WL - assessed out and No’s received. What to do?

[Heartbroken-ballet-mum]

My DD is currently in Year 8 at WL, but following assessments has not been offered a place for Year 9. I am so upset and ashamed that it has taken until now to tell people. They are full of sweet comments, telling me that DD will get a place somewhere else. DD is heartbroken, but trying to be brave and has auditioned for several other vocational schools, all of which have given us a No. I haven’t the heart to tell her and now do not know what to do. She’s so distraught by all of this that she doesn’t know if she wants to finish her last term at WL after the Easter break. 

 

Our options as as it stands appear to be sending her to the local senior school and going back to her old dance school or sending her to the local senior school and trying to get her a place at a purely Ballet oriented dance school slightly further afield. 

 

HBBM xx

[BalletBear]

Hi! I personally don’t have experience with any vocational schools so this might not help. However, I would just like to say as a girl of a similar age your daughter is amongst a group of girls that are my inspiration on a certain social media platform. I understand why she is upset but she must never forget how she is part of an amazing school! If she went back to her old dance school , would they offer her enough hours of ballet or other dance she would like to do? Would the commute to the new ballet school be ok? 

 

Also, some associate schemes are still open (such as Elmhurst and I believe Ballet Boost). This would obviously help supplement her training and help her with auditions in later year (try next year too). 

 

I hope some of this may be helpful. I also think if your daughter wants to, going back to WL might be a good idea because her friends are still there. If she didn’t like being back, could she leave? It may be better to do that than regret doing it the other way round. 

 

I wish your DD all the best and I hope she always remembers how amazing she is, as a person and dancer. Xxx 💕

[Anna C]

I’m so sorry, HBBM, that must be devastating for you and your dd. 💐 A few weeks back, @JulieW posted to lend an ear to anyone assessed out so hopefully she will see your thread.

 

Has your dd auditioned for Anna duBoisson at Young Dancers Academy? Historically there has been a number of pupils going from WL to YDA and back again.  

 

Whether your dd will get a place at Elmhurst and other funded classical ballet schools for Year 10 or Year 12 may depend upon why WL assessed her out (i.e. is the problem associated with growth/puberty and something she’ll grow out of OR is she lacking turnout/ankle flexibility etc - and if so, does a Dance Physio see this as permanent or strength related and therefore fixable).  Lots of ifs or buts. 

 

Assuming you have been told precisely why your dd has been assessed out and not received offers from other schools, I would make an appointment with someone like Shirley Hancock (hugely experienced Dance Physio) to discuss any physiological reasons and if there is a way forward.

 

Please try not to be ashamed and reassure your dd there is nothing to be ashamed about.  This is (unfortunately) part and parcel of the ballet world and I know of students who have been assessed out who have gone on to have careers as dancers.  It’s a bump in the road but not necessarily the end of the journey. 

[Foreverdrivingtodance]

Your dd must be incredibly talented to of got her place in the first place. She must never forget that.My dd was a YDA associate and loved the school

and know lots of people really happy there. My dd is 12 and currently is at Woodside School of Ballet doing the vocational training and absolutely loves it. The girls are such great friends and all very motivated. She currently goes to her local senior school and I think it’s been fab to do both things and have a bit of a normal teenage life. 

You could also try Emma Northmore who does vocational training in London I think lots of people happy there. I would be brave and talk it through with your DD and see what she wants to do. Does your senior school have a place for her? Has she been to see it? I guess this is the predicament a lot of people worry about and it’s really brave of you to share it on here. Wishing your DD the best. I know it probably does not feel like it now but I am sure this time next year she will be happier than ever. Xxxx

Edited April 22, 2019 by Dancer123

[SissonneDoublee]

HBBM my heart goes out to you. This is what we live in fear of as vocational parents, and we have so little control over it. Has your DD gone back to school today? It must be so, so hard for both of you. She did so well to get a place, so must have a huge amount of talent. If her confidence was through the floor when she auditioned for other schools, that will have really affected how she came across. Has WL given an indication of why she has been assessed out? If it is physio-related, that might make things more complicated for classical ballet, but dance is so much broader than just ballet. Regarding not returning for the summer term, it might require a doctors certificate (if anxiety?) as I think the MDS Ts and Cs might be problematic otherwise. Thinking of you both. SD

[Ruby Foo]

Good that you can find the courage to post this as I’m sure you’ll get loads of advice and encouragement from people on this forum. Understandably, you are both devastated as this has been your Dds school, home and dream for the past 2 years. I think the most important 1st step would be to take any feedback you have had from Royal and go with it to a dance physio first. 2nd step, to have a private assessment with possibly 2 different teachers who will see different qualities in your Dd. It’s really difficult for a parent to get an all round understanding of all that surrounds  physical potential and dance potential, so, by getting a couple of different points of view, will help. I think those 2 steps should be taken before embarking on another vocational school straight away, so that you are fully armed with as much information as possible. RBS is not the only way to have a career in ballet - far from it!! They have as many issues as any other vocational school or any other way to train, so please don’t be disheartened. Many girls assessed out have gone on to have successful dance careers and I know personally of a girl assessed out who was accepted back into upper school, albeit a long time ago. As dancer 123 has said, somewhen down the line, you will see that this has been an amazing opportunity and hopefully your Dd will have the security she needs to be happy and blossom.

Sarah Toner in North London does a personal assessment and has much experience. If you are not going down the vocational route straight away, then I wouldn’t personally send her back to her old dance school, unless she wants to, of course. A fresh, optimistic start with one of the many amazing teachers that exist would be preferable. Good Luck for the future!

[JulieW]

Hi HBM

 

Thanks to Annabel for pointing me in this direction - since I stopped being a moderator I don't read the posts as regularly!

 

I can empathise completely. My son was assessed out of WL year 9 over 10 years ago and I still had to fight back tears when I was talking to someone about it recently. It's such a huge thing at the time - your whole life gets turned upsidedown and they don't just have to change school - they are leaving their 2nd home.

 

I'm happy to chat more privately but here's my initial thoughts - you've had some excellent advice here about seeing a physio for feedback on any potential issues (like Shirley but it might also be worth speaking to the lady who runs MIDAS). A lot of time has passed and new staff in place - when we were there the school were pretty hopeless at saying why he was assessed out other than (as we knew) his lack of flexibility compared to others. Also have you spoken to RBS about doing associates? They offered my son a mids place (I was a bit cross with the director of the school at the time and wanted to walk away completely, but if my son hadn't gone to Elmhurst, he would've gone to his old dance school and MAs). We've known a couple of children to be assessed out, have some intensive 121 training and get back in again. Not something we'd've done but it might've been nice to turn them down 😉

 

My son stayed until the end of the year. A couple of others in his year didn't and I always felt sad that they just "disappeared". My son held his head high, worked hard and improved over the next term. He had a chance to feel he'd "finished" his time there, and had a leaving party at the end of the year. It was heartbreaking for me personally going to every "last" event (and I was on the PTA so I even helped out at the "induction" day for new students/parents - goodness knows how), the summer fair and especially the end of year ROH performance but I'm glad he stayed and I believe he's glad too. He'd've missed not doing them. Once they're back, they soon get back into everything and stop thinking about the fact they're leaving until the year draws to a close 

 

Over the years I've seen some children give up ballet altogether after being assessed out, most have carried on in some form, either other vocational schools or local schools with added associates or workshops - there's so much more available now than even in our day! For us it was always about having the opportunity to see if he could be a great dancer. He turned out to be a good dancer who went on to have a short ballet career and stopped by choice. Even if and when it turns out to be the end of the ballet dream, the experience is never wasted. 

 

That's it from me for now. Please do message me if you'd like to chat about more personal stuff. Please don't be ashamed but it's normal to be very upset x

[meadowblythe]

Very much second what JulieW said - she was my rock for three very sticky years until DS was assessed out of first dance school.  Like her son, my DS has gone on to have a career in ballet, and I was very proud to recently see him dance his first principal role.  But that early training really counts!   Having trained at that level builds technical ability that lasts forever. Thinking back, I'm still not sure why he was assessed out - he simply "didn't make the grade, or fit in" is the only things I can remember.  AD encouraged him to keep dancing and wrote appropriate references.  

 

I would also second the advice to see the year out if at all possible - a proper finish and closure is good in the long run, and once the pressure is off, the whole thing becomes a lot more bearable. 

 

There's no way he would have gone back to his original dance school who had always been less than supportive, our main options were a CAT scheme, although that would have involved negotiating leaving early 2 days a week at a school he hadn't even started or another ballet focussed school.

 

My personal advice would be to find out what options actually exist (local mainstream schools, ballet schemes, associates) and once you have that information present it to your daughter and work out what works for you now.    

 

Wishing you the best of luck

Meadowblythe

[Pixiewoo]

No advice or even experience, just a great big hug to you, your DD and rest of your family.  

[alison]

I'd second the hugs to all - you must be pretty devastated.  Don't forget, though, that the RBS has been known to get it wrong in the past - or it may just be that it and your DD aren't a good fit at present.  She won't feel like it now, but in a few years' time with hindsight she may actually be glad it happened.

[Fiz]

My heart goes out to you all, HBM. Hugs from me too. 

[sarahw]

I'm so sorry to hear this HBBM. Being the parent is doubly traumatic.

 

I think the advice to get her assessed by a couple of knowledgeable teachers is a great idea, maybe apply for Associates, come back home and then re-apply if she wishes for Y10.

 

It is likely she underperformed at auditions quite understandably.

 

Regarding whether to return for the last term or not I'd be guided by your DD. I once had to return a distressed DD (to another school) but had no choice as it was GCSE year. I wouldn't do it in Y8. I guess it partly depends on how you rate the pastoral care?

 

Take care.

Edited April 22, 2019 by sarahw

[Ballet4Boyz]

Big hugs from me too !! It must be awful to see your DD so upset !! 

Please remember that this doesn’t have to to be the end of your daughters dancing journey ..... it is just going to follow an alternative path.....one that I’m sure you’ll work out together. Her dance experience gained from WL will stand her in good stead for the future and this awful time will pass and make her stronger eventually. 

There are many alternatives to training at WL and hopefully in the future - your lovely daughter will see all of this very differently to how she does now . 

 

[Ballet4ever]

Pm you 

[Tulip]

Very gentle hugs sent to you all, you will both get through this x

[tutugirl]

Have you thought about Moorlands ? The teachers are wonderful , and would give you good advice , even if they couldn’t offer a place .

2 boys who were assessed out of WL are doing phenomenally well there .

One is in the finals of YAGP .

 

All the best .

[Pups_mum]

So sorry to hear this. It must be terribly difficult to deal with. I have no practical advice sorry, but I will share the advice that a wise person gave me many years ago when my now adult DD didnt get into JAs. It went something like this....

"I know this seems like the end of the world now, but remember that there is more to ballet than the RBS, more to dance than ballet, and more to life than dance. She, and you wont be able to see it right now, and that is understandable, but in the long term this wont seem so bad, and one day you may even see it as good."

Now I dont for one moment think our experience was as traumatic as being assessed out, but I do think the advice I was given was very, very good. I hope it proves to be as true for you and your DD as it has for me and mine.

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[Picturesinthefirelight]

I really can't add much to the thread other to say that I know how you feel to a certain extent having gone through the situation where a non dancing child was asked to leave a grammar school at the end of Year 8 due to the school not being able to accommodate a disability/disorder.  It seemed like the end of the world at the time especially as our local school is dire (and has now finally been taken away from its academy trust) and his new school has no drama department and a minimal music department (which is his area of interest) but ultimately it has been better for him (and the school he was asked to leave has just failed a no notice ISI inspection for the exact same issues we faced!)

 

I don't mean to pry but you say she has received no's from other schools.  Have they been outright no's or just not offered funding as this year seems to have been a year where less MDS have been available at some schools than inprevious years and the situation might be different next year.

Edited April 23, 2019 by Picturesinthefirelight

[Mummy twinkle toes]

Hugs to you at this difficult time. I would echo what others have said. Try to ask them for feedback. It can be difficult to hear but may give you action points to work upon. You could ask whether she could be considered for MAs as in Julie W’s post.

Did she audition for the Hammond as they do usually provide very good feedback? If not, they may still consider a DVD application.

Good luck.

[Proudmumofdd]

Feel so desperately sad for you and your child. I really question some decisions on assessing out of vocational schools but with no or little feedback as to why. If it’s something that cannot be changed like something physical like feet or turnout etc then why not say? I’d see a specialist dance physio for advice and I’d insist on reasons from school as to why she’d been assessed out. These children give up home friends school to go away and are sometimes treated like something just thrown away. What about their mental wellbeing. Schools have a responsibility.

See someone like Emma Northmore for further advice

good luck don’t give up and remember she must have been worthy of a place 2 years ago.

look after yourself too xx

[Proudmumofdd]

21 hours ago, Heartbroken-ballet-mum said:

My DD is currently in Year 8 at WL, but following assessments has not been offered a place for Year 9. I am so upset and ashamed that it has taken until now to tell people. They are full of sweet comments, telling me that DD will get a place somewhere else. DD is heartbroken, but trying to be brave and has auditioned for several other vocational schools, all of which have given us a No. I haven’t the heart to tell her and now do not know what to do. She’s so distraught by all of this that she doesn’t know if she wants to finish her last term at WL after the Easter break. 

 

Our options as as it stands appear to be sending her to the local senior school and going back to her old dance school or sending her to the local senior school and trying to get her a place at a purely Ballet oriented dance school slightly further afield. 

 

HBBM xx

I’ve commented below but wish you all the luck

Very pleased we didn’t get a place at WL with hindsight due to they way they treat students

[LinMM]

So sorry for your DD and what at present appears to be her dashed dreams HBBM.  At her age everything seems so final so it is completely understandable why she is so upset. Obviously only you and DD know what is the immediate next best step for her but if her next term at White Lodge is paid for one way or the other and she was until this unwelcome news very happy there then it could be a good idea to finish the final term .....there are so many good things going on in the summer term so she would be super busy etc and it could well seem like a more natural way to finish things at the school in the end. It would also give you longer to make further decisions. 

It seems from your post that Ballet is your DD's main love at present do you think she would be open to a broader approach? As this may inform any future decisions. 

Incidentally does White Lodge give families any advice at all when their children are assessed out .....eg: do they invite parents and child in to discuss the situation and give any advice on further options? 

I don't know the system there currently but it would seem some sort of explanations as to why she has been assessed out might be helpful if they were given automatically etc.

Your DD has been so fortunate to have spent two years at RBS ( I thought my world had ended many years ago now when I didn't get accepted into the school in the first place!!) but it doesn't have to be the end of the road as others have clearly pointed out here unless she wants it to be!! 

Wishing you all the very best and lots of luck for the future for your DD.

[Ballet4Boyz]

Surely it’s not acceptable (in most people’s opinion I would imagine) for a school to ask a child to leave without giving helpful support & advice alongside clear reasons for their decision. We are talking about young people having their entire life turned upside down and all the effects this will have on them. 

I’ll be really honest and like proudmumofdd - we are relieved our DS got a ‘no’ at WL finals..... especially after hearing first hand similar stories from several other devastated parents. 

Our DS would not thrive under such pressure of constantly worrying about assessments!!

He has assessments at his school - and they are classed as very important but I’m sure if there was a danger of being assessed out , the school would make us aware beforehand so that time would be given to try & rectify any issues. I’m also sure his school would be very clear on what the issues were !

I will add that some students seem to love their WL experience and indeed wouldn’t change anything ..... but it’s certainly not right for every student and not the only way to become a successful ballet dancer !

[Ruby Foo]

I am pretty certain that some feedback will have been given. However, whether it is detailed and useful would be another matter. According to some posts on this thread, it wasn’t.

[Ballet4Boyz]

I’ve heard first hand from another parent who their child had the same outcome & it came as a total & complete shock with no prior warning. The parent even thought their child was doing well there !!

They were quite rightly devastated too !!

[Sadielou]

So sorry to hear your news. Have you thought about going to Europe ? Berlin, Munich, Hamburg, Zurich etc. Maybe worth a look.

[Proudmumofdd]

29 minutes ago, Ballet4Boyz said:

I’ve heard first hand from another parent who their child had the same outcome & it came as a total & complete shock with no prior warning. The parent even thought their child was doing well there !!

They were quite rightly devastated too !!

Exactly

we have heard about students who had absolutely no clue then got a letter telling them they were to leave

where is the compassion or mental wellbeing in that?

utterly appalling in my humble opinion

But we know of some who have gone on to thrive at Hammond etc 

i wish anyone assessed out all the luck in the world and a big hug as it must be awfully stressful 

[LinMM]

Well I know it is their prerogative as a VERY specialist  school to decide whether the children attending  are fully benefitting from the training etc etc ....but it would still seem generally good educational practice to give some forewarning of the possibility of this happening imminently and at least some on going advice to the parents etc. 

I just naturally assumed this would be in some sort of "code of practice" for such a prestigious school in this day and age.

 

However this is getting into another territory ....I am assuming that HBBM is most looking for advice from other parents on this forum who have had children in a similar position on what the next step might be.

 

[Lisa O`Brien]

Like others, I am so sorry to hear about  WL assessing out. Never been in a similar situation, and auditioning for vocational school before the age of 16 was something I never even gave a thought to. But to have got there and then to have to leave; as others have said, especially if no clear reason has been given. Well I just can't imagine how upsetting for you all as a family this must be. Hopefully something more positive is just around the corner.

[Coffeemum]

Pm'd you. 

[Karen]

Very sorry to hear of your situation and hope you and your dd find a solution that you look back and recognise was good for you. 

There’s been loads of great advice posted, so hope you can move on with some of the suggestions made 💐

[DD Driver]

I would have thought that the Royal Ballet School's Healthy Dancer Programme has a key role here!  I note that this includes counsellors and psychologists.

Surely a critical area is supporting students who are in this situation.

 

In any school situation, I would recommend actively asking for such help when the need arises. Sometimes such professionals are not automatically brought into the loop. Once you ask for help, there is a duty of care and recourse through the professional associations if one feels that the support is unsatisfactory/insufficient.

 

I'm so sorry that you are going through this Hbbm.