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To all those getting rejections


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I've been having a bit of a tidy out and came across a couple of folders of ballet training stuff from when my dd was younger.

 

Back then everything was on paper - and I guess I'm a bit of a hoarder because I had kept everything.

 

What struck me, going through it today, was how many rejection letters there were.  How on earth she kept going I don't know.

 

But amongst all the rejections were the few, treasured  'delighted to offer you a place' letters.

 

Despite all the rejections she went on to get a funded place at dance school at 16 and to become a professional dancer.

 

When you read the posts in this forum it is easy to think that everyone is being accepted for everything they apply for.  

 

This isn't true.  Many people don't want to post their disappointment.

 

You don't need to be accepted by every school or training scheme.  Sometimes just one offer of the right thing at the right time is all you need.

 

 

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Absolutely - my musical daughter, who it seems  is offered reserve places for everything, says she is going to get a t shirt made saying"I make lemonade!"  Her CV won't show she got places off the reserve lists.   .  She certainly savours the opportunities when they do arise, maybe more than if she had been first choice (although that is nice when it occasionally happens too!)

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My DDs first audition result that wasn't a rejection was a reserve list, then eventually an offer of place. She worked so hard that she ended up with a prize at the end! No-one would ever have known she came in off the reserves.

 

She's just had an audition success, after several rejections (last rejection was from a final round audition too) which was a lovely surprise.

 

She knows the drill with auditions well though as her dad is a musician and has had a lot of rejections in the last couple of years, but also a fairly recent success too!

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Absolutely, my DD has had many no’s, waiting lists and yes”s.  I totally agree- it does make them resilient and also it makes them appreciate and know exactly what they are wanting/working towards, with a lot more fight and determination, making them cherishing their offered place and getting the most out of wherever they go.  My DD handed back a confirmed place a while ago, due to the school not being right for her, she did this and is now only left with a reserve place, which looks almost a zero chance of coming available now, the past has made her sure of what she wants and it has taught her, to be strong and go for what you truly are striving for, even if it takes more than one attempt to get there.....

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Here’s still hoping for your DD Princess Dreams & for others still waiting....

Still hold hope as I do think this year -more than any other - places are not 100% firmed up yet & even come September/October there could be options opening up...xx

Edited by Peanut68
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Thank you for the positive vibes, really appreciate the supportive wishes, good luck to all still in this position x.  ( The complicated issue is committing to a brand new  day school for sixth form, when DD heart is in a vocational school, it’s written in the star’s- so what will be , will be...  but there will definitely be 2 very different paths from September, depending on whether her dream comes true, or not. As always, I will pick up the pieces- make or break I feel at year 12 entry)

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So true!

To progress in the dance world you need a lot of grit - the ability to persist in something you feel passionate about and persevere in the face of obstacles.

Similarly - Resilience is built through graded exposure i.e. experiencing mild or moderately difficult situations and then progressing to harder ones.

 

My DD has also been through some rejections and the embarrassment one feels because 'everyone' knows you tried and did not make it.   It really tested her.  I am so proud that she has learnt this early.  It is necessary (for her) to work harder than many of the people around her.  She has seen that hard work pays off!

 

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Hard work really does pay off.

 

But I remember dd saying to me when she was about 12...'Mrs x says if you work hard enough you can do anything you want.  But that's not true is it?'

 

I had to agree with her.  It's true of many things in life, but perhaps more so in dance, there are so many other factors which come into play.  It's not a bad lesson to learn. 

 

The motto she lived by was one another teacher gave her. 'If you try you might, if you don't you won't.'

 

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Oh yes, I hate the "you can be anything you want if you try hard enough" ethos because it simply isn't true - we don't live in a Disney movie!

I know people who say that kind of thing are often just trying to be encouraging. The same goes for the oft told stories of people who "made it big" in their fields despite having major disadvantages like being a late starter or having the "wrong" physique. Those stories  can be very inspiring but what people often forget is that those who make it against all the odds are usually absolutely exceptional in other respects.

It is a fine line to tread as one thing that is for sure is that if you don't work hard then you almost certainly won't succeed but I think young people trying to enter any particularly competitive field need to be realistic.

I was very pleased to read the piece of work that my sporty son had done on goal setting at a recent online masterclass. A year or two ago I know his long term goal would have said something like "GB Olympic Team" but now it says "University First or Second Team".He is good at his sport, very good in fact, and he works extremely hard, but he is not going to grow to the height that a national level player needs to be, and that is more or less unsurmountable. He would certainly need to be a lot, lot, better than a very good junior to overcome that hurdle. There are those who will say that you should always aim for the very top but I disagree - you should always aim to be the best that you can be,  recognising that not everyone can go to the Olympics or be a soloist with the Royal Ballet. So many things influence outcomes, and many of those are outside our control, especially physical factors.

The biggest danger of the "you can be anything you want to be" ethos is that when most, inevitably, find that's not true, then they will be left feeling either lied to, or that it is their fault - they didn't work hard enough or didn't "want it" badly enough to succeed. Often nothing could be further from the truth, and those beliefs can be very damaging.

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On 07/07/2020 at 19:06, Pups_mum said:

Oh yes, I hate the "you can be anything you want if you try hard enough" ethos because it simply isn't true - we don't live in a Disney movie!

I know people who say that kind of thing are often just trying to be encouraging. The same goes for the oft told stories of people who "made it big" in their fields despite having major disadvantages like being a late starter or having the "wrong" physique. Those stories  can be very inspiring but what people often forget is that those who make it against all the odds are usually absolutely exceptional in other respects.

It is a fine line to tread as one thing that is for sure is that if you don't work hard then you almost certainly won't succeed but I think young people trying to enter any particularly competitive field need to be realistic.

I was very pleased to read the piece of work that my sporty son had done on goal setting at a recent online masterclass. A year or two ago I know his long term goal would have said something like "GB Olympic Team" but now it says "University First or Second Team".He is good at his sport, very good in fact, and he works extremely hard, but he is not going to grow to the height that a national level player needs to be, and that is more or less unsurmountable. He would certainly need to be a lot, lot, better than a very good junior to overcome that hurdle. There are those who will say that you should always aim for the very top but I disagree - you should always aim to be the best that you can be,  recognising that not everyone can go to the Olympics or be a soloist with the Royal Ballet. So many things influence outcomes, and many of those are outside our control, especially physical factors.

The biggest danger of the "you can be anything you want to be" ethos is that when most, inevitably, find that's not true, then they will be left feeling either lied to, or that it is their fault - they didn't work hard enough or didn't "want it" badly enough to succeed. Often nothing could be further from the truth, and those beliefs can be very damaging.

Absolutely this

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Totally agree!  My Dd spent 5 years at vocational school with places at 2 Upper Schools.  She worked really hard, was stressed and realised it wasn't the Disney Movie... the thought of 3 years at Upper School with massive international competition for few jobs, she had reached her level.  She is now happily doing A levels and dancing with amazing local teachers. She has her sparkle back and loving dancing without the insane pressure of trying to be the next soloist with the Royal Ballet.  It is only when you step off this emotional roller coaster that you can actually see things for what they are... she has learnt so many skills along the way.

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9 hours ago, Fudge said:

.. she has learnt so many skills along the way.

 

One of the amazing things that dance training gives is transferable skills.  

 

At whatever stage a dancer decides to hang up his or her dance shoes, the way they have trained will help them in whatever career they choose next.  

 

My dd is no longer dancing professionally - she now runs a team of web developers.  Who knew that a Diploma in Professional Dance could lead to a career in IT!

 

 

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