Covid-19 - When will I get my confidence back?

[glowlight]

I don't usually post in 'Not Dance', but felt the need to 'sound off' a bit about my frustrations with myself, so hope you guys don't mind.

 

When lock down started I slotted very comfortably into my working from home mojo.  I have a job I can easily do from home, my husband and I muddle along comfortably in the house, we live in a beautiful place so can get out walking whenever we want, and have great local shops so I haven't even needed to go to a supermarket.  We have underlying health conditions so decided minimum risk was best for us.

 

Only now I'm finding it really hard to pull myself back to reality.  I watch on social media as my friends go on holiday, eat out, see their family - and I wonder when I will have the confidence to do it.

 

I was starting to feel I wanted to make plans, and even drank tea in friends' gardens a few times before the new restrictions came in in our area.  Now I feel I am almost back to square one.

 

I know lots of people are getting back to some sort of normal.  Anyone else feeling that they are a long way behind everyone else on this!?

[Fiz]

I feel for you, Glowlight. I have a partial immune deficiency and apart from grocery shopping, I have been nowhere since March. I have seen our younger daughter three times during that period and she is finally coming to a socially distanced supper this evening and we have seen a little more of our older daughter and she stayed over for the first time  last weekend. Apart from that we have been to an outside coffee morning with our neighbours. I don’t think you are being silly and I strongly believe that there will be a clampdown again in the winter particularly as the Chief Health Officer has said that a vaccine is at least 18 months away. 

[glowlight]

Thanks @Fiz.  I'm glad it's not just me.

 

I've seen my daughter twice since it started.  Where we live it is currently illegal to meet with other people in a private house or garden, and although we are allowed to pubs and restaurants, only with your own household - which seems a bit pointless!  My husband jokes that we are allowed to be in crowded places only if there is a financial transaction involved!

 

I think you may be right about another clampdown in the winter, and I think that may be why I'm feeling unsettled now.  One friend told me that is why she was going for a haircut this week, because she didn't want to risk going a whole year without a haircut!  Perhaps I should take heed!

 

My sister in law is taking part in one of the vaccine trials.  Obviously she doesn't know whether she had the vaccine or the control but apparently it made her feel very unwell.

[Fiz]

I suspect your sister in law must have had the real thing, in that case. She’s very brave. If you feel down, you can always DM me. x

[bridiem]

I also empathize with you, glowlight. I have an airway condition so I moreorless isolated when lockdown started, and even as things relaxed I was told by my doctors to be meticulous about following the guidance/rules. Which still makes it difficult to do a lot of things, and leaves me wondering why a lot of people seem to feel able to socialise quite freely. I live on my own, so if I go to a café or restaurant with anyone else (indoors) it would have to be at 2 metres distant, which is obviously both unrealistic and undesirable. I have gone to sit in my sister's garden a couple of times now (12 minutes on a weekday train which was very empty), and my brother came and had a cup of tea with me since it's moreorless possible to keep 2 metres apart in my sitting room. I also went to a masked and socially distanced funeral of an old friend last week (via a very empty tube train). But I'm finding it hard to justify doing things that aren't essential and I'm aware that others are doing so much more, including members of my family. I've found the last few months much more stressful than lockdown itself!

[Jan McNulty]

I thinks it's very hard for a lot of us.

 

I live with my dog and he has been keeping me sane!!  I wouldn't have had the same motivation to go out for allowed exercise for him when lockdown first started.  In terms of shopping, I'd only been to my local Tescos till recently.  I have to say it was very well organised and I felt fine going there.  I felt guilty about going to Waitrose because it was a 7 mile drive away.  I have started going back there recently.  I felt guilty at Easter dropping Easter eggs off to my nieces - socially distanced and I had a solitary birthday.

 

I've got to say though that living on my own means I haven't had physical contact with another human being since March and it is hard to see when that will change.  I nearly flipped when someone accidentally brushed into me in the supermarket a few weeks ago.  The poor lady was absolutely mortified but it happened because she had had difficulty getting past the ignorant oafs who were having a natter and blocking the aisle.  I got changed from top to bottom when I got home!

 

My first social "outing" since March happened 4 weeks ago when the lady who runs the mosaic workshops I have been going to had a dry run in her garden.    I cried with joy all the way home because I had done something normal!!  Having got through that OK, I have continued going to the resumed workshops and have had lunch at a local micro pub with my cousin and I've been to tea with my nieces at great nephew at a Toby.

 

I haven't thought about "going away".  I was meeting friends in Nice in a couple of weeks but we decided to put that on hold and are now hoping all will be well and we can meet there in September 2021.

 

Life is very far from what was previously normal and I am not in a hurry to change things for myself (I worry about my nieces who are meeting up with other people) but I am excited to have booked for BRB at the Rep at the end of October.  I am already worrying about needing the toilet while I am out though!!

 

It must be very disheartening and disconcerting that new restrictions have been introduced in your area Glowlight but when things ease again just take it slowly and expect to feel emotional when you do something that would have been commonplace before lockdown.

 

And yes ... come on here and rant away!

[JohnS]

Many thanks for raising this issue glowlight. Like bridiem I found lockdown seemed a great deal easier, with most people in the same boat, albeit enormous pressure on essential workers for whom I have the greatest of respect. The relaxation of lockdown and all the talk of social bubbles etc underline the reality of wanting/needing to be risk averse (Type 1 diabetes) and living alone. And I cannot see my changing my risk appetite until there is a vaccine/more proven mitigation. Fortunately for me the Lake District is on my door step and I can readily spend long days on the fells where there are so many rewards, including this Brocken Spectre I was fortunate enough to see and capture last week.
Wishing all who access Ballet Forum well in these difficult times.
 

 

 

[bridiem]

What a terrific photo, JohnS!

[glowlight]

Thankyou all.  It's reassuring to know I'm not the only one taking it slow.

 

And I really feel for those of you living on your own.  That must be so much harder.

 

@johns - what a fantastic picture.  

 

 

[Jan McNulty]

7 minutes ago, glowlight said:

Thankyou all.  It's reassuring to know I'm not the only one taking it slow.

 

And I really feel for those of you living on your own.  That must be so much harder.

 

@johns - what a fantastic picture.  

 

 

 

I think it's also hard for people who are not used to living together 7/24!  One of my chums put a status on FB a couple of months back that he was having the most dreadful day ... he and his wife had had a major row and his 3yo was having one of those days...

 

Most of us have had a heck of a lot of adapting to do.  And we're going to take a heck of a lot to adapt to more normal times hopefully in the not too far distant future.

[Mary]

A great many people are in this situation so don't feel alone.  I have 3 close relatives unable to go out or do anything, haven't seen my very ill brother for months despite the strong likelihood he will not see out the year- it is too dangerous for him to have visitors.

 

 

Some people are being foolish in rushing to have foreign holidays etc-then complaining when they have to rush back... I wouldn't envy them especially.

 

 

 

[bangorballetboy]

Terrific picture John!

[Scheherezade]

John, your photograph has left me speechless. It's the sort of thing that truly makes life worth living.

[Anon2]

I think a lot of us are feeling the same @glowlight I live in a rural area and as a county we’ve seen very little Covid but for the duration of the lockdown I didn’t leave our village until we could have ‘bubbles’ when I joined up with my mother so I could take her to hospital appointments. 
Due to a heart condition I was in the initial vulnerable group (not shielding) and as a front line worker was found tasks I could do from home as employer couldn’t guarantee my safety. Come the beginning of this month and the plan to get everyone back into the work place I’ve found myself back at work unable to socially distance from anyone and consequently not feeling the love for my job or colleagues. Every shift is an exhausting nightmare. 

[LinMM]

Yes a fab photo John!!

 

I think the lockdown affected many especially older people in making them feel very fearful especially initially when all those daily programmes about people dying. 
I remember once in early May we had finished the weekly shop in Lewes and decided to drive a slightly scenic route back via Alfriston just for a change in scene really. We felt like two naughty children and were thinking up what we might say about having to do essential shopping in Alfriston if stopped ....luckily there’s a very good bread shop there so this was an essential item of course. 
Even though we only live 10 mins walk from the sea it was July before we ventured down there. Most of my exercise was ballet classes on Zoom in the lounge which were a godsend and definitely kept up some sort of normality and being able to talk to the people I usually dance with if only virtually really helped. 
It does take an age to get up confidence like going to the hairdressers for the first time but as you do each new thing you feel a bit better though I’ve still only been twice into Brighton on the bus. 
You have to take your own time with it all. 
I had my first friend round to the house only last Tuesday!! 
Ive now been swimming again but in an outdoor pool arriving and leaving with costume on lol but it’s only 5 mins in the car.

My next hurdle is when to go back to a dance studio. That’s looking like the end of September now but it does look as if it will be as safe as possible with reduced numbers etc. but it’s still a risk. At least I can travel safely there though. 
Going up to London will also be a big hurdle. I have several friends there and we’d like to meet ( not altogether) but it’s the tube which is their hurdle none of them is using it and they are staying in their own areas to shop etc My prob is the mainline train...though I’ve heard it’s not that busy We keep saying September but it will depend what’s going on with R number in London by then. So everyone is still feeling nervous!! 
Courses I would have been doing in London are now online for the next term at least so I don’t have to go up regularly but the thought of that little bit of extra risk will keep me from travelling further afield for a bit I think.

I suppose at some point I will gain more confidence so will be interesting to hear how people get on and if have any breakthroughs. 
My special sympathies to people living alone that lockdown must have been awful What a horrible year it’s been up till now but some good news is that a virologist friend said this Coronavirus is unusual in that it’s more like DNA than the usual virus RNA because it has a particular spike on it which makes it harder to replicate any mistakes  (mutations) so we may be able to get a vaccine which could last a good while eventually. 

[LinMM]

I’ve just posted above message from my phone but when I go on my IPad it just says my name logo on one side then a long thin narrow bar and underneath submit reply but there’s nowhere to post a reply!!

I can see the Forum has been updated recently and as my IPad is IOS 9.5 does this mean it’s too old to use on the Forum now. My phone is iOS 13 so no probs there but I can read posts but not write replies on the IPad 

Can moderators advise?? 

[JohnS]

Many thanks all for your generous comments about my photo.

The Brocken Spectre seemed rather fitting for these very uncertain times. Chance to focus on the vibrancy of what surrounds us and what we bring. And we begin to see the other side of the valley emerging, with blue sky breaking in the distance.

I was walking in Borrowdale, on Eagle Crag summit at 8:15, looking to Glaramara and Bessyboot, with the blue sky over Honister. I’ve seen a handful of Brocken Spectres over the years - always magical but none as rich as Wednesday’s.

[alison]

5 hours ago, glowlight said:

Anyone else feeling that they are a long way behind everyone else on this!?

 

Thank you, glowlight, for bringing this up.  You most certainly aren't alone.  I must admit, I couldn't see the (scientific) logic behind the Government's timetable for relaxation of lockdown, and nor could the more scientific minds on a medical/science forum I frequent, so we've pretty much been doing our own relaxation at a rather slower pace, given that I live with someone who's classed as vulnerable.  I coped reasonably okay with the original lockdown because I'd previously been through worse, and was out and about during that time because basically it was either that or starve, but yes, since then I think it's almost been tougher.  We've had no visitors since March - even that part of the family which has been shielding as extremely vulnerable and is currently under increased lockdown measures has done rather better on that count!  For all practical purposes, I have to be regarded as single, so, although I don't mind eating out alone pre-theatre, Eating Out To Help Out when the rest of the household can't join you and anyone else is supposed to stay a fair distance away from you doesn't appeal.  Plus I'm 100% reliant on public transport to go anywhere farther away, which has never been a problem before, but now I find myself looking with envious eyes at all those car owners who can just pop anywhere they want to, go to drive-in shows, etc., while I'm still waiting for proper train services to be reinstated (I understand that the UK is about the only place in Europe which is still operating a reduced rail timetable) and have no idea when this is going to happen.  I'm not particularly worried about travelling longer distances, but I do want the reassurance of knowing that if a train is looking uncomfortably "full" - or if it appears to be occupied by covidiots - I can simply get off it and wait for the next one, rather than risk picking up something nasty and bringing it home with me.  That's not happening at the moment.

[zxDaveM]

11 hours ago, LinMM said:

I’ve just posted above message from my phone but when I go on my IPad it just says my name logo on one side then a long thin narrow bar and underneath submit reply but there’s nowhere to post a reply!!

I can see the Forum has been updated recently and as my IPad is IOS 9.5 does this mean it’s too old to use on the Forum now. My phone is iOS 13 so no probs there but I can read posts but not write replies on the IPad 

Can moderators advise?? 

 

I've just checked it out on my old ipad - and get the same. I'm afraid that when they did the upgrade, as with many other websites, they simply assume that everyone is on a hardware platform (or software update for said platform) that is within the last 5-7 years - or even more recent. I don't use that old ipad very much these days (except to check email or play spider patience) as many websites are either unreadable or just crash the browser, and Apple's updates no longer apply to that hardware (which is annoying). So I'm sorry, but there isn't anything I can do to help.

There are a lot of things happening 'under the bonnet', so to speak, that have improved the site - though the default colour scheme was rather harsh, and I had to make many tweaks before it became at least a little more user friendly. So it was advisable to go ahead with the update, for the present day functionality, and also to future proof. It seems that unfortunately, older devices got left behind.

[LinMM]

Thanks Dave I messaged Janet and she gave me the bad news!! My IPad is just too old now and can’t be updated by Apple 😢

However I’ve been having a few other problems with it recently ( only being able to book certain things online with my phone not the IPad and certain Apps no longer working etc  ☹️ 
My piano course at City Lit is online next term and am not sure software is going to work on IOS 9.5 although the zoom part should be okay but looks like will defo have to update it in the Autumn as I need at least an IPad size screen to work with the phone is too small for some things. 
Anyway I can still read the Balletcoforum on  the iPad which is more relaxing than phone it’s just if I want to make a comment will have to use phone 😊 

[LinMM]

Alison I was supposed to be going to an annual reunion in September which a group of us from College hold in different places every year....this year it was being held in Derbyshire. 
When I contacted the Trainline about seats I assumed ( like everything else at mo) it would be all reserved seats. But no they aren’t doing ANY reserved seats just asking people to sit in the window seats only. 
So I said what if it gets busy how can I guarantee nobody will sit next to me ...especially if not wearing a mask 

They said they monitor the train and if it’s at capacity tell people to get the next one 🤔 Hmmm well I didn’t believe that I didn’t see how without people reserving seats they could really monitor how many might suddenly descend on the train at any particular stop!! 
Im sure the advice on Southern Rail is to keep to social distancing but that didn’t stop PACKED trains with people standing descending on Brighton in the heatwave!!!

Anyway they couldn’t really give me that assurance in the end so have had to abandon trip....again...last year was my ankle 😩 Also it would have been a long time in a mask from Brighton to Derby 😬

The daughter of a friend who works in London has said the trains from Brighton are mostly not busy at all so with a bit of judicious timing should be able to make it safely just up to London eventually. Travelling up between 12-3pm and then back after 9 pm is usually okay in normal times. 
We have started to going to a couple of local pubs in Lewes which feel very safe all very well organised and have outside seating areas or nice garden! Served at table one way system to loo staff in masks or visors and you have to leave name and number etc It’s all very civilised so you can go out and enjoy yourself safely 

 

 

[glowlight]

Thankyou everyone for your encouragement and support.  I'm feeling more like my usual positive self again today.  

 

Here are 3 things I really like about life at the moment.

 

1) Not having to commute by train

2) Being able to peg my washing out, because I'll be able to bring it in again if it starts to rain during the day.

3) Getting out for lots of walks with my other half.

 

Here's a picture of beautiful purple heather from our walk this evening.  Not anywhere near as awesome as @JohnS' picture - but it makes me happy

 

 

[bridiem]

That's so beautiful, glowlight!

[LinMM]

Another lovely piccie! 

[Scheherezade]

It's lovely, glowlight. It generates such a sense of contentment.

[Peony]

I think many of us have similar feelings and something like 1 in 6 are in the vulnerable group so it’s not surprising people are worried. But rather than that I think a lot is down to personality. For me to helps to try and put things in perspective- most of us are at far higher risk of having a car accident than we are of having a serious case of covid, many risks in life we just accept. Which doesn’t mean at all that I think we should throw caution to the wind but realistically things are likely to get worse over winter and it will be more difficult to find any outdoor activities. I’ve had to confront some of the worries as my kids were becoming depressed and scared of stepping outside the door. I certainly wouldn’t want to go abroad etc but we are doing ‘safer’ activities. There is of course a risk, as an adult I could have happily stayed away a bit longer but 4 months is an eternity for a child. Will also have to get to grips with school and activities and work outside the home, if you have more of a choice it can actually be more difficult

[glowlight]

6 hours ago, Peony said:

if you have more of a choice it can actually be more difficult

 

Totally true - but I shouldn't really complain about having this luxury should I? 😀

 

I've noticed that it is friends with school age children who are doing more - and I think this is for the reasons @peony has described.

 

Also people who have had to go out to work throughout understandably have a very different attitude to the risk to me.

 

I will just take it a step at a time.  

 

 

[glowlight]

Quick update - just booked a few days away in October - it's only a small step but feels like a step in the direction of normality.

 

 

[LinMM]

Same here glow light we’ve just booked some days away in Devon at the end of September. Took me ages to make up my mind whether a good idea to be staying in a hotel! But have been assured it will be safe ...probably safer than it’s ever been lol!! 
I think if you are careful where you go you can relax and enjoy yourself pretty safely. 
The only worry now is if there are any local lockdowns but so far the south west (and strangely enough the south east which we come under considering it’s high population) have had lower Covid cases than many other areas in the country so have to hope for the best. 

[glowlight]

How's everyone doing?

 

Just returned from my short break away in North Yorkshire.

 

It was lovely to have a few days away from home and to get out walking in different surroundings.  

 

I am now bold enough to go inside a café for lunch.  Still not quite ready for pubs!  And decided not to bother with the few tourist attractions in the area (I've visited most of them before and they'll still be there next time).

 

I'm just so glad I enjoy walking otherwise life would be really miserable!

 

It was great to be away, but great to be home too.

[Jan McNulty]

I'm so glad for you Glowlight.

 

When I went to Aston Hall in Birmingham on 20th September it did me the world of good.  I discovered a new place and saw a fabulous exhibition of costumes and felt normal!

 

I'm glad I've got a dog to make sure I keep walking (but I'm not looking forward to it today as it is currently lashing down!).

[JohnS]

There seems a very different feel to the second lockdown given unlimited exercise and encouragement to enjoy the outdoors. Still unsure what’s an acceptable car journey for a walk but as the nearest supermarket is 12 miles (18 miles if you want a petrol station), that keeps many of my ‘local’ walks open.

 

Here’s Saturday’s early morning view from Skiddaw, mists clearing, and ridge after ridge of inviting fells beyond Keswick and Derwent Water. The far fells are 20 miles away (much further by road) but I’m spoilt for choice with reasonably local walks. In the first lockdown I very much kept to walking from home and remember looking enviously towards the fells during the fabulous Spring. I do hope others are finding second lockdown a little easier.

[Peony]

The National trust and forestry commission have kept their car parks and walks open this time (and takeaway cafe facilities). Which is a really positive thing for those of us without beautiful country walks on our doorstep! It doesn’t really feel like a ‘lockdown’ although obviously there are more restrictions than there were.