Departing Parent Envy

[Crystaltips]

1 hour ago, Millie3 said:

Indeed. Do you upset the apple cart whilst your offspring are studying there and perhaps make your dd/ds  life even more difficult. Or once they have left? But then they need a reference for further study.  Therefore  scuppering their future plans. Or a few years later?? It’s so hard.

1 hour ago, Legseleven said:

That is so true, Karen. As you say, children of whatever age often desperately don’t want their parents to intervene and state the facts - but unless someone does so, how will matters ever change? 

 

And sometimes they really really don't want you to intervene. I did have a lengthy phone call with a senior member of staff during the first term when issues first began to emerge. He was charming, polite and entirely plausible. Nothing changed though. And Yda was absolutely furious with me when I told her about the conversation. Truth is a) there are plenty more where you came from, (b) its a very small world and you can't afford to be seen as whiney or difficult c) Anyone who is or has been a professional ballet dancer has never been one of the 'also rans' - they were a favourite pupil themselves once upon a time, and they are categorically incapable of walking in someone else's shoes. In the end I think you have to calmly and objectively weigh up the pros and cons of leaving soon, sticking out for another year or staying to the bitter end. I would like to thank all the kind people who have offered support and messaged me with suggestions and kind words. You are all a lovely lot and you have collectively restored my faith in human nature.

Edited June 9, 2018 by Crystaltips
spelling

[CeliB]

2 minutes ago, Crystaltips said:

A c) Anyone who is or has been a professional ballet dancer has never been one of the 'also rans' - they were a favourite pupil themselves once upon a time, and they are categorically incapable of walking in someone else's shoes. 

I think C) may not always be true. My DS had a horrific time at one school; others at his various schools who were much NOT the favoured ones are having now successful careers at excellent companies - I don't think he at least will ever forget the impact of the treatment he got and if he is ever in a position of authority over younger dancers I can't imagine he would treat them with anything other than care and compassion... 

 

I agree with a) and b) though. I am sooo tempted to write to the director who told DS he would be lucky to get a job at a third rate regional company because he was such a bad dancer  (and a horrible person besides) and rub his nose in DSs contract with the Bolshoi (only 2 years later) but I have desisted because, as you say, it's a small world.

 

One bit of advice I have over and above what others have said is to consider whether it is worth her seeing a counsellor outside school just maybe for a few sessions so she can explore why she is so desperate to stay in a ghastly situation, or whether she can find some way to develop more resilience, anything that might help really. I know it's a different scenario but a couple of well timed sessions for my DS were pivotal in his decision to move on to a better place...

 

[meadowblythe]

1 hour ago, Crystaltips said:

Truth is a) there are plenty more where you came from, (b) its a very small world and you can't afford to be seen as whiney or difficult c) Anyone who is or has been a professional ballet dancer has never been one of the 'also rans' - they were a favourite pupil themselves once upon a time, and they are categorically incapable of walking in someone else's shoes. 

 

There are plenty of parents on here of DC whose children have been assessed out of various schools, and gone on to dance professionally.   And my DS was taught by ex-professional dancers from very prestigious companies who had, themselves, been assessed out.

[DD Driver]

-You find the current situation unacceptable.. You are the parent. You are the adult with life experience. You are paying for this.

-Your dd is a child.  She is talented.  She has worked hard to get there. She sees a chance for herself and is prepared to soldier on in silence. 

 

A negotiated settlement is needed.

Taking action - small first steps - immediately relieves some of the  pain!

 

I agree that exploring options and finding a counsellor/skilled third party are great first steps.. 

There are different ways to id a counsellor. For example:  I have previously (a) gained my non-dancing daughter's agreement for her to see a counsellor. Or, in my case, we were off to see the head of her school.  b) I emailed through my issues/her issues for that person to see in advance.  Outlined my need for action steps.  (b) Sent daughter along weekly ( or could be both of you).  (c) See how it works and either continue or try another one that clicks.

 

In my case we did this and still landed up visiting the Head with a view to fixing or leaving.  Luckily I was massively surprised at how great she was at supporting this situation!

 

All the best x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Vonrothbart]

I think some of the DC's parents, after reading a few of these posts, will be glad their children weren't successful in gaining a place at VS. It would be interesting to know, for those about to start US, just what the odds are it happening to them. If it's a very small minority, it's still too many.

[Piccolo]

2 hours ago, Vonrothbart said:

I think some of the DC's parents, after reading a few of these posts, will be glad their children weren't successful in gaining a place at VS. 

 

I am one of those parents. Dd wasn’t successful at gaining a VS place. At the time it was difficult to accept that it wasn’t meant to be. However when that door closed, it DID allow a more appropriate route to open up. 

 

I do do appreciate that it hasn’t been an easy route for DD’s JA friends who were successful or their parents, with lots of upheaval along the way and changes to material circumstances. 

[Kat09]

18 minutes ago, Vonrothbart said:

I think some of the DC's parents, after reading a few of these posts, will be glad their children weren't successful in gaining a place at VS. It would be interesting to know, for those about to start US, just what the odds are it happening to them. If it's a very small minority, it's still too many.

Popping in and felt some figures might be helpful . Of the original cohort of 14 girls in my daughters year, 4 left (before finishing the course) with  health challenges . Others left due to being assessed out or choosing a new path ... 1 gained a contract before starting  3rd year . Only 5 completed the 3 years and graduated, 4 gaining a Company contract in Europe and the other a part time contract .Grim results given the time , effort, talent and not to mention money . Of course this is only 1 year in isolation and maybe not indicative of other year groups at the same school or elsewhere.

I'm not sure that this will help with calculating the odds, but hopefully indicates that it is best to take a keen interest in your DCs welfare and follow up if anything appears to be out of place. 

 

[Vonrothbart]

Lets be real for a minute though, I think unless you have blinkers on, we all know the chances of gaining a contract with a company are slim for many. Unlike other activities such as football and rugby, you can drop down the leagues if you're not quite good enough, and still earn a decent living. We have had a super journey via the associate programme, yes it is expensive, but the tuition has been top notch all the way through, leading to some cracking offers for US. As a responsible person, my eyes will be well on the ball in the next chapter, due to this topic in particular.

[Anon2]

31 minutes ago, Kat09 said:

Popping in and felt some figures might be helpful . Of the original cohort of 14 girls in my daughters year, 4 left (before finishing the course) with  health challenges . Others left due to being assessed out or choosing a new path ... 1 gained a contract before starting  3rd year . Only 5 completed the 3 years and graduated, 4 gaining a Company contract in Europe and the other a part time contract .Grim results given the time , effort, talent and not to mention money . Of course this is only 1 year in isolation and maybe not indicative of other year groups at the same school or elsewhere.

I'm not sure that this will help with calculating the odds, but hopefully indicates that it is best to take a keen interest in your DCs welfare and follow up if anything appears to be out of place. 

 

Know your dd’s school got more contracts than the school my dd attended. It paints a grim picture of vocational training and the support or lack of it during the course. Not just pastorally lacking but for those that complete the training not much guidance on finding contracts and even being penalised for taking time out of school to attend company auditions. 

[Kat09]

30 minutes ago, Jane said:

Know your dd’s school got more contracts than the school my dd attended. It paints a grim picture of vocational training and the support or lack of it during the course. Not just pastorally lacking but for those that complete the training not much guidance on finding contracts and even being penalised for taking time out of school to attend company auditions. 

This was contracts from original 1st years , more were gained for those that joined in 2nd and 3rd year, so as a whole the graduates were successful.  - my post was to indicate , in answer to The original post , that , in my experience there are quite a high percentage that leave after experiencing difficulties after starting at 16. The question that lingers is, had appropriate support been available , could/would they have overcome their difficulties and achieved their undeniable potential.

  As they say in The Hunger games - “may the odds be ever in  Your favour” ... 

[annaliesey]

On 08/06/2018 at 14:28, Crystaltips said:

.....   Am I being an hysterical parent - or should I listen to my instincts?

 

Listen to your instincts always.

 

I’m very distrusting of everything dance these days after finding out my dd was self harming age 12 and she was being hit by ballet teacher. Turns out no prosecution could happen as there’s no crime for common assault if the event was longer than 6 months, even for children. 11 families came forward to try and support a case to DBS but they weren’t interested. RAD and ISTD not interested either if no criminal prosecution and their grievances also time bound.,CDET don’t get involved “in things like that” ... so ... I’m saying it’s the industry as a whole not vocational only. Some are so crushed so early. 

 

Since then teachers banded together. People turn against you as think you are a trouble maker because that’s the lies told by the liars. 

 

The “dance industry” is full of two faced cowards who lie and manipulate to make a quick buck in my jaded view, some high profile. All whilst telling others “be kind” and “stand up to bullying” and “let’s change the industry”. Yeah - I personally envy those leaving too sometimes. 

 

For us we haven’t even got out of the gate never mind “almost ran” (love that analogy by the way) 

 

But I know this is what my dd needs to do. To dance. Either on a stage or in a hired hall she wouldn’t care where. I’ll be there ready to say “let’s try something else” just as soon as her love starts to fade because through everything so far she has never once said or shown her love for dance has lessened in any way and I’m looking out for that. She’s lost confidence and performance but not her love. 

 

Shes cried over friendships, over sacrifices, embarrassments, hurt from comments and actions of so many nasty adults/teachers and kids, exclusions, but so far has hung onto her passion and determination. 

 

All I do know is she tells me not even a quarter of it. I find it on her phone, her Instagram account, or witness clues. She just knows the sensible answer is to walk away and that would be my response so she hides things or down plays things and we keep on searching for better places to train. 

 

Luckily she’s got a couple of good constant teachers and schemes. 

 

I’ve been wondering over the last year .. Maybe vocational would have been better after all as surely it couldn’t have been any worse. I’m the opposite side to you thinking maybe I should have driven her to a day place when we had the chance. 

 

But whoever said it’s likely to be disappointing somewhere else is probably right.

 

good luck with everything 

 

 

 

[annaliesey]

On 09/06/2018 at 20:41, CeliB said:

 

... 

One bit of advice I have over and above what others have said is to consider whether it is worth her seeing a counsellor outside school just maybe for a few sessions so she can explore why she is so desperate to stay in a ghastly situation, or whether she can find some way to develop more resilience, anything that might help really. I know it's a different scenario but a couple of well timed sessions for my DS were pivotal in his decision to move on to a better place...

 

 

Absoluely agree with counselling BUT don’t go anywhere where they have to report to “multi agency” (police, LADO etc) as they will take it out of your hands if there is something disclosed as child abuse. In our case this made things 100 times worse. No prosecution and a whole pile of backlash. Be selfish and put your child’s needs and your own needs first 

 

 

[dancertaxi]

15 minutes ago, annaliesey said:

 

Absoluely agree with counselling BUT don’t go anywhere where they have to report to “multi agency” (police, LADO etc) as they will take it out of your hands if there is something disclosed as child abuse. In our case this made things 100 times worse. No prosecution and a whole pile of backlash. Be selfish and put your child’s needs and your own needs first 

 

 

Anyone under 18 seeking counselling from a regulated person will fall under this as they will have a duty of care to protect vulnerable people...  

[amos73]

8 hours ago, annaliesey said:

 

Listen to your instincts always.

 

I’m very distrusting of everything dance these days after finding out my dd was self harming age 12 and she was being hit by ballet teacher. Turns out no prosecution could happen as there’s no crime for common assault if the event was longer than 6 months, even for children. 11 families came forward to try and support a case to DBS but they weren’t interested. RAD and ISTD not interested either if no criminal prosecution and their grievances also time bound.,CDET don’t get involved “in things like that” ... so ... I’m saying it’s the industry as a whole not vocational only.

 

 

 

 

This is just wrong! Why aren't they interested in protecting children? 

So sorry to hear what you and your dd have been through.

 

 

[TooTu]

9 hours ago, annaliesey said:

 

Listen to your instincts always.

 

I’m very distrusting of everything dance these days after finding out my dd was self harming age 12 and she was being hit by ballet teacher. Turns out no prosecution could happen as there’s no crime for common assault if the event was longer than 6 months, even for children. 11 families came forward to try and support a case to DBS but they weren’t interested. RAD and ISTD not interested either if no criminal prosecution and their grievances also time bound.,CDET don’t get involved “in things like that” ... so ... I’m saying it’s the industry as a whole not vocational only. Some are so crushed so early. 

 

Since then teachers banded together. People turn against you as think you are a trouble maker because that’s the lies told by the liars. 

 

The “dance industry” is full of two faced cowards who lie and manipulate to make a quick buck in my jaded view, some high profile. All whilst telling others “be kind” and “stand up to bullying” and “let’s change the industry”. Yeah - I personally envy those leaving too sometimes. 

 

For us we haven’t even got out of the gate never mind “almost ran” (love that analogy by the way) 

 

But I know this is what my dd needs to do. To dance. Either on a stage or in a hired hall she wouldn’t care where. I’ll be there ready to say “let’s try something else” just as soon as her love starts to fade because through everything so far she has never once said or shown her love for dance has lessened in any way and I’m looking out for that. She’s lost confidence and performance but not her love. 

 

Shes cried over friendships, over sacrifices, embarrassments, hurt from comments and actions of so many nasty adults/teachers and kids, exclusions, but so far has hung onto her passion and determination. 

 

All I do know is she tells me not even a quarter of it. I find it on her phone, her Instagram account, or witness clues. She just knows the sensible answer is to walk away and that would be my response so she hides things or down plays things and we keep on searching for better places to train. 

 

Luckily she’s got a couple of good constant teachers and schemes. 

 

I’ve been wondering over the last year .. Maybe vocational would have been better after all as surely it couldn’t have been any worse. I’m the opposite side to you thinking maybe I should have driven her to a day place when we had the chance. 

 

But whoever said it’s likely to be disappointing somewhere else is probably right.

 

good luck with everything 

 

 

 

Annaliesey my heart is absolutely breaking reading this. I have no advice but having a dd of similar age whose love of dance has brought me into such an uncertain & often worrying industry it's really struck a chord with me. 

[annaliesey]

Thank you TooTu. I try to listen to the advice of dance parents on these forums who’ve been there and have advice to pass on. I’ve had some great support from forum members privately when things were particularly tough. 

 

Stay strong everyone and do what’s best for you ❤️

[stardancer]

Annaliesey.

My heart goes out to you and your dd,I too often wounder the mental damage these teachers are doing to our children. 

My daughter also has been shaken,pushed,but for us it was the mental abuse,or the trips that they had forgot to mention, or the photos been taken for the summer show,program,to be told the wrong time,all the parents and children did not care,is the bully the worst, or the people watching .

My dds teachers would hold,her back,and when she rose above it all,she would put my dd in her place,when asked to do gcse dance 

she stood there, started laughing and said,your good but not that good.

My dd liked yours told me not to speak out,but I did,we have been persecuted like you,ever since. 

A few years ago, I decided to tell her teacher everything,since then lessons have been cancelled, and remarks made.

On one occasion when prompted, she told me this is her school not mine,and that the reason she does not promote my dd is,because parents will leave,if they new she was that good,and if she can tell parents what they want to hear it is best for them and her,the things she told me about them, I will never forget. 

I also started thinking going to vocational school would have been easy,but we are the lucky ones as our dds had us mums,so close. 

I hope your dd in time heals,I don't think you ever forget.

Maybe someone could recommend a good teacher for you,I do believe there is one,I do hope you find it,and have the happy ending you all deserve. 

[annaliesey]

2 hours ago, dancertaxi said:

Anyone under 18 seeking counselling from a regulated person will fall under this as they will have a duty of care to protect vulnerable people...  

I wasn’t sure if it was everyone so thanks for clarifying. If I had my time again and had to choose between counselling and the course of action that was out of my hands through speaking out or joining the masses by staying quiet then in all honesty we would all choose in hindsight to have stayed quiet. 

[annaliesey]

2 hours ago, amos73 said:

 

This is just wrong! Why aren't they interested in protecting children? 

So sorry to hear what you and your dd have been through.

 

 

 

Oh they are all “interested” but there’s too many loopholes and jobsworths for any actual recourse or change. Everyone looking out for themselves in their own bubbles 😄

 

someone once said to me you can’t control the actions of others but you can control how you respond = big message for me

[annaliesey]

Thank you stardancer. We learn from others don’t we. My dd would also say she was bothered more by emotional abuse than physical. It took a while to recover. 

 

When I read other parents and children’s experiences as earlier in this thread it helps to know it’s not just you, you aren’t crazy, and there are always choices even if it’s not the choices we want to make 

[TooTu]

The emotional abuse can be soo damaging to children's confidence but getting a teacher to admit to it is next to impossible & even if they do it's usually brushed off as they were only joking or it was a bit of fun. Unfortunately it is all too common & when our dc love dance as much as they do parents often don't hear about it Straightaway 

[dancertaxi]

6 minutes ago, TooTu said:

The emotional abuse can be soo damaging to children's confidence but getting a teacher to admit to it is next to impossible & even if they do it's usually brushed off as they were only joking or it was a bit of fun. Unfortunately it is all too common & when our dc love dance as much as they do parents often don't hear about it Straightaway 

I know even age 8-9 my dd knew her teacher was being emotionally abusive but at the time she says she was the only teacher that could give her festival dances and help her to improve her x style of Dance ( dont want to say too much!) 

 

When I started to address issues ( my 8 yr old dd being in floods of tears from being repeatedly shouted at then ignored for 3 hours the day before a national final ) the teacher started being off with me and gradually made things very difficult with others too. Lots of other parents felt the same but none would speak up or get their child out of there. 

 

When I spoke with the principal, who was of course a close friend of the teacher I was met with ' I m sure x was trying to motivate or dd must have mis understood' 

 

Its hard to hear some things my dd recalls now we have a fab teacher. For a 10 yr old to say its really nice in 1:1 not having to worry about what to say or how to give own opinion as now doesnt have to fear the teacher taking it the wrong way and being mean as a punishment. 

 

I hate this world sometimes! 

 

[Peanut68]

Some absolutely heart wrenching stories here....& one can only imagine at what has gone unsaid. It appears that intense elite training in almost any sphere often has a hidden underbelly of abuse....I wonder if, just as when looking at sexual or domestic abuse, there is a high incidence of the abused becoming an abuser? What perhaps did these teachers suffer verbally or at the hands of their mentors in their training years? All under the guise of 'character building' 'preparing for harsh realities of the big wide world' 'building competitive edge' etc etc  

People - especially our youth & children MUST feel safe to speak out & we in positions of care (parents/carers/teachers) have a duty to follow this up safe in the knowledge that repercussions & consequences are for the perpetrators of crimes NOT the whistle blowers. Simplistic wishful thinking? Looks like we have a long way to go BUT we can & MUST break this cycle of abuse. Starting with listening, reporting & demanding adherence to codes of conduct, safe in the knowledge that individuals, schools, professional bodies & government agencies are all working to same standards. It is worrying to think that people on this forum wish they had 'stayed quiet' & that by speaking out they made things worse for themselves.....has some of the dance/performance training world really stayed so far in the dark ages?

[Pups_mum]

I think there is definitely an element of "well it worked for me" in so far as people who have been successful in their own careers tend to replicate the methods that were used on them when they teach others. I doubt many see it as abuse, or recognise that they have been harmed by it themselves. It's "normal". 

Things can change, but it takes time. In my own field of work, back when I was a student in the 1980s it was very much accepted that it was OK to humiliate students in front of their peers, other staff and indeed patients. It was "character building" and everyone except the golden few would experience it. But that is no longer accepted. People did finally recognise that this was neither a fair nor effective educational technique. It's happening in sports now too. People are beginning to stand up and say its not OK, and that even gold medals don't justify bullying behaviour.

I think the dance world will have to catch up - eventually. 

[alison]

I guess when you are taught by someone who thinks striking or verbally abusing a pupil is a good way to teach them, you may assume that that's just the way it has to be done to get results.  Especially when teachers don't do enough CPD or get exposed to different teaching styles to realise that they are out of line.

[Legseleven]

One of DD’s teachers was a product of the ‘dancers don’t eat, they just fill up on lots of water’ and ‘we want to see the bones’ school of teaching. Thankfully he was very aware that this is not an appropriate way to treat students and on one occasion after a particularly gruelling class (but with lots of laughter 😉) he told DD to ‘go home and eat lots’ to refuel. So the cycle of abuse isn’t always perpetuated, thank goodness. 

We just wish he was still teaching but can’t begrudge him his successful career in a classical company!

 

 

[TooTu]

2 hours ago, dancertaxi said:

I know even age 8-9 my dd knew her teacher was being emotionally abusive but at the time she says she was the only teacher that could give her festival dances and help her to improve her x style of Dance ( dont want to say too much!) 

 

When I started to address issues ( my 8 yr old dd being in floods of tears from being repeatedly shouted at then ignored for 3 hours the day before a national final ) the teacher started being off with me and gradually made things very difficult with others too. Lots of other parents felt the same but none would speak up or get their child out of there. 

 

When I spoke with the principal, who was of course a close friend of the teacher I was met with ' I m sure x was trying to motivate or dd must have mis understood' 

 

Its hard to hear some things my dd recalls now we have a fab teacher. For a 10 yr old to say its really nice in 1:1 not having to worry about what to say or how to give own opinion as now doesnt have to fear the teacher taking it the wrong way and being mean as a punishment. 

 

I hate this world sometimes! 

 

This is all to familiar unfortunately. I often wonder if this is more common in festival/competition style schools where any parent who questions a teacher is met with this reaction?

 

On a positive note is does make you really appreciate a good teacher when you find one.

[annaliesey]

7 hours ago, dancertaxi said:

I know even age 8-9 my dd knew her teacher was being emotionally abusive but at the time she says she was the only teacher that could give her festival dances and help her to improve her x style of Dance ( dont want to say too much!) 

 

When I started to address issues ( my 8 yr old dd being in floods of tears from being repeatedly shouted at then ignored for 3 hours the day before a national final ) the teacher started being off with me and gradually made things very difficult with others too. Lots of other parents felt the same but none would speak up or get their child out of there. 

 

When I spoke with the principal, who was of course a close friend of the teacher I was met with ' I m sure x was trying to motivate or dd must have mis understood' 

 

Its hard to hear some things my dd recalls now we have a fab teacher. For a 10 yr old to say its really nice in 1:1 not having to worry about what to say or how to give own opinion as now doesnt have to fear the teacher taking it the wrong way and being mean as a punishment. 

 

I hate this world sometimes! 

 

That’s so young and these messages are some of the first guiding messages for them. It sets expectations on how things are going to be. And yet at this young age they still have an instinct to do what everyone else does and put up with it.

 

my dd was saying “it’s because she loves me”.. I can’t express how I felt about that one on here without getting a forum ban!! 

[dancertaxi]

3 minutes ago, annaliesey said:

That’s so young and these messages are some of the first guiding messages for them. It sets expectations on how things are going to be. And yet at this young age they still have an instinct to do what everyone else does and put up with it.

 

my dd was saying “it’s because she loves me”.. I can’t express how I felt about that one on here without getting a forum ban!! 

I wont tell you how many times I had to re-word my post - theres so much more I could have written but I too would have got a ban. 

 

I m so sorry my dd went through this -  wish we d jumped ship much sooner - but it has made her more assertive and has made her highly aware this practice is not what she wants or needs from the dance world.  

 

I m sooo grateful for her new teacher - seems to completely understand my dd and her drive. Also amazing to listen with door open for 1:1 sessions ( due to heat) to them both giggling, bouncing ideas off each other and it being an open platform where dd is confident and feels at ease to say if she doesnt like a step or struggles with it - or even just laugh it off if shes having a wobbly day. 

 

I hope every dc that experiences inappropriate practice finds their love of dance re ignited by someone who truly has their best interest at heart 

[annaliesey]

7 hours ago, Peanut68 said:

Some absolutely heart wrenching stories here....& one can only imagine at what has gone unsaid. It appears that intense elite training in almost any sphere often has a hidden underbelly of abuse....I wonder if, just as when looking at sexual or domestic abuse, there is a high incidence of the abused becoming an abuser? What perhaps did these teachers suffer verbally or at the hands of their mentors in their training years? All under the guise of 'character building' 'preparing for harsh realities of the big wide world' 'building competitive edge' etc etc  

People - especially our youth & children MUST feel safe to speak out & we in positions of care (parents/carers/teachers) have a duty to follow this up safe in the knowledge that repercussions & consequences are for the perpetrators of crimes NOT the whistle blowers. Simplistic wishful thinking? Looks like we have a long way to go BUT we can & MUST break this cycle of abuse. Starting with listening, reporting & demanding adherence to codes of conduct, safe in the knowledge that individuals, schools, professional bodies & government agencies are all working to same standards. It is worrying to think that people on this forum wish they had 'stayed quiet' & that by speaking out they made things worse for themselves.....has some of the dance/performance training world really stayed so far in the dark ages?

 

I hate to sound the pessimist but currently given the industry structures, professional and regulatory bodies, legislation, market demand, amongst other things, I believe it is wishful thinking unfortunately. It’s like a complex game of silly dance monopoly 🤣

 

Breaking the cycle and speaking out are two different things. I’m all for breaking the cycle but in all honesty I think the speaking out part needs to be a lot more carefully considered if there are other ways to respond in the best interest of the child affected. 

 

We have this automatic sense of justice and things just sometimes don’t work out that way. That’s life. 

 

I would never repeat to my child what I’ve posted on here. As far as she’s concerned we did the right thing to speak out. 

[MummytoIzzy]

I appreciate this is an old post but wonder how things are now?  I have recently discovered Ballet boost.  Have you ever looked at this programme as they do a non vocational option in London called the balletic arts.  I have read about it and it sounds fantastic.

 

It would allow your dya dependent on where you are based to be at home and to also continue to study ballet.

 

A girl from another school came to ours for a taster on Saturday and it really opened my eyes.  The poor thing burst into tears as they are so unhappy where they are now.

 

The school my daughter is at is so friendly and supportive.  She has come on so much in a short time and has such a love of dance.  It should feel like that.  A school that promotes fear and retribution is not a healthy place for a young mind to be.

 

Im so sorry your going through this and truly hope things improve.  It may be as this is an older post they already have

Edited May 15, 2019 by MummytoIzzy

[Crystaltips]

Hi MummytoIzzy,

 

Your post gave me a nostalgic smile. My dd was a senior associate at Ballet Boost ( as well as in another associate scheme) and yes it was great. Indeed it was this that gave her the confidence to audition and get a place in full time training. Be careful what you wish for. What happened next? Well dd went into 2nd year with much better accommodation and still grimly determined to see it through to the end. This year has been easier  for her - or so she tells me. She has developed a steely quality and as she is now legally an adult I feel the need to respect her choices. Quite a few of her comrades in arms have now either switched schools or given up altogether. I still feel enormous frustration at the way that the current system is so wasteful of these young lives and talents. I would never say ‘don’t do it ‘ to anyone but do go into it with your eyes wide open .

[Tulip]

Reading everyone’s post is just so sad and it is unforgivable that teachers are allowed to treat students this way. I think I can guess what school your daughter attends Chrystaltips, and hopefully things can only get better, well done to your daughter for having pure strength and determination to succeed in her passion and dream. 

This topic sounds very similar to another thread regarding teachers who bully. 

Good luck to your daughter Chrystaltips.