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Want to leave studio but not ballet teacher


Viv

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Gosh seems so many have similar issues & find route to self resolve! I’m a bit wary to take on any formal commitments or to be relied on by others right now (priority needs to be my own DC & non D son!!) but actually I do feel emboldened by others experience to perhaps consider looking at  setting up in this way in the future....maybe mid 2020 so indeed may PM with Q next year!

thank you & hope these continued comments on thread help the original poster too

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  • 1 year later...

Wow, this was a long time ago... I have been off this forum for a little while for a number of reasons, including falling out of love with dance as a result of this situation. Thankfully all that has changed now and I'm back bigger and better than ever 😂

 

If anyone is interested in an update, I quit going to the studio for about 6 months at the start of last year, which thankfully coincided with the start of the pandemic and the chance to really see what life without dance is like. It sucks!!! Before that, I had a couple months of just doing open classes, trial classes at different studios, building a timetable that worked for me and remembering why I started doing this in the first place. It was exactly what I needed at that point in time. When in person classes started opening back up mid-way through last year (we have been incredibly lucky in my part of Aus), I cautiously started doing one ballet class with my lovely teacher and also one jazz class with the studio owner. I can only say now how happy I am that I went back.

 

Once I started to do classes with the studio owner, I was able to see that she actually is just a better in person communicator than she is by text. The abrupt emails were not intended to be rude, but were because she feels uncomfortable with that medium. I was acting defensively because I didn't understand and prefer to communicate by email and text. I now make sure to talk to her in person and our communication is better than ever. Also, while I thought it was the studio owner saying things about me to the jazz and contemporary teachers, it turns out it was the other way around! Those teachers have now left the studio under a cloud, and I think the studio owner has realised the pile of lies and delusion they have been spinning her for years. She is so apologetic now, but I can understand why she may have been wary to deal with me if someone was telling her all kinds of awful stories about me! There are now new teachers and I am so so happy I am at this studio now, I have improved so so much in the last 18 months and I am happier than ever. 

 

I can also now see that a lot of the bad vibes were coming from me. I had recently lost my mother unexpectedly and was in a black hole of grief. Since I first discovered dance as an adult, I have used that as my space to get away from life and as my "happy place", and suddenly I was up against something so awful and all encompassing that there were no happy places. And I was fighting so hard to hold on to something good and make myself feel better and not have to face my grief, that I was blundering around screwing everything else up. Combined with all the things that were actually wrong at the studio in that year, it was basically a perfect storm of misery and anger and resentment.

 

I suppose this update is just to say that things aren't always as they seem. While sometimes it is the right time to move on from the studio, sometimes it's also worth taking a step back and reflecting on what you are bringing to the situation. We all walk into every situation dragging a suitcase of baggage behind us and sometimes what we're responding to isn't what is intended. However, it's also a lesson that when teachers actually are bullying you (which my jazz and contemporary teachers were), that's a different situation. You have an obligation to take yourself, or your child, out of that situation. That's the only option. I wish now everyone had had the courage to tell the studio owner how we were being treated by the teachers who have since left, because now she knows the extent of it she is horrified.

 

Sorry for the monster post. Thank you everyone who responded to this thread and tried to help me through it. Having the support of this forum at such a dark time in my life was invaluable and I am glad I am able to come back and engage with you all again on the other side (and after a great deal of therapy hahaha) 😁

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@Vivplease please don’t apologise for updating us. What else are we here for but to share experiences and views? 
 

I am so pleased you are coming out the other side of a very difficult time, and that you have found new joy in the studio! As well as those bullying you being gone - that really is a win.

 

Also, so sorry for your loss - a friend of mine said on the death of his father, that he thought the stretch marks of grief would take some time to fade.

 

Hurrah for dancing!

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@Kate_NI would describe it more as having a piece ripped out of my soul. It will never heal, but every day I forget a little more what it felt like to be whole. And the wound is not so fresh as it was. Even with my poor, shrivelled, swiss cheese soul, I am still able to feel joy, and love, and sadness, and pain. So I'm not so different from anyone else who's lived a life :)  

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@Viv - not only have you rediscovered your love of ballet, but you are wise and insightful enough to have recognised that the situation was not all you thought it was at the time.  Your post is brave and inspirational.  I am so happy for you that you are able to find joy in dance again, and hope that this is helping you to heal and accept your tremendous loss.  Thankyou for sharing.

 

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Welcome back Viv and Thankyou for your brave post sharing your vulnerability with us. So sorry about your mum such a big loss and may take some time to fully accept. 
Glad you’ve found some joy in your dancing again maybe you could create a little piece of choreography in memory of her. 
Anyway onwards and upwards as the saying goes. 

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Lovely to hear that in spite of everything you are back dancing and enjoying it too!   I would definitely concur with your feeling that talking things out is the best way.  There can be so many misunderstandings when we text or mail - talking through a problem is honestly still the best way....  Misunderstandings happen and we don't always realise the true situation.  Just this week a student who has lost her way this year finally opened up to me that she leaves home at 7am and comes straight from school to her ballet lesson at 5pm.  No wonder she's always tired and messy when she arrives!   Anyway, sincere condolences on the loss of your mother and congratulations on sorting out your problems so successfully!

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