Realistic Expectations from a Dance School

[Jan McNulty]

Hello Nath and welcome out of the lurking shadows.  Thanks for sharing your experiences.

[Kate_N]

13 hours ago, glissade said:

The happiest young children (in terms of this current discussion) are always those who are supported in following and exploring their interests, whether those interests conflict with a parent's own ambitions for them or not.

 

This is so very true - at least from what I've observed in teaching older teens/young adults over the last 30 or so years in higher education. Those children who are supported but not helicoptered are then well-equipped for the further challenges of independent learning.

[Nath]

4 hours ago, Jan McNulty said:

Hello Nath and welcome out of the lurking shadows.  Thanks for sharing your experiences.

Thanks for welcoming me. I usually tend to keep a low profile 😉. 

[glowlight]

15 hours ago, Nath said:

The best way forward is not to look at others at all. Just do what’s best for your dancer, let the dancer focus on themselves, that’s where their energy should be going anyway.

 

 

This reminds me of something someone said to me today with regards to running a small business....'It's only competition if you see it as competition.'  

 

I think the same applies to dance.  Whilst the dance world is undoubtedly competitive you can only succeed by being the best you that you can possibly be.  Competing against others is generally a waste of everyone's energy. 

 

However I do recognise it is difficult sometimes not to get sucked in 🙁

[Medora]

Wow, this rings so true, Beezie. We are in the UK but I have definitely seen this here too.

 

Just as an example, in our previous school it was very hard to get a private and inexplicably some 6-7 year olds had permanent slots, alongside of the vocational students (who needed them for auditions and competitions etc), while pretty much everyone else never got one. I have no idea why, but it always confused me. 

 

I think all teachers have favourites, but some are very bad at hiding it! One teacher we had visibly focussed her attention on a handful (months of lockdown zoom lessons made this pretty clear). Others keep you guessing.

 

I've posted this forum before re getting honest feedback on a child's potential for this very reason. Ballet schools are businesses and they have to keep the money coming in, so it is hard to know if you are there for the 'right' reasons. 

[dancefaye]

On 29/11/2020 at 19:26, Beezie said:

My daughter attends a Ballet/Dance academy with lovely teachers, many of who have professional experience and good connections.  In a vacuum, we’d love the school.

 

However, there are some favoritism-type behaviors that I cannot tolerate.  I’ve been told by other Mom’s that favoritism happens everywhere.  However, I am seeking advise from others...those not connected to my current studio.

 

In my studio, mothers are doing one of two things: 1) They are befriending the dance teachers with compliments and gifts and 2) they are paying for private lessons for their daughters.  In both cases, I see their daughters getting selected for more advanced casting.  The most blatant case is the best friend of the owner, whose daughter is always guaranteed a preferred role.  She is a good dancer, but not the best in the school.  Then, for the kids who take private lessons, the teachers promote those children as successes to show the ‘hard work and money’ has paid off....again, not consistently the highest skilled dancers in the school.

 

The school does a good job always offering multiple castings, so there are plenty of spaces available to those who are truly talented.  ...but I still hate the hypocrisy of it all.  I worry that my daughter will eventually come head-on with one of these ‘favorites’ and not get judged on her talent.  Ultimately, I’m worried she will become disenfranchised.  (I know I am!)

 

So is this normal everywhere?  Or is this a sign of a bad dance school, and I should look elsewhere?  Seeking advice!

 

I know this post is 3 years old already. But it's what we are going through right now.

 

My daughter is 8...the teacher has often told us how talented she is and she should do extra lessons. We didn't do the extra lessons as we felt it was not necessary.

When my daughter was 7 she was the only one to win Gold for class solo at the national dance festival. 

At the schools end of year function..she got her certificates and medals...but I noticed the teacher giving out trophies to her 2 favourites dancers for getting gold for class solo at the year end function. 

 

One of her favourites relocated to another country..so she has 1 fav left. 

In 2021 they had to do their grade 1 ballet exams. Teacher focused on her fav making a big deal that she is her "gold star "student. 

Exam results proved otherwise. She is a 65 percenter, she didn't get a gold.

My child along with many others Auditioned for a prestigious national junior production. The "gold star" student didn't audition. 

My child got a part. Our teacher once again kept telling us how talented my child is. Then dear Teacher pulls me aside to say she wants to start coaching my child. Because my child really wants it..I agreed. 

We had 1 lesson..when suddenly we went into intense grade 2 exam rehearsal. The next 2 coaching lessons were postponed to the next week. One day we arrive at ballet 30 minutes early to find gold star having a private lesson in what was supposed to be my child's coaching lesson. It made sense why the coaching kept being postponed.

I was confused see the child there..the teacher obviously a little embarrassed that I saw this...she immediately comes up to me to say "she is having an extra lesson because the Mother wants her to get a gold for the exam"

I told the teacher it wasn't fair..and that all the dancers want a chance to get a gold, and would like extra lessons. So she arranged for all the dancers to get extra lessons for the exams. 

They did their exams and results came in a few weeks ago. 

My child got the highest mark..missing the gold by 2 points.

Teachers gold star student came in 3rd place..9 points from gold. 

Instead of congratulating my child...she told all the parents in front of my child and their children...that it was psychological.

Because the first one to be examined was one of the advanced 2 dancers and then my 8 year old...so the examiner was expecting the best after seeing the advanced dancer. The logic in that doesn't make sense at all. 

 

The national dance festival is coming up and she has placed her gold star in the Amateur section for solos...

 

It's really sad to see the other dancers ignored and those with true talent and potential are being left to fall behind . 

 

[Peanut68]

One word…. Leave!

[Legseleven]

I’m so sorry to read this, dancefaye. If it were me the lie you were presumably told re delaying your child’s pre-arranged coaching and more so the ridiculous comment about the exam results being ‘psychological’ (which doesn’t make any sense) would have been the last straw and I would be moving my child to another dance school. The teacher is blatantly favouring one child over all the others.

Do any of your child’s friends, possibly in the national junior production, dance elsewhere? Her coaches there may have suggestions of a new dance school that may suit her. It would be such a shame for a talented child to lose her passion because of this teacher’s unfair actions. (And I know that life isn’t fair and that teachers often have favourites - but this seems to be ludicrously blatant and especially when it affects such young children.)

[Jan McNulty]

Hello @dancefaye and welcome to the Forum!

[taxi4ballet]

2 hours ago, Peanut68 said:

One word…. Leave!

Agreed.

[Beezie]

Oh, this post brings back memories!

 

@dancefaye  Terrible situation.  I’m sorry.

 

If I view my original post into the ‘older and wiser’ mentality….  I think I was more upset by these behaviors than my child because adults should do and be better.  That said, I should have also been wiser than to fall into a ‘drama trap.’  
 

I’ve come to think that coaching at 7 and 8 is more or less meaningless in the grand scheme. The teachers that promote it are probably trying to earn some extra income.  That favoritism and competition soon has all moms booking ‘privates’ for their kids too.

 

We have tried more professional schools.  The teachers there are very candid about my child’s needs and potential.  They will also say  ‘no’ to coaching unless it is very specifically necessary to work out an issue that cannot be resolved in class. 
 

All that said, ‘favorites’ don’t disappear in more professional schools.  However, you can recognize why the child is a favorite….and it is usually some genetic ballet super-skill like flexibility, hyper mobility or feet.  While that seems more palatable to me, I don’t think it is more palatable for my child.  Favoritism at other schools, in my kid’s eye, was just a mean and unfair situation.  However, favoritism now seems to be based on skills/attributes my child can see but may not possess.  ….but that seems to be the ballet world for you.  
 

Of your situation: I would be most concerned that the teacher doesn’t have their own ‘rules of engagement’ ironed-out regarding the scheduling of lessons.  Even if it wasn’t an overt lie, they were clearly wasting your time and your child’s time.  That is a big ‘no no’ when we are all busy and juggling priorities.

[glowlight]

@dancefaye - your dd is still very young and at the very start of her dance journey. Plenty of time to seek out a more nurturing environment.

[taxi4ballet]

You wouldn't tolerate blatant favouritism in your dc's academic school, so really the same should apply to a dance school.