Auditions and anxieties...

[MrsMoo2]

Hi there,

Wondered if you had any advice. DS is auditioning for the Lowry CAT scheme this weekend, came as a complete surprise as the actual audition is in 2 weeks when we are in spain and they’ve said they will just watch him at the open day.

Anyway, he gets really anxious at auditions,  and wondered if you had any tips to chill him out before hand. One thing I haven’t done this time is tell him it’s an audition, well it isn’t, technically! So he’s going to a “workshop” with his sister and I’d imagine lots of others.What do you say to your DC just before an audition? How do you get them to relax a bit and not be wound up like little springs? He’s a lovely little dancer and has improved no end in flexibility and musicality lately, I’d absolutely love it if someone would believe in him. He’s taken on more gymnastic type classes to improve upper body strength and the results are fab.

Any tips?? xx

[Peanut68]

Why don’t you say that as you’ve come on so much & you might want to try down the line to attend a few auditions that he use this ‘workshop’ as his own dummy run.... that way he feels no pressure & feels he’s practising being in an audition privately just for him....Say things like “use this to try standing tall & showing you are  confident..... try answering questions or bring first to join a line or group & that way you won’t find a real audition so daunting” 

Secret good luck for the day! Enjoy Spain 🌞

[balletbean]

7 minutes ago, MrsMoo2 said:

Hi there,

Wondered if you had any advice. DS is auditioning for the Lowry CAT scheme this weekend, came as a complete surprise as the actual audition is in 2 weeks when we are in spain and they’ve said they will just watch him at the open day.

Anyway, he gets really anxious at auditions,  and wondered if you had any tips to chill him out before hand. One thing I haven’t done this time is tell him it’s an audition, well it isn’t, technically! So he’s going to a “workshop” with his sister and I’d imagine lots of others.What do you say to your DC just before an audition? How do you get them to relax a bit and not be wound up like little springs? He’s a lovely little dancer and has improved no end in flexibility and musicality lately, I’d absolutely love it if someone would believe in him. He’s taken on more gymnastic type classes to improve upper body strength and the results are fab.

Any tips?? xx

Hi. How fabulous. My tip is. - don’t say anything. Let your DC take the lead. Be there in body and spirit but just keep shtum   Because it will be like most teen/mother relationships. Stressful time brings out the worst in both. Even down to a genuine question the outfit worn can bring out the worst reaction!.  Keep calm just make sure they are where they need to be on time. Don’t overthink the situation. 🤞🏼

 

Ps keep the wine and ice for the evening. 

 

Good luck. 

Edited May 16, 2019 by balletbean

[Anna C]

If you watch elite athletes (and racing drivers) pre-race, lots of them wear headphones and “zone out” before the race.  They often do a short warmup and/or visualisation routine while wearing their headphones.  This can actually be really helpful pre-auditions as the atmosphere and “competitive stretching” can be quite stressful.  So if your DS has a set routine of warmup/theraband exercises to do that he can do before every class/workshop/audition, this can help bring consistency to a strange environment.  These exercises should be personal to the student so they can do them, know that they’re beneficial and can ignore any students who are overstretching, shouldering legs, doing oversplits and so on.   Favourite music or podcasts via headphones while this warmup routine is done can be very calming.

 

It’s very easy as parents to feel nervous and sometimes get over-invested on behalf of our dcs.  Rather like a nervous dog owner unwittingly transmitting anxiety “down the lead” to the dog, it can be tricky to keep outwardly calm and unfussed, often ecause we know just how much our child wants to succeed.  Sometimes my DH was better taking my dd to auditions because he’s able to be very calm outwardly when I sometimes get nervous on dd’s behalf.  If parents are able to leave the students at the audition it’s often better all round to be very breezy and matter of fact, make a swift exit and go and get a stiff drink coffee nearby.  Just as some students over-stretch which can psych people out, there are unfortunately some ballet parents at audition who like to try to psych other parents out so the less time you have to sit and listen to that, the better!   If you do have to stay, headphones or a book are useful. ☺️

 

I always used to drum into dd that auditions are just a ballet class like any other.  I knew she would feel better once at the barre and as soon as the music started, so I reminded her of that.  If the student can treat every audition purely as a class to be enjoyed - just as if you’d booked them onto a one-day Masterclass or workshop, it makes it more “normal”.    I just used to say “do your best and try to enjoy the experience” because if the student is enjoying him/herself, this will transmit to the panel. 

 

Open Days are great so “joining in” with a class sounds like a great idea.  I would just emphasise the “going to see what we think” aspect and how nice it is to be able to join in with a class.   Best of luck! 

[Anna C]

Oh and DH has reminded me - pack kit bag the night before because getting to an audition and suddenly realising that you haven’t got both shoes/water bottle etc does nothing to help the nerves! 

[balletbean]

Absolutely Anna C I couldn’t agree more. My eldest DC and I had attended an open day at a well known MT college to which she wanted to audition for. I kept the smile on my face and upbeat approach but remained quiet on my thoughts. I just didn’t think the place matched her personality and dance focus. Audition day arrived. I went for a walk and was unsettled all day. Just kept the upbeat approach when DC finished. Only later on did she admit whilst the day went well she disliked the place intensely. Had I made my views known at the beginning or even stopped her applying, I could see a full scale ‘what if mum had let me’ thrown back at me  in years to come.

 

There are times in life for parents where less is more. Less opinion & conversation even if we feel we are only ‘trying to help’ and more silence.  

 

Ps. Headphones is a fabulous idea. Let them get into their own little zone.  

Edited May 17, 2019 by balletbean

[Pixiewoo]

I spend alot of my time in silence! 

Daren't ever pass on a thought about what DD is wearing or what she is doing! 🤣😬🤣

[balletbean]

2 minutes ago, Pixiewoo said:

I spend alot of my time in silence! 

Daren't ever pass on a thought about what DD is wearing or what she is doing! 🤣😬🤣

I think sometimes we should be the ones wearing headphones!! Heaven forbid if you even offer a compliment on their appearance. 😂😂 

 

Don’t we just love ‘em all 🙆‍♀️🙆🏻‍♂️😉🥰

[sarahw]

3 hours ago, Pixiewoo said:

I spend alot of my time in silence! 

Daren't ever pass on a thought about what DD is wearing or what she is doing! 🤣😬🤣

Good point. I'm sure my kids think I should be more silent with my opinions 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[Peanut68]

Fab post Anna C - thanks

Confession.... you crossed out stiff drink in favour of coffee.... I did on one occasion go for a glass of pink fizz in a swanky wine bar whilst audition in process! Am sure that helped make my memory of the day happy!! 

ps. Was using trains only x

[Anna C]

2 hours ago, Peanut68 said:

Fab post Anna C - thanks

Confession.... you crossed out stiff drink in favour of coffee.... I did on one occasion go for a glass of pink fizz in a swanky wine bar whilst audition in process! Am sure that helped make my memory of the day happy!! 

ps. Was using trains only x

 

Fabulous idea! 🥂☺️

[glowlight]

On 16/05/2019 at 17:41, Anna C said:

If you watch elite athletes (and racing drivers) pre-race, lots of them wear headphones and “zone out” before the race.  They often do a short warmup and/or visualisation routine while wearing their headphones.  This can actually be really helpful pre-auditions as the atmosphere and “competitive stretching” can be quite stressful.  

 

My DD used to plug in to Eminem pre-auditions to zone out all the 'competitive stretching'.  

 

For MrsMoo2 - in this case I would suggest let your DS enjoy the workshop as a workshop.  He doesn't even need to know it is an audition.  And as the others will be there just for an workshop there shouldn't be lots of competition around him. It should be fun.

 

The difficult bit is for you to keep calm

 

[Pups_mum]

I think the best thing a ballet parent (or a sports parent, music parent etc etc) can do is accept we have no control over what happens. Well, virtually none. Our job is to get them to the venue on time with all the stuff they need. And then sit back and let what will be, be.

And later of course to provide celebratory/commisoratory (is that a word?) hugs/chocolate/pizza/icecream*

(*delete as applicable)

 

 

[Peanut68]

You forgot to mention one other key rile we parents have - banker 😱

[MrsMoo2]

Thanks guys, it was really nice, there were only 2 or 3 girls hammering the warm ups before we went in, so less daunting.

When we got there we found out DS was the only boy! He’s used to that tho and quickly made some new friends. CAT as a whole sounds fantastic, big commitment though, every Saturday all day and twice in the week. For us it’s a 90 minute commute with no traffic, longer if we get stuck. Both DH and I work full time so it would have to be a military operation! 

Cost isn’t prohibitive, there is the MDS award for each participant, means tested but potentially could halve the costs.

Lots to think about, seems a lot friendlier than other things he’s auditioned for. Time will tell. Their official audition day is 8th June, when we are on holiday so will be refreshing e mails till then! 😆😆😆😆 xx

[BeaverElliot]

I think to generalize... do this, do that, don’t do such and such, less is more etc. might not be the best approach to assume since anxiety and its responses can be / are known to be so individualistic and situation-dependent.  What might work well for one individual might not be so effective for another, right?  And as young people become more experienced and grow and learn, so to do their responses and strategies evolve with growing maturity and youthful wisdom.  Having said this, I’m all for providing enabling tools (a tool kit) and with facilitating insights and self-realizations and awareness, as well as giving support tailored to the child/adolescent.

 

The piece about elite athletes is one tool: having and sticking to one’s own, personalized ritual.  For that way, it doesn’t really matter what others are doing (as part of their own (formal or informal) preparatory, pre-‘performance’ rituals.). Isolating sound and sight (ear buds) is a recognized technique for intentionally getting INTO one’s preferred positive mental zone, as opposed to trying to figure out ways fight or combat away from negative vibes and avoiding anxious thoughts.  These are two different techniques, one a pull, the other a push.  Some stress, psychologists call eustress, is desirable in fact as it can enhance performance,  There is a lot of research and understanding about the tools for taking jitters in stride, combatting negative self talk and internal voices and negative thoughts.  There’s also techniques for countering and lessening the negative impacts on performance when one does flub momentarily yet has to get back up on the horse so to speak and to carry on right through to the end of the performance.  Figure skaters fall in their routines be learn how to ‘recover’ when the stakes (medals) are high.

 

The age and experience of the OP’s DS weren’t clear or obvious.  But an adolescent obviously is in a different space than a younger performer.  Since performance is exceedingly stressful by nature, it’s probably beneficial for intentional stress handling education to be integrated part and parcel with technical development, just like gymnastics and weight training are cross training and beneficial to danseur development. It can only get even more stressful with increasing advancement. Nutrition and hydration education is another piece of the puzzle.  (Not news, this.)

[MrsMoo2]

DS is 11, nearly 12. 😁 I’m actually a Mental Health Nurse so more aware than most. Not sure that’s always a good thing! 😆😆😆

[Anna C]

Just a thought for if your DS is successful - I’m sure when we were looking at the CAT scheme at The Place, they said that if the weeknight sessions were too tricky in terms of commuting, CAT students could count good quality local training as those sessions and just travel to London for Saturdays.    As it turned out, dd stayed at Central for the full 5 years’ associates so it wasn’t an issue for us but it might be worth investigating.