and answering messages on this forum!  Please excuse my rubbish style....🤪 

 

 

[Loulou]

1 hour ago, sillysally said:

Hi all,

 

glissade - thanks for the thoughts and idea....I might go down the second opinion route....i think we need some honest feedback so we can establish a plan!

our dance teachers are not the best at giving objective feedback.

 

Balletpower - I think our teacher maybe a little naive in how competitive the dance world is these days!

 

glowlight - yes thanks, I did read the thread and i took some courage from it 😄 i think its best we focus on some mid term future such as summer courses etc 

 

To everyone - i badly need to improve my skills for quoting and answering messages on this forum!  Please excuse my rubbish style....🤪 

 

 

Has you DD tried The Brighton Acadamy, not many of heard of them as more musical Theatre/ performing Arts, but they have started a BA in ballet, my dd is in 3rd year and is very impressed with the quality of the teachers and teaching and she has been on most summer courses/ intensives and been taught previously by ex Birmingham Royal Ballet and Royal Ballet teachers. If not might be worth a look. They also do contemporary and jazz.

Edited March 16, 2021 by Loulou

[BalletBoyMumma]

53 minutes ago, Loulou said:

Has you DD tried The Brighton Acadamy, not many of heard of them as more musical Theatre/ performing Arts, but they have started a BA in ballet, my dd is in 3rd year and is very impressed with the quality of the teachers and teaching and she has been on most summer courses/ intensives and been taught previously by ex Birmingham Royal Ballet and Royal Ballet teachers. If not might be worth a look. They also do contemporary and jazz.

It’s good to see Brighton Academy recommended. 
I can’t comment on quality (as have no ballet knowledge myself, and my DS is much younger) but Head of Ballet there is a really lovely teacher. 

Edited March 16, 2021 by BalletBoyMumma

[Ruby Foo]

I think it’s really important to take a few days to grieve for ‘ what might of been’ and to recognise the sadness that a ‘ no, not yet’ can cause. After the pain has lessened, you could get an expert opinion from Sarah Toner ( North London ). She will give you the truth but she is also the loveliest person and fills every student with confidence.

There could be so many reasons for not getting the result she wants from physical to simply not enough training, or to being better suited to a different style of dance. At 16, the standard is incredibly  high and most students will be putting in a large number of hours of training. The main message would be that she is travelling, still developing  and maturing and there’s still plenty of time left to find the right place. However, she might need to adapt and change direction several times and find experienced, supportive teachers to help her.

[MrsMoo2]

Going back a few years I was rejected from vocational training, I went to do A levels in Dance and Performing Arts then moved onto a degree in Dance. Contemporary was my focus so it may be different if she’s after a more classical focus. Tell her there are many ways to crack an egg, lots of different ways of being involved in a creative career without actually being the artist. I found I adored reviewing dance pieces and writing about it. I loved stage management and the process of creating. My own kids have had different types of disappointment, my 13 yr old DS was turned down by vocational schools at 11 for not having upper body strength! He was 11! If only they could see him now. 
Tell her there will be lots of opportunities, she’ll get there and appreciate it all the more...xxx

[DD Driver]

My sympathies!

It is particularly hard that there is usually no feedback.  I agree with those that recommend seeking an assessment from a respected teacher.

They can only provide their personal opinion but may be detailed about what they think are your DD's strengths/weaknesses.

 

It is difficult that on one hand your child puts in so many hours but then they are told that it is all very 'subjective'.

Surely, in regards to technique, a level of mastery is visible to the trained eye.  An objective reality?  

 

[sillysally]

14 hours ago, DD Driver said:

My sympathies!

It is particularly hard that there is usually no feedback.  I agree with those that recommend seeking an assessment from a respected teacher.

They can only provide their personal opinion but may be detailed about what they think are your DD's strengths/weaknesses.

 

It is difficult that on one hand your child puts in so many hours but then they are told that it is all very 'subjective'.

Surely, in regards to technique, a level of mastery is visible to the trained eye.  An objective reality?  

 

I think thats a great slant DD Driver ....thanks for saying it! sometimes its not easy to see the wood for the trees 🤣 

 

 

[Newbie2]

Just been reading through all these comments as trying to deal with my dd’s rejection email from White Lodge (year 9 entry) positively!! She received direct entry to the final audition and also for the summer school this year based on doing the zoom online summer intensive last summer (2020).  We were both really shocked and happy about all this as never before had thought about her auditioning or considering vocational school so early. She went to the final audition and got a no -  In her email that we received, it says they recognise that children grow at different paces etc etc, and they recommend that she auditions again next year if she is the right age etc - do they always say that/ is that a standard rejection email or am i just wishful thinking 🤔  

I am new to all this and found it quite stressful and all consuming- am in awe of you all who do it every year!! 

[sillysally]

I honestly dont know!

 

In our experience this year, it is clear some schools are using their own standard "no" & "waiting list letters." Including the wrong entry year is a give away.  I'm pretty confident that there are standard "yes letters" in use too (gold ticket is coming to mind 🤣). I guess it would be impractical and inefficient not to use a standard approach if you're replying to hundreds of applications. 

 

My heart feels sure that there may be a few people who get a more tailored "please try again letter" 🤞 although my head is not so sure if this is necessary based on the supply and demand for these businesses wooops sorry I meant ballet schools  

 

When preparing school applications I am constantly reminding my DD that although a "No" is a rejection, in this scenario you must be aware of the context. You can look upon it as more of a "no letter" as "no - not this time."  It rarely means "no-never".  

 

Good luck Newbie2. Its our first year on the merry-go-round of vocational applications and I'm finding the parenting challenges and life lessons are unexpected free gifts 😂

 

[Raquelle]

1 hour ago, Newbie2 said:

Just been reading through all these comments as trying to deal with my dd’s rejection email from White Lodge (year 9 entry) positively!! She received direct entry to the final audition and also for the summer school this year based on doing the zoom online summer intensive last summer (2020).  We were both really shocked and happy about all this as never before had thought about her auditioning or considering vocational school so early. She went to the final audition and got a no -  In her email that we received, it says they recognise that children grow at different paces etc etc, and they recommend that she auditions again next year if she is the right age etc - do they always say that/ is that a standard rejection email or am i just wishful thinking 🤔  

I am new to all this and found it quite stressful and all consuming- am in awe of you all who do it every year!! 

Hi Newbie. We got the same rejection from year 7 wl and sounds like it is the same letter judging by the wording? however I don't think they take many to finals in year 9 as very few spaces....so to get to finals she has done exceptionally well x